and-now-i-will-cry-myself-to-sleep

Cutting Ties

Pairing: John x Reader

Words: 870

Genre: Angst

———————————————————-

John Laurens was supposed to be your best friend forever. The two of you had become friends in preschool, and you had never separated. Well until recently.

When the two of you had gone off to college John had gotten a new roommate, Alexander Hamilton. Alexander quickly replaced you, and the two of you grew apart after awhile.

You still hung out, but it was never as much fun as it used to be. All he seemed to talk about was Alexander this and Alexander that. It was irritating.

You tried to be a good friend, you really did, but it was hard when the person that you had always relied on for everything was ignoring you half the time.

It felt more like he was using you now, he came to you when he needed help with school, or when Alexander was too busy to hang out with him.

You were just a stand in.

The thing that hurt the most though, is that you thought that there was something else there, something that could turn romantic.

To you there was, to John there wasn’t apparently. It sucked.

There were many nights that you ended up crying yourself to sleep.

You looked at a picture of John that was sitting on your table.

“I don’t want to be in love with you anymore.”

~~~~

The next morning you woke up to a knocking on your door. You pulled yourself out of bed and dragged yourself to the door. Whoever was here was going to die.

You caught a look at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were red, your hair was a complete mess, and you were still in sweats and a tank top. You hoped it wasn’t anyone important.

And it wasn’t. It was John.

“Wow you look like trash,” was the first thing that he said to you when you opened the door.

“Wow thanks that’s exactly what every girl wants to hear.”

You opened the door and let him in, against your better judgement.

“So what are you doing here?”

“Alexander’s busy today so I came to hang out with you instead.”

Of course. That was the only reason that he came over anymore. You should have guessed.

You rolled your eyes and walked into the kitchen, mumbling under your breath about how Alexander stole your best friend.

“What was that?” John asked. You froze.

“Nothing.”

“Yeah it was. It sounded like you said that Alexander stole your best friend from you. What do you mean by that? Do you not like Alexander?”

Oh so it was your fault now, was it. Alexander was better friends with John now, and just because you said one little remark under your breath you were the bad guy.

You were sick of being treated this way. It hurt that John blamed you for this. It hurt that he would ignore you. It hurt that you had been replaced.

And now it was going to hurt you even more, if you cut the ties with him, you would be alone.

“Yes. He did. You are way more concerned with Alexander now than you are about me. We used to be best friends, and now you don’t even talk to me unless Alexander is too busy for you. And when you do talk to me it’s always about Alexander. Every single thing. I think it’s great that you made new friends, but you don’t forget about your old ones. You don’t leave them stranded in the dust. If I needed you now… would you even try and save me?”

Big fat tears were rolling down your face now as you admitted every feeling to him.

Part of you hoped that this would make it all better, but the other half of you knew that this was a lost cause. Your friendship was over.

John looked angry.

“Are you really that selfish? We were best friends for over 15 years! You would think that that would be enough! But no! You can’t let me go my own way now can you! Why can’t you just move on?”

His words hurt deeply.

If this was the end of your friendship, you may as well confess everything.

“Because I’m in love with you, that’s why! I’ve been in love with you for years now, and I cry myself to sleep every night knowing that you will never love me back! This is why I try to hang on to every last bit that I can! But know this. I’m done crying myself to sleep every night. I’ve cried all my tears and now… there’s none left. I gave you my everything and you don’t even care. I’m giving up on you.”

John was shocked. He stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind him.

You leaned against the wall and slid down, your legs hitting the floor before you knew what was happening.

Cries fell out of your mouth, you screamed and let out every last drop of pain that you still held within your body.

When you finally calmed down some you stood up and looked at the picture of John that was sitting on your coffee table.

“I’m done with you.”

Indecisiveness, thy name is CoolPepCat

(yes that’s me I’m just here to Ramble as per usual)

So in my wishlist, I had eggs in the ‘please don’t give’ tier, because they’re such a common gift and Gen-ones don’t appeal to me.

And then I found an egg while scavenging. Instead of selling it, I gave it a hatch.

And it was the most ugly beacon of sin ever.

Grapefruit, Sable, Tarnish. (with lightning eyes) I dare you make that look good.

And so, in my brilliant mind I finally understood why people liked eggs. It was so addicting to hatch an ugly ass girl and want to try again.

