and-various-shit

friendly reminder that even if you think something happened between band members, they are human too, and deserve privacy, and there are just some lines you shouldn’t cross, and questions you shouldn’t ask

The Bestiary: Scaly-Foot Gastropod

These are diamond-tipped indenter heads. They are used to inflict ludicrous pressure upon various shit in order to measure the hardness of said shit. Recently, one of these was used to measure the hardness of a certain animal’s shell, and, instead of crushing the ever-loving fuck out of it, it found serious resistance.

The aforementioned animal is a snail.

Let me spell this out for ya. There is a snail that can resist the onslaught from an industrial-grade diamond applied with the pressure of several metric fucktonnes. A. Snail. That. Can. Resist. A. Diamond. Indenter.

Just imagine stepping on one of these guys. Instead of breaking their shells like those of usual snails, you’d break your own fucking ankle.

Jesus trilobitic Christ.

Today’s Episode: the Scaly-Foot Gastropod

Just look at this little piece of shit. Look at it and say to my face it doesn’t look like a tank.

What we’ve got here is the rather lamely-named scaly-foot gastropod, also known by the considerably more badass-sounding names of iron snail and  Chrysomallon squamiferum. The SFG hails from the deep-sea thermal vents known as black smokers, deep-sea vents from which water gushes constantly. That water, by the way, originates from below the mantle.

The proximities of black smokers are perfectly lightless, unforgiving badlands, with water rich enough in poisonous sulphuric chemicals to perform the chemical equivalent of curbstomping on any “superior” lifeform that dares stick it’s overspecialized, prissy ass down there, heat up to 450 degrees Celsius (one thirteenth of the temperature of the Sun’s surface) and pressures that could turn any land-dwelling scum into a Flatlander within seconds. If creatures want to survive here, they must either be hyper-effective murder-machines, or damn nigh unkillable.

The SFG’s predators, such as venomous, killer cone snails with bionic harpoon guns evolved from their own “teeth”, and car-wrecking carnivorous crabs that kill snails by pressing down on their shells for days with jagged ultra-hard pincers specifically designed to do this belong in the first category.

The SFG itself belongs in the second.

Hoooly shit does it ever.

The unkillability itself is obtained by using the chemosynthetic bacteria lurking in its glands to absorb and mineralize the poisonous iron-sulphides the water is overabundant with, making them non-poisonous for the snail. It then coats its shell with the minerals, constructing an unique three-layer structure no other gastropods possess. None.

To sum it up, the outer layer, used to block the bulk of the attack, is made up of greigite (Fe3S4), a ridiculously hard mineral. Then comes a middle layer of squishy organic matter purposed to absorb the shock of impacts, dents and blows. Finally, an inner layer of aragonite (CaCO3), designed to prevent asshole crabs from sticking their nasty claws into the shell and picking it apart splinter by splinter.

How effective is it? Well, this armor is so much better than what we puny humans possess that the U.S. Army is actively conducting research about it with the hope of developing new armor using the same build. Yes, this shell is so unbreakable that it caused the a military to lose their heads over a goddamn sea snail. Go figure.

Also, according to biologists researching the SFG, if we covered oil pipes with the stuff, they could easily shrug off damage done by such trivial things as fucking icebergs,

Not bad from a snail, I say.

But that’s not all! Look at it again.

There is a reason it’s called Scaly-foot Gastropod.

Those are scales. Made out of iron minerals.

Iron minerals that are poisonous and magnetic.

The scales are there because of the tooth-harpoon-hurling killer snails. Namely, they serve to deflect the harpoons entirely. Deflective iron scales. On a snail.

Holy crap.

So let’s sum it up, shall we? There exists a snail that forges itself a magnetic armor made out of poisonous iron ore to fend off killer crabs and venomous sniper snails that hunt it in its habitat of a vent leading to the Earth’s mantle.

Oh, and they don’t really eat anything, relying on their chemosynthetic bacteria for sustenance instead. In layman’s terms, that means that the snail keeps itself running by oxidating the sulphides in the water, all of which are lethally poisonous to most lifeforms, including the snail itself. The only reason it survives is that the bacteria chemosynthetize the sulphides, enabling the snail to quite literally live off of poison.

