Fate/Grand Order NA edition: A Recap

A quick recap of some of the events that happened so far in the misadventures of Mash and Guda:


  • A teenager (we shall call them Guda) answers an ad in the papers, ends up in a military base called Chaldea hidden in the Himalayas.
  • A bomb toasts everybody inside the base.
  • Mash and Guda time travel back to the edgiest version of Fate/Stay Night where Saber Alter rules with an iron fist.
  • Mash, a cute Chaldea clerk, fuses with the ghost of some guy, gets a massive shield to bludgeon people with. 
  • Cu Chulainn beats people up with the Wicker Man; Thankfully leaves out the bees.
  • Their boss turns out to be a bad guy and throws their other, dead boss’ ghost into a black hole, making her super dead-er.
  • The only staff surviving at Chaldea is the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci and the absentminded doctor she’s fucking.


  • Gilles de Raiss, unhappy with the canon ending, makes an edgy Jeanne D’Arc OC to fix it.
  • The real Jeanne is summoned without her Ruler powers, joins Mash and Guda on their merry stroll through France.
  • Some countries have roaches, others have rats. France has dragons.
  • It also has vampires.
  • Marie Antoinette pulls a drive-by shootout with the vampires to rescue Jeanne D’Arc and company.
  • They escape because Mozart makes the vampires vomit and/or poop themselves with a piano attached to the back of Marie’s carriage.
  • They bond. Marie learns what a homie is. Marie and Jeanne are super gay.
  • Kiyohime and Liz are first introduced. FGO is never the same.
  • They rescue the German hero Sumanai Siegfried from a castle. He’s pretty beat up.
  • They need saints to heal him for some reason. Good thing St. George spawns… on the other side of the map.
  • Do you really wanna hurt us this way George? Really? Take anyone else instead. Take this Mephistopheles, he’s just hanging around in my archive!
  • Big Bad Battle with Cheese and Dragons. Assassins recommended.
  • Jeanne vs Jeanne. The edgy OC is no match for the original of course.
  • Gilles is kicked back into the depths of where he belongs


  • U M U
  • All of Nero’s forebears in the Roman empire form an alliance against her called Every Villain Is Lemons, also known as EVIL
  • Nero brings the company to Britain from Italy. On foot.
  • Mash suffocates under the overwhelming force that is Boudica’s boobs.
  • Nero chops down the ghosts of Roman emperors past one by one. No biggie.
  • Mash and Guda find their bad boss in the capital and oh shit he’s a demon from hell.
  • The demon summons Atilla the Hun. He is later of two minds about this choice.
  • Nero punches Atilla in the face. Civilization will never die!


  • Someone steals all the dumplings. Now Chaldea’s gonna starve.
  • Some booby archer pesters Mash and Guda about helping them recover the food.
  • Marie doesn’t remember her own homies.
  • Never mind she totally does.
  • Saint George is into photography.
  • Martha is into dumplings, bondage, and breaking faces. Tsk tsk, Saint Martha.
  • Martha makes her escape by jumping on to her dragon Tarrasque, who begins to fly by spinning around rapidly until it zooms away like a UFO. She probably puked at some point.
  • Altera, Atilla The Hun, the great destroyer herself, explains the differences of good and bad civilization.
  • Surprise surprise, Booby Archer is a bad guy- holy shit this is the goddess of the hunt?
  • Please don’t spook my guaranteed SSR gacha Artemis, I beg you. I’ll do anything you want just don’t come home.


  • Sir Francis Drake, Pirate Queen.
  • Blackbeard. Weeb.
  • And lo, Captain Drake did shot the god Poseidon in the face, declaring with a mighty shout “Let there be booze!”, and the crew were drunk with infinite booze, and it was good.
  • Blackbeard wins the award for cringiest villain.
  • Drake and her motley crew recruit Medusa’s bitchy sister Euryale and her hot monster boyfriend, Asterios The Minotaur.
  • The Golden Hind VS The Queen Anne’s Revenge, battle of two legendary pirate ships, FIGHT
  • Artemis and Orion board the Queen Anne’s Revenge during the fight in an admittedly cool action scene. Orion blows a hole into the ship.
  • Blackbeard is a tough bastard, but Drake literally killed the god of the seas for some booze so
  • Hektor, hero of Troy, won’t shut up about being an old man. Also he betrays Blackbeard.
  • Blackbeard to Drake: “Secretly, I admired you…r boobs.” *dies*
  • Drake trades upwards, gets the Argonauts as her new nemesis
  • Jason is just as much of a shitter in Fate as he is in mythology. Who would have guessed?!
  • Wait wasn’t one of the most famous members of the Argonauts the great hero Hera-OH GOD HE’S HERE WE HAVE TO RUN
  • Asterios vs Heracles summed up:

  • Guda: Well now that we lost our muscle we need reinforcements.
    Atalanta and David: Hi
  • Atalanta meets her God. She now believes in atheism.
  • David: Yeah I actually have the most dangerous thing on Earth with me as a second noble phantasm.
    Everyone else: It’s a box.
    David: I know. It’s got nerves of steel.
  • Who would win? A nigh-immortal demigod, son of Zeus and the strongest hero there is, or some box?
  • “Hey Jason, eat a dick.” - Medea Lily
  • Eating a dick turns you into a vessel for yet another Demon God. As Jason painfully finds out.
  • RIP AND TEAR 2.0
  • David: Yeah all of this time-stream dicking is my idiot son’s fault. It would be just like him, for he was an idiot.
    Roman: Nuh-uh!
    David: Yeah-uh!
  • Goodbye, Captain Drake. T’was an honor to be one of yer hearty crew.

HALLOWEEN 2015(17?)

  • An invitation? To a party? But all of history was dicked. Where are you supposed to hold a par-is that a castle?
    Guda: Mash calm dow-
  • Kiyohime casually defies the laws of space and time (again).
  • Mata Hari: *Starts stripdancing*
    Mash: :O
    Kiyo: >:(
    Roman: :D
  • Carmilla uses her noble phantasm to clean a spot. I-I’m not even exaggerating this is actually a thing that happens.
  • Vlad is the supportive uncle who knits for his fellows.
  • Tamamo Cat; nothing she says ever makes any sense.
  • Elizabeth Bathory: Surprise! All of this was to prepare you for a special private concert from an up and coming pop idol star!
  • Everyone: Liz you are a bad
    Me, tears falling onto my phone: Liz you are a good
  • Liz: Y-you d-didn’t like m-m-my concert?
    Everyone: Boo you suck!


  • Split psyche story
  • What you expected: Angry Nobu, sad Nobu, kinda freaky happy Nobu
  • What you got:

  • Rabbit season? Duck season? No. It’s Nobbu season.
  • A whole string of really funny jokes if you’re a fan of Oda Nobunaga’s place in Japan’s history.
  • Even more funny jokes that don’t require knowledge of the Sengoku Period
  • Arash chases after the crew while on fire and screaming “STELLAAA!!”, blows up over Ushiwakamaru’s army
  • Mash and friends somehow run all the way into the desert.
  • I give up. There is no way to exaggerate anything that happens in this event.
  •  It is just bonkers.
  • Oda Nobunaga and Okita Souji for best couple


  • DW: Boy we sure hope you’re not tired of the Fuyuki map!
  • Stupid, sexy Scathach: Greetings.
    Guda: Gaddamn.
    Mash: Senpai, for once can you not be a perv-
    Stupid, sexy Scathach: *flips her hair*
    Mash: Holy fuck I’m so gay right now.
  • Scathach casually kills ten thousand ghosts.
  • Scathach casually teaches her new students while crushing a skull with one hand and flexing with the other.
  • Scathach also gives the nicest headpats.
  • Brock from Pokemon Fergus joins the party.
  • Mash: And then, Cu Chulainn saved us in his sexy druid outfit.
    Scathach and Fergus: Druid outfit? AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Fergus: God I’m just super horny right now.
    Scathach: I’m pretty DTF myself but only the finest warriors can get some of this.
    Fergus: Well do I qualif-
    Scathach: No.
  • Altera: Hi
    Fergus: *Dies from nosebleed*
  • For the final part of the trial, Scathach summons another warrior to replace Fergus.
  • Diarmuid knows its fanservice day. He doesn’t even bother to put on a shirt.
  • Artemis: I’m baaaacckk~
  • Scathach to Artemis: From one booby servant to another, your kind of fanservice is super gross and wrong my dude. Domestic violence against men is a very real concern. Now I’m gonna spank you.
  • Scathach kicks divine ass. Thank you, Shishou!
  • Scathach: Now before I leave kids, what did we learn?
    Mash and Guda: That the road ahead of us is long and dark, but if we hold firm and believe in each other, we can be humanity’s saviors from the dark?
    Scathach: No. What did we really learn?
    Me: That now I can’t not have you in my Chaldea and must ask for an advanced paycheck this instant?
    Scathach: Good child.

