andrew stark



  • Peter: Will you drive me to the mall?
  • Tony: What did Steve say?
  • Peter: He said no.
  • Tony: Then why would I allow you?
  • Peter: He's not the boss of you.
  • Tony: [internally] This is a trap this is a trap this is a trap
  • Me: *sees something about Peter Parker aka The Spiderman™*
  • Me: *holding back tears* thats some good shit right there
  • Peter: Dad, Steve.. I-I think I'm gay.
  • Steve: Oh, honey, we love and support you no ma-
  • Tony: HI GAY I'M DAD
  • <p> <b>Tony:</b> [to Peter] So, this is how an immature, engaged, high school idiot, with no car, no job, and no money try to become a hero.<p/><b>Peter:</b> That was like eight burns in one sentence<p/><b>Wade:</b> An octo-burn.<p/></p>
  • Peter: [hacker voice] I'm in.
  • Tony: Kid, no. You're not supposed to say 'hacker voice'.
  • <p> <b>Tony:</b> So, what are your projects for the future?<p/><b>Peter:</b> uh... Wade doesn't have a life plan, dad<p/><b>Wade:</b> I don't even have a day plan<p/><b>Peter:</b> I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said "Put on pants"<p/></p>
  • <p> <b>Peter:</b> Wade, I don't know if you should come over to dinner tonight.<p/><b>Wade:</b> Look, I know you think it's gonna be uncomfortable because we're dating. But, look, Steve and Tony love you, and you love me. They have to like me. I mean, what kind of father doesn't love the guy who's nailing his son?<p/></p>
  • Tony: If Steve dies, I will hold the greatest fucking funeral party ever for him and you're all invited.
  • Peter: If?
  • Wade: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to and he might not even die.
  • Peter: [looking around] Where's Wade?
  • Tony: Somewhere disappointing Jesus.
  • <p> <b>Peter:</b> Dad when you and dad got into an argument, did you ever... You know...<p/><b>Tony:</b> What?<p/><b>Peter:</b> Have you ever... Stopped having sex with dad in order to win an argument?<p/><b>Tony:</b> You can do that?<p/><b>Peter:</b> Yeah, but...<p/><b>Tony:</b> You mean that if I stop having sex with your father, he'll paint the bathroom?<p/><b>Peter:</b> Yeah, but aren't you worried about how it can hurt the relationship?<p/><b>Tony:</b> Blah, blah, blah. I don't care. I'm getting my bathroom painted.<p/></p>