and-then-shit-got-real

Hey

Ok anon I’m FINALLY home.

Yes I have been quiet for many reasons. The first being I was away for work and had ZERO time. I was paying attention to everything but crazy crazy busy.

So OK here’s the thing. I try not to talk if I have nothing relevant to say. I’ve been quietly observing everything but I don’t feel I am at a point where there’s anything to actually say that would add to the situation…cause whatever it is, is still happening. I’m not sure what it is…or where it’s going so I’m just steady watching things play out. That’s how I roll. I’m an observer more than anything. Watching what the boys have chosen to show us from a respectful distance. 

On the one hand something MAJOR did happened. I am not blind to the weight of Frankie’s words. I mean shit got really really real. “We were ACTUALLY in love”. “We” not “I” but “We” that’s huge fucking huge. Not because it’s news to any of us. I mean if you are still here you had to believe that but because it is the first undeniable and legit confirmation that we were right….but I thought I dunno it’d be different. Like I’d be running through the streets screaming “WE WERE RIGHT BITCHES!!!”. But being right…is really not what it’s about. 

I’m in a weird place…..not bad or good just weird. It’s weird cause yes all these things are being said and done but nothing is really happening. I’m waiting…I want to know if this time it will be different. I want to know will this lead to something. I don’t even know what that something will be, it’s just we are all stuck in this cycle. Is this just another round or is it something else? That’s the question that most interest me. All the rest is smoke and mirrors. It’s nothing till it’s something.

Frankie’s admission just kind of shook some sense into me. I’ve been pretty level headed but I’m even more sober now…they were “actually in love” those 3 words are more important than anything else to me. I can’t imagine how hard this has been. We talk about all these sweet fun things and I’m not knocking it at all but just this has had to be tough for them cause they were “actually in love”. Love fucks you UP! Love is hard! Love isn’t a fairy tale all the time and it doesn’t get wrapped up in neat little packages. My hope is that no matter how it goes they can be at peace…together or apart. I’m still unsure which way this thing is going. 

I don’t ever trust what I see. I NEVER trust Zach LOL he plays too many games…there’s honesty there…and usually I feel like I see it but I can be fooled and I know it so I remain cautious. He’s a tricky little thing LOL. I never underestimate him. His shit is often way more layered and complex than ppl assume. I refuse to be a game piece in Zach monopoly. So even if my gut is saying “this is good” shoot I’m still going to be cautious. 

I never understood “don’t hate the player hate the game” till Zach mother fucking Rance. I love the dude and respect his ability to fuck with ppl but I don’t want to get caught up LOL! I don’t want to be “in” the game. I just want to watch it. 

I do trust Frankie BUT he lost his mind last night and it hasn’t gone well in the past when that happens so I’m just really curious how it will go this time. It was fun in the moment but now what…that’s what I’m wondering.

So my take is “wait and see” I want to know what’s next. I see what’s now. The past has been confirmed in so many ways. There’s no denying it…but what’s next…I’m looking forward. Is this something new or more of the same? We shall see….

openheart-wickedmind replied to your post:I will never stop crying….

I know. When I looked up at the clock and saw there was 5 minutes left I was like what the fuck but then shit just got so real so fast. They held each other. They killed together. I’m never going to be over this. I will be talking about this as i die

Same. My eyes kept turning towards the clock, I could feel the time slipping and stressing about it and I still don’t know how all of this hapend in such a short time. But. I just. Oh man. I can’t articulate shit besides “WOW AMAZE”. It’s 5AM, I only had like 3h of sleep and I don’t even know how I’m supposed to go to sleep now. 

Things the signs have said to me
  • Aries:"I feel more in shape than the other girls"
  • Taurus:"is it too early to wear a hoody to show people I don't care"
  • Gemini:"I just finished cleaning out my photo album. It's such a pain to do so I screenshot so much pointless shit"
  • Cancer:"You are goals like I'm so inspired by you tbh"
  • Leo:"like ok if u gonna call me a slut at least make it creative.. a majestic slut"
  • Virgo:"i am so happy because the problem i was worrying about just got solved"
  • Libra:"I hate it when shit happens in my real life uuuggghhhh"
  • Scorpio:"Bitch me too the fuck"
  • Sagittarius:"Lmfao I was so bored once that I went onto cnn.com"
  • Capricorn:"i would have a girlfriend but im really into this game right now'
  • Aquarius:"i start school in a week and i'm still not enrolled"
  • Pisces:"you don't want to cry or sweat it all off"
Fuck.., I've never been a Little Mix stand or even a Zerrie stand but shit. I've defended Zayn because I truly believe that there is more to the story and he was also hurt at a point but now.., nah. Fuck him tbh. Seeing Perrie that fucking upset just isn't fair man. No one knows what truly happened but damn, seeing the video of Perrie cry hits home and I realized how bad it was. First it was turning against Louis and 1D in general. Than the Zerrie break up (in a shit way cause over text.., damn) so now I have officially unstand Zayn. Sorry for anyone that was looking at my blog for that reason but not anymore. Sorry but I have to do what feels right and taking the circumstances.