Rosie Watson-Holmes possessed many extraordinary qualities, but she was a typical eleven-year-old in one respect: she found her parents’ behaviour mortifying. It wasn’t her dad’s insistence on wearing hideous jumpers, or her papa’s tendency to leave random body parts in the freezer. Those quirks she could tolerate. No, what drove Rosie ‘round the twist was how sickeningly in love her parents were.
Of course, Rosie was glad that her dads loved each other. She never had to worry — as so many of her friends did — about constant fighting, separation, or divorce. Loving each other would be fine, if they would just keep it to themselves. But no. They had to parade it in front of the world: staring at each other like besotted bush babies, walking hand-in-hand down the street, even calling each other pet names in front of her friends.
When Rosie tried, in a mature and perfectly reasonable way, to suggest to her parents that they might want to consider keeping their private lives, you know, private, the response she got was wholly unsatisfactory.
“Are you worried that people might talk?” her dad asked.
Before Rosie could answer, her papa said, “People do little else.”
Then they gave each other one of those looks, and her dad said, “At least your papa isn’t ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool,” and the two of them burst into completely inappropriate giggles. Two grown men, behaving like love-struck teenagers. They were hopeless.
So, the direct approach was a failure. Time to try a different tack. After some research online, Rosie decided to conduct an experiment. She laid out the parameters in her notebook.
Question:What can be done to eliminate test subjects’ public displays of affection?
Background Information:Test subjects believe that it is unnecessary to conform to social norms, because “It’s important to just be yourself” (Dad) and “Most people are idiots” (Papa).
Hypothesis:The use of reverse psychology will result in a reduction in test subjects’ PDA.
Method:Chart baseline levels of PDA for one week. Implement reverse psychology strategy by leading test subjects to believe (erroneously) that classmates’ parents are more openly affectionate with each other, and suggesting that in order to fit in test subjects ought to be more verbally and physically demonstrative in public. Chart levels of PDA for a second week, and compare data.
It was soon clear that Rosie’s experiment had gone horribly wrong.
The hand-holding had been replaced by walking down the street with their arms fully around one another. The occasional “Sweetheart” and “Darling” and “Honey Bee” had become a constant stream of “Angel Baby Cake” and “Cuddle Bunny Lumpkins” and “Shmoopsie Pookie Pie.” Determined to see her experiment through, though, Rosie forced herself to smile and tell her parents how cute they were.
On the third day, Rosie walked into the flat with a friend to find her dads actually snogging on the sofa. With an embarrassed squeak, she dragged her friend up the stairs and slammed the door to her room.
John pulled his lips away from Sherlock’s to ask, “Should we let Rosie know that we’re on to her?”
“No. This is her experiment. Let’s wait for her to draw her own conclusions.”
[warnings]: um cuteness because it’s Sam for god’s sake, swearing, brief mentions of sex
[a/n]: okay so here’s one more headcanon for you guys to have while I’m writing the next part of Need Her and a few of my requests which I should start posting tomorrow or the next day. I’m so sorry, just bear with me please.
[another a/n]: okay but i love samuel thomas wilson so damn much and i am personally offended that he doesn’t get as much love as say steve or bucky or tony because this my bitch and if im being real he’s the real fav.
Dating Sam Wilson would include…
We’re not gonna lie to ourselves, Sam would be the most fun person to date in the whole world.
Making dumb videos on Snapchat.
The whole media absolutely adoring you two together because you’re a fucking power couple.
Babygirl, you would be treated like a queen.
Him calling you ridiculous nicknames.
Ex: Sweetums, the Bee’s Knees, Baby Cakes, Angel, Angel Face, Angel Eyes, Babygirl, Buttercup, Darlin’ of Mine, Princess, Honey, and so many more.
Him pushing you around in the shopping cart at the grocery store.
You guys just really couldn’t be in any shopping environment without messing around.
Taking pictures of each other when you pass each other on opposite escalators.
Trying on everything in every shop.
Probably getting kicked out of most stores.
Shit talking together.
“You know what they say Angel, couples who talk shit together, stay together.”
Him being a cheeky ass bitch all the time.
Sex. Lots of it. Everywhere.
The sex would probably be really cutesy and playful with a lot of teasing and it would be really great.
Okay, okay but listen, listen. Matching outfits.
You would trust each other 100000000000%
Like you would know the password to his phone and everything and when you were close to his phone and he got a text, he would ask you to check it.
He wouldn’t be so much protective because he would understand that you’re a strong woman that can handle her own shit. But if you ever voiced to him that something was wrong and that you needed him, he would kick somebody’s ass into next week.
Him watching you spar with someone else on the team and being so fucking proud when you pin them.
“That’s my girl.”
Okay but you would constantly be hacking each other’s Instagrams and posting dumb pictures on there.
Him holding your hand when he’s driving.
Singing an off key duet of Sunday Candy whenever you’re in the car.
Wearing his Air Force t-shirt with his name on the back all the time.
And he fucking loves it, let’s be real.
Slut dropping together whenever a song with a beat drop comes on.
Pranks. No one is safe from the two of you. You prank everyone.
Sometimes you even prank each other.
Matching footsie pajamas.
Him getting v v jealous whenever you’re talking to Bucky.
You and Bucky plotting to get Sam mad by pretending to flirt.
Constantly singing the best Disney duets.
Going to DisneyLand together a lot and getting those cheesy couples shirts.
He would love to kiss your cheeks and it would be super cute because he’d always be doing it.
The public would all agree that you guys are relationship goals.
A lot of hand holding.
Him playing with your hair a lot.
You would make fun of each other a lot, but that’s Sam and [y/n] language for “I love you”.
Being in love with your best friend.
Hilarious pillow talk.
He would love you more than anything in the whole entire world.
(Not my gif-credit to @murderous-manipulative-angel) But THIS MAN^^^^ was INCREDIBLE AND THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE MOVIE. And Harley was AMAZING too and just the way they interacted was PERFECT. Gahhhh I can’t stop thinking about the movie! I already want to watch it for the second time!!