and-i-don't-feel-like-doing-responsibilities

I’ve had guys tell me, ‘I’ll never feel for anyone the way i feel for you’

And I’m like, 'well, yeah, because it’s neurologically impossible to have identical emotionally associative response patterns for two separate people you’re receiving input from.’

Which I guess????

Isn’t the response they’re looking for??????

??????

anonymous asked:

brutally honest ships: Rebelcaptain (i know what your gonna say but imma ask anyway)

AHAHAHAH. Bless you, anon. Bless you.

Well, to start, I did write this treatise on WHY I SHIP REBELCAPTAIN, but that’s more a technical breakdown than it is brutal honesty.

The brutal honest answer? I haven’t loved a ship like this one in a very long time. I almost never ship characters from a stand alone movie because the tension begins and ends within the span of those two hours. But Jyn and Cassian? They’re a different animal. I went in jokingly wanting to ship them based on the first trailer and general Diego Luna lusting, but on the first viewing, I was like oh ok, I guess I am probably not gonna end up shipping them, and that’s fine, that’s cool, that’s … what the hell is going on in that elevator scene. OH MY GOD BITCH DON’T YOU DARE OH GOD.

But here are some new hot takes I don’t think I’ve put down into words before:

My brain can’t comprehend that there’s another person in the universe that would make sense for the other. Other OTPs, other characters, I could be game with the “they could love someone else–maybe it would be the great love, but it could be love.” With Jyn and Cassian, I feel like they just wouldn’t be interested in anyone else. I think they both would rather be alone than be with someone else just to be with someone else. Cassian’s married to the cause when we met him. Jyn’s just trying to survive. Romance and love aren’t on the agenda. That is, until they meet each other, and like, something snaps into place.

I also believe that if they had survived, they’d be relatively okay mentally and emotionally, relatively speaking. Relatively, because these two have already been massively traumatized by their lives when they meet, and they’re still functioning. I think they are natural survivors and survivors who have learned how to cope. They’ve both learned to compartmentalize  Maybe they have nightmares, they probably have additional layers of PTSD and survivor’s guilt, but I don’t see them in my mind as withdrawing from each other, either? But then I’ve read fics where they’ve done just that, and I love those?

But one thing I do love about this ship is that I find that their dynamic is quite … healing for the other. It’s a pairing of equals, and though on the surface they are somewhat opposites (he’s careful and cool; she’s reckless and hotheaded), they’re also very similar in other ways, which is why I think they get one another, and why I think they work so well. In a span of a week they can communicate almost wordlessly. They trust one another. It’s beautiful and tragic.

Speaking of which. One upside to them being dead is that they can’t be ruined or torn apart. They exist forever in this perfect little bubble of what if and if only. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it (and I don’t want to).

So there are definitely more serious things but this is really important to me…anything helps I don’t even wanna have to make this but 10 yrs ago I made my mom adopt a cat and I named her hope because she gave me hope. Unfortunately when my mom moved us to Texas to continue her education we couldn’t keep her because we we’re moving in with her brother, so we gave her to my moms foster sister and we never knew what happened after that. This morning the ASPCA in Virginia called and said they found our cat she’s been living outside without care for probably 7 years the average life span for an outdoor cat is 2 to 3 years she is again continuing to give me hope. She’s obviously very old and very sick so I don’t know how long she’ll live but I just want her to live here with me in comfort loved and cared for. But in order for that to happen we have to fly her here and that’s like extra 200 we don’t have… I don’t expect to get the full amount but we could really use the help. I honestly don’t understand how she’s survived this long but I can’t help but feel like it’s a sign after all this time I can’t just let her die now that she’s found us and as her owner I feel responsible and guilty for the life she had to live. I know everyone is struggling so If you can help thank you from the bottom of my heart if you can’t I completely understand and thank you anyway. cash.me/$Veronicahill

I hate it when you tell people that you are bored and looking for tv shows to fill your time because you are too fatigued to do anything else.  And their response is to argue that you are bored because you are wasting time and you should be more productive.

Take a class!  Engage in a hobby!  Earn money!

Like can you stop trying to make me feel badly about myself for 5 seconds and listen to what I’m saying?  I’m too fatigued to create the new neural pathways needed to actually learn something new.  And I’m too fatigued to make my body work correctly.