This molluscoid tank is ridiculously metal in more ways than one.

Context: The Fighter and the Paladin have been growing very close. The party are spending the night at an inn, girls (Fighter, Paladin, Sorcerer) in one room, guys (Wizard, Druid) in the other.

DM: You awake to find [Sorcerer] dozing in your room

Wizard: What? Why are you in our room?

Sorcerer (totally dead pan): I don’t know, why don’t you ask [Fighter] and [Paladin]

Fighter and Paladin: *various embarrassed sounds*

anonymous asked:

Which songs remind you of the Critical Role characters? Hard mode: you can't use any of the cast's character playlists.

Grog: “Invincible” (OK Go)

When they finally come to destroy the earth

They’ll have to go through you first

Bet they won’t be expecting that

So, look, they just keep coming, and at a certain point you almost gotta feel sorry for them. Do the right thing when it feels good. Do the wrong thing when it doesn’t. Above all, do what you do best: fuck shit up.

Keyleth: “Various Storms & Saints” (Florence + The Machine)

The monument of a memory

You tear it down in your head

Don’t make the mountain your enemy

Get out, get up there instead

You always thought there was nothing harder than following in her footsteps until you found yourself at the place where they ended. Keep walking beyond that greater destiny. Take risks. Love is always worthwhile.

Percy: “A Rush of Blood to the Head” (Coldplay)

Said I’m gonna buy a gun and start a war

If you can tell me something worth fighting for

I’m gonna buy this place, is what I said

Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

You burned for so long that the unraveling of the knot at the base of your skull left you more chilled than you’d care to admit. Find a framework. Justify the means. Nothing frightens you more than what you’re going to be.

Pike: “Feeling Good” (Lauryn Hill)

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life

For me

And I’m feeling good

You were the first to slip out of reach, and you were the first to return; ever since then, it seems like you’ve been saying nothing but goodbyes. Get up. Get ready. Live a life freed from impossible expectations.

Scanlan: “Black as Night” (Nahko and Medicine for the People)

Built on hunger so fuckin’ stubborn

A lot of self-work undone

I am a witness (uh-huh uh-huh)

The life of one who carries all his secrets in his music

You’re drifting in the wake of a tilt-shift perspective, facing a stranger in the mirror, and the thing is, you’re a really good liar. Get your shit together. Be who you need to be. Be better.

Tiberius: “Blow it all Away” (Sia)

But if love is to be found

I’ll strip you bare ‘til truth comes out

But even if you had it all you would find

You blow it all away

You’ve got a path, you’ve got a destination, you’ve got your feet firmly on the ground and a compass pointing the way. Let them in. Block them out. You know what you’re doing, and you’re prepared to pay.

Vax: “Marked Man” (Mieka Pauley)

Know that I watch everything you do

And hope that I never stop watching you

The day I stop is the day I’m through

You’re a marked man, brother, a marked man, hey

You’ve got a drumbeat like a second pulse in your head, a doubling and redoubling of dread like clockwork winding down, darkness like a bruise over your heart. Fly higher. Fly faster. Find the end of your tether.

Vex: “Master Hunter” (Laura Marling)

I have some news

Wrestling the rope from darkness

Is no fucking life that I would choose

You’re breaking the mask away, piece by piece, but you keep the shards tucked away, just in case. Find your rare certainty. Know that you are even more than they wanted you to be. Stay hidden. Exhale. Fire.


Bonus: Taryon: “Totally Fucked” (Spring Awakening)

But the thing that makes you really jump

Is that the weirdest shit is still to come

You can ask yourself, Hey, what have I done?

You’re just a fly the little guys kill for fun.

Well, shit.

Tonight’s Food Adventure

Me, An Idiot:  Hm I should eat something but my stomach is being a lil bitch and nothing sounds good.

Dog: Food things might be happening!  I will supervise you.  By standing between you knees.  So helpful.

Me, I’d like to stress the idiocy it’s after midnight and I can’t turn the lights on: Corn chips are good for stomach aches.  But they’re super-bland and unappetizing.  I’m still going to rummage through the unlit pantry in the dark with the dog at my knees, absolutely nothing can go wrong.

