angry yodelling

anonymous asked:

How do the UT/US/UF/HT skelebros react to learning about the gruesome details of how human childbirth works (assuming Skeleton Monsters, or even Monsters in general, reproduce differently).

UT!Sans:

Sans ends up finding out from seeing a comedy on TV about a pregnant human, which piqued his interest enough to do some research through books on human anatomy.  The entire process seems  pretty fascinating to him, but he doesn’t look for any videos or anything outside of a scientific stand-point.  No, he ends up going down the rabbit hole of looking at the differences between human bones and his bones, and then moves on to organ functions.  By the end of the night, he’s forgotten about the entire reason he got the book in the first place and remains oblivious to the fact that childbirth is messy and painful.  

UT!Papyrus:

OH NO!  Papyrus discovers the horrible truth one day when he finds a woman clutching her rather swollen belly and gasping in pain.  Of course, he’s right there to assist her, and despite the fact that seeing the Grim Reaper bending over her, she stays composed enough to shout that she needs a hospital.  Paps scoops her up, takes her there himself (while looking gallantly heroic the entire time), and ends up somehow staying with her the entire time.  Everyone seems to think he’s the father of the child.  Whoops.  Papyrus didn’t realize a babybones was about to come into the world!  But why is it hurting her so much?  Is something wrong?  He’s at a loss, but he provides comfort and support and stays there long enough for her to start pushing.  

WAIT, WHY IS SHE SCREAMING?  WHAT’S GOING ON?!  

Paps makes the mistake of going to the foot of the bed, and WHAT HE SEES CANNOT BE UNSEEN.  His bones are rattling.  The room is spinning.  He has to sit down.  He doesn’t understand what’s happening until he hears crying and sees the baby.  Once he gets to hold them, he’s in awe.  Later on, the woman explains everything, and he gains a new respect for humans because WOWIE, that seemed to have hurt!

US!Sans:

When he finds out, Blueberry is pretty dismayed–and blushing a bright blue!  All he did was ask his neighbor (human female) about how humans went about making little humans (she had a three-year-old son).  He didn’t expect her to go into so much detail–or explain something so nightmarish!  She had to be cut open?!  WHAT?!  That sounds ABSOLUTELY AWFUL!  She ends up having to assure him that she’s okay, that she’d do it all over again because it was worth it in the end, and she actually looks a little guilty because yeah, she was trying to get a rise out of him.  

He’s in a funk for a week straight and gets teary-eyed whenever he sees a pregnant woman out in public.  Stretch finally confronts him, and when he spills, ol’ Papy ends up going to have a chat with their neighbor.

US!Papyrus:

Stretch is pretty chill when it comes to finding out.  He takes the details in scientifically and asks a few questions that sound pretty clinical.  Human anatomy interests him, sure, but since he’s convinced he’s not going to be the cause of any human pregnancy, it doesn’t really concern him.  He’s not bothered by this new information in the slightest.

UF!Papyrus:

You’d think Edge would be able to handle this information, but nope, he can’t.  He’s heard some humans talking about the pains of childbirth, so he did a bit of Googling.
Big mistake.  He’s scarred for life.  He watched way too much of a rather graphic video meant to be educational, and even though he stared at the screen impassively, he was doing some rather angry/horrified yodeling in his head.  Now, every time he sees a pregnant human, he stares in complete and utter HORROR.  Should he date a human, he’s going to be terrified of any intimacy accidentally leading to pregnancy.  

UF!Sans:

What?  Yeah, that’s pretty disgusting.  He’s confused as to why anyone would willingly put themselves through that for a child.  He found out the gruesome details in full one night when he heard some screaming coming from the boss’s bedroom and discovered him watching a video.  The next day, Sans did some snooping (curiosity killed the skeleton, yeah, he knows that, but the boss was at work, so he had time for a quick peek) and found the video on Edge’s laptop.  He watched it like five times.  It didn’t freak him out, but it did leave a bad taste in his mouth.  He’s more concerned with whether or not he could actually get a human pregnant.  After all, his tastes have been leaning toward humans ever since reaching the Surface, and the idea of putting a human mate through that is terrifying.

HT!Sans:

Humans are weird.  The fact that they would go through that is weird.  The fact that they would bring another human into this world when there’s so little food–
Deep breath in.  He’s not Underground anymore and food isn’t scarce.  Of course they’d have more spawn without worrying about the consequences. 

When it comes to the details of childbirth, Sans has seen much worse in his time Underground.  He’s done much worse.  He’s dismembered humans and made literal finger foods.  

It doesn’t phase him, but he did read something about women eating their own placenta??  

…Yeah, now that interests him.

HT!Papyrus:

THEY COME OUT WHERE? AND THERE’S SO MUCH BLOOD??  THAT LOOKS RATHER PAINFUL!

Horror!Paps is still a sweetheart, even if he’s taken a few too many blows to the face.  And okay, so he’s eaten plenty of humans, too.  But that doesn’t mean that he isn’t concerned by how painful that seems!  Is there anything he can do to help?  I mean, he could always give the human a sharp blow to the head and then maybe she wouldn’t be in so much pain??

Ever since Sans mentioned the whole placenta thing, though, he’s been looking for ways to incorporate it into his spaghetti.  And to be completely honest, he’s started following pregnant women around and inquiring about whether or not he can have theirs after they give birth.  He doesn’t understand why they scream so loud and run away, so he follows after them, shouting “ARE YOU IN LABOR, HUMAN?!  FEAR NOT!  THE GREAT PAPYRUS SHALL ASSIST YOU!”

This goes on for weeks until Sans finally intervenes.  

home is whenever im with you - a hidekane fst 
listen on 8tracks :: don’t delete text 

light - sleeping at last :: yellow (cover) - blue or green :: first day of my life - bright eyes :: dead oaks - now, now :: this is home - switchfoot :: wait for me - kings of leon :: home - edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros :: brother - mighty oaks :: who knows, who cares - local natives :: don’t let me fall - lenka :: fly me away - little annie :: when the day met the night - panic! at the disco :: everlasting arms - vampire weekend :: sun shy - dresses :: lets go home - carousel 

the world is brighter than the sun now that you’re here 

SPEAKING OF FORKS WHAT THE FUCK IOS A SPORK A DISAPPOINMTMENT TAHST WHAT IT IS ID RATHER HAVE A LOG IN MY LONELY LITTLE EMPTY ANUS THAN USE A SPO RK WHAT IF YOUR P ARTENR DFUCKIGN EATS YOU OUT WIHT A SPORK!??!??? A L OG IN YOUR ASS WOUDL BE A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER DONT EVEN GET ME START TED ON SPORK KNIVES I AMS O ANGRY IM GOIGN TO GET AN ERECTION WHAT IF Y OUR MURDERER USES A TITANIU M SPORK KNIFE?! M Y LAST WORDS WOULD BE CONGARTULATION PISS LORD YOU ARE THE LORD OF THE HSITS THAN KYOU

You know, I think we have all learned a valuable lesson today, Listeners.

When dealing with extraterrestrials, no amount of paper sign/barricades will keep them out. Instead you just need an intern Jeff with a heavy duty stapler and some angry yodeling.

Sadly, while angry yodeling, intern Jeff lost track of where he was aiming and ended up…. Well… Condolences to intern Jeff’s family. The station’s heart goes out to you.

On the plus side though, when the extraterrestrial was making his hasty escape from my booth– More for the blood getting everywhere rather than fear of heavy duty staples– he dropped a thing. LOOK IT BUZZES!