and-we-live-again

anonymous asked:

prompt for rebelcaptain: soulmate au where they meet in dreams before they actually meet

As Though from a Dream



“You believe in soulmates, don’t you, Andor?”

Cassian is sixteen, still young enough that he hasn’t yet forgotten how to laugh.

“And you do, Martog?” he asks the skinny boy across from him in the mess hall of the latest Rebellion base on Talus.

Martog spoons a thick stew into his mouth and pouts. “I thought everyone believed in soulmates.”

“I believe in them,” Eller Myr says. Eller, who will not live to see twenty, pulls up the sleeve of his tunic to show them a purple mark near the crook of his elbow. It’s the size of thumbnail. If someone squinted and wanted to believe it hard enough, it could have been described as being shaped like a star. “It’s my soulmark. My other will have the same one on their arm.”

“I thought you were supposed to know your soulmate by the first word they spoke to you,” Alicele Fosbos says. She pushes the blonde hair out of her eyes and frowns deeply.

Eller shakes his head. “No, it’s definitely by a soulmark.”

“But I don’t have a soulmark,” Alicele says, her face falling.

“Maybe it will appear soon,” Eller says, putting a comforting arm on her shoulder.

“What happens if your soulmates dies before you meet them?” Alicele asks, but Eller has no answer. Nobody has an answer. They don’t ask the question’s twin: What happens if you die first?

Martog glares at Cassian. “If you don’t believe in this, then what do you believe in then, Andor?”

This time, it is Eller who laughs at Martog. “Don’t you know already? He believes in the Rebellion. That’s his soulmate.”

Cassian blanks his face and takes a sip of water. He feigns a carefree shrug. He doesn’t tell them about the dark haired, green-eyed girl who haunts his dreams.


+

The first time he dreams of her, she’s running on a black sand beach. The waves crash, violent on the shore, and without knowing how, he knows she needs to stay away, that he needs to stay away. There are sneaker waves here that will tear a man out to sea and drown him before anyone even knows he is missing. But she seems to know this. She runs toward the moss-green mountains and he can almost feel the cool air on his skin. When she vanishes from his dream, he wakes.

She grows up with him. Her skinny legs and braided hair change into womanly curves and a severe bun on the back of her head. The land where he first dreams of her changes from fire and ice to jungle to desert. He knows her and he doesn’t know her. He wracks his memory, trying to think of where they might have met, where she can be placed in all his travels, but it’s a reflexive habit, him trying to apply logic to something knows has no logic.
For two months she visits him every night, but the dreams are awash in blood, and he wakes up, heart pounding. He requests a handful of sleep aids, and for the first week, he is dreamless. But when the pills run out, she returns, and for the first time he feels her make eye contact with him.

It is then that he hears his name on her lips. “Cassian?”

He jerks awake, drenched in a cold sweat. He requests more pills until eventually, he needs to see her again, until the sensation claws at him during his waking hours.

He has come to admit that she is always going to be a part of him. He just doesn’t know why. Not yet.

+

“We need to find Liana Hallik,” Draven says in the briefing. Cassian sits next to Alicele and Captain Rois, watching their silent nods.

On the screen, the dossier flashes with Hallik’s aliases, her list of crimes and last locations. And then the blue holo follows, blinking to life, a phantom from his dreams.

He feels the blood drain out of his face.

“That is, she goes by Hallik. Her real name is the one that is important: Jyn Erso, daughter of Galen Erso, Imperial scientist.”

Cassian struggles to find his voice. His tongue is twisted; his mouth is dry. The words burn as they leave his lips. “Let me do this, sir,” he says. “Let me find her.” Her face is etched on his heart. He could find her blindfolded or in the dark of space; he would find her or he would not stop until he did.

Draven won’t deny him this request—Cassian knows this. He is their best spy, by a mile. It is his job to have.

“Find her, then,” Draven says, shutting the screen down. “And bring her in.”

Bring her home.

He dreams of her again that night. This time, he says her name, and she looks at him. Jyn.


+

“When was the last time you were in contact with your father?” he asks her. What he really wants to say is “How is it that you are real?”


