The Real Deal

by Andy Weir

“I tell ya, it’s the real deal!” Ray said. “The real deal!”

“Oh yeah?” Bobby replied. “Tell me more.”

“She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met!” He snatched his cigarettes from the coffee table. “I mean, we’ve only had one date, but wow! I never met a chick I could really talk to before, ya know?”

Keep reading

You are a cigarette.

You are the light for a short time,
Burning brightly,
Calming my life.

Inside you’re setting me on fire,
Destroying me so,
The taste of you is killing me
A taste I can’t let go.

Some may say I’m addicted,
They’re right because I couldn’t stump you out.
When the time is right you’ll burn out,
And together we no longer will be.

You’re flaking away with every breath,
I’m infatuated by your poison,
I want more but I shouldn’t.
As this is intoxicated.

My breathing is out of control,
And yes you’re killing me.
It’s a poison I like, it makes me feel
Like I have victory.

It started with a spark,
It grew to a flame,
And here we are,
I’m inhaling you again.

You make me distance myself from the world for just one moment.
Yet here I am watching the light burn out,
And now my mind starts running.

I’m the first to admit I’m reckless,
As I enjoy the burn in the back of my throat,
A pain that keeps on giving,
Better with every toke.

I know you will burn out,
And there will lie the ash,
Of something I once exhaled,
So beautiful,
And in that moment I felt nothing.

The empty space in my hands,
Where you belong,
I crave you in the night and in the morning,
You’re like comfort,
A sweet melody from an old song.

I know soon you’ll run out,
And then there will be nothing more,
But the memories we had,
Something I once adored.

Now the spark has gone,
And the flame that once flickered is no longer around,
Just like the sound of your voice,
Today I am alone,
And you are no longer around.

Look if you smoke weed i’m all fine for that it’s your choice and all but if you blow it in your pets face or force them to ingest/inhale it then please stand far, far, far away from me

“People aren’t cigarettes,” my Mother warned me.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You don’t destroy people, you don’t use them for the sake of your own fun. You don’t throw them away after you’re done. Because they can come back and hurt you harder than you thought.”

—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #373 // @annatrxn on Instagram
Obama pulled the troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan in the same way that I quit smoking

Both started when I was 14.
A few years later, Bush and I promised everyone it was gonna stop, but we all knew that wasn’t quite true.
There was a lull.
Then a surge.
Then we all said fuck it in 2008.
A few years after that, Obama and I were telling everyone that it was finally over, no more.
But then a few months later, the headlines would tell you, NOW it’s over. That last time was a soft goal, this time it’s concrete.
It’ll work this time.

Finally, just last year, I actually quit smoking, but just like how drone warfare isn’t technically “having troops there”, I was still using chewing tobacco.

Now in March, I’ve made it a week without chew, and we’ll see how that goes. But I’m still a better man than the president.

He can’t even go a week without killing children.