and-i-really-recommend-the-book

anonymous asked:

Hi! I was wondering if you could recommend any good books about the sultanas of the Ottoman Empire, in particular the influential ones? I've read the Leslie Peirce book, but haven't really come across any others. I noticed you post a lot of Magnificent Century stuff, so I thought I'd ask you.

hi! unfortunately i haven’t read each of these books so i can’t tell you if they’re any good

  • Harem: The World Behind the Veil - Alev Lytle Croutier (DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING SHE SAYS ABOUT KOSEM, NURBANU AND HURREM)
  • The Private World of Ottoman Women - Godfrey Goodwin
  • Roxolana In European Literature, History And Culture - Galina I. Yermolenko
  • Rethinking Orientalism: Women, Travel, and the Ottoman Harem - Reina Lewis
  • Women in the Ottoman Empire: Middle Eastern Women in the Early Modern Era (Ottoman Empire and Its Heritage: Politics, Society and Economy) - Madeline C. Zilfi
  • The Ottoman Lady: A Social History from 1718 to 1918 - Fanny Davis

anonymous asked:

Can you and any of your followers share books like code? I'm a CS major and looking to learn as much as possible but textbooks are dry and YouTube tutorials end up distracting me.

@ my followers, talk about your fave CS books!

my favourite one is one about code and cryptography by Simon Singh. It’s called The Code Book and it’s a really fun read, i really recommend it!

bharatanatyamandballet  asked:

Hi!! So firstly all your art is PERFECTION! Your snowbaz art makes me cry every damn time!! I was just wondering do you have any recommendations for YA books with m/m romance? Like carry on?? I'm sorry to bother you!!

Awww thanks!!! I will always suggest “Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe” because no book has ever resonated with me quite like that one. “Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda” is a really cute book, it’s got pen pals and a really endearing main character. “Timekeeper” fits a little more into the magical element that Carry On did, its steampunk and has a lot of adventure to go with the romance. I’m always gonna promote “Whatever, or how junior year became totally f&@ked” because the main character is bisexual, the writing is absolutely hilarious, and the supporting cast saved my life.

anonymous asked:

If you want to read a fanfic that's focused around Scorbus as well as Hinny, although the romance isn't really the central plot point, you've got it read the It's Tea Time series by frombluetored on ao3. Everyone is super in character, especially Harry, Albus, Scorpius, Ginny, and Ron, and it's a wild ride from start to finish. It actually got me to ship Hinny, which is something the original books never achieved. It's amazing. I highly recommend it.

Everyone who is looking for a great Albus x Scorpius fanfic then check this out! I will also add it to the fan fiction recommendation page so you can come back to it later if you want.

Will add a link for it later once I’ve found it on archiveofourown! 

Edit: Here it is (x)

anonymous asked:

Any blog or book recommendations for a beginner cosmic witch?????

i’m finding that there really aren’t a lot of cosmic witches on here lol 

but @phaesphore of course

and as far as books go

  • planetary spells and rituals by raven digitalis
  • star magick by sandra kynes
  • planets for pagans by renna shesso

anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips for helping partners/friends/etc be more helpful to littles?

Well, I am not an expert and am still figuring it out but here goes:

  • make a list of instructions for them to follow depending on which alter is out, this can really ease anxiety and create a safer space quickly
  • list safe media and items so that they know what is okay to give/show whoever is fronting
  • remind them that littles are KIDS and even though they may have a handful of adult skills, they should be treated in a developmentally appropriate manner
  • create boxes of goodies for various frequently fronting littles! include a favorite snack, a comfort item, and a movie/show they like, maybe a coloring book? it really depends on the kid
  • i really recommend investing in a weighted plushie or weighted blanket. it can be comforting to all ages but especially littles 

the best advice is provide plans! let people know what they need to do for alters and most will do their best to meet those needs. having written instructions makes everything so much easier!

when i was at school and basically lived on skype calls, i gave my friend a list of instructions about our little. things like a list of behaviors she might display and appropriate ways to handle them. i also listed some websites with kid friendly doll makers and links to kids movies. it really helped ease anxiety for everyone and made situations more manageable!!!!