+


He had expected her to return, and when she is gone too long, he goes to find her. Cassian finds Jyn in the cargo bay of the ship as it glides through the gate toward Scarif.

“You told everyone?” he asks, but he knows that she did. He can still feel where she squeezed his arm. There’s a heat burning in his belly, one that’s gone from ember to flame in the space of a week.

She holds her pendant in her hand and looks at him. “Do you believe in another life after this one?” she asks. She turns her eyes to him, and he sees the girl in his dreams.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you believe that after we die, we get to live again, somehow, maybe as someone else?”

“I’ve never thought about it,” he admits. “You believe this?” he asks, as Bodhi brings the ship down to what Cassian knows to be a suicide mission. From her expression, he knows Jyn feels the same.

“I have to. How can it be fair that this is the only chance we get?”

(We’ll take the next chance. And the next. On and on until the chances are spent.)

+

He’s dying, but he’s not alone. His wound bleeds him of his energy, but Jyn carries him. She carries him, she carries him.

In the turbolift, they can only look at one another and see the the life they should have had, the one together. He could kiss her. She could kiss him. But would it mean anything more than what they already share?

On the beach, she holds him close and tells him this: “I dreamed of you.” And he understands. It wasn’t just him all this time. It was her, too. It was always them.

The rising wave approaches: water and land; the disappearing horizon.

Do you believe in another life after this one?

I have to. How can it be fair that this is the only chance we get?


The light comes to swallows them whole, and he is filled with a strange and awful ache, one full of wonder and loss and pain. “Find me again,” he says softly, and he feels her tears against his face.

And before he draws his last breath in this life, he hears her answer, as though from a dream, a whispered I will, and he finds that in that ache, there is peace, too.

2

Finally I saw my favorite band in concert not just one but TWO times in a three days and it was fucking amazing. I can’t believe Matty took the flag I made for Loving Someone and he danced with it in his head, it was so emotional, and at the end of the show he took it and left the stage with it in his hands. As you can see it’s broken because the security guy ripped it out of my hands because it wasn’t allowed to have flags so I throw it to the stage and then Matty took it and I lost my shit for the rest of the song. I cried so much because that was a part of me and my group. We met because of this band and we were waiting for that moment for 3 (almost 4) years. We were in first row and the crowd was MENTAL, the band was so happy to hear us singing every word of everysong like crazy. And two days after we saw them live AGAIN. I can not explain how grateful and how happy I am. It’s a dream come true. My life is complete.

anonymous asked:

Prompt: Rebelcaptain - Cassian is romantically involved with someone else when he meets Jyn.

This Is How It Happens (We Are Born to Burn)

We are born to burn, she thinks.

As Jyn watches the horizon on fire, she thinks, this is how it happens, and her arms wrap tighter around Cassian. She thinks of her father’s biology lessons on Lah’mu when she was a child, thinks about cells fusing together and becoming one, and then a miracle sweeps them up into the sky.

As they break atmo, their bodies broken but alive, she watches his chest rise and fall with labored breaths and thinks, we are born to burn. She just thought that had meant Scarif.

Keep reading

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i’m not really the kind of person to do this and i didn’t really want to but i’m not sure where else to go. i recently moved out with my mom to get away from the toxic environment at my dads house, coming out as bi was a terrible idea and coming out as nonbinary was even worse. i was degraded almost every day by his abusive girlfriend. i finally left and my mom and i lived together in a 1 bedroom apartment for a little over a year and i slept on the couch, i finally got my own bedroom again. we live in a little town so there’s not that much diversity. her and i are black. my mom recently lost her job due to her illnesses (really unfair? her manager knew she has a kid and she just moved) and i work only 2 shifts a week and get a students wage. we recently found out that my mom has diabetes and it’s been such a toll on her. we were supposed to get start up money for our apartment from a organization called march of dimes but we never got it and i doubt we ever will. my dad refuses to pay child support and doesn’t want to help us whatsoever. i didn’t really want to make this post but i’m not sure what else to do. we’re both severely mentally ill her having schizophrenia and a brain tumor and me having dpd, psychosis, ptsd and others. i’m an artist and i can offer little commissions in exchange for donations (ill link my commission info and some examples of my work here and here) even a couple of dollars that could go towards helping us eat would be lovely. no donation is too small. my paypal is sugarberryrain@gmail.com or paypal.me/shanuu thank you for reading and even if you can’t donate it would be lovey if you could reblog this so other people can see it.

