animal precipitation

2

Pan Ren Shu: It’s not nice to stare.

Andrei: Stare at what?  I didn’t–

Pan Ren Shu (pleasantly): You’re checking out the scar!

Andrei:

Pan Ren Shu: ‘s okay.  You can be jealous.  Chicks dig scars.

Andrei: …. ooookay.

Pan Ren Shu: Got it defending the palace walls!  Just me, my balled up hooves, and seven guys armed to the teeth.  Fun times.  But you know me~♪… trained by the best. (sniffs nonchalantly)  Yep.

Pan Ren Shu: Once again, chicks dig scars.  The wife fell head over heels madly in love from this puppy while I was in recovery.

Andrei: …..

Long Yu: !

Long Yu: … but didn’t you–?

Pan Ren Shu (slightly startled): …where the hell did you come from??

Long Yu (ignoring him): I hear you got it tending to the donkeys–

Pan Ren Shu:  (; ¬_¬)

Long Yu: Slipped in the mud and fell in a patch of thorns.

Pan Ren Shu (shifting uncomfortably): … ugh.

Pan Ren Shu (to Andrei, incredulously): KIDS!

Long Yu: ….

Pan Ren Shu (to Long Yu, sweetly): Were you THERE….?

Long Yu: Well no, but–

Pan Ren Shu (triumphantly): Well then!  WOO, SCORE!  Now go find your brother.  Or your mother.  … or something. (preening)  And leave me to my chick magnet scars got legitimately and truthfully in a wild animal attack.

Long Yu: BUT YOU JUST SA– (⁎˃ᆺ˂)

Pan Ren Shu: (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ 

Long Yu: Ugh.

Andrei: Didn’t I tell you to be less pink?

Long Yu (making a face): … you’re not serious are you?

Andrei (frowning): If I wasn’t serious the first time, I wouldn’t have brought it up again.

Long Yu: ….

Andrei (somewhat disgusted): Seriously.  Climb back into the freezer with the rest of the sherbet, you fruity thing, you.

Long Yu: Why do you keep saying this?

Andrei (rebukingly): Because if someone eats you in a stew they’re gonna get a mouthful of weird, strawberry crap when all they wanted was savory.

Long Yu: ….

Andrei: … and frankly that’s just rude.

Long Yu (half-heartedly chuckling): Werewolves don’t eat cats… do they?

Andrei: ….

Andrei (distantly): … Not quite.

Welcome to Night Vale: A Summary

In a mystical, psuedo-totalitarian desert town, Radio Host-in-denial falls in love with perfect-haired scientist. Interns die. ~Arbys Makeout Scene~ More interns die. ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD an upstanding and productive member of the PTA who also precipitates dead animal corpses. The mayor likes press conferences. More interns die. Five headed dragon and invisible old lady plot against the mayor. Intern becomes new mayor. Then more interns die. A painfully chipper puppet of a Fascist-Communist corporate regime tries to take over, but a tween warlord and literary scholar stages rebellion and wins. More interns die. AND REMEMBER— DONT GO IN THE DOG PARK. DOGS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE DOG PARK. PEOPLE ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE DOG PARK. Angels do not exist; nor do mountains. More interns die.

The currently favored explanation for animal precipitation involves waterspouts, a special type of tornado that forms over bodies of water. These are capable of sucking up animals in their path and transporting them high up in the air. Because these waterspouts and other types of tornadoes are on the move, when they do eventually break open and release their unwilling passengers, the animals will be far away from their original habitat, hence the appearance of animals raining from nowhere.