"Paul Haggis Sure Is One Big Tease" - vulture.com
  • Haggis: Hi! How are you? Good to see you.
  • NYM: We're talking books. She's recommending books ...
  • Haggis: Oh, yeah? [Laughs.] She doesn't go near books. Give me one.
  • Levieva: I'm going to punch you right now so you have something to brag about!
  • Haggis: You'd have to be within 30 feet [of a book] to say that.
  • Levieva: I bet it happens a lot, people punching you.
  • Haggis: "I'm an actress but I'm really smart. I read books!"
  • Levieva: You're an ass. [Laughs.] I was asked, okay? I don't announce that I read books.
  • Haggis: What's the book you're reading?
  • Levieva: City of Thieves and Let the Great World Spin.
  • Haggis: Where are you, on page three? Page four?
  • Levieva: No! I don't have them with me, they're sitting on my desk.
  • Haggis: I have lots of those.
  • Levieva: Obviously! I have a bookcase.

Last year, my Romantics professor tagged “reading for the beach this summer” onto the end of his every book recommendation.  From The Castle of Otranto to Paradise Lost, the further away from your typical, light beach reading the better.  At the time, I just thought it was really funny, until I remembered that the last time I was on a beach vacation, in my teens, I brought along a Henry James novel and All Quiet on the Western Front.

Podcast Recs

So I’ve recently gotten into podcasts and I decided to make a list of all my favorites in order to spread the love.

Welcome to Night Vale: The first podcast everyone listens to. About a small desert community where strange and fantastical things occur on a daily basis. Comedic and introspective with horror elements. And a lot of positive POC, LGBT, and disabled representation (including a lesbian hijabi Muslim!!! A girl in a wheelchair who pulls off a heist!!! A sarcastic, British agender sheriff!!! A little African American girl who reads books and saves an entire town!!!!) 10/10 recommend.

EOS 10: A medical comedy set in in space. Amazing. It takes a few episodes to really get interesting, so if you listen I would suggest listening to at least the fourth episode. Nobody is straight, and it’s wonderful and I would die for each character. Also, Dr. Urvidian. Trust me.

Alice Isn’t Dead: By the some of the same people who did Night Vale. A creepy, haunting story about a woman driving trucks across the country to search for her missing wife. It’s incredibly set up, and so well-written. Warning: some gory imagery and description of murder. Also, WOC protagonist and pretty much all women. 

Within the Wires: GUYS. This story was incredible. The format’s really unique: it’s set as a series of relaxation cassettes that slowly reveal the history between the narrator and the listener. It’s GREAT. Seriously, give this one a listen. It’s actually really relaxing between all the bombshells about the plot. It’s also by one of the guys that writes Welcome to Night Vale, so of course it’s gay.

The Penumbra Podcast: This is another one that’s hard to describe, but it’s a collection of stories, a different one every episode. Some are recurring, but some are stand-alone. SUCH amazing representation here, and funny/creepy storylines. There’s a nonbinary bisexual MOC, a Native American wlw BANDIT, a knight with a physical disability, women with actually good characterization, and a lot more. How often do we see that?

The Bright Sessions: Basically superheroes who go to therapy. Good acting, cool storylines, a cute romance. Again, lots of representation. And an asexual character!!!

Wolf 359: A story about the crew of a spaceship circling the Wolf 359 star. At first I thought this was a comedy, but it got dark pretty fast. The characterization is great. The story is comedic and gritty and fast-paced, and I would die for Isabelle Lovelace. If you like space shenanigans and found family, this one’s for you. 

Kakos Industries: This podcast is hilarious. It takes the format of a corporation’s monthly shareholder announcements. Only this corporation, headed by the legendary Corin Deeth III, helps you “do evil better.” It might disturb you a bit though, so if you don’t like sex jokes, murder, and swearing, stay away from this one.

The Orbiting Human Circus of the Air: A weird little show by Night Vale Presents that’s really hard to describe, but it includes an absolutely wonderful narrator, the cutest protagonist, and amazing side characters. The format’s cool as well, so I recommend giving it a listen. (also the main character’s a mlm!)