But that’s ok because you feel better about yourself for putting me in my place, so at least I’m good for something right?

deathtouchroadrunner  asked:

I get your hints. I don't see them as a problem. I think a subset of the people annoyed get them, they just feel like they're a little too flip because of a failure to be properly exposed to how trivial their concerns are on a cosmic scale. I think another subset of people feel like the responses beat around the bush because you're not responding to some subtextual aspect of their question they feel is obvious.

My mind space is not on tournament Magic. It isn’t what I do. I’m the design guy, so my focus is more on the architecture of why and how we put things together.

So when someone asks why there aren’t graveyard answers, I take it as a design question. Structurally, why wouldn’t you put answers in the design?

The answer involves non-public information so I give a coy “wait and see” answer. I do 100% plan on explaining the reasoning when I’m able.

The person asking the question was concerned with Standard though so they were asking me, the easiest person to ask a question, something to let me comment on the state of Standard.

I wasn’t being dismissive or arrogant or unempathetic. I was a hammer assuming something was a nail when, in fact, it was far from a nail.

With hindsight, I now see the tone behind the question and if I had it to do over, I would give a straight-forward answer.

Here’s the problem for the future for me. Can I tell the difference before answering? Not only do I have the viewpoint issue, but I’m most often answering questions in between living my life.

I think the “madness to our method” quote was written while my son was brushing his teeth. My focus is already not 100%, but if I want to keep up my volume (which was the #1 positive response when I asked recently what people like about my blog) that’s the time I have to answer.

My point for this long post is that my goal is always to be the best spokesperson I can be. I try to learn from my mistakes to improve, but I know that this kind of nuance issue is just not something I’m going to catch all the time.

I promise you I hear the concerns and I’m working to do the best I can. I’ll try to catch things like this in the future.

All I ask in return is to remember I’m a human being capable of making mistakes just like anyone. Please don’t assume malice on my part.

If generating a million plus words of Magic a year should do anything, it should at least make my intentions clear. I care very much for the game and for the community. My involvement here on the blog is to enhance the game and make it more enjoyable for all of you not be dismissive of your concerns.

anonymous asked:

Do you have any advice for critiquing a friend's writing? I don't want to discourage their enthusiasm, I think I may just be in a negative mindset but I can't think of much positive feedback. They have a lot they need to work on, and I want to help, I just don't know how to do it without coming accross shitty. I feel like I'm very lacking in my critiquing ability and I won't be able to help them the way they need to grow, but neither of us know anyone else who could help.

Hey, anon! I have a few suggestions, so bear with me for a slightly longer response than usual!

Originally posted by veryfunstuff

First, I want to say that it’s okay not to give your friend critiques, especially if you don’t feel comfortable doing it! Stick to positive feedback (I have a few ideas for that!) until you come across something you feel comfortable suggesting to them. I have a few friends who I tell, “Look, I’m not going to critique you. I can give you a suggestion and totally be excited for what you write, of course, but I don’t think my way of critiquing is going to help you.”

It’s better to be honest up front rather than try to tell them what they want to hear!

1) What is positive feedback? Positive feedback is anything that you like about someone’s story. It doesn’t have to be the way it was written! Maybe you like the plot, maybe you like the characters, maybe they did description particularly well! Just because someone’s writing skill level isn’t as high as they’d like doesn’t mean there’s nothing good about their work!

“Oh, I like the setting a lot. The tall, red brick buildings are perfect for the apocalyptic thing you’ve got going on.”

“I really like how brave Character A is! It takes a lot to stand up to Character B.”

“I love Sci-fi, so I was really excited to see your story going in that direction!”

“This sentence here, the one about X, I really like this turn of phrase!”

These are all examples of positive feedback! There are so many layers in story-telling, there’s always something good to comment on! 

2) Use AND not BUT.  A lot of times, “but” can feel invalidating. “I really liked X, but y needs work.” That makes the author feel like all the reader will see is Y. They totally miss out on how great X is! Think of it as improv! You can’t keep building the scene (or story!) without “and!” 

“I really like X and I feel like the reader will feel it even more if Y really focuses on…”

“You’ve got the beginnings of a great character here and I think you can continue that by adding a flashback or something similar.”

“I love the direction this is taking and think it’ll really bring it all together if you vary your sentence structure here…”

You’re working with the writer to bring their story to life, you’re not judging their writing. When I started thinking about it like improv, I actually improved my relationships with my writing friends because they knew I was on their side!

3) There’s a lot to fix. The simple truth of the matter is that the only way to get better at writing is to read, write, and edit. There’s no way around that! So don’t try to make a new writer’s work look like Hemingway, it takes forever and it’s super discouraging!

