I finally think we’re going to be okay..I just hope we can both stick to our word. You know you mean the world to me and that i don’t ever want to be without you. I’m sorry I’m a bit mad at times and i’m sorry i get so mean when we argue. I just can’t express my feelings enough for you…i have a very hard time proving myself to anyone and that’s why they’ve all left or don’t care but with you, I can’t let that happen. So instead i’m OVER emotional. I’m just glad you’ve stayed this long and that you can except my breakdowns and still see the me inside. The only thing I question still is if you really see the person I am trying to be? If you understand why I am this way? If you think I’m a truely “beautiful” person?
we went from always talking and touching to silence and a hug or kiss here and there..from “you’re so beautiful” every morning to “oh, you look nice today” every once in a while..to happiness to hell.
I just want you to be happy and if you’re not happy with me just tell me so I can let you go. I love you so fucking much no one, not even you will ever actually understand it. You’ve changed me for the better and you really are my best friend but i guess you just grew to hate who I really am. It’s okay, i hate me too! I hate fighting with you, period! Especially over silly little things. I need to grow up and get over my insecurity's and jealousy and you need to do the same. Those two things will destroy anything and everything we have. I want your attention. ALL of it! and I only want YOUR attention but I see that i don’t have it in the way i want and need it..It’s not fair to either one of us the way shit is going. I just want you to smile and be happy again..i don’t EVER want to hold you back from doing anything. I can’t take looking into your eyes and seeing how miserable you really are. I never know how you’re feeling exactly because you won’t open up to me like you used to..I can’t make you open up to me and I can’t make you love me if you don’t want to. I just want to know what’s going on so I can do what needs to be done for you and for me. For us..or what’s left of us? I don’t know what to do or to say without hurting you or pissing you off or “bitching”. ..you know i’ll never forget any names you’ve called me but i’ll forgive you for it and move on because I love you..and I want a future with you and only you for the rest of my life..so i have to move on from that. This is the only time i’ve ever been so serious in a relationship and it’s because i really want you and love you and need you and actually care about you. You’re my EVERYTHING Levi..please don’t push me away anymore? I’m trying really hard baby, I really am.
I’m not even sure why i typed all of this out. I know you won’t read it and I know no one else even cares..I just want us back..