And now I’m back to crying myself to sleep about gen-ones

Untold Letters//(N.M)

Dear Nate, 1 December 2016

I have always wondered what attracted us to one another. Was it your personality, tattoos, or the way you showed your love for me. But now as I think about it does not matter. You have moved on and looks like your in love with someone else. I didn’t know leaving to attend school abroad meant a break up to you. After 4 years I find you engaged with another women. Everyone feels bad for me, I do also. I guess we weren’t meant to be….

Sincerely,

The one you used to love.
-
Dear Nate, 5 December 2016

I hate myself for still loving you knowing your with someone else. That laugh that made me smile at my worst times now belongs to her. I cry myself to sleep hoping this is a nightmare I keep waking up to. Your mom checks up on me daily knowing I’m slowly dying inside. I wish all the luck in the world. I may still love you but a part of me hopes this won’t last. I wish your true happiness as you get married to another. The constant talks about us at the alter one day same as a lie now that I think about it.

Sincerely,

The one you used to love.
-
Dear Nate, 12 December 2016

You may not care anymore as you read these. Your wedding is coming up sooner than I liked. I feel like a stranger in your world. It may not seem like it, but I care deeply. Tonight Stew talked to and said some things I hoped were true. I told him plans for the future and leaving California. He wishes me luck and happiness, but I can’t seem to find that these days seeing with her. It breaks my heart and I don’t think you will ever know your killing slowly ever so slowly…………….

Sincerely,

The one you used to love.

*Nate’s POV*

Stew came by today and handed me an envelope. He said I should read it the night before my wedding. I stuck to his word. I had the studio lights on with the envelope in hand. I opened it to see letters falling out of them dated back to the date Y/N came back. I take a deep breath as I uncover the first letter.
-
Dear Nate, 24 November 2016

I stopped by your house to surprise, but I got the surprise instead. Getting out of my car ready to knock on your door. I see you kissing someone. Someone who isn’t me. I watch as you propose to her around your whole family. Stew he looks so heartbroken at the sight. Your mom under her smiles and happy wishes to you is sad. I see it in her eyes. Your dad is the same and the boys. I thought I had a nightmare, but knew it was true when Stew came out with tears in his eyes. He saw as he looked with pure sadness. We embraced each other knowing very well your were marrying the girl he loved. And I knew the ‘I love you’s’ ‘we will be together forever’ were just a fantasy we shared. I mean I shared but you didn’t feel the same. I hope you have full happiness with her. You broke my heart that something you promised you would never do. The best wishes to you and your new girl.

Sincerely,

The one you used to love.
-
Dear Nate,  23 December 2016

I told Stew about theses letters, and he told your mom. They both read them together and I saw them cry as they read them. I cried as they read them also. Tomorrow is your big day. Stew told me you want would want me their. I laughed in his face but soon apologized. If I saw you say I do, I would cry and die right their. Kami also told me this. I would only cause a bigger heartbreak for myself. I doubt you would even care if I still lived. People say loving someone is the best thing that could have happened to them. Love can also be poison and death to those who do not see the that. I was blind to fall for a man who I should of knew would find an a way out of the relationship as soon as I left to study for my passion. I’m sorry, but I would be lying if I wished for your happiness. People might think I’m just a heartbroken women who hopes for the worse in partner. That’s no the case I do hope for the best, I just can’t help but think about what could have been.

Sincerely,

The one you used to love.

I finish reading the letters tears cascading down my face. Until I realize what Y/N wrote ‘I doubt you would even care if I still lived’ I dial Stew’s number as fast as I could. Stew picks up on the first ring before I hear laughter. Y/N’s laughter.

“May I say you look beautiful today” I hear Stew say.

“Stew I think your blind. I’m in your sweats and a messy braid and a hoodie of yours.” Y/N responds as I hear my mom start talking.

“Y/N, darling. Are sure you want to do this?” She asks Y/N sighs deeply.

“It’s for the best Kami. He loves someone the way he used to love me. My heart breaks every time I see them together. A fresh start is what I need, but a little of home to hold on too”

“That is why I will be going with her mom. It breaks me to see her sad for him and the love of my life marry him. She said she loved me but now she is marrying Nate” Stew replies back. I don’t think he knows he answered his phone.

