andthen when it comes you hate it and you hate everything

anonymous asked:

angsty prompt: jess in heaven, still in love with sam, watching over him and seeing everything that's happened to him since she died and knowing she can't do anything about it

“Sam, Sam, please don’t, it’s not your fault it’s not,” she calls desperately, tears to match his running down her cheeks. But he, leaving flowers at her grave, can’t hear her as she calls to him from heaven.

It’s too much, and she runs back inside their apartment. She knows the Sam whose arms she flees to is just a memory, but it’s so much better than nothing, than crying alone because she can’t reach him, the real Sam, the one she loves and needs and who needs her so much right now.

When she looks again it’s to find him nearly getting himself killed because he blames himself for not knowing his nightmares were prophetic, and she tries so hard to reach him, to tell him it’s not his fault and she loves him and she needs him to grieve any way but this, that she thinks maybe she gets through, that maybe, for just a moment, he sees her as he rides by in his brother’s car.

Meeting his eyes, just for a few seconds, breaks her heart all over again. “It’s not fair,” she yells to no one.

“I was gonna marry him,” she whispers to no one.

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