He knew in the seconds after sending Sana a Facebook message mentioning that he wasn’t Muslim. Maybe he even fucked up before that- maybe he fucked up when he started seeing her as more than just Elias’s baby sister. Maybe that’s when this all started. But now, as he lay in bed, glitter underneath his finger nails from today’s kindergarten projects and yet another text message to Sana going unread, Yousef can without a doubt say that he fucked up.
It was too soon. Yousef thought that maybe he and Sana had built enough of a base, enough of a starting point, that his lack of religion could be overlooked. Or at the very least worked with.
But that was so so stupid because he knows how firm Sana is in her beliefs and maybe no amount of his careful planning or their banter could have stopped this moment.
So here he lays with the weight of crumbling dreams heavy on his chest. (bye bye 12 kid football teams and-)
His phone vibrates on his chest and Yousef thinks maybe-
But it’s Elias with a simple come over and chill tonight?
He sighs and darkens his phone without response. He can’t be there right now- he doesn’t want to make Sana any more uncomfortable than he already has. Invading her safe space is a no-go.
But he wants someone to talk to. Which is funny because he’s always been kind of a man of few words. But right now, he desperately wants someone who will listen patiently and offer their best advice. Someone who would have no problem being quiet while Yousef tried to give voice to the feelings that had been building his his chest for months and the despair now that he knows they won’t be returned.
He wants his best friend.
He fucking wants Even.
Yousef flicks his phone back on and scrolls, down past the myriad of messaage threads he’s been a part of in the last year, down to the last message he had with Even almost a year ago.
I’m so sorry.
Yousef hadn’t responded. And it’d be too late to now.
Would it be too violent to throw his phone across the room?
He doesn’t but he does drop it on the floor beside him, burying his face in pillows and deciding to sleep off the weight of the night.