ang nawawala


Ang Nawawala DVD Brixton Block Party: Christmas Edition Kabuhayan Showcase ‘014, Heima Brixton

Two Sundays ago, I finally got myself a DVD copy of Ang Nawawala, downed a cup of daiquiri and incredible poutine (that are both difficult to pronounce), saw some of my favorite local acts like Tarsius and Ang Bandang Shirley, witnessed an impromptu set by Blast Ople, stayed out late and completely dismissed the fact that I had work the next day. All of which I haven’t done in an awful long time. Or at all. So that’s it for me this year, 'twas a superb run.

Shoutouts to everything (neat places I traveled to, weird shit that happened, new opportunities, char kway teow) and everyone (family, friends, bands/acts I saw/heard this year) that were part of it <3

Ang Nawawala (2012)

Every once in a while, I find a film so beautiful, moving and relatable that I find it hard to sum up in words. “Ang Nawawala” is such a film. Its subtelty and poignancy has cut my heart out and got me tongue-tied. It is so painfully sweet, so depressingly good that I am writing this review with so much and nothing to say at the same time. The film left me as speechless as its protagonist, and whatever writing I’m doing will probably end up as confused ramblings of an emotional girl.

Ironically, this is going to be a very long review containing NECESSARY SPOILERS. I am attempting to expound on the undertones which I can’t do without giving out some details. And because I’m getting really carried away.


“Ang Nawawala” (What Isn’t There) focuses on 20-year old Gibson Bonifacio (Dominic Roco) who has not spoken in ten years. Because of trauma and guilt, he pulled away from the world, setting up his selective mutism as a wall. He comes home for Christmas to a dysfunctional family. His mother (Dawn Zulueta), a woman distant and broken, welcomes him with a cold heart. And when mother and son first look at each other after a long time, we see the pain and longing in Gibson’s eyes.

The Bonifacios are dysfunctional in a very quiet, somber way. They sit over dinner with awkward formality. Although the father (Boboy Garrovillo) tries to cheer everyone up, the cloud hanging over their heads is too heavy to disperse. We see a family portrait of depression. And when we notice one vacant chair on the other end of the table, we understand that something is really missing in the picture.

Gibson moves around the house like a ghost. He locks himself up in his bedroom, smokes pot, and plays his records. Even when he is spending time with his family, he doesn’t really connect with them completely. He tries, with the help of a video camera. He records moments he finds to be special, no matter how ordinary they are. And then he mashes them up in his computer, adding tracks of music that describe how he feels about these memories. He also reconnects with an old friend, Teddy (Alchris Galura), who introduces him to the local music scene. Here, he meets Enid (Annicka Dolonius). They are into the same things and she doesn’t judge him when she finds out he doesn’t talk. She becomes someone he can finally talk with, albeit not without his iPhone. And as her name implies, she brings “life” back to his existence.


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Ang Nawawala. I dunno why but this movie really gave me a fresh air to breathe at. The first time I saw this was when we had our Cinemalaya movie marathon at CCP last year. After watching this, goosebumps and everything stirred our emotions. Anyway, what if the only way you can communicate things with is through the words and verses of songs created and buried by history. Unfortunately, every music has an ending, and so does happy stories.


So here’s a sort of behind the scenes step by step process of how I made the shirt design. It’s a mess. 

1. Presented them with two options, one was the scene where Jamie and Gibson were smoking in the bathroom. One of my more favorite scenes. Wanted Jamie’s face to be obscured by smoke so that it works on a certain level of you do not see him there. #visual metaphors

2. Second Option was the two twins when they were little kids before one of the more climactic scenes in the film that sort of sets into motion a lot of things. Brutal for the feels sort of work. Wanted it to be a bit dream like. They went with this option.

3. Started sketching out the scene. Rough line work since I wasn’t sure how the colors would work.

4. Some tests. Saw how the whole thing can work near the top part where the colors sort of just mix together rather than have lines of grass everywhere.

5. Made the rough inks into the pencils, flat grey so I can see better.

6. Started inking, made sure all the important figures were inked first then added colors here and there.

7. Fooled around with the colors a bit so I could have options. The Red Purple one was probably my favorite. This green one was the ‘out there’ option, that sort of gave that dread.

8. This was more subtle hues that I hoped to insinuate how dreamlike the scene was when watching it.

9. I liked this color scheme the most because well certain color theories and unf that Orange.

10. Finished Shirt design. Huzzah!

That’s the process, I guess. Hello.