Me, after falling over the fucking dog and hitting my head on the table LIKE I FUCKING NEW I WOULD: What if I put seasoning on them?

Me, Continuing down the Path Of Madness: WHAT IF I JUST DUMPED A WHOLE BUNCH OF GOOD SHIT IN THERE I’M A FUCKING GENIUS??

Dog: *Is excite because corn chips are the one people food he gets to eat one (1) of, sometimes*

Me, now rummaging through the spice cabinet for various Good Shits ™ to dump in chip bag, fucking up and dropping something: fuck.

Bottle of Old Bay: AHA! TIME FOR MY DASTARDLY PLAN TO TAKE EFFECT!! *leaps out of cabinet, cap snaps off, dumps half of bottle into chip bag*

Me:  … ok but still needs cayenne.

Dog, upon being offered New Spicy Crab Chips: *Sniff, followed by loud retching noise, then aggravated growling* What. How Dare. Wretched, awful 0/10 heck you mother why would you do this to my chips, i’m beyond disgusted… *curls up on other end of couch, sulking, occasionally getting up to stretch/give me stinkeye over this*

They’re pretty good tho.

bathroom banksy

Okay, so multiple people have been smearing shit on the stall walls in the bathrooms at my school. And it has to be multiple people because its happened in all of the bathrooms, both male and female, and has been going on for 11+ years according to our principal. it happens only in the handicapped stall, and it occurs year round including summer school. I knew a kid who got busted for doing this, he got known as “shit lord” and ended up having to switch schools. Everybody has walked in to the bathrooms here and seen these various shit stains and the school doesn’t know how to fix it. Its usually some thing really nice like a little heart, or a peace sign, or whatever.

Vultures Beware

User JrCunkle on ebay has dozens of vulture related things for sale.

I bought an otter skeleton for my birthday, specifically the one advertised as “Taxidermy skeleton real river otter dissarticulated clean sorted by bone type”

What i got was a disaster. The box arrived 05/12/17. Upon opening it i was confronted by a wave of rotting meat smell and grease. Upon examination there was grease, blood, and dried meat on various parts of the skeleton.

While trying to get them out and into peroxide before my room smelled like a butcher that hasn’t had power in a month, i realized just how bad it was.

several of the bags were filled with dirt, bones from other animals, and various shit i couldn’t even identify. It took almost an hour to try and find all the pieces of bones from among the wreckage of the bags.

right now they’re all sitting in peroxide in the hope i can somewhat clean them, but this is by far my worst vulture purchase.

Long Ass Post Regarding The Bastille Fandom and how it's really Not As Great as it's made out to be

okay

so ive seen a Lot of posts lately praising the bastille fandom for being so “nice and sweet and chill and tolerant” etc etc.
and they bother me a lot.

I have nothing against the people making these posts. they’re happy with the corner of the group that they associate with, and that’s fine.

what I do have a problem with is the posts themselves.

they make out like this fandom is so nice and peachy and perfect when if you look even a tiny little bit further away from your own friend group within it, if you scrape a tiny bit under the surface, it’s obvious this is certainly not the case, and nobody acknowledges this.
no fandom is perfect, especially not this one.

we have our fair share of sketchy disgusting shit going on.
it may not be to the level of certain others but it is there and it’s bad, and the mentality of glossing over that completely is worrying me.

I have a few points I’m gonna go over, mostly relating to this fandoms treatment of Dan, and their treatment of each other.

•1 Treatment of Dan

this is probably mostly in reference to the twitter group of the fandom but it’s bad on tumblr too hoo boy.

to put it bluntly

y'all are fucking THIRSTY
and it’s disgusting.
because Dan doesn’t have a partner that we know of publicly everyone seems to take that as him being free range and make some pretty Ugly and Disgusting comments towards him- and even worse y'all do it on twitter too, on his tweets, which he can see?
the way you talk about him really rubs me up the wrong way.

he’s a human being for god’s sake and i don’t wanna sound like your mum but ACT LIKE YOUD WANT TO BE TREATED YOURSELF.

he is not free for you to treat like you do- and a good mirror for my point of the fact he doesn’t have a partner we know of is: you don’t make those kinds of advances toward woody, do you? y'all know he’s married and you respect that, which is great. but you can’t show the same courtesy towards Dan? (and don’t try to say that woody isn’t as attractive as Dan that has nothing to do with this.).

