and-they-say

(So I’m playing a character who is basically Batman - hand-to-hand fighter with a cape. We’re at the top of a mountain, and the village we need to reach is hundreds of metres below)

DM: So, how are you going to get down?

Me: I use my shield as a toboggan and slide down

DM: You can’t do that, you’ll just fall. It’s a sheer kilometer drop.

Me: Ok. I use my cape as parachute and glide down.

DM: If you fail this roll, you will die. Like, dead.

Me: Ok. I use my cape as a parachute and glide down the mountain.

DM: You’re out of the game if you fail this roll, you know that?

Me: I use my cape as a parachute and glide down the mountain.

*rolls dice*

DM (seething): … You successfully glide down the mountain and land safely at the bottom.

you slenderman-loving fuck
—  My irl friend when they found out I liked slenderverse
Wisdom drain is a bitch

After finishing fighting a nightmare

DM: okay, rogue, you take a -2 to your wisdom for every time you fail the DC, so you are now at 7, where are we at?
other PC: you have no common sense and are similar to a gibbering abomination
DM: you begin to lick the walls.

After my wisdom drops to a 5:
PC: so you now have the intelligence of a maggot.
me: alright, I lay on the floor and begin to wiggle around aimlessly.

After my wisdom drops down to a 2
GM: You are now similar to fungus in terms of your wisdom.
me: you can find me in my room, in a corner, not moving, and just repeating, ‘I am a mushroom’ to myself for several days.