Try to offer two suggestions per piece someone shows you! (The number of suggestions will be up to you, but for new writers, I’d suggest two!) Try to make each suggestion different. Maybe one will be about sentence structure and another will be about pacing. Or one could be about characterization and another could be keeping an eye out for dialogue formatting!

There’s nothing wrong with having a lot to work on and as much as we’d all love to tackle every problem at once, we can’t! So just giving a few suggestions until next time is much better since it lets the author just focus on those in edits!

It also helps to give the author context for your suggestions. 

“I think this needs to be slower, but that’s based on my personal taste.”

 “This sounds awkward to me and I don’t know why. I really liked how this author did it in their book. Maybe take a look when you have time for ideas?”

“I’m having trouble with this too! Recently I’ve tried X, Y, and Z. Maybe you could try?”

4) What are they asking? If you don’t know where to start with suggestions, ask them! Ask them if they want you to pay attention to this character or pacing or description. Writers will, a lot of the time, already know what they’re struggling with or what they want to work on next. Ask for parameters so that you’re both on the same page in the critique!

“Could you keep an eye out for awkward phrasing?”

“Sure!”

“And also, Character A is supposed to be angry with Character B. If you have any suggestions on how to show that, please let me know.”

“Of course!”

It’s also the writer’s job to work with you, especially if you’re friends! 

5) Who else can help? That sucks that there aren’t many writers around you! I’d try Scribophile (X) if you’d like some reviews from strangers! It’s a site I use fairly often!


Hope this helps anon! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!

anonymous asked:

I absolutely LOVED your response about monetizing cosplay. I cosplay, craft, sew, and construst every single piece I do. Despite that I go to cons and the cosplayers that get the attention are women who are half-naked. honestly it makes me feel less..well, less. Like people don't pay attention to my work because i'm not flashing my flesh. I love my craft but i hate that it feels like I have to be naked for people to notice my work. Is that horrible?

TBH, if you were half naked it wouldn’t be your *work* people would be noticing. That’s just the nature of it. Scantily clad, attractive women will always get attention. As a cosplayer, you have to decide what kind of attention you are looking for, because not every audience is made equally.

People who are primarily interested in looking at cosplay they can jerk off to are *usually* not also interested in your construction techniques (There are exceptions to every rule, of course, but generally.) The people who appreciate sewing and crafting and technical details are *usually* less interested in whether you are hot or not. Usually. (Being hot always helps.)

There are more people in column A than in column B. Like I mentioned in my post about monetization, creating sexy images is the most lucrative thing you can do with cosplay. Lingerie shoots are almost always more popular than handcrafted costumes, because there are way more people in the world who like looking at hot chicks than people who really care about the intricacies of how a costume is made. (Some like both, but generally.)

But this is the main point I’m trying to make here: What kind of content you post determines what kind of people decide to follow you. What you wear to a convention determines who decides to stop you for a photo or to talk shop about costuming. What you add to this community determines who responds back to you, and how.

I’m not here to discredit ANYONE’S approach, but I can speak from my own experience. I cosplay because I’m passionate about art, and I want to connect with other artists. So I spend my time making detailed costumes and learning new skills. I regularly make posts discussing my materials and techniques, so that I can share what I’ve learned and maybe teach others. In return, I’ve made many friends who also care about crafting and learning, and cultivated a community of people who are invested in that discussion. That’s pretty amazing. I might not have a hundred thousand followers or a monthly paycheck, but that’s not what I was expecting when I decided to do things this way.

That’s just my experience. Everyone has their own unique approach. You might read all this and decide that sexy cosplay is the way to go, and that’s fine. You’re in charge of your own experience. But I hope this provides some perspective.

Your last line – “Is that horrible?” – has me wondering if you feel some guilt over your feelings about sexy cosplayers. Correct me if I’m reading that wrong. But the last thing I want to leave you with is this: if you’re feeling jealousy and resentment towards the women who do “sexy cosplay” for the attention they’re getting, you only sour your own experience. I know because I’ve struggled with it myself in the past. Your feelings don’t change the facts of the world, but understanding how it works and what to expect from your efforts can help you move forward. Good luck.

anonymous asked:

Who do you think is responsible for the censorship of sanvers, the writers or the CW? I'm inclined to believe it's the latter. I feel like this is probably standard practice for various networks with "family" shows, but I'm seeing a lot of anger directed towards the writers specifically, and I don't know if it is the most productive thing. Not that the writers shouldn't be criticized for other things.

society?