My 2016 In Reading

THE BOOKS I LOVED SO MUCH I WANTED TO SEW THEM INTO MY SKIN AKA MY FAVORITE BOOKS OF THE YEAR IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi
Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson
Today I Am a Book by xTx
The Three Woes by Casey Hannan
A Bestiary by Lily Hoang
Queen of the Night by Alexander Chee
The Mothers by Brit Bennett
Commonwealth by Ann Patchett
The Red Car by Marcy Dermansky

THE BOOK THAT OPENED MY EYES AND MIND AND BROKE MY HEART WITH THE PAINFUL REALITY TOO MANY AMERICANS LIVE WITH

Evicted by Matthew Desmond

THE BOOK THAT WAS TOTAL TRASH AND I THINK THE WRITER HATES FAT PEOPLE WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE OUR ISSUES BUT STILL, GIRL, WHAT….

Maestra by L.S. Hilton

THE COMING OF AGE PROSE POETRY THAT MOVED ME IMMEASURABLY

The Pocket Knife Bible by Anis Mojgani

THE BOOK THAT MADE ME THINK HILLARY CLINTON REALLY WAS GOING TO WIN THE PRESIDENCY

All the Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister

THE STRANGE BOOK ABOUT LONELINESS AND THE THINGS WE DO ONLINE THAT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND

Valletta78 by Erin Fitzgerald

THE POETRY BOOK I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL THOUGH I COULD TELL THE POEMS WERE SUPER SMART

The House of Lords and Commons by Ishion Hutchinson

THE ACTION THRILLER THAT HAD LOTS OF HYPE BLURBS BUT WAS ONLY SO SO

The Second Life of Nick Mason by Scott Hamilton

THE RETELLING OF A CLASSIC THAT I REALLY ENJOYED, WHICH SURPRISED ME AND ALSO THE AUTHOR WROTE ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS OF ALL TIME, AMERICAN WIFE

Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld

THE BOOK THAT MADE ME CRY BECAUSE IT HELD SO MUCH I COULD RELATE TO AND THEN MADE ME A LITTLE MAD

13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl by Mona Awad

EXCELLENT SMALL PRESS BOOKS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT

Pink Museum by Caroline Crew
The Farmacist by Ashley Farmer
The Voyager Record by Anthony Michael Morena
Massive Cleansing Fire by Dave Housley

THE BOOK I READ TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE A COMIC BOOK SERIES EVEN THOUGH I WAS WRITING FOR THEIR MAJOR COMPETITOR

The DC Comics Guide to Writing Comics by Dennis O’Neil

THE COMIC BOOK I LOVED AND RECOMMEND OFTEN

Saga by Brian Vaughan

THE COMIC BOOK ISSUE I READ AND THOUGHT WAS NOT SO GOOD SO I HAVEN’T READ ANY OTHER ISSUES IN THE SERIES

Wonder Woman Rebirth #1

THE BOOK I WROTE AN INTRODUCTION FOR (OUT IN 2017! FROM BEACON PRESS!)

Like One of the Family by Alice Childress

THE BOOK I REVIEWED FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult

THE BOOK I WANTED TO LOVE THAT HAD GORGEOUS OBSERVATIONS OF WOMEN’S FRIENDSHIPS

Rich and Pretty by Rumaan Alam

THE BOOK ABOUT CHEFS AND THEIR TATTOOS WITH FASCINATING STORIES OF WHY PEOPLE PERMANENTLY INK THEIR SKIN

Knives and Ink by Isaac Fitzgerald and Wendy MacNaughton

THE BOOK I READ BECAUSE I SAW A PREVIEW FOR THE TV SHOW AND LEARNED IT WAS BASED ON A BOOK SO I STARTED WONDERING IF THE BOOK WAS GOOD

Queen of the South by Arturo Perez-Reverte

SOME VERY GOOD BOOKS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT BECAUSE THE STORIES ARE WARM AND/OR INTELLIGENT AND/OR STRANGE AND/OR GRIPPING AND/OR INTENSE