I miss her [Part 9/...]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
Words: 1832
Warning: cute fluff and some tears that fall.

Summary: Bucky and [Y/N] found themselves in the 21st century, the only problem - [Y/N] doesn’t know that Bucky is still alive and that he tries to find a way to get back into her life.

Masterlist

And here is another chapter of my series!


It was an awkward silence when Steve entered the old flat and looked around before his gaze fell onto Bucky who stood in the middle of the kitchen. It was sad when he noticed how his friends had lived in these last months. Steve gave him a smile while [Y/N] went over to her boyfriend who looked a little bit lost. It’s been years since Steve talked to him but only a few months since Bucky saw him the last time.

“I have to thank you. I’m still alive because of you” Steve smiled softly and watched his friend’s facial expression. He seemed nervous which was understandable. Normally he wouldn’t even talk to Steve but because of [Y/N], he could stay calm.

“I couldn’t let you die. After what you said, I began to remember and I knew that you were someone important in my life, next to [Y/N]. That’s why I pulled you out. I remembered” Bucky explained to him before his gaze went back to [Y/N] who stood next to him and held his hand “[Y/N] told me there are people who are looking for us. Is this true or some trick to put me into jail?”

“Buck” she slapped him against his arm and he flinched before [Y/N] apologized for him “Sorry but he is very cautious since…you know..”

Steve understood immediately and nodded before it was his time to explain “I would never let this happen. You won’t go into jail. Tony and the others will do everything so this won’t happen. You can trust us. Besides [Y/N] would kick my ass if I would let this happen.”

“Yeah, I know” Bucky chuckled.

It was the first time in awhile that Steve could see his best friend smile again. It made him sad when he thought about all the torture Bucky had to go through.

“What do you say?” [Y/N] looked up at Bucky while his hand stroke the small of her back and he reflected if it would be a good idea. But when he thought about his memories about Steve and their time together, back in the 30s and 40s, he decided. He could trust him.

“We will come with you. But if anything happens to her, I can’t guarantee anything” he sighed while [Y/N] beamed happily and hugged Bucky by his waist “That’s the best decision”

“I know, I know” he kissed her cheek before she let go off his waist and smashed her foot into the floor. Steve jerked when he saw how [Y/N] pulled two bags out of the floor while Bucky mentioned “We hid them there so if anything happens we can disappear as fast as we can”

Nodding, Steve studied [Y/N] how she examined the two bags and threw one of them over to Bucky. The soldier catched it easily before he took his notebooks and put them into his bag “Do you have everything you need, doll?”

She nodded before the two of them followed Steve outside where Clint waited for them and smiled when he saw [Y/N] following Steve “Good to see you again, kiddo”

Grinning, she hugged him and introduced him to Bucky “Clint, this is Bucky. Bucky, this is Clint, a good friend of mine. I told you about him. He helped me with the fighting skills”
They shook hands while Clint bowed his head “Nice to meet you. Steve told us a lot about you and what happened. I’m sorry”

“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s over and I hope it will stay like that” Bucky nodded his assent before the three of them followed Clint to the jet which was hidden in a little garage somewhere near. Sam was already in the cockpit and began to start the jet when they entered “Hey [Y/N], how you’re doing?”

“Everything’s fine, Sam. Bucky, that’s-”

“You don’t have to introduce me. We already know each other” Sam corrected her and stood up. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and scrutinized the former Winter Soldier. Bucky sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before he looked down at [Y/N] “Yes, we met before. In a…delicate situation. Short, he doesn’t like me because I tried to kill him. Three times, I think”

“And you destroyed my car” Sam added before he sat down again and started the jet.

