out of all the live action disney remakes, the lion king is the one that’s pissing me off the most. i mean. this is a movie that’s entirely about talking animals. which means that there’s no fucking way this is going to be a ‘live-action’ film. it’s not a cinderella, a beauty and the beast, a mulan, or even a jungle book. they all had fantastical elements that had to be animated, but they still starred real-life actors in real sets that could actually do a live-action performance. lion king, on the other hand, will have to be entirely animated. so it will just be the exact same fucking animated movie except the animation will make the lions and hyenas look hyper-realistic, i guess. how very necessary. hooray.
The group I DM for, mostly levels 4 and 5, had been asking if they could do a quest that involved sailing. So I dusted off Stormwrack and settled of The Sable Drake. They had tracked the ship to the pirates hideout and were engaging in a sea battle offshore. The crew were all still alive but Captain Naki had all but crippled the ship and were preparing to board.
Cleric casts Wind Wall
Cleric: “That will keep them from shooting us but they can just walk through it.”
Ranger: “Yeah but the captain’s a wererat. If she gets on board she could bite us. I don’t want to get bit!”
Bard OOC: hey *DM* is the catapult still loaded?
DM: Yes, but the Sable Drake is too close to use it.
Bard OOC: Can I tie my rope to the rock.
DM: Yes? It takes 5 feet to wrap the rock. May I ask why?
Bard: I tie the rope and tell the crew member to prepare to fire. Hey, *Ranger* can I borrow your rope?“
Ranger: “Uh, sure.”
Bard: I tie her rope onto mine and say “Get ready.”
Captain Naki proceeds to board the ship after the party surrendered.
“So nice to have an easy capture. Just hand over the valuables and I’ll make your deaths quick.”
Bard: “Now *Ranger*!”
Ranger throws the rope at Naki and the bard casts Animate Rope on it to ranger her. Naki fails her save and is tangled.
The DM suddenly realizes what the rope is for.
Bard: “Fire the Catapult!”
The catapult is fired and Naki goes sailing towards the beach. The DM didn’t even bother to roll for fall damage.
“Good job. You’ve Tom and Jerry’d yet another boss fight.”
Entire table is losing their shit.
The party then proceeds to capture the Sable Drake and for themselves renamed it The Flying Goblin.