Turner House by Angela Flournoy
LaRose by Louise Erdrich
The Wangs vs the World by Jade Chang
The Story of My Teeth by Valerie Luiselli
You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott

THE HEARTBREAKING BOOK ABOUT BEING GAY IN THE MIDDLE EAST DURING THESE TUMULTUOUS TIMES FROM A WRITER WITH A LOT OF POTENTIAL

Guapa by Saleem Haddad

GORGEOUS BOOKS OF POETRY I REALLY LOVED

Night Sky With Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong
L’Heure Bleue by Elisa Gabbert
The New Testament by Jericho Brown
Look by Solmaz Sharif
There Are More Beautiful Things Than Beyoncé by Morgan Parker

THE EXCELLENT BOOK I CHOSE AS MY SELECTION FOR BOOK OF THE MONTH CLUB

The Veins of the Ocean by Patricia Engel

THE BOOK I READ BASICALLY TO IMPRESS A GIRL AND IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD BOOK ALSO AND I HOPE THE GIRL WAS IMPRESSED BY MY DEDICATION BECAUSE THE BOOK WAS VERY LONG

The Fireman by Joe Hill

THE BOOK WITH AN AMAZING TITLE,  SOME REALLY GOOD STORIES INCLUDING A RIFF ON ANTIQUES ROADSHOW AND ALSO SOME STORIES I LIKED LESS

American Housewife by Helen Ellis

THE BOOK THAT WAS EXCEPTIONALLY WRITTEN BUT I WANTED THE ACTUAL RAILROAD PART TO BE MORE FULLY REALIZED

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead

FUN BOOKS THAT WERE FUN

The Assistants by Camille Perri
China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan

THE BOOK ABOUT BEING SINGLE TOWARD THE MIDDLE OF YOUR LIFE THAT PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IS GOING TO LOVE WHEN IT COMES OUT

All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg

THE EXCELLENT SHORT STORY COLLECTIONS COMING OUT AROUND THE SAME TIME AS DIFFICULT WOMEN THAT MADE ME JEALOUS AND ALSO SCARED OF THE COMPETITION

Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh
Always Happy Hour by Mary Miller

THE BOOK THAT WAS NOT MY CUP OF TEA BUT IT’S ME NOT THE BOOK

300 Arguments by Sarah Manguso

THE BOOKS I BLURBED (AND THEREFORE REALLY ENJOYED)

You’re the  Most Beautiful Thing That Happened by Arisa White
In the Not Quite Dark by Dana Johnson
I Almost Forgot About You by Terry McMillan
The Red Car by Marcy Dermansky
Feminist Baby by Loryn Brantz
Lower Ed: The Troubling Rise of For-Profit Colleges in the New Economy by Tressie McMillan Cottom
Bruja by Wendy C. Ortiz
Sing For Your Life by Daniel Bergner
Made for Love by Alissa Nutting

4

I recently read Ta-Nehisi Coates’ Between The World And Me and the above was one of many passages that really shook me. I highly recommend the book if you want to learn more about the Black Lives Matter movement in the US (or if you want to just read some damn fine writing).

Get the book from Amazon here.


4/29 update: correction made to last page thanks to Reddit users gigaquack and Godinjointform.

8

best of 2016  → top 8 new books

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire
Hamilton: The Revolution by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jeremy McCarter
Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War by Mary Roach
The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater
A Tangle of Gold by Jaclyn Moriarty
Once was a Time by Laila Sales
Dead Presidents: An American Adventure into the Strange Deaths and Surprising Afterlives of Our Nation’s Leaders by Brady Carlson
Games Wizards Play by Diane Duane

SCYTHE, by Neal Shusterman

Pretty much a perfect teen adventure novel. In a conflict-free world where humans have conquered death, elected Scythes must cull the human population. Two teens find themselves volunteered as apprentice-Scythes, and discover that of all the things that Scythes can kill, corruption is not one of them.

1. Over the years, I’ve heard many books touted as the successor to Hunger Games, but SCYTHE is the first one that I would really, truly stand behind, as it offers teens a complementary reading experience to that series rather than a duplicate one. Like Hunger Games, SCYTHE invites readers to both turn pages quickly but also furrow their brows over the ethical questions it asks. Tone-wise, I would place it solidly between M. T. Anderson’s FEED and Scott Westerfeld’s Uglies series.