[this got very long]

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Maybe somethn like hazel coming out as a lesbian 2 piper and piper comin out to her as bi in response and bein just generally suportive?

this is so cute to me for some reason like

  • hazel, after having a sexual awakening and realizing that she only really has platonic feelings for frank and was a victim of comp. heterosexuality, is Freaked the Fuck Out and doesn’t know?? what to do??
  • takes a day or two to internalize this and generally just panics like how many lesbians do when they first have the realization “oh my god i like girls what do i do what does this mean” (poor bby)
  • decides that she needs help on how to handle it but she doesn’t know where to go? like who do you go to about this? it’s not like she has a favorite lesbian tumblr user she can beg advice from sdfghjk so she decides that since maybe piper is a daughter of aphrodite and one of her closest friends that maybe she can help
  • piper, driving with hazel back from a jamba juice: aw, so how’re things with you and frank? you guys are so adorable ~♥
  • hazel, staring into her cup: haha yeah. i’m gay. *is internally screaming*
  • and piper is just like oh oh oh!! oh!! and loses her footing metaphorically for a second like??? this is not at all what she was expecting to be equipped to handle at that instance (especially since she wasn’t sure that hazel considered her close enough to come out to like, piper just imagines hazel as so independent all the time that she just kinda considers herself an accessory? she’s mildly panicked)
  • but ofc she’s Piper and so she’s like ok how can i best express my support and reassure her
  • so she just kinda like. “oh! that’s cool– that’s great! i’m bi! i mean, like, i’m bisexual. i’m glad you decided to tell me :)”
  • and so initially hazel is relieved like. oh thank god. she actually doesn’t even fully register that piper also just came out to her bc she just goes back to like, no ur missing the point i’m gay
  • and so she expresses this to piper and piper is like ??? like she starts going back to reassuring her like “it’s ok!! i know it’s probably really intense for you but being gay is awesome, you’ll be alright dw, you can talk to me” kinda stuff but hazel’s like “piper, i haven’t told frank yet.”
  • and piper Gets It now and like honestly poor hazel but poor piper too like asdfghkjl what is she supposed to s ay here
  • but bc piper’s the best she is talks through it with hazel and assures her and gives her the confidence, she’s really supportive of her and promises her that frank will understand and generally just is a great Sapphic Big Sister
  • honestly like i just want more of their friendship …. they’re so CUTE

anonymous asked:

i hate how tony's response to "he's my friend" which is basically just steve pleading with him, please, please don't do this is just "so was i" because not only is it really self centered, but also feel like it rings pretty false. like i feel like if bucky and tony's positions were reversed, bucky would never put steve in that position. don't you think?

It’s self centred for sure and also like….shows the lack of understanding that T has for Steve. Because i think had it hypothetically been anyone else stood where T was stood, or maybe not anyone but for sure like Sam or Nat or maybe even Wanda, if it was them that had heard that from Steve, they wouldn’t have even considered trying to compare their relationship with Steve with the relationship Steve will always have with Bucky. And that in itself, the fact that they wouldn’t say that and T did, is what makes the line so ironic. Bc they wouldn’t say that, they wouldn’t put themselves on that same level because they understand Steve, they know Steve, and that’s what actually makes them Steve’s friends. T saying what he said showed that actually, he didn’t understand Steve, he didn’t know Steve, he didn’t have any real connection with Steve bc if he did, he’d have known that he couldn’t compare a few missions together with the life that he had with Bucky. The fact he tries to compare that, the fact he inserts himself into that dynamic with the “so was i” actually shows that, no, he really really wasn’t.
And I agree, Bucky wouldn’t try and make Steve choose between him and someone else. He literally asks Steve what’s going to happen to his friends bc of everything Steve’s doing for him, and then tells Steve he doesn’t think he’s worth everything Steve’s doing and everything Steve’s friends have done for him.

anonymous asked:

i found that my body does get turned on, and it's messing with me. I didn't consent to this. i'm sex-repulsed. and... i feel... i don't know... violated? betrayed? i feel serious distress. i don't want to have sex. i don't want to feel this. is it possible to be traumatized by your own body? because that's sorta what it feels like. i know that it's natural and healthy but i didn't ask for it i haven't felt it before now, and i'm 22. i'm just freaking out.

