and-when-alicia-said-this-sentences-good-she-almost-had-tears-in-her-eyes

dave ubercharge’s really good meme baking tutorial

i serve the people.

i usually use paint, photoshop cs6, and paint tool sai, but you can do this on just ps. the reason i also use sai is to speed up the ‘saving as jpeg multiple times’ thing, and i think sai’s low quality jpeg is lower quality than ps’. without further ado:

1. pick the text. this is the most important step, of course. for this tutorial, i will be using the text ‘my nipples are fucking frozen’. i said this in a competitive match once when i was very cold. we still won.

2. pick a relevant image to use as the background. you can also use a solid colour or whatever else you want, but i think images are funnier. i’m gonna use a picture of a blizzard from google images (filtered ‘labelled for reuse with modification’).

3. apply the text to the image. i do this on paint because i’m fucking lazy and the kinda but kinda not anti-aliased text edges are funny to me. you can do this on photoshop. i use large size (large being relative to the image) bolded and italicized arial.

i gave myself a bit more canvas space for the next step.

4. apply the same text on top in a darker/lighter colour. i like putting it to the upper left of the original text. with ps, you can just fiddle around with the 2nd text layer to get it in the right position. with paint, you might have to try wiggling the text box a few times. it’s a waste of time compared to ps but for me, it’s just a part of the process making the end product funnier.

make sure your text is visible on top of the image! if it’s not, no biggie, use the fill bucket or just try different colours.

5. apply an overlay on top if desired. red is funny, but it doesn’t really work with what i want on this specific image, so i’m gonna use blue. it doesn’t really matter because the following steps are gonna ruin the colours anyway.

i used a light blue with linear burn. i saved it as a .jpeg after this.

remember to have lowest quality. even on this small version, you can see the start to the terrible things this image is going to endure!

6. here’s the fun part! you can mix these steps up, but i’ll just show how i more or less usually do it. go to filter > sharpen > smart sharpen. you can fiddle with the sliders and whatever.

save the image as a .jpeg again.

7. go to filter > blur > motion blur OR filter > blur > radial blur. motion blur is the diagonal (or up/down, or left/right) blur, radial blur has both the spinny and zoom blur. you can use more than one, if you want. since my abomination is already kind of annoying to read, i’m going to be light-handed with a spinny radial blur.

wow! that already looks pretty fucking bad, but we can go further:

8. go back to filter > sharpen > smart sharpen and apply that again. you can also do more overlays and blurring.

i decided to do all of that. here it is with another blue overlay, motion blur, and radial (zoom) blur.

i changed the sharpen settings before sharpening it again. do whatever you think looks good (or bad).

here’s the final image:

you can keep going, but i have stuff to do. some better baked images of mine:

i have a thing for 1. cropping the text weirdly and 2. red

other stuff you can do includes:

  1. doing both (or 3+) text layers on paint with a white bg, then stretching it weirdly before pasting it on the image bg (transparent selection, 2ndary colour should be white)
  2. using the fucking impact font for bad memes
  3. using lens flare (funnier if you have eyes in the image)
  4. stretching/distorting the image at any point
  5. using other filters, ps has plenty. experiment!
  6.  repenting

the beauty of this is that if you make mistakes, you can just re-bake the image, apply more effects, and it probably makes the image funnier.

(On parking in cities after growing up in reasonably dispersed places with parking lots)
“I think I was worried about someone seeing my lack of experience in the real world. Like someone was going to spot me crying, awkwardly side-hugging a parking meter after unsuccessfully parallel parking, and start singing "Another One Bites the Dust” spitefully in my direction.“ -Arden Rose, speaking straight into my soul. 😂
I highly recommend this book to anyone like me who’s been sling-shot into adulthood and now has to balance things like paying bills and going to job interviews with the overwhelming desire to do nothing but eat frosting out of a jar and watch New Girl on loop for the 40th time. Arden gets it.