[Y/N] sat down with Bucky together and put her bag under her seat before she put on her seatbelt “Soon we will be home and then I can show you my room and everything” [Y/N] beamed before she noticed that Bucky looked a bit nervous. She took his hand in her own, squeezed it softly and gave his cheek a kiss “You said, you trust me so don’t worry about it”

He gave her a tight smile before the jet began to fly back to New York. While Sam and Clint sat in the cockpit together, Steve sat down with Bucky and [Y/N] and opened a file on his tablet “I told you there were people who are looking for you. We found some files about an organisation that has built after HYDRA was, like we thought, completely destroyed in 2014 after the Triskelion was destroyed and Pierce died”

Bucky tensed up when Steve mentioned the man who tortured him after Zola and other men of the Nazi organisation. When [Y/N] noticed this, she took his hand in her own and kissed the back of it. He gave her a small smile before Steve continued ‘’They are called Nemesis. We found out it’s greek and means revenge. HYDRA wants to get his revenge after we thought we killed all of them“

“Looks like we didn’t” Bucky became more nervous than before Steve gave him a reassuring smile “You don’t have to worry now that you’re here with us” Without saying anything else, Steve stood up and left to speak with Sam. Bucky sighed and leaned against the wall of the jet “I can’t believe this is happening…I thought we could live in peace again..”

“We can, Steve and the others will find and checkmate them” she kissed his cheek before they both tried to rest some.


The flight lasted over twelve hours. While the others were chatting together, Bucky and [Y/N] were still sitting next to each other and slept for awhile. Her head rested on his shoulder while he held her close and his head laid on hers. They looked so peaceful.


“[Y/N]?” Bucky softly poked her in the ribs as she was sleeping peacefully next to him. He hated to wake her up but they would arrive soon. Tired, she opened her right eye and looked sleepy at Bucky before she yawned “What is it? I’m tired, Bucky…”

“I know, honey, but we’re almost there. Steve said, we will arrive in a few minutes” his fingers ran through her soft curls while he massaged her scalp and she slowly sat up straight. Yawning, [Y/N] unbuckled her seatbelt before she stretched herself and stood up “I’m so happy to sleep in my bed again. You will love it”

He chuckled as she took a look outside “I can see the facility. We’re almost there”


Once they landed, Sam helped Clint to unload everything while Steve, Bucky and [Y/N] exited the jet and entered the facility. It all looked very new to Bucky when Steve led both of them through the long white hallway. The walls were transparent so everyone could look into the different labours where new gadgets got made by Tony, Bruce or the other new technicians.

“What do you think?” [Y/N] smiled while she walked next to him and observed his facial expressions when he nodded “It looks interesting…but I hope for you all here is no room you wanna put me in. I won’t go near any of this rooms alone”

She nodded and held his hand “That’s totally understandable. They won’t do any experiments on you. Nothing will happen. Come on, I show you my room” Grinning, the young agent pulled Bucky with her who followed her straight ahead.


They took the elevator and came to the floor where some of the rooms were. [Y/N]’s room was on the same floor as Steve’s, Sam’s and Wanda’s. Bucky looked around the hallway which walls showed no insides of the rooms while [Y/N] went to her room and entered her code. Every private room in the facility was safed by a special code so no one could walk in without approval.

“Come” his girlfriend smiled at him and entered her private area. Without hesitation he followed her into her room.

A small hallway led into the bedroom. A huge king-size bed stood in the middle of the room in front of a huge glass wall so [Y/N] could watch the stars in the night which she had prefered when she was alone here and still thought Bucky was long gone. Next to the wall was a little couch and in front of it stood a coffee table, loaded with books and some pictures she had drawn.

A door, a few meters away from her bed, led into her own bathroom where a big bathtub stood in the right corner and a shower on the left, right next to the toilet and the sink.

When Bucky studied the bedroom, he noticed the picture of him on her nightstand. It was made before the war. Slowly he approached it and sat down on her bed “Where did you find this?”

