The idea for this came during au week and I also wanted to write something for @kickassfu‘s bday a month ago now and holy writer’s block batman.
I quickly realized this could be 10k+ words, so made an attempt to keep this short, telling the tale in brief, loosely-connected scenes. Unbetad and barely read through so i can just freaking post. Let me know what you think. Mostly AU, as I don’t watch the show now.
forgets on a Thursday.
tendrils of sleep feel like they’re clinging to her more strongly than usual, and she scrubs a hand across her face. What is it she’s supposed to do
today? She yawns,
stretching her arms out, mind racing and trying to grasp on anything
and failing. What is she even doing here? She looks at her
surroundings - a hotel room,
the air conditioner whispering quietly in the corner, the bed soft
and plush - somewhere expensive then. She’s alone, no dent in the
pillow next to her, which somehow surprises her.
OK. Phone? Phone. She picks it up from the end table and swipes it,
breathing a sigh of relief when her thumbprint unlocks.
up her recent calls there’s an incoming call from someone named Cam the day
before, as well as a call to a Bonnie, who has ICE next to her name, made three
weeks prior. Ok. Not as much information as she had hoped. She opens
the messages, finding a similar state. A lot of recent texts with
whoever this Cam is, including a rather final sounding ‘Do not
contact me again’. Pissed off, she presses call. Clearly Cam is a
lost cause, but maybe he? she? can tell her some basic details.
told you not to call me ever again.” The voice sounds nervous,
well I woke up in a hotel room with no idea who the hell I am or why,
so thought maybe you could bend the rules, Cam.”
spits out his name like a curse - she’s scrolling through past
messages from him, catching some fervent ‘I love yous’ and heart
emojis. How quickly love fades.
hears a sigh on the other end, then an awkward pause before Cam
speaks again. “I am sorry, Caroline. I love you, but I cannot. Talk
to Bonnie, your friend. She will help.” The line goes dead.
OKAY EVERYONE STOP PANICKING LIKE ME WHO IS TOTALLY CALM
Okay, let’s just dive right in here: “I don’t like you. I never liked you”… I will be honest, my face fell at that line. But now… I actually think it works.
Think of it this way: do you think Sam likes Lucifer? …Well, no, he doesn’t. Lucifer goes against Sam’s morals, Lucifer hurts people, Lucifer has a horrid sense of humour… but that doesn’t stop Sam feeling a connection to him. That doesn’t stop Sam loving him.
And though we all write Lucifer as the one who loves every detail of Sam, I think maybe we all did have that rather wrong. Because it does work vice versa. To Lucifer, Sam is naive, weak because he doesn’t take what power he can get, and too submissive. But again, connection… Lucifer does still love Sam. You can love someone and not like them. That’s exactly why he’s always looked to mould Sam into what he believes he could be.
Honestly, this is actually pretty in character for their relationship. The whole damn thing is awkward for them both. They don’t like each other. But damn do they understand each other perfectly. They don’t talk about things, both because they refuse and because they don’t need to because they both just know already.
Now I think about it, I think they’re too close to like each other. Do you like everything about yourself? They’re two halves of the same whole. It’s like being faced with a version of yourself, flaws and all, which you have to observe with what can’t be anything other than a natural obsession. Really, it just makes this the most brutally intimate relationship that could possibly exist.
They know each other inside out.
They’re connected through literal fate.
They’re always going to be bound to each other.
It’s a fucking testament to this ship that they’re literally still just the most canon relationship ever… and they don’t even like each other.
I love the stydia fandom so much. Like, one picture of our otp standing next to each other is enough to get everyone excited and fangirling. We enjoy the small things in life and I think that’s beautiful.