Even worse is your harassment of anyone involved with Dan’s life like his friends especially his female friends -
the AMOUNT OF TIMES i have SEEN speculation about one of his friends or a crew member or anything being his girlfriend- and then you go and harass the poor girls?? what the fuck??? it shouldn’t matter to you if he has a partner and if he does you DONT HARASS THEM LIKE THIS.
i find it really hypocritical especially after the whole glory thing.

•1a Treatment of the boys on twitter

I’ve said something about this before but the twitter fandom is SO bad. I’m not very involved with it so i won’t make claims but they’re some of the worst i think mainly because due to the nature of twitter they have direct contact with the band.
anyway, twitter fandom is awful, not going further bc y'all know

•2 Treatment of others within the fandom

oh boy!
y'all are not all nice
as someone who floated around Heaps before i settled within the space I had within the fandom when I was a somewhat active participant in it, I can tell you that a Good Percentage of you in the tumblr section of the fandom are demons.
I’ve seen people bully and harass others, send anon hate, more and more and more and i think maybe it’s gotten worse since the second album?
the main problem is I think you’re all too overprotective of the band as a whole.

•2a Treatment of the creative side of the fandom

this place is the WORST when it comes to art theft of various incarnations Holy SHIT
you steal and repost other people’s edits, their art, their gifs, with no credit and that is Bad. You know it’s bad but do you stop? no. do you check sources? no.
you follow and reblog from accounts that repost gifs and you dont give a shit- even when the original watermarks are Right There

And let’s get back into how y'all treat Greg shall we?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it as many times as possible-
STOP STEALING HIS PHOTOS.
how have you not learned? why do i still see leaked photos going around? why do you not check the source before you reblog? why do i, to this day, see photos from the photobook online when you’ve been specifically told not to post them?

it’s ugly and disgusting how you treat creators in this place, especially Greg.


• in conclusion

there’s more to this but this is long enough already.
what bothers me the most is how nobody seems to see this? how you praise each other for being so Great and Cool?
there’s some great circles of people in here, i agree, a lot of you are really great but there’s still the other side to it there.
no fandom is purely nontoxic!! you know that!!
it’s worse here than you think it is and that’s what i want you to take away if you got through this long ass terrible post.

sorry for being the one to crash your party but it’s the hard truth and I wish more people were aware of it because this ignorance worries me.

(thanks to joyce for talking with me and helping me think out this post a bit)

ct-hardcase  asked:

yo just imagine Anakin and Cody's first interactions because honestly they're probably there to ask various shit about Obi-Wan and Rex. "Excuse me, General Skywalker, you were General Kenobi's Padawan. Permission to speak freely, sir?" "Of course, Cody." "Tell me how to tell my General to get the fuck to sleep."

“Commander, do you have a minute?” “Of course, General.” “I’m going to be frank Cody, how do you get Rex to talk about anything? He’s pretty alright on the battlefield but when he gets off of it he seems like he’s turned himself off” (set before season 1)

I’m screaming omg

why does the stereotype that girls are “supposed to be clean” even exist like have u seen a teenage girls bedroom??? that shit honestly requires a god damn scavenger hunt to find literally anything like clothes piled on a chair, random ass things bought but never actually used, covers haphazard on the bed, shopping bags strewn everywhere from various stores and shit, books piled because she’s too lazy to put them back in the bookshelf, schoolwork in stacks in its own little corner of the room, a desk with so much junk on it it may as well just be another shelf, random ass shit all over the walls,

Kat- I keep thinking up mini, chibi crack comics in my head based off your reverse:

Person: *says something involving emotions/ romance to Itachibi*

Itachi: *confused, wanders off into the distance*

Random scene of Tenzo watering plants, Itachi passing by in the background

Random scenes of village life, Itachi passing by in the background

Random scenes of Kakashi training, Itachi passing by in the background. Kakashi watches him pass

Random scenes of Kurama’s skulk training/playing, Itachi passing by in the background

Random scenes of Kurama taking out his anger on innocent vegetables, trying to cook

Itachi :*appears* I need some advice on (love/emotion)

Kurama: THEFU- *tamps it down* *very, very forced slow calm* Itachi. Could you repeat that.