2. Over the years, YA has come to encompass a wide age range — one that I feel tends to skew ever older and sometimes forget the folks who are growing out of middle grade, but slowly. SCYTHE strikes me as a true teen novel, one that I will happily thrust into the hands of even reluctant 12-14 year old readers to show them what awaits them in genre fiction. It asks enough difficult questions to stick in the mind, but it never asks them at the expense of pacing or story. Although it’s a series-starter and the end is tantalizing, it does feel like it satisfyingly stands alone (as is evidenced by its new Printz Honor sticker — the Printz is very rarely awarded to series books as the novel’s merit must be contained entirely within the volume awarded). Moreover, it is very light on the romance, something that younger readers often prefer (and somewhat difficult to find in YA).

3. Over the years, I have grown too lazy to make note of when sequels come out. I’ve made a note on my calendar for this one, though — November 2017. I look forward to another good time.

Okay so I picked this up at Barnes and noble and I think it’s really good for people trying to start a book of shadows or grimoire. It’s basically a blank journal and each page has a side with a blank page with a border for drawing and a lined side for writing. In the beginning it has basic correspondences for colors, trees, days of the week, sun and moon. So it already has all those and its very aesthetically pleasing and cute and pretty inexpensive I got it for $12 so I recommend it honestly. It’s a little Wicca driven but not overly saturated with it cause it’s just a journal!

Book Recommendations for Witches

I’m often asked to recommend books on various topics, and really, these requests are extended exercises in frustration for me. Any book I read will almost certainly contain something I disagree with, and I worry that recommending one will give the appearance that I support it wholeheartedly. Even if it is a treasured book of mine (such as something by Judika Illes), I’ll likely find some issue with it, and it’s often not worth the trouble to recommend something and then need to qualify it. 

Still, I get this request often enough that I thought I’d make a list of the books I’ve read that I believe to be worth reading for witches and generally useful. As I’ve said, I don’t 100% agree with everything written in any of these books, and a lot of judgment is necessary for any reader, but still, they’re worth a look, in my opinion. 

Another note: I’ve limited myself to listing books useful to those practicing witchcraft. I’ve listed a few Thelema and ritual magick books, but only those that I believe are most relevant. There are lists I could make of books on various other topics (divination, or a more in-depth one for ceremonial magick), but I recognize that my readership is largely witches, thus this is what I’m putting up. Do expect future lists on other topics, though.

Basic Techniques

Protection and Reversal Magick, by Jason Miller. This gets a little woo-woo at times, but he gives good advice on how to avoid serious problems that can come up as you begin to practice. Take with a grain of salt, though - some of this has the potential to make you feel paranoid.

City Magick, by Christopher Penczak. If you’re at all interested in tech witchery, or just want to practice magick within an urban setting, do check this out. It is by far the best look at the subject I’ve seen, and his discussion of urban tutelary spirits is worth the price alone.

Composing Magick, by Elizabeth Barrette. A very general, but well-done, look at writing in a magical context. Some of the ritual templates are slightly specific to religious witchcraft traditions, but most information is widely applicable.

Crafting Magick with Pen and Ink, by Susan Pesnecker. Focuses both on the physical act of writing as a magical act, and the mental state associated with it. Highly recommended

Power Spellcraft for Life, by Arin Murphy-Hiscock. Nicely done, quite secular book providing basic beginner information regarding writing original spells and workings. It does fall prey to the trap of just listing correspondences with little information at times, but also contains a great deal of detail about ritual timing, raising power, and other topics essential for the beginner.

Energy Essentials for Witches and Spellcasters, by Mya Om. Though I balk at the use of the term “energy” to describe magical forces, this book is worth a look. It’s a bit like a workbook, with various exercises. Expect a lot of pseudoscience, though, and there are many religious references, but the techniques are solid.