Smiling, [Y/N] noticed the picture in his hands and came over to him “Steve gave it to me after he found me and brought me here. He thought, it would help. It’s really old. It’s from the day-”
“We were in this park. Next to the Brooklyn Bridge…” he remembered as he looked down at himself on the picture “Your mother had told you to take a jacket with you but you ignored her advice. In the end, you were cuddled up in my jacket, laying on the picnic blanket…”

A tear fell down her cheek when Bucky related to their old time together. Sniffling, [Y/N] rested her head on his left shoulder and smiled when she thought about the day “It was one of my favourite places…it was perfect with you by my side. Have you ever thought about…what could have been if this accident with the train never happened?..”

“Many times…I told myself these days would come where I would go back home and buy this…huge diamond ring I saw when we were strolling down the busy streets in Brooklyn. We would marry and…you would give us little versions of ourselves. Maybe a little [Y/N]…and a little James..” a tear fell down on the old photograph. [Y/N] noticed the tears that were rolling down his cheeks and kissed them away “It would have been beautiful…but maybe..we could live this life…some day…”

“Yeah…maybe..” he smiled sadly while she wiped his tears away and kissed him softly.

Part 10


I hoped you liked it! I’m kinda proud of this chapter!

Taglist: @spnimpalaimagines @caitlynmcneill @smol-flower-kiddo @leinastone @gingerbatchwife @ok-ladies-lets-get-in-formation @alltheprettyroyals @darksideoftheilluminati @marrvelle @prostheticsoldier

And

And your thoughts,
I can read them,
Then commit them,
To a verse

And your heart,
I can touch it,
But not release it,
From it’s curse

And your delicate fingers,
I can grasp them,
Intertwine them tightly,
Together with mine

And your grief,
I can understand it,
But not relieve it,
Just takes time

And your tears,
I can see them,
Kiss them away, taste
of, salty brine

And your pain,
I can feel it,
You can’t conceal it,
Deeply broken heart

And your future,
I can return to you,
Once more believe in me,
That’s a start

And your soul,
I will hold for you,
Until you’re whole again, in
My safe hands

And my love,
We will live again,
You growing old with me,
Best yet to be


—— for JH

Roses & Rue - Oscar Wilde (Cumberbatch Voice Impression)
Ft. Yiruma - River Flows In You (Rain Version)
Roses & Rue - Oscar Wilde (Cumberbatch Voice Impression)

Could we dig up this long-buried treasure,

Were it worth the pleasure,
We never could learn love’s song,
We are parted too long

Could the passionate past that is fled
Call back its dead,
Could we live it all over again,
Were it worth the pain!

I remember we used to meet
By an ivied seat,
And you warbled each pretty word
With the air of a bird;

And your voice had a quaver in it,
Just like a linnet,
And shook, as the blackbird’s throat
With its last big note;

And your eyes, they were green and grey
Like an April day,
But lit into amethyst
When I stooped and kissed;

And your mouth, it would never smile
For a long, long while,
Then it rippled all over with laughter
Five minutes after.

You were always afraid of a shower,
Just like a flower:
I remember you started and ran
When the rain began.

I remember I never could catch you,
For no one could match you,
You had wonderful, luminous, fleet,
Little wings to your feet.

I remember your hair - did I tie it?
For it always ran riot -
Like a tangled sunbeam of gold:
These things are old.

I remember so well the room,
And the lilac bloom
That beat at the dripping pane
In the warm June rain;

And the colour of your gown,
It was amber-brown,
And two yellow satin bows
From the shoulders rose.

And the handkerchief of French lace
Which you held to your face-
Had a small tear left a stain?
Or was it the rain?

On your hand as it waved adieu
There were veins of blue;
In your voice as it said good-bye
Was a petulant cry,

“You have only wasted your life.”
(Ah, that was the knife!)
When I rushed through the garden gate
It was all too late.

Could we live it over again,
Were it worth the pain,
Could the passionate past that is fled
Call back its dead!

Well, if my heart must break,
Dear love, for your sake,
It will break in music, I know,
Poets’ hearts break so.

But strange that I was not told
That the brain can hold
In a tiny ivory cell
God’s heaven and hell.

- Oscar Wilde

youtube

LA Kitten Cam is Live again! We just ordered a new web cam so hopefully we can get a better picture quality soon!