Itachi :I need some advice on (love/emotion) (repeating exactly, inflections and everything)

Kurama: That’s what I thought you said. *inwardly “WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWH-”*

Scene 2: (in the Hokage’s tower, all the Kage/headmen/headwomen are there, as is Kurama, the Freak Squad, Kushina)

Dead Kage/Headman walking: *says something offensive about the Jinchuuriki/ their upbringing/whatever*

Kurama: *trying to tamp it down, growls out something back*

Dead Kage/Headman walking2:*says something offensive about the Jinchuuriki/ their upbringing/whatever*

Kurama: *is being held back from violence, yells*

Dead Kage/Headman walking1 or 2:*says something AGAIN/yells back at Kurama*

Kurama: *instinctively reaches for his tails (millennia-old habits are hard to break) to sweep them back, instead gets chains wreathed in his burning chakra (think how Naruto and him formed his shell before they got the perfect form down) that wrap them up and throws them into various corners of the room*

(Room freezes, in shock, in fury, in awe, in “oh shit” from various parties)

Kushina *very carefully still*

Kurama *thinks “THAT WASN"T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN”, and “what would Naruto say” and gets* If you can’t say anything nice to say then shut your g-dd-mn mouth!

Shisui: *immediately, automatically* Now sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

(Ringing Silence in the room of a new kind)

(quiet)

*one of them starts to say something, only to be gagged by chains*

Kurama: What did I just say!?!?!

(Kushina, trembling, leaves the room.) Kurama: *slightly afraid, worried, concerned*

Bee: *raises his hand* Can I be excused?

Kurama: Wha- Why- *exasperated* Yes. Yes, you’re excused.

(Bee Leaves)

(2 seconds later, loud laughter is heard, quickly followed by Kushina’s ringing laugh*

Kakashi: *regrets. EVERYTHING*

Just so many of them… so many. Thank you for your beautiful stories, and I hope you and yours had a wonderful birthday, a nice holiday and a happy week!

Not Crazy

Request: 43 and 25 with Bucky?
Prompts: “I swear, I’m not crazy!!!” And “I feel like I can’t breathe.”
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: Panic Attack. Swearing.
Word Count: 446
A/N: Another request, thank you!! I may do part two to this if people want. I’m adding Riverdale to the fandoms I write for because I just binged 10 episodes and it’s great! Anyway, thank you for reading and please feel free to request anything!!

Prompt List

Masterlist


Originally posted by pretentiousdouchebubble



You were sure something was wrong. But you had no idea what. You had come home to your apartment at your normal time to find it just how you had left it. But something felt off. You had watched enough Sherlock to realise that that feeling meant that you had noticed something was not right but your brain was yet to catch up. So, you did the only thing you could think of doing. You called your boyfriend who happened to be an ex-hydra assassin with a metal arm.
Bucky was over at your house faster than Pietro.
“I swear, I’m not crazy!!!” You exclaimed as he gave you a look after you explained your reasoning. “Something’s off. I just can’t tell what.”
“Okay, do you have any idea what so ever about what I’m supposed to be looking at?” Bucky asked with a sigh.
You retraced your footsteps to the door and looked around the room. For some reason your gaze was drawn to the shelves in the corner. You pointed to it and Bucky turned to look.
“You sure.” He asked.
“It feels off.” You said, your eyes never left the shelves.
He nodded and went to check. He was eyelevel with the shelves as he looked through your various knickknacks. “Shit.” He muttered as he pulled out a thin black wire. You recognised it immediately as an endoscope from your physics classes. “Stay here, I’m gonna sweep the apartment.” He crushed the camera in his metal hand and left the room.
You felt the anxiety rising in your chest until it became suffocating. “I feel like I can’t breathe.” You muttered as Bucky came back into view.  The room started to spin but you noticed the bag in his hand.
“Shhh, it’s okay, I got you, doll.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead as he wrapped his flesh arm around your waist.
“W-Who?” You managed to gasp out as you gripped Bucky’s arms to ground yourself.
“I don’t know. You can come stay at the tower ‘til we do.” He murmured. “I’m not losing anyone else to my past.”
You nodded and let him lead you out of the apartment. Your futures seems unsure.