Components/Correspondences

The Herbal Alchemist’s Handbook, by Karen Harrison. I cannot praise this book enough for its concise and well-formulated approach to astrology, herbs, and magick as a whole.

The Weiser Concise Guide to Herbal Magick, by Judith Hawkins-Tillirson. This is excellent for anyone who’s interested in any kind of magick. Yes, the focus is generally herbs, but there’s a lot to be learned here about Kabbalah and other correspondence systems, as well.

Mixing Essential Oils for Magic, by Sandra Kynes. Fills a very difficult gap in published knowledge regarding the use of essential oils by discussing, in great detail, how scents interact with each other and how to create a formula that’s not only palatable, but evocative.

Dunwich’s Guide to Gemstone Sorcery, by Gerina Dunwich. Given the New Age fascination with all things shiny, it was quite a chore to sort through the myriad crystal books to find something with good information. While far from perfect and not exactly devoid of fluff, this book does give a level of detail about the lore surrounding gemstones not seen in many other texts.

Real Alchemy, by Robert Allen Bartlett. Excellent book, lots of history and detail. There’s a strong focus on tradition within the text, yet the author is quite accommodating of his audience and describes alternate methods that work better in a modern context.

Spagyrics, by Manfred M. Junius. With a highly-developed academic tone and attention to detail, this book is a meaty look at traditional alchemy. I recommend this more for intermediate practitioners due to the sheer density of information.

Dictionary of Ancient Magic Words and Spells, by Claude Lecouteux. Mostly a historical text, this book isn’t exactly practical or terribly useful. It is, nevertheless, incredibly interesting. It’s a bit difficult to navigate, but worth a glance.

Spellbooks

The Goodly Spellbook, by Dixie Deerman and Steve Rasmussen. The title sounds horribly fluffy, but this is a hidden gem. It explains obscure concepts like alternative alphabets and potential uses of musical notes, as well as plant lore and other bits and pieces. Definitely worth checking out. It’s way more than just “a book of spells.”

Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells, by Judika Illes. The title sounds trite to some, but it delivers. This book has spells from almost every culture and spiritual philosophy, as well as a very detailed formulary. I read it when I’m bored sometimes, too, just because I always learn some tidbit from it.

Ceremonial, etc.

Modern Magick, by Donald Michael Kraig. I received this as a gift several years ago. It is essentially a workbook meant to be completed slowly, step by step, and while the format will not appeal to everyone, it’s a good easy-to-read introduction to ceremonial magick.

My Life With The Spirits, by Lon Milo DuQuette. This is a memoir of a ceremonial magician, but it gives a good look at the magickal mindset in a highly developed form from someone who’s experienced quite a lot. I have major issues with DuQuette’s approach to Qabalah, but his memoirs are worth a read.

Liber Null and Psychonaut, by Peter Carroll. Classic book of chaos magick. I consider it required reading for almost anyone interested in the occult. Even if you have no love for chaos magick, do give it a read, just to understand how influential Carroll is, and why.

Hands-On Chaos Magic, by Andrieh Vitimus. Knowing some of the people involved in the creation of this book, I’m a bit biased towards it. That said, even if I didn’t know them, I would still recommend it. It’s especially interesting to read alongside Liber Null and Psychonaut in order to see how the chaos “current” has developed over the years.

History-Related

Encyclopedia of Witchcraft, by Judika Illes. Even better than the Weiser Field Guide to Witches - this book is huge and chock-full of information. It’ll explain in easy-to-understand language how the concept has developed throughout time, why witches do what they do, and different types of witches.

The Weiser Field Guide to Witches, by Judika Illes. This gives an excellent look at the historical lore concerning witches, from the perspective of a witch herself. It’s kind of tongue-in-cheek, but it does have some information that won’t be found elsewhere.

Triumph of the Moon, by Ronald Hutton. An inside no-holds-barred look at the history of Wicca and Modern paganism. Highly recommended. This is sort of the book that fluffbunnies don’t want you to read.

Book of Lies: The Disinformation Guide to Magick and the Occult, by Richard Metzger. Lots of facts and history of magick in the context of Postmodernity. This is different from the Crowley text of the same name, which I wouldn’t recommend unless you want to focus on his tradition.

