MALLORY PIKE’S LAST STAND
Baby-Sitters Club, this is Mallory.
Hi, Mrs. Rodowksy.
No, sorry, I can’t come tonight,
first of all because I’m eleven,
so paying me to care for your child
would be, like,
a really questionable parenting choice,
& also second of all because
these other bitches
don’t let me babysit at night
because I’m eleven
& also because Kristy Thomas says so.
No, she can’t babysit tonight either, Mrs. Rodowsky,
first of all because she’s busy
telling everybody else they’re bad at things
& second of all
because your kid is a nightmare
& always getting hurt
& ending up in the hospital and shit,
which maybe wouldn’t happen
if you didn’t hire babysitters
who were eleven.
Dawn’s not available tonight,
she’s throwing everyone’s food away
& then judging her mom for trying her best.
Stacey is free tonight,
do you know she’s from New York?
Oh actually turns out
she’s not in the Club anymore,
Mrs. Rodowsky, sorry,
it changes literally minute to minute
and I forgot to ask.
Mary-Anne is busy
being everyone’s least favorite character
by having an aggressively dull personality,
Claudia would love to come,
she trapped herself under a pile of
Dibbly Fresh Vintage Clothes
& Dried Vegetable Jewelry She Made Herself.
How do you even know about Abby,
Mrs. Rodowsky, no one read that far.
Did you know she has a twin, Mrs. Rodowsky?
so did I,
that’s all I or anyone else knows about her.
Jessi could come over,
except for she’s also eleven
and not allowed,
and also she has better shit to do
than hang out at this shambley “business.”
Did you know
they made me take a test to join, Mrs. Rodowsky?
Did you know they made me tie a tourniquet?
Do you know how to tie a tourniquet, Mrs. Rodowsky?
Do you know under what circumstances
an eleven year old should tie a tourniquet, Mrs. Rodowsky?
Did you know I have seven younger siblings, Mrs. Rodowsky?
Do you know how loud it gets
inside that house?
Did you know most of the time
you use a tourniquet,
you end up sacrificing the limb?
But what’s one arm
in eight messy bodies, Mrs Rodowsky?
Or even, what’s one girl?