angelic doctor

Hi, sweet angels.

My doctor can’t figure out what’s wrong so I’m going for more tests. I have to start getting back to life as usual but I have a lot to do and catch up on on top of being sick, constantly exhausted and in an unusual amount of pain.

So, I’m going to be officially taking a break from here. I just have so much to do, which is going to be hard enough on it’s own so I’ve decided to take a break from my blogs. I’m aiming for only being gone a week. But, I haven’t been able to keep up with my blogs, most importantly this one, while trying to do everything else I need to do and I felt it more fair to just announce a break than to keep coming back sporadically. I don’t even have anything to set a queue because I’ve been on so little 😞.

I just really wanted to apologize. I’ve been unfair to all of you. I went from always being there for anyone who needed me, no matter what, to leaving my asks and messages unanswered and forgetting to set my queue so often. I’ve gotten so many messages since I started this blog saying it makes people happy, my good morning/good night posts help them, etc. and I feel like such a jerk for letting all that slip just because I don’t feel well.

I’m truly am so sorry. I really hope you’ll be able to forgive me. And thank you to those of you have have sent kind messages and all of you who’ve stuck by me. I’ll never be able to truly put into words how much I appreciate you.

When I come back, I’ll be the old me again. I’ll go back to being there for all of you and trying to bring happiness to your days. And, I’ll have a surprise for you! 😊

See you in about a week.
I love you all so much, always.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Looking back, I can’t remember the truth. I blew everything out of proportion so I could feel the hurt and betrayal and write about it in vivid detail. It was my own method of torture. My own undoing; and I enjoyed every second of it.
—  c.j.n.