“Well I hope everything goes well for the both of you and be safe.” I hear a few goodbyes and the car being started. I can’t marry someone I don’t love like Y/N. I call up Jessica and tell her marriage is not for me. She says she understands and hangs up the phone. I drive to my moms house and tell her she smiles sadly at me.

“Mom where is Y/N and Stew?” I yell at her while searching all the rooms in the house finding Stew’s room empty.

“I’m sorry Nate, I promised both of them I wouldn’t tell you” she says going into the kitchen.

“Mom please. I need to get Y/N back” I say with desperateness in my voice.

“I’m sorry Nate. You have to hear this it hurts me to tell you this but I have to. Until now you start caring for her. Now that she is finally looking for a fresh start.” I let my moms words sing in before leaving her house. I try and locate Y/N and Stew on social media, but stop and give up.

*3 years later*

*Stew’s POV*

Y/N and I have grown closer these past few years. We started dating a year ago. I feel guilty knowing she was my brother’s first true love. I still feel as she loves Nate, even though she assures she doesn’t. Y/N walks into the room with a pair of my sweat pants.

“Stew” I pretend I’m sleeping to see what she does. “Stew” she finally straddles me until I open my eyes.

“What Y/N I’m trying to catch up on some sleep” I say rolling her over to cuddle her from behind. I smile as she giggles trying to turn over to face me. She finally succeeds and kisses my lips gently.

“Stew, I know what your thinking in that beautiful mind of yours” she whispers looking up at me.

“Tell me Y/N what is on in my beautiful mind” I say kissing her forehead removing a few strands of her hair form her eyes.

“You think I still love him. What I feel for you is not real. What I feel for is only to repair the damage he caused” She says in a small whisper. “But I love you. Anything I ever felt for him has been replace for my love for you. People may say I’m a slut for being with him then with you-” I interrupt her.

“You will never be considered a slut in my eyes. This just happened. Us falling for each other. Maybe this is fate. And everything is finally aligning together. I love you” I kiss her gently she returns the kiss.

“I love you” she whispers back hugging me tightly. I hug her back and slowly roll on my back to have Y/N laying on top of me. Life is weird but a good weird. In the morning I see Y/N preparing a bag which has me scared. I guess she saw my face before walking back towards the bed.

“Don’t worry. I thought it would be good if we went to the beach today.” I see she has my swim trunks in her hands which she hands to me. I quickly get dressed and follow her outside we walk for a little why before reaching the beach.  She takes off her top running towards the water. I watch in amazement before seeing her run towards me.

“Stew come on” She takes me towards the water, but I decide to take a picture first.

“Pose for me and I’ll do the same for you” I tell her as she stands by the water. I take a photo then hand her my phone.

“I think I will upload this to Instagram if you let me.”

“Of course only if you allow me to do the same” Y/N brings me into a kiss and we upload the pictures together.

*Nate’s POV*

My phone rings form two nonfiction’s from Stew and Y/N. I’m quick to open the app and see what they posted. What I saw was not what I was expecting.

Now I know I lost her forever and it looks like I’m going to be dying slowly by a broken heart. She found love in my brother and the way I see things now they will probably be married to each other in the future. I guess it’s my turn to write untold letters, but this time it won’t change a thing. She will still be with Stew because she found happiness once again. Stew healed her broken heart and now it is only filled with love for  each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N

I cried while writing the letters. I hoped you enjoyed this imagine. I hope I can write a few more imagines.

P.S. Enjoy your holidays lovelies❤️

anonymous asked:

I hate you. How dare you break my heart that way? I didn’t do anything to deserve it. Side note: what an excellent fic tho. Yes I am talking about sticks and stones. Now excuse me while I cry myself to sleep and haunt myself with the possibility of this ever happening on the show.

ghsdjaklghdjk DON’T SAY IT!! I wrote it into being so that it WOULDN’T happen on the show!!!

Thank you very much for saying you liked the fic, though. I’m very glad <3

Giggly Ball of Punk

Pairing: Michael, Ashton, Luke, Calum and Y/N.

Word Count: 2,811

Requested: imyxtay - “Can you do a 4/4 imagine where the boys describe you as a giggly ball of sunshine (#ash) and when you meet them for the first time they are all shocked and stuff because you have a heap of piercings and a few tattoos and you are pretty much more punk rock than all of them and them when you guys all get in a convo you are literally a ball of giggles”

A/N: I hope you like this! I had a lot of fun writing this one! Fun fact: the childhood stories I used are all from my own childhood. And the “Ryder” boy actually looks like Luke Hemmings now, and I cry myself to sleep, because I used to have the biggest crush on him when I was little.

Part Two | Part Three