We have fallen in love at a very wrong time in our lives.”
“I’ll wait.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll wait for you till it is the right time in our lives.
—  Until we talk again // R.K
ig: siilentthoughts
To be honest ( for once)

I know that Bamon won’t be endgame. I know that Delena will be cause this show is a shit show in all its glory. 

I mean, everything in TVD doesn’t make sense, and most of all this show is basically the definition of white privilege.  Bonnie will always be the best friend who will give everything up for others, and will just be on a corner and all right cause she is a strong woman. We didn’t have Kennett cause Bonnie can’t be with a murderous vampire but NO problem to put her with Enzo who had the character development of the century * sarcasm *. As a woman of color I feel insulted when I see Bonnie treatment. I was always surrounded by white people all my life, and I was always seen as the good friend. Never was I an option, and god forbid me to be weak. Seeing Bonnie being treated like that, remind me my high school years, and it fucking hurts. What does it mean? It means that my life and happiness belongs to my white counterparts? IS IT WHAT IT MEANS? Cause this is fucking not acceptable!

Bonenzo I actually could have settled for it if the entire relationship didn’t begin IN A FUCKING FLASHBACK.  Also Enzo deserved actual character development other than his family etc. All of his potential was already there. How do we live again when we were locked up in a experimental laboratory for a fucking century? I’m still amazed that he knew how to use a phone this easily.

I can totally see Bonnie actually bring Cade down with Damon, cause she’s a hero right? And probably get Enzo back from the dead, cause god forbid to actually kill someone for real in this damn show. We know it since Season 4. * cough * Jeremy Gilbert * cough.

So Delena will be endgame, Steroline will marry each other under the benediction of Klaus cause yay. And the last scene will take place in Damon’s bedroom cause either he dies, either they will end it on Delena sex also know as Dex cause this is all this relationship is.

TVD is REALLY trying to make me, us believe that Delena is epic love, but hey, it’s not because you fucking use the word all the fucking time that it’s essentially true.

Love is supposed to be a share, to be growing up together, to believe in each other. Bamon fills all the requirements. Bamon has a better connection without the sex than Delena which is based as I remind you all, on:

- The absence of Stefan in a instant T.

- Sire bond.

- Memory erasing.

- Endless sex/fight/sex/fight circle.

Elena wanted Damon to be Stefan but Damon can’t be Stefan. She wanted Damon to be a better person for HER not for HIM. Elena was never selfless.

Which actually interesting…

Bonnie is selfless. Elena is selfish.

Bonnie has an emotional connection with Damon. Elena has a physical connection with Damon. 

But again epic love. 

When you repeat again and again the same thing, it means that it’s not really true…

Come back, come back, dear friend, only friend, come back. I promise to be good. If I was short with you, I was either kidding or just being stubborn. I regret all this more than I can express. Come back and all is forgotten. It is unbearable to think you took my joke seriously. I have been crying for two days straight. Come back. Be brave, dear friend. All is not lost. You only need to come back. We will live here once again, bravely, patiently. I’m begging you. You know it is for your own good. Yes, I was in the wrong. Oh, you won’t forget me, will you? No, you can’t forget me. As for me, I still have you, here. Come back, all of your things are here. I hope you now know that our last conversation wasn’t real. That awful moment. But you, when I waved to you to get off the boat, why didn’t you come? To have lived together for two years and to have come to that! What will you do? If you don’t want to come back, would you want me to come to you? One single true word: it is, come back. I want to be with you, I love you.
—  Arthur Rimbaud, from a letter to Verlaine
If the Gargoyles Comic Does Come Back....
  • Will they still call it Clan-Building, or something else? Would this be (*gasp*) SEASON 4?!?!?!
  • Openly gay Lexington dealing with his crush on Amp. Go, Disney!
  • Katana would get lines! And character traits!
  • I really want canonical versions of the radio plays. Please, please, please!
  • The Weird Macbeth. After all this time, I really, REALLY want to see it!
  • More Goliath/Elisa shmoop. This one’s a given, but it’s still going to make me squee like a teenager
  • Because the last run of comics was only twelve issues, Angela and Broadway didn’t get all that much to do. I’d like to see a story centered around them
  • Hopefully, we get to see commitment ceremonies and Tachi hatching
  • If there will be another 6-issue miniseries, I want it to be Timedancer. More Katana!
  • But a Pendragon miniseries would be cool, too
  • More of Puck would be awesome! I miss him
  • More of Shari–but that’s a given (like we don’t know who she’s supposed to be ANYWAY. That’s right up there with Angela’s parentage in terms of obviousness to the audience)
  • Karine Charlebois illustrating, or at least anyone but the guy who did the art for the first few issues. Putting Elisa’s head on Robyn Canmore’s body was just weird
  • You know the Illuminati are going to be a big part of things, so we’ll set those aside. What about the Quarrymen or Tony Dracon? Not really too eager to see more of the Pack. Of course, more of Xanatos and Thailog would be amazing
  • Mary and Finella? Please?

