animal fail

Can't afford the vet, can't afford the pet.

When we in the veterinary industry defiantly cry “If you can’t afford the vet then you can’t afford the pet,” please try to understand what we’re talking about.

We’re not talking about people that have a pet for years, fall on hard times and can’t find the $3000 it needs for surgery or intensive care. Life happens. Goodness knows most of us don’t have that kind of money lying around either.

We’re talking about people who spend $1000’s on a new puppy… But can’t afford vaccines, desexing or heartworm preventative.

We’re talking about people who ‘rescue’ an animal but fail to provide it with basic care.

Or 'rescues’ that aren’t treating the issues of animals they acquire, especially if they delay treatment to beg for donations online.

And the people that haven’t wanted to spend money on preventative care for their senior pet for the last three years because “she’s old and will die soon.”

Or the ones that spend hundreds of dollars on doggy fashion accessories but accuse you of price gouging on antibiotics.

Who can’t borrow $50 from all the people they know, but want a payment plan from you. And a discount because they 'rescued’ it as a puppy.

For whom $20 of take home pain relief is 'just too much’.

Who keep acquiring more and more animals with problems that need extensive treatment that they can’t pay for.

Look, we don’t want to see anything suffer and will help out when we can, and try to tailor things to your budget…

But if you can’t afford BASIC veterinary care, then you cannot afford the pet. Don’t get it.

The Backflip Bandit

So I had mentioned to a friend of mine that I was reopening a Pathfinder campaign and he showed interest in joining, so I gave him a trial run. If he liked it then he could stay. He made a Rogue Elf and wanted to be a generic thief. Since all the other players are level 5 already I gave all the new characters a good bit of downtime to catch up, so that means mostly 1 on 1 sessions of 90% improv with maybe some other players watching. A little note about this kid is he is a bit unpredictable when he is upset, and one of our other PCs just messed with him and threw him in a garbage can.

Me(DM): So you are in a Garbage can, what do you do?

Rogue: I sleep here for 12 hours…

Me: Ok… 12 hours pass, what do you do next..?

Rogue: I get up and look for some food.

Me: You smell freshly baked bread and follow the smell to a bakery.

Rogue: I sit down and smell for a half hour.

Me: Right… people look at you weirdly as you sniff the air for 30 minutes.

Rogue: I ask the lady behind the counter for a cake.

Me: She offers you one fresh cake for 10 gold.

Rogue: I buy it to go and take the cake.

Me: Ok.

Rogue: I roll acrobatics to do a backflip out of the store…*fails*

Me: … you try to backflip with a cake in your hands, but you instead land face first into the cake, hurting yourself.

Rogue: I sit there and shovel cake into my mouth in self pity.

Me: … everyone who sees you wonders if you are alright.

Rogue: I get up and smash my face through the display case…*fails strength check*

Me: You bounce your head off the glass.

Rogue: I do it again…*fails*

Me: Everyone is wondering if you are mentally insane.

Rogue: One more time…*succeeds*

Me: Everyone looks in shock as you smash your face through solid glass, taking 4 damage.

Rogue: I steal a cake from the display case and attempt to backflip out of the store…*succeeds*

Me: Everyone is too scared and confused to notice that you just stole a cake.

Rogue: I sprint down the road holding the cake high above my head until I reach the river. I roll acrobatics to cross the river with a backflip. *Crits*

Me(clearly confused and shocked): You make it across the river without getting wet, cake completely intact.

Rogue: I run to the farmland and look for animals… *succeeds*

Me: You find some cows..?

Rogue: Perfect…I place the cake on the ground and roll to tip the cow by backflipping over it…*SUCCEEDS*

Me: The cow has been tipped, it thrashes about on the ground for a while…

Rogue: I go back to pick up the cake and sit down next to the cow. I shovel some cake in my hand and ask the cow if it wants any…*Fails Handle Animal*

Me: The cow hoofs you in the butt from its downed position.

Rogue: Oh well, more for me.

This was an extremely random and exhausting encounter, I had no idea what to say or do after this. However, after he got this out of his system he became a little more serious and actually did some roguish things.

To this day he is referred to as “The Backflip Bandit” and rolls acrobatics for backflips CONSTANTLY to retain his title.

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The stairs are so tough… More funny gifs