You guys, confession time: I’m not actually okay right now…
My step dad left with no warning to any of our family about 4 weeks ago, with no letter, no explanation, nothing and because of the joy of getting to go to the SS not two weeks later, I think It’s just hit me.
Someone I truly loved as a third parent has not only destroyed my mother and her trust and left her crying for weeks on end, but also completely iniolated my trust in people, men in particular, and my belief that romance or sincerity is even fucking real (when I hardly needed yet another reason).💔 He looked me in the face just a few days before he fucked off and told me that I was exactly what he’d always wanted if he could have had another daughter, only to secretly pack up all his belongings and leave the next week when we were all away in London.
How can someone do that? How can they say one thing and then do a complete other knowing they will therefore be inflicting maximum harm? Why do people always leave me when I finally let them in? I already have issues with trust in men because of the treatment I’ve had with boys pretending to like me as ‘The Weird Disabled girl’ only for it to come out they were laughing at me. People wonder why I’m the worlds biggest cynic and expect the worst to always happen. 😞
Honestly I’m so sad because my poor mum has been left with a massive legal battle to fight now so we can protect ourselves from his anger issues and keep our home (that he pays the mortgage on) and be on the other end of his threats and anger issues when she hasn’t done anything at all. She’s dealing with a broken heart while also having to deal with maybe us losing our home where me, my siblings, her and my grandma all live and love and I am in awe of that. I mean honestly, it’s not said enough: women forced to protect their families are fucking. badarse. and hardcore. and so underappreciated.
Anyways, it’s all ongoing so I can’t promise I’ll be rosey much even with the SS wonder that happened to me just after I got this news. I didn’t get to tell Taylor any of it because of the rush and I’ve only just had it hit me now and I’ve only just started to cry 😢 . I know you all won’t be able to do or even say much but I thought I’d say what’s happening at least as much as I can so you know what new anxieties I’m dealing with.
In short: On top of wondering if romance is The Movies’ Greatest Fiction™, I now am wondering how the fuck you can ever believe anyone and how the hell I can help my mum when I’m a graduate with no job and no money. Basically - I have a new layer to my existing ‘issues’ but I hope y’all will love me in spite of them anyway…. and hopefully tell me if I’m getting too cynical so I don’t turn into some kind of Ice Queen.
I love you all
xxxx India xxxxx 😞🖤😘💔