What would you guys want to see if the comic comes back?

update 1: my bf and i made a mature decision and mutually agreed to break up over the weekend. i havent really talked to anyone about it except some close friends because talking about it makes it real, but i told my parents about it this afternoon so its getting real now. but it was a very sweet and amicable break up, there were no hard feelings involved. the only reason we decided to end things was because the long distance was making everything extremely difficult for us, and we have discussed this twice in the past and tried different things to help alleviate this distance struggle but nothing has worked, and with me being in school for 2 more years and him being stationed in florida for 4 more years theres no close time where this problem will end. so we facetimed on sunday evening and discussed it for a while, and many tears were shed from both parties. the only option we had left was to split and see if this helps alleviate any stress we were facing, as our relationship was becoming more of a chore than anything. and we agreed that this needs to be a mutual decision because we are both going through heartbreak, but its for the best in the long term. and honestly it was so sweet, he told me how much he loved me and how he cant imagine being with anyone else after all these years and that a lot of the reason he joined the coast guard was to become a man that i could be proud of, but the distance ended up fucking him over. and we reminisced for a while on good times we had and he said he really hoped in the future after we have both concentrated on our own lives we could try again because he really loves being with me and if he hadnt been so far away things would have been different. and it was just super relieving to reach this place of mutual understanding, even though its been very hard on both parties. and he was super scared we wouldnt be friends afterwards and he was like i cant lose a girlfriend and a best friend in one day and i was like of course we’re still friends youve been one of my best friends since middle school and i love you??? our relationship is so much stronger than a boyfriend/girlfriend label even if we have to put our romantic relationship on hold i still love you so fully and support you and care about you. and he shed some more tears and babbled about how he never wants to lose me because im the best thing thats ever happened to him and a lot of bittersweet tears happened because theres still so much love between us but life was getting in the way. and its been real hard the past couple days without him i havent been able to eat or sleep or keep food down very well but i know this is all for our benefit as individuals and i sure do hope some time in the future we can reconnect and fall in love all over again

After PrintShop...

…I am so looking forward to Jamie and Claire returning to Lallybroch.  It is Jamie’s home - his family’s ancestral home, but for Claire, it is the only home she has ever really had.  

I shook my head, rapt. From this distance, the house seemed completely unchanged. Built of white harled stone, its three stories gleamed immaculately amid its cluster of shabby outbuildings and the spread of stone-dyked brown fields. On the small rise behind the house stood the remains of the ancient broch, the circular stone tower that gave the place its name.
On closer inspection, I could see that the outbuildings had changed a bit; Jamie had told me that the English soldiery had burned the dovecote and the chapel the year after Culloden, and I could see the gaps where they had been. A space where the wall of the kailyard had been broken through had been repaired with stone of a different color, and a new shed built of stone and scrap lumber was evidently serving as a dovecote, judging from the row of plump feathered bodies lined up on the rooftree, enjoying the late autumn sun.
The rose brier planted by Jamie’s mother, Ellen, had grown up into a great, sprawling tangle latticed to the wall of the house, only now losing the last of its leaves.”
“Will we live here again, do you think?” I asked Jamie, careful to keep any trace of longing from my voice. More than any other place, the house at Lallybroch had been home to me.”


Excerpt From: Diana Gabaldon. “Voyager.” iBooks.