anonymous asked:

lance messing with Keith while he's "working" (filimg) is kinda the cutest thing

I feel like Lance is the kind of person who will harmlessly mess with someone but will immediately stop when the person gets serious or gets really upset.

So like, Keith is reviewing the footage Pidge got from when they visited a haunted motel or smth and he’s rewinding it in slow motion, thinking he hears something but in reality it’s just Lance making various noises or saying shit like “keeeeeiiiithhhhhhhhhh its meeeee the ghoooOOoOooOosstTtTT”. And after, like, the fifth time keith just goes, “Knock it off Lance” and Lance backs off with an apology and silently reviews the footage with him. Two minutes later, Keith hears a small and static “Keith” and he’s just about to tell Lance to fuck off and Lance is just like “Keith……. that wasn’t me…..”

(Pidge immediately calls for an exorcist, with the reasoning of “tHE GHOST MIGHT’VE FOLLOWED KEITH HOME”)

Princess

Type: smut

(A/N) I wrote this a while ago but I thought it was good enough to post so here you go!!! my requests are still open!!! I need more so anything works ((:

Warnings: Daddy/Princess kink, spanking, unprotected sex, tying up, cursing

Pairing: Pete Wentz x Reader

Word Count: 1.9K

Originally posted by fromunderthegaytree

I set my coffee on the counter, scurrying through my backpack to make sure I grabbed all my assignments.

“Shit,” I whispered.

Still rustling through the paper mess in my bag, I quickly jog back into my bedroom. Right as my foot enters the doorway I begin to tiptoe, remembering that Pete was still fast asleep. I silently set my backpack next to my desk and search on the desktop for my homework. I squint through the dim moonlight, trying to decipher which assignment is which. I click on my desk lamp. Papers are flying everywhere as I dig through them to find the right one. My heart starts racing as I panic. Quickly shifting over to the dresser I try my best not to wake Pete up.

“Looking for this?” My body jumps at the groggy voice. I turn around to face a very much bed head Pete sitting up in the bed holding up a packet of papers.

Keep reading

7

 Jensen Hiatus Love: Jensen and Cons

anonymous asked:

U sayin if someone fuckin knows their perfume that they're gay? Binch. Tell that to the Straight Boys that can name every fuckin Axe scent blindfolded😒knowing various shit doesn't make someone gay

what straight man knows enough different women’s perfumes to go so far as to catalogue them in his head and be able to not only narrow it down to the brand but also the specific scent lol please

more uncanny valley opal tbh

like personally i hc that opal is a psychopomp whose existence predates ronan’s, that she’s not a creation of his but rather an independent existence (or like,,, at most an extension of his subconscious but definitely not a mindful creation). weird, ageless opal who can act like a much younger child than she appears at times and then says eerie intelligent shit the next moment. opal who is frighteningly sharp in her original 2 languages but very delayed in english. opal who knows weird shit about various historical periods and can sometimes guess exactly what ronan is thinking. opal who will read classical literature in latin for an hour and then skip off to watch doc mcstuffins for the rest of the afternoon.

Y’know what’s a good AU???
Au where Fazbears Fright ends up finding Springtrap after the first book and taking him. Charlie grows up and become to Fright Guard and continues to deal with Springtrap’s shenanigans for another few years. 

40-something-year-old Charlie staring Springtrap in the face and just standing up and pushing him out of the office. Eating pizza one night and just throws pepperoni slices at him until he leaves. Being mostly unphased by the hallucinations because “Not this shit again”. Fucking around with the BB sound effects just to confuse Springtrap.

Charlie is the only guard who hasn’t quit or died yet because she’s just so used to this shit at this point.