The Place of Enchantment, by Alex Owen. This is a purely historical text that documents the occult revival within the context of Modernity. I remember it being very good, but please realize I haven’t really picked it up much since graduating, and it might just have served my mindset at the time.

•|
CUSTOMER: Which was the first Harry Potter book?
BOOKSELLER: The Philosopher’s Stone.
CUSTOMER: And the second?
BOOKSELLER: The Chamber of Secrets.
CUSTOMER: I’l take The Chamber of Secrets. I don’t want The Philosopher’s Stone.
BOOKSELLER: Have you already read that one?
CUSTOMER: No, but with series of books I always find they take a while to really get going. I don’t want to waste my time with the useless introductory stuff at the beginning.
BOOKSELLER: The story in Harry Potter actually starts right away. Personally, I do recommend that you start with the first book – and it’s very good.
CUSTOMER: Are you working on commission?
BOOKSELLER: No.
CUSTOMER: Right. How many books are there in total?
BOOKSELLER: Seven.
CUSTOMER: Exactly. I’m not going to waste my money on the first book when there are so many others to buy. I’l take the second one.
BOOKSELLER: … If you’re sure.
(One week later, the customer returns)
BOOKSELLER: Hi, did you want to buy a copy of The Prisoner of Azkaban?
CUSTOMER: What’s that?
BOOKSELLER: It’s the book after The Chamber of Secrets.
CUSTOMER: Oh, no, definitely not. I found that book far too confusing. I ask you, how on earth are children supposed to understand it if I can’t? I mean, who the heck is that Voldemort guy anyway? No. I’m not going to bother with the rest.
BOOKSELLER: …
😂😂😂

Jen Campbell, Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops
|•

WHY AREN’T MORE PEOPLE IN THE SEPTIMUS HEAP FANDOM

I JUST

GUYS

LISTEN


-DRAGONS
-magic????!!!!
-it might have taken place in the FUTURE and it’s not DYSTOPIAN
-literally everything is a character
-including the coffee pot
-Marcia freaking Overstrand
-pointy purple python shoes
-time traveling
-Jenna ‘I don’t give a fuck’ Heap
-Sleuth??? Literally world’s most helpful tennis ball
-also Dark! Simon
-also Light! Simon
-DRAGONS
- “Don’t go to the circus”
-It’s seven books and the second series is amazing incredible 10/10 recommend
-the epilogue is the best part
-no I swear Angie Sage is the best thing to happen to anything ever
-Jenna literally eats her way to freedom
-Nicko Heap omfg ♡♡♡
-Ullr?? A shape-shifting cat? Who wouldn’t want him as a pet?
m̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶
-literally there’s a dragon boat. You’ve seen them in real life? Great. This one’s better
-pink paddle boat to the rescue!
-LUCY GRINGE
-basically all the female characters are sassy and strong and the males just better run
-like even Septimus Heap, most powerful boy wizard ever, seventh son of a seventh son, ExtraOrdinary Apprentice, master of the Dragon boat, this mother fucker literally saved the castle from a dragon that was too bad ass to even exist in this dimension, yeah, he’s terrified of Jenna Heap w̶h̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶g̶i̶c̶a̶l̶ ̶p̶o̶w̶e̶r̶s̶ so if you’re missing Donna Temple, guess what
-SPIT FYRE
-Aunt Zelda
-Aunt Zelda giving no fucks about gender roles
-also basically a giant walking tent?
-SYRAH SYARA
-they literally flushed Septimus down a river toilet so he could go to the ghost land???
-also Alther being petty af
-no he legit follows the Bad Guy around all day just enlarging his hat to piss him off.
-CHICKEN BOAT
-guys I just really love this book please read it
-also ice tunnels
-anthropomorphic ice sleds
-you need this book
-also the covers are aesthetic like they’ll make your home 93% prettier just by being there
-also elevators are literally the Wizarding kryptonite I don’t know why
-OH I FORGOT WE EVEN HAVE A DARK! NICO AU HE’S AMAZING HIS FAVORITE FOOD IS BANANA BEARS

-fin-