Halos 100 milyong bagong selyula ang nabubuo sa loob ng katawan natin sa loob lamang ng ilang minuto at halos 100 miyon din ang namamatay. Araw-araw, halos isang daang pirasong hibla ng buhok ang nawawala pero napapalitan din ito kaagad. Yung outer layer ng balat mo, napapalitan every 35 days. Yung patay na kuko mo tumutubo ulit after 6 months. Panibagong set ng red blood cells ang dumadaloy sa mga ugat mo every after 4 months. Nagkakaroon ka ng bagong skeleton every 10 years at nagreregenerate ang muscles mo every 15 years. 

Kung kaya ng iba’t-ibang bahagi ng katawan mo, kaya rin ng puso mo. Darating din ang araw na yung taong itinuring mong malaking bahagi ng buhay mo ay magiging parte na lang ng malungkot mong dati na hindi na dapat balikan. Mawawala din siya sa sistema mo at hindi ka na kakainin ng nakaraan. Maghihilom ang lahat ng elemento ng sakit at galit. Hindi man ganung kadali, mahabang panahon man ang bilangin, ilang bilyong bagong selyula man ang magpapalit-palit sa loob ng iyong katawan, pero darating ka rin doon. Malay mo, sa pagpapalit na ‘yon, maaring dahan-dahan ding pinapalitan ang emosyon mo hanggang sa magising ka na lang na wala na yung dating pagtingin. At kapag nangyari ‘yon, para ka na ulit bagong nilalang. At ang bawat durog na piraso ng puso mo ay mabubuo ulit gamit ang natitirang pirasong hawak naman ng iba para ibigay sa’yo ng buo. 

Magmamahal ka ulit sa panibagong pagkakataon gaya noong unang beses mo itong sinubukan.

Appreciate Pain kapag okay ka na.

Sa totoo lang? Yung lahat ng pain na nararamdaman niyo ngayon ‘yong magtuturo sa inyo how to reserve Love for the right people. Hindi naman kasi naituturo kung paano mo mamahalin ang isang tao sa pamamagitan ng pagbabasa ng libro or kahit anong quotes na nababasa mo sa Internet.

Kailangan mo maranasan ang lahat ng sakit na dulot ng pag-ibig. Kailangan mo tibayan at huwag isipin na wala kang kwenta dahil iniwan ka. May silbi ka at 'yon ang dapat mong tandaan. Iniiwan ka minsan ng taong mahal mo dahil 'yon ang kailangan para mag grow ka. Lahat ng tao ay nangako sa taong mahal nila na hindi sila mawawala. Totoo lahat ng 'yon. Sinabi nila 'yon kasi mahal ka nila nung mga araw na 'yon.

Ang Love, nagfe-fade kapag napabayaan. Ang Love, nawawala kapag nagkakaroon ng kahati. Ang love ay mararamdaman mo lang kapag willing kayong magsakripisyo para sa isa’t isa. Tandaan na always give and take dapat ang lahat ng relasyon to work. Kapag nasaktan ka at iniwan ka nila, hindi mo kawalan 'yon. Kawalan nila 'yon. Tandaan mo lang na kailangan may matutunan ka sa lahat ng relasyon na papasukin mo. Importante 'yon.


Dawn Zulueta and Boboy Garovillo lipsyncing to a Ciudad song. That alone will make this video blow your mind. Directed by Ramon de Veyra, the brilliant man who co-wrote Ang Nawawala and directed Us-2 Evil-0’s ‘Our Weekends Dissolve’.

Ang hirap sa mga tao ngayon? Yung tipong akala mo mamamatay na kapag walang ka relasyon. Kaya sa huli sila at sila rin ang nasasaktan. Tapos lalahatin ang mga tao kapag nasaktan. Eh sino ba naman kasing tanga ang gustong minamadali ang mga relasyon? Hindi naman yan isang diploma na maaring ipagawa ng paspasan sa Recto Maynila.

Enjoyin mo ang buhay mo. Nawawala focus mo sa buhay kakahanap ng partner eh. Eh ang dali dali maghanap niyan kapag nakatapos ka na at may trabaho ka na. Baka pagsisihan mo na maaga ka naghahanap. Eh pag nag asawa ka in the future eh sobrang tagal na panahon dahil forever mong sasamahan asawa mo.

Maging petiks ka lang sa paghahanap. Darating at darating yan. Maniwala ka.

Bwisit na bwisit nanaman ako sa ate ko! Argh! Kapag matutulog ako sa hapon palagi niya akong ginugulo kaya ang ending nawawala ang antok ko edi hindi ako makakatulog. Katulad kanikanina lang, antok na antok na ko e, nakakatulog na ako tapos sinisiko niya ko ng sinisiko di ko naman siya inaano, tapos ginigising niya ko panay ang tanong kung nasan daw yung remote nung TV e siya yung nanonood, saakin hinahanap. Nakakabwisit! Tapos after niya manood, tumabi siya sakin sa higaan nakikipag agawan ng unan may sarili naman siyang unan! Sarap sapakin nito e! Haaays!!!