annoying people

Types of Fake Allies You’ll Meet

#1 The collector:

 This person really wants a gay friend, I mean really wants a gay friend. You know cause they mention it ten times. When they find out you’re lgbt they are ECSTATIC because they’ve… you get the point. Having an lgbt friend makes them cool and edgy. It’s also like a badge that shows people how accepting they are. They mention they’re gay friends all the time, they’re partners, how cool they are with it. You get the feeling they’re trying to collect you more than befriend you. 

#2 The tokenizer

They don’t just want a gay friend they want a GBF to go shopping with and talk about boys. They’re looking for someone who “acts gay” without “being gay” because they don’t want to think about that now do they. Also you better worship the ground they walk on. And just because they’re “ok” with gay guys doesn’t mean they want a gay girl friend.. In fact that’s probably going to make them super uncomfortable. After all, what if you were checking them out. 

#3 The overenthusiastic.

They’re supportive, really supportive. They want you to know how supportive they are. Do you get that? They’re super supportive. They mention how cool they are with gay people so many times you start to question if they really are. They also double as the smotherer, they constantly ask you about your personal life. Are you seeing anyone? Do you think shes cute? Do you think I’m cute? You should ask her out. Go ask her out right now!!

#4 The straight ally

They’re supportive but, got forbid anyone think they’re anything less than 100% hetero. They’ll wear ally buttons and straight against hate t-shirts and mention that they’re straight every 5 seconds when in queer spaces to make sure that nobody tries to hit on them, even though nobody probably wants to. 

#5. The gay ally

This person is the complete opposite of #4. They wanna be gay so bad, they have all the qualifications, except, you guessed it, they’re straight. But if they get super involved in the community that pretty much makes them gay right?

These people wanna be oppressed so bad, they’ll constantly mention the discrimination they’ve faced being an ally or when people have *le gasp* thought they were gay. 

#6 The fetishist

The person who supports gay rights simply so they’re fictional crushes can get it on theoretically in the real world. Signs include asking random (usually male) strangers to kiss and gushing over how cute a couple they are. Most commonly found at lgbt events and conventions.