me about at least 107 hockey players: the love of my life

I need to take a second to pretty much demand you drop what you’re doing and read the fanfic written for me in the 2018 ALL CAPS Exchange because it is PERFECT BEYOND ALL MEASURES, no, seriously, it’s so fucking amazing.

matches struck unexpectedly in the dark by xabier

It is about TEAM PRANK WARS, and Team Russia (plus Vee) versus Team Sweden, and bets, and catfishing, and Alex Ovechkin and Nick Backstrom being team dads and prank mentors and hilariously petty and also IN LOVE, and Jesus, it’s seriously so good, please go read it and heap it with lavish praise and comments and kudos the way it deserves. I need to go back and leave another comment (or three) just copying and pasting my favorite lines.

…What are you still doing here? GO READ IT.

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me

if i see anyone saying anything negative about andre burakovsky bravely saying, (despite the toxic masculine bullshit that permeates sports and the stigma surrounding mental health that fucking permeates society,) that he was going to see a sports psychologist this summer to work through some shit and take care of his mental health & emotional well-being, i will hunt u the fuck down with a  hockey stick, where i will then proceed to shove it so far up your ass you’ll be choking up splinters. 

idk why but I really want to see some nhl teams go into a haunted house. can you imagine how funny that would be. nhl make it happen.