“She’s great you guys. I can’t wait for you to meet her!” Ashton beamed at the three boys sitting in his living room. You were finally seeing him after a few years of distance. Ashton and you grew up together and were inseparable, but once things picked up with 5 Seconds of Summer, and you decided to study abroad in Italy it became difficult to maintain consistent contact. You two would manage a FaceTime chat here and there along with care packages sent to each other, but your lives were both going at full speed. You were finally able to come back home to Australia for a few weeks on a school break, and you two had arranged to meet. Ashton was ecstatic that you were coming home, and he could finally introduce you to the rest of the boys.

“We get it Ashton. She’s amazing. Can you shut up and just let me focus on my game for two seconds?” Michael complained and shifted on the leather couch to get more comfortable managing to kick Luke in the face as he did so.

“Hey!! Watch it!” Luke chuckled and threw Michael’s legs off of himself and focused his attention back on Ashton. “So, tell us more about what she’s like Ashton.” Luke inquired and took a sip of his beer on the coffee table.

“You guys will love her. She’s such a sweetheart. She’s literally a giggly ball of sunshine. Sh-“ Ashton continues, but is interrupted by Calum.

“So, she’s basically a female version of you? I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it through this evening.” Calum laughs and rolls his eyes at an annoyed faced Ashton. “Oh, come on. You know I’m just kidding. Just dial back on your giddiness, and I think we’ll all survive.”

Keep reading

The truth is;
Since you left me,you took a part of me
And I’m not sure what it is
If maybe that was the last of all the love I had to give and now I’m just left feeling empty.
I have Nothing left.
I don’t smile anymore.
I used to laugh till I cried.. But now
I cry myself to sleep and pretend I don’t, I lie and say I’m alright when I really wanna go to sleep and never awaken again
And when Im not crying myself to sleep alone at 3 in the morning I’m either drugged out high or drunk.
But yet I feel you in my bones
And the thought of you smiling every day makes me happy because I would never want anyone one to feel the way I feel. Yet it’s still not fair.
And I can’t bring myself to hate you and at the same time I scream it every night while the tears fall from my cheeks and I can’t breath anymore.
I hate you for making me feel this way
For sucking out all that I had left when I warned you there was so little left to even give in the first place
And I watch myself diminish away as I only eat every few days when I feel I can eat without a pain in my stomach. I sleep until dark and awake for the moon to rise so I can cry till the sun comes out again.
My days hurt.
And yours are beautiful.
So much better without me right?
Don’t forget you wanted me though you asked for me
You smiled in my direction and asked me to be yours only to abuse my love, you invaded my space and something inside me stupidly allowd you in.
But hey? What can I say… Who would ever love me anyways In a world that only looks for beauty on the outside and no matter how many times I’m told I’m beautiful I will never believe it. Because with the love I give… If I were really so beautiful people I love would stop leaving me, there simply would be no need am I right? Who am I asking anyways. Everyone says the same thing,“ your gorgeous, and your so strong, no man can handle you because you intimidate them, your admirable.” No I refuse to believe it anymore, I never did in the first place so until the day I’m proven wrong or until the day I get a sincere apology or an explanation to all the heartbreak and hurt and beatings my heart has had to take from everything iv ever given myself to il just argue them until they realize il always be too stuburn to listen. ~ and that was the day she learned she was all she would ever have.
—  Poetry by erica Lynn
LOOK AT THIS

Originally posted by its-called-punk-bitch

look at the expression on Lucifers face, and think.

Gabriel was his baby brother. they were the four archangels, closest of all the archangels. they grew together, played together, fought together. as brothers.

but Lucifer made one mistake, one horrible mistake, and now he’s twisted and bitter and corrupted.

he makes one mistake and he has to watch his brother die, by his own hand.

now, look at the expression on his face. the pain, the subtle hatred. of himself. mark pelligrino portrayed this beautifully, near perfect. and now, I will go cry myself to sleep because I thought about this way too much.

spirrius  asked:

There was a boy... He was perfect... a Charming Smile, Sparkling Eyes full of Passion...Him and I were perfect for each other.. Until a terrible tragedy happened.. We couldnt see each other.. He had to go away for school.. Ever since then, every now and then I cry myself to sleep at nights... thinking about him.. I keep waiting for him to come Home and make everything better... Im Back.. Is all I want him to say. No I Love Yous or anything.. I Just want him back...I'll always hold the memories o

alek i’m going thru my inbox and i’m losing it die