“Usssss,” hissed Dorfl, so faintly that Vimes wasn’t sure he’d heard it. A finger scratched on the floor.

“Is it trying to write something?” said Angua.

Vimes pulled out his notebook, eased it under Dorfl’s hand, and gently pushed a pencil into the golem’s fingers. They watched the hand as it wrote— a little jerkily but still with the mechanical precision of a golem— eight words. Then it stopped. The pencil rolled away. The lights in Dorfl’s eyes dwindled and went out.

“Good grief,” breathed Angua. “They don’t need words in their heads…”

“We can rebuild him,” said Carrot hoarsely. “We have the pottery.”

Vimes stared at the words, and then at what remained of Dorfl.

“Mister Vimes?” said Carrot.

“Do it,” said Vimes.

Carrot blinked.

“Right now,” Vimes said. He looked back at the scrawl in his book.


“And when you rebuild him,” he said, “when you rebuild him… give him a voice. Understand?


Feet of Clay

this never fails to make me cry

Looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you: Angua von Uberwald

Looks like they could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll: Carrot Ironfoundersson

Looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll: Cherry Littlebottom

Looks like they could kill you and would actually kill you: Sam Vimes

Ankh-Morpork City Watch & Social Media Headcannons

(brought to you by maesonc​ and hardly-questionable​)

Angua and Sally are the Watch’s biggest Twitter users. They regularly live-blog Watch mayhem.

Cheery, on the other hand, is an avid Vine and Instagram user.

Cheery: “Do it for the Vine, sir!”
Unfortunately, due to irreconcilable height difference, most of Cheery’s Vines just feature Vimes’ knees.

Vimes has no idea what a Vine is and wants to know why everyone keeps shouting his name and what they are doing for him.

Sybil runs a rather popular, very informative and debatably cute Instagram for her Dragon Nursery.

Nobby Nobbs does have Vine, Twitter & FB accounts, for public safety reasons they have all been deemed ‘unsafe for human consumption’

he is, however, a rather avid SJ blogger on tumblr

Carrot does NOT have a Twitter account (its for his own good)

Carrot tried to start an ‘Official City Watch’ Twitter account. Angua shot it down. 
They let him manage the FB page

The #FuckingCarrot tag is NSFW

Angua did not start the #FuckingCarrot tag
Neither did Sally. 

In Uberwald the trending hashtag is #pullingaVimes which is the Discworld equivalent of #YOLO

71-hour Ahmed started a hashtag in Klatch that roughly translates to #Vimesdid. People use it when suggesting impossible/highly improbable acts

example: “Swim the Circle Sea in only on breath? #Vimesdid”
It is a very popular tag

(will hardly-questionable and i stop? who knows)


Adapted from an anecdote by the wonderful Beablefish AKA blackboardmonitor, who seems to live in interesting times. (And with high background levels of Narrativium, no less.)

Angua: Well, that was the most surreal five minutes so far, today.
Cheery: *jingling cheerfully as she walks*
Angua: Sooo… Now that your pockets are full of gold… I wonder if-
Cheery: You want to borrow this tunic?
Angua: Oh, yes please!
Cheery: *pulls off tunic*
Angua: Hang on, I didn’t mean that you should take it off right no- …Oh, you’re wearing a third tunic underneath.
Cheery: (。◕‿◕。)
“I Wonne The Lipwyg Lotterie, And Alle I Gut Was AM$100,0Ø0 & Thys Crummie Tuneycke”?
Cheery: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Let me guess: it’s never actually happened to you-
Cheery: And I only wear it gold-ically!
Angua: You mean, ironically.
Cheery: That, too.