Matt Mercer as DM: “You bisect the enemy, spilling it’s entrails across the floor. You bathe in its blood as you hear the pieces of its body hit the floor with a wet squelch behind you *makes squelching noise*”

Griffin McElroy as DM: “And then you just cut the dang thing in half. Are you happy? You literally cannot ‘non-lethally’ cut something in half. It’s super dead now”

study hacks for college/uni

So you’re struggling to study efficiently away from home? Finding yourself getting distracted easily? Having difficulty creating a study schedule in this new environment? I know finals season is coming soon for university students, so I thought I’d share my personal study hacks that helped me during college! 

  • Find the least popular library: while the fancy main libraries have great appeal, the truth is sometimes you really only need a desk, a comfy chair, an outlet, and some peace and quiet
  • Go higher up for quieter floors: usually the higher you go, the quieter and more serious the floor
  • Always pack the essentials: during finals week, finding a good study spot is a commodity, so make sure you can stay as long as humanly possible and bring supplies: laptop, chargers (phone and laptop), water bottle, snacks, layers (including a huge comfy sweater that can double as a pillow), headphones, notes, pens and highlighters, and blank paper
  • Don’t be afraid of caffeine pills: caffeine pills can sound scary, but that venti coffee at Starbucks also has a shit ton of caffeine. Opt to finding caffeine pills that are each 100 mg (the amount in 1 cup of coffee), and save ~$50-100 on buying coffee all the time
  • Find (only) 1-2 good friends and make a regular study group: even if you guys don’t share classes, it’s nice to have people who are reliable, quiet, and fun to be around when studying. Also, libraries allow small groups to rent private study rooms which are clutch af
  • Use the Pomodoro method with a timer or app: this is wonderful for people who have difficulty focusing. Set an alarm for 25 minutes, and block all forms of electronic distraction from that time. The idea is to have 25 minutes of pure work with a 5 minute break to do whatever you want afterwards, and this helps train you to maximize your ability to focus and minimize brain fatigue
  • Empty classrooms and lecture halls on weekends = substitute library: on the weekends, college campuses are super dead. I’ve found that lecture halls and classrooms are deserted (and usually unlocked) during these times, which make for great quiet places to study
  • Listen to music WITHOUT lyrics while you study: you’ll be less likely to be sucked in to the music and distracted
  • Wear pajama or workout clothes: just trust me on this one
  • Have a few achievable goals for the day and know when to stop: college burnout is real, so remember that college is a marathon, not a race

it must have been a trip for Adam when he first met Gansey because this untouchable rich kid immediately unloads everything about his alternate life as a tomb raider trying to unearth the centuries-old mystery of Glendower and Adam is just, “sounds fake but i’m literally so starved of human interaction that i will now follow you to the ends of the earth in search of your super lost and super dead king”

most relatable lines in hamilton:
• “oh shit”
• “sweet jesus”
• “honestly it’s kind of draining”
• “fuuuuuuuuu-”
• “in the living room stressing”
• “uh, do whatever you want, i’m super dead”
• “i hadn’t slept in a week”
• “i’m young, scrappy, and hungry”
• “a mess, she looked pathetic”
• “i’m dying inside”

Me trying to explain the different Robins to a non comic reading friend: 

So you’ve got everyone’s-favorite-nice-butt-flippy-Robin, formerly-dead-now-super-shooty-Robin, stalker-sleep-deprived-hacker-Robin, sassy-and-female-ass-kicking-Robin, smol-but-stabby-and-murdery-Robin, and depending on what canon you’re in you also have other-female-red-head-Robin

Friend: Wait.. there’s more than one Robin?

OK Piper McLean fans, listen up

I’m Cherokee. I’m a Cherokee girl. I’m a major Piper fan because she’s a Cherokee woman like myself. There’s been some Discourse© about her hair. Sit down, buckle up, because you guys are about to some knowledge dropped on you. 

So the issue is about her hair; people keep drawing my girl with undercuts. I don’t think she would have one, and if she did there’s only one good reason. 

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SUPER JUNIOR 슈퍼주니어 ‘Black Suit’ MV