There’s a lot of questions here and I just want to say Do not blame yourself for the shit your body does. Bodies just do shit. All the time. They can reflectively kick your knee, or any other joint. They can make you see shit just cause. Being turned on is a bodily response. It does not equate to enjoyment one tiny bit. It means chemicals were like do you need this? Is it jarring and annoying when your body is like thing brain is like Um no???/ ABSOLUTELY. Think of it as an inch or a twitch. If you have periods, but never want kids. Also like that. Bodies do stupid shit, it absolutely does feel like omg why can’t you just listen to me but bodies are a system and they don’t listen to non-chemical input very well. It’s not a you failed, or you secretly want or even have to do a thing.

i dont know how to put this but if you’re someone who makes artistic content and you’re from the third world you do kind of? have a responsability to represent it in your work? like of course no one can force you to and you’re gonna do whatever the fuck you feel like doing but i keep arguing with my writer friends who set all their stories in idk fucking england don’t you think there are enough stories set in england? who’s gonna tell our stories? the british sure as fuck won’t.

also they shouldn’t because gross.

dauntless-dreamers  asked:

"because i am an adult, i don’t follow minors unless they follow me first and if they’re OK with it" sorry but I don't see anything wrong with adults following minors? Could you explain yourself?

i want to make sure that i’m not crossing boundaries- tumblr can be an intensely personal experience and its important for minors on the internet to have their own spaces without the pressure/influence/power dynamic of adults interacting with them & it’s my responsibility to acknowledge & respect this. the internet in general creates this illusion that we’re all on the same level but i feel like that’s not a really good way to do things and i know a lot of people who have been fucked up by getting into friendships with older people online before they knew what was happening. so as a precaution, i try to be aware of the ages of ppl i follow/interact with

anonymous asked:

I'm a young minority kid, and i just came out to my mom as Bi. The first thing she said to me was 'Ew' then 'How do you even know'. I had been thinking of telling her for years and now that I did i don't know how to react. I feel that i shouldn't tell anyone else close to me fearing they'll have the same response. I feel I should just hide it, hide my sexuality and my feelings.

they’re from a different generation. my mom said ew too but not like on a “ew ur bi” way but like “ew i can’t imagine myself doing that” they were never brought up with LGBT+ education so they say a lot of dumb things but the fact she’s asking how do you even know means there is hope that she has the potential to be receptive and learn from you. so be patient with her and calmly explain how you feel, that you love her, and that you just want to be honest about your life with her. parents are suckers for that bs

anonymous asked:

Do you think Cas will get a happy ending? I used to be Cas' ending would be a choosing to be human thing but now I don't know. Not just the whole Billie thing but also Cas was involved in killing a child. There a certain things you just dont came back from and certain things show's won't have their main heroes do even in a fantasy setting -the protag can kill but he wont cheat, rape, or harm a child usually for example. :(

I didn’t feel like the episode was trying to tell us, Cas killed a kid and now he’s terrible, but instead, Cas feels responsible for the death of the kid, and he feels terrible, which really changes this from my perspective.

Dean killed a kid and it’s not routinely dragged out by the show to prove he shouldn’t be happy. I’m sure it’s tormenting him but narratively, that all disappeared when he got the Mark off into a sort of blob of generic terrible things he did under the Mark guilt, which wasn’t really that well explored either. At this point I’m sure they’re all writing it off as under mind control as a technicality, and not focusing on it like that.*

Sam drank the blood of a screaming nurse, killing her (a valued member of society with kind of a moral event horizon similar to killing children when it comes to listing innocents) - off screen, but it was Sam’s over-the-edge act that demonised HIS soul for all of 10 minutes at the end of season 4, and he only needed a season to repent for it all and stop Lucifer, and again, Cindy is pretty much never mentioned again. 


*Note: not interested in starting the debate about how culpable Dean is for the stuff under the Mark (or I guess Sam under demon blood and Ruby’s manipulations); just commenting on the way the show presented it. It’s probably under the same bracket as Sam trying to murder Bobby in 6x11. Everyone can feel guilty and horrible but for the sake of core characterisation it wasn’t their fault enough to drag them under with it, and in 3 episodes time they seem mostly back to normal :P


Anyway. Both of these actions were objectively worse and more terrible and actively detrimental to Sam and Dean’s moral fibre and our perceptions of them than anything they showed with Cas. I’m not just defending Cas because, idk, I like him more than Sam and Dean; I don’t hate either of them for these things (and if I like Cas more it’s unrelated :P) 

This episode was very careful to establish a villain who would evilly want to kill a child because he’s just plain awful (Ishim) and to contrast Cas to him repeatedly as a dark mirror to Cas’s character, AND use his actions of lying to them to make them enact orders that were emphatically described as part of the angel’s moral code, to trick the rest of the angels into being complicit in this murder. 

