animal kind

fish keeper problems

•people ask ‘what’s that smell?’ It’s you. You smell like fish tank. No matter how much perfume/cologne/scented body wash you use. Fish Tank.

• sobbing as you look at your tank “where did this duckweed c o m e f r o m”

•when you see a betta/goldfish 'bowl’

•"hey wanna go out to eat" “sorry can’t. Gotta buy some brine shrimp from the store across town”

•you look at a fish. Your wallet screams in agony. You buy the fish

•"I have room for another fish tank if I just get rid of my bed"

•sleeves constantly damp. Always.

•who are you going to find to take care of your fish when your on vacation. They’re not going to remember the right foods for each fish, and what chemicals and how much to dose, they’re not going to know what plants have to be trimmed. What about the live food. Conclusion: you can never go on vacation

•where is my fish. Oh no he’s d e a d. Oh never mind, he was just doing his best imitation of a floating plant. Asshole.

•missing a water change=anxiety

•spilling the pellets all over the floor

•-spends 2376.98 dollars on fish stuff without batting an eye- oh no, I can’t go to McDonald’s. That’s too expensive.

•fish: varied diet, lots of enrichment you: top ramen you found in the back of your cabinet from approximately 12 years ago, Binge watching Netflix for a straight month

•yeah, I have a betta fish in a ten gallon tank “oh sweaty.. :)) you can keep them in bowls!! What a waste of space!!! Put an -insert completely incompatible species- in there :))))))”

•I have five goldfish in a 125 gallon tank “lol, I have seven in a ten gallon, and one in a vase”

•the urge to punch every chain store retail worker who says that “gold fish are good starter pets!!1!!11! Put it in this 0.2 gallon tank!! Hell! Put it in half a cup of water!!!”

•people who brag that they kept a betta fish alive for “a whole month!”

•algae. Where did all this algae come from??

•your floor is terribly warped from all the water dripping onto it. Your landlord is horrified

•crying for an hour because you spilled an e n t i r e bottle of Flourish

•Prime. Just… Just don’t smell it. Ever.

•getting your friends to smell Prime

•"I want a planted tank!!“ "ALL MY PLANTS ARE DYING”

•you bought twelve shrimp. You never see them again.

•p o n d s n a i l s

•being too sensitive to cull baby snails, getting them their own tank instead

•eating a fish flake. Just once. You just wanted to know what it tasted like

•you will never be satisfied with your tank. Ever.

•retirement fund? More like retimeformorefishtanks fund

•loving each individual fish like your first born child

•you know the difference between all fifty of your neon tetras

•water changes with sand

•-buys adorable chili rasboras- -betta eats them- that was the most expensive snack you’ve ever eaten you idiot

Feel free to add your own

Here is a gentle reminder from a glowing, light-eating cat that every now and then it’s absolutely vital to pause and give yourself the time and space and snacks and stars you need to shine again.