anonmaru

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It probably has something to do with the fact that it’s August. Konoha summers are notoriously brutal. It’s been holding steady at around 104 degrees since last week, and the week before it actually got up to 110. It’s difficult not to be hot under such circumstances. 

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We have less competitions lately because both of us have more missions than we did a few years ago. When we were training our teams we didn’t go on as many missions outside of the village, so he had more opportunities to track me down and demand that I fight him. That space of two or three years was the prime of our rivalry - he didn’t manage to convince me to participate in his shenanigans until around when the Third Great Shinobi War took up most of our time…and when it was over I was in ANBU, and then he became a Jounin years later and he had less time as well. It happened every now and then, but by the time I actually had a permanent team we had only had about 100 competitions, even though he had decided we were rivals almost twenty years ago. That’s an average of about 5 per year, which is pretty infrequent. From when Gai got his team to when Sasuke and Naruto left it was at least twice as often as that; now it’s back down to normal.

We don’t usually fight each other…the last time I remember fighting him was when I won against him during the Chuunin exams. Uh…if I have fought him since then, I don’t remember. The constant slew of tomato-slicing contests and dance-offs is a lot more memorable. The last competition we had was a race to see who could cartwheel up and down a cliff side the fastest.

Well, actually, I think one of our contests was supposed to be a fight, but it didn’t really stay that way. Halfway through it he decided to add the provision that we had to fight while standing on our hands. Then he decided that we should also be balancing a stack of books on our feet, and that we should be reciting a poem he learned at Ninja Academy. And then it became a staring contest. At the same time as all of this other stuff. The fighting part was abandoned and forgotten.

It was weird. Everything I do with him is weird.

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Sorry, anonmaru, I’m a one-kohai kind of guy.

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Okay first of all, he’s not immobile. He got poked in the eye with a stick and is being over-dramatic. There’s a little bit of a swelling that’s making it hard for him to see, so I offered to take over excuse duties in exchange for expensive dog treats. He can move perfectly fine.

Second of all, even if he couldn’t move, I’m not going to take advantage of my friend like that. That’s not the kind of dog I am. We have a valuable friendship, and I’m not throwing that away for some anonmaru.

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Even if I somehow managed to be on time for the first date, there’s no way I’d be able to be on time continuously throughout the relationship. It wouldn’t work out in the long run unless the person I were dating could accept my constant lateness. Therefore, I’d make sure to be as late as possible for the first date, because what’s the point if that’s going to be a dealbreaker?

I always like to honor Obito’s memory by forgetting to acknowledge his birthday until the day after.

Thank you, Obito, for being such a life long inspiration. I dedicate all of my late excuses to you.

anonymous asked:

DId you care that Sasuke was the only one that didn't call you sensei? Why did you let him?

When I was a teenager in ANBU, I used to call the Hokage things like fuck socket, bitch tits, cock turtle, cum dumpster, and so on. The HOKAGE. This is because I was a traumatized and miserable teenager who was funneling what little self-control I had into actually doing my job. Sasuke is also a traumatized and miserable teenager. Back when he was still here, and talking to me, he was a traumatized and miserable pre-teen.

I was happy enough that he wasn’t telling me to go fuck myself with a garden hose. He didn’t have to call me sensei.

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As you can see, Tenzo is none too pleased with this idea.

anonymous asked:

You look very handsome in all your pics! What's your secret, Kakashi???

Kakashi-sensei is almost as scrupulous about taking care of his face as Pakkun is about his feet. He doesn’t have a secret other than that he takes such good care of his skin that, seeing his bare face, you would never guess he is constantly breathing wet air onto a sweaty cloth that he never stops wearing.

It’s nice of you to call him handsome, I’m sure he’ll be flattered to hear it.

~Sakura

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Happy Valentine’s Day to you too! I don’t hate chocolate…I like it when it’s like, 80% dark and above. Did you know that dark chocolate is actually full of anti-oxidants, and quite healthy? Anyway, I do appreciate the gifts I received and the love associated with them…even if some of the gifts were kind of weird.

If you’d like to know, this is what I’ve gotten for Valentine’s Day so far.

Gai gave me a bookmark covered in rhinestones. He thought it would be appropriate because we’re going to a book release party.

Kurenai gave me chocolate. She gave everybody chocolate. She said that they were also from Asuma. I didn’t question it.

Sakura gave me chocolate-flavored energy pills. Those were awesome. Not sweet at all, and very effective for missions.

Naruto got me a coupon for Ichiraku. I gave him the same thing, actually.

Tenzo got me chocolate. White chocolate, the sweetest kind of all. I think he’s still mad at me for making him miss a play we were going to see. I don’t know why he thought having me hold onto the tickets was a good idea.

Iruka gave me the gift of calling me over and over again and then hanging up as soon as I answered the phone.

Jiraiya gave me a coupon for services at his favorite brothel. I don’t know what to think.

anonymous asked:

What're your top 5 favorite places to get lost at?

Well, I obviously don’t get lost on purpose, but I particularly enjoy it when I end up in these five places.

1. The path of life. It’s always so diverting.

2. Corn mazes. I like being surrounded by corn, and trying to strike up conversations with scarecrows and actual crows. It doesn’t work most of the time, and it’s pleasantly terrifying when it does.

3. There’s this bar I go to with Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai. It’s almost impossible to find my way out of that place once I’ve had four or five drinks.

4. In the mountains, where the goats are. They always have interesting stories.

5. My own apartment. It’s one room. It’s hilarious when I somehow manage to get lost there.

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I suppose it is sort of expensive, but when you’re a high-ranking ninja like me, you get a pretty good salary, even with all the pay docks I get for being late all the time. I had no problem paying for it, and I think $40 is a reasonable amount of money to spend on a gift for one of my students, especially Naruto who won’t be getting anything from, say, his parents. 

I didn’t get you Pokemon X or Y because I don’t know who you are. How could I possibly buy you anything without knowing that? Also, it probably isn’t your birthday.

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@ vericaparker: I assume that you like Nutella, then? Because if I were to make such a comparison, it would be an insult. Nutella is way too sweet for my tastes. But I’ll take it as the compliment I’m sure you meant it to be, and I’ll try not to blame you for the fact that Naruto saw your comment and won’t stop badgering me to buy him Nutella now. Thank you!

@ itachi-u: Sweet, thank you!

@ Anonmaru #1: Ooh, a chain letter! This one is much nicer than other chain letters I’ve received. It’s not threatening me with alien abduction or the death of my loved ones or misplaced pants or anything. I’m glad that you enjoy my blog and think that I deserve happiness. I hope that you also lead a happy, if anonymous life!

@ Anonmaru #2: Thank you! People get irritated with me about being late so often, even when I have really good reasons. It gets me down sometimes, so knowing that despite my failings I’m still loved by someone is uplifting.

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Boring? Heavens no.

The Icha Icha books are sheer perfection. It has captivating characters, whirlwind romance, and an intricate plot with many twists and turns. Every time I read them, I discover something new. And every time I read them, I have new ammunition for the intense ship war that I’m currently engaged in on Livejournal.


I love these books. I have no room in my life for other books. If I weren’t a ninja, I’d get a PhD in literature and do my dissertation on them. My devotion to them shall never waver. How could you even ask me such a question?