animal snacks

HOT BEANS

While building characters for a mostly modern setting game. I’m making a fire genasi wizard who was a former child actor/star who got famous for acting in a line of commercials in the same vein as the “yo quiero Taco Bell” ads but in the vein that this restaurant chain makes insanely spicy food and has a spicy challenge that’s too hot even for a fire genasi. This all takes place over Skype.

Me: im looking at equipment packs and these feel kind of ridiculous in a vaguely modern setting

DM: yeah that’s why I was originally gonna build completely custom packs

DM: u can flavor them I guess

DM: turn them into some sort of phone app lol

Me: devin build me a custom equipment pack

DM: no i’m eating and then playing more windwaker

DM: i’m busy

Me: ok can i suggest: cellphone, fanny pack full of animal treats, assorted snacks, a notebook, pen, wallet (containing driver’s license, debit/credit card, insurance card, library card, bus/public transit card, roadside insurance, business cards), headphones, chapstick, reusable waterbottle, hand sanitizer

Me: that can all fit in a purse

DM: ok I mean that just sounds like when you leave the house but that’s fine

Me: yeah i know because i just checked my own purse

Paladin: Lol

Me: i mean thats what equipment packs are i think except some people get like a signet ring or a bedroll or 10 days rations or whatever but i think the snacks cover that

Me: she probably has a half eaten luna bar

DM: a few luna bars, some M&Ms

DM: roll me a d20

Me: 12

DM: you have 12 loose skittles at the bottom of your purse

Me: can i have a bonus cantrip that allows me to summon unlimited amounts of a shitty snack tambry was signed to “endorse” as a kid

DM: yeah but it’s really bad, like almost inedible and has no nutritional value

DM: it’s off-brand tootsie rolls

Me: NO YOU KNOW WHAT, IT’S RED HOTS. OFF BRAND RED HOTS.

DM: all individually wrapped

Me: YOU DONT WRAP RED HOTS

DM: I don’t care what it is but it sucks ass, has no nutritional value, and each of them are individually wrapped

Me: also i think its funnier if theyre not wrapped because then she just sort of has to hold out her hands and hope she catches them but most of them fall on the ground

Me: or she has to hold our her purse

DM: OK you can use it once per day and you roll 1d6 to determine how many you summon and if you get a 6 you can roll an additional d4

Me: 6 red hots is not a lot devin unless it’s 6 boxes of red hots

DM: 6 individual red hots for a maximum of 10 individual red hots per day

Me: okay but lets assume shes been doing this every day for over a decade because that’s how long it’s been since she signed this deal

Me: thats a minimum of 3650 red hots

<proceed rolling 3650 d6>

DM: tambry has created approximately 13000 red hots in the last ten years

Me: also you know that they are all from that restaurant chain so they’re off brand redhots

DM: spicy magentas. sensual blood oranges

Me: HOT BEANS

Me: HOT!!!!!!!!!! BEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DM: tambry has conjured approximately 13,000 hot beans and has eaten them all

DM: she does not currently have any in her inventory

Me: i hate you

Me: anyway this doesnt account for all the 6’s she rolled

Me: assuming she rolls a 6 once every 6 days that’s 608 d4’s

DM: so approximately 14,000 hot beans

DM: i’m writing this down

Paladin: Lol y'all are nuts

DM: you think I’m joking but I made a handout titled Fuck You Maya

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😂😂 the noise and the teeth crack me up #guineapig #chewing #food #loud #noise #cute #adorable #love #happy #snack #chill #morning #chilly #canada #toronto #pet #myboy #animal #nose #lips #funnymemes

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6

Stuffed pretzel appreciation post.  Jalapeño stuffed pretzel and Cream cheese stuffed pretzel. Unfortunately, neither pretzel are available in any of the parks.

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Snack time! #Riff

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