Even when Cas thought it was a nephilim and not a human child, this was his immediate reaction to the nephilim being killed - a being that he thought was an abomination and that should be destroyed by all the laws he upheld:

He flinches at the sound of a young girl screaming, despite all of that, there’s a part of him even then that’s not entirely okay with it - that same part of him that’s always been terrible at following orders and of feeling sympathetic or protective of the innocent and defenceless, which is his core goodness that makes him such a great character. 

This scene also directly implies that Cas murdered who knows how many babies:

NAOMI
Not always, angel. There was that day, back in Egypt, not so long ago, where we slew every first-born infant whose door wasn’t splashed with lamb’s blood. And that was just PR.

CASTIEL
Well, I wasn’t there.

NAOMI
Oh, you were there. You just don’t remember it.

And the implication was that he resisted and rebelled there, and maybe even was controlled to do it just like Naomi forcing Cas to attack Dean in the crypt, as by that point it was established she could control his actions completely and use him to kill whoever she wanted (except Dean that one time - but the “first borns” thing is interesting to me anyway for the comparison). 

All of this is meant to horrify us but I don’t think it’s meant to show Cas has broken morality - instead it highlights that he has GOOD morality because of how he reacts to these evil actions and situations, and the fact both times it’s less that he’s made evil choices but that he never had a choice. He may not have had “true” free will until 4x22 when he finally chooses to rebel against heaven and no longer heed their orders, and to decide for himself what is right or not. Obviously killing Lily’s kid came way before that, so we have to weigh how Cas’s character evolved over season 4, the way it was shown Heaven manipulated out dissent and rebellion (Anna tells us rebellious angels will be killed) and gives us the sort of emotional backstory on what Cas would have been up against 100 years ago, following orders and believing completely in Heaven because what other choice did he have? The fact his orders in this case were a lie isn’t even a part of this line of thought - if it HAD been a nephilim, this is how Cas reacted and felt, and what he was up against convincing him he had to do it while he was basically in a state where he was unable to pretty much THINK dissent or more than vague uncertain doubts he didn’t give voice to until 4x07 (100 years later :P). Throw in their absolute and unquestionable law that nephilim are evil and must be killed, and of course the Cas we saw there is following these orders and could have seemed even pleased or satisfied that the child was killed, but EVEN SO, he flinched.

BUT looking at the wider picture, even that they were lied to on top of that somewhat diminished responsibility, I’d agree blood is still on their hands because they helped, but their actual intent to murder is completely diminished by Ishim’s actions because they didn’t know it was an innocent human child and obviously would not have gone along with it if they knew. As the only angel who survived to find out what Ishim had really done, Cas isn’t just in a place to question his orders and assumptions about it being fine to murder Nephilim on principle, but to feel betrayed, manipulated and coerced into the murder of Lily’s kid - obviously this is on a personal level away from how Cas actually talks to Lily about what happened. All he can do THERE is express how sorry he is and to admit her right to be avenged if she wants to, because of course whatever he FEELS about it, his past actions still helped lead to her child’s murder. 

This episode definitely gave a lot of room to ethically exonerate Cas of everything except what will be his conflict with the current nephilim plot - the duty/obligation/moral code from Heaven which dictates that they must be destroyed. And even that, he has to admit he’s now gained enough insight that even seeing it as a separate thing from what happened with Lily’s kid (since she wasn’t a nephilim, the ethical lesson about murder being bad technically doesn’t apply to actual nephilim) he WOULD feel some hesitation now, so the episode has even begun to shake his faith in that, even setting aside that tiny hint that our Cas has always been in there somewhere even when following these orders seemingly blindly. He was the angel who doubted.

I mean, there’s still a long and dodgy road to go about wtf the show will do with Lucifer’s baby, but this is a good sign that they’re edging away from killing it on principle, and it’s Cas’s principle that’s dictating that. So he hasn’t actually reached the same crossroads as Sam and Dean did when they murdered innocents, and he’s already had a strong lesson in questioning his assumptions, and what to do about nephilim. I think unless he decides to do it anyway, at this point your fears about him being unredeemable aren’t a problem yet at all.

At the moment I don’t feel Cas is in any moral danger in this way compared to Sam and Dean’s various bad moral slides, because he started in the uncompromising place, in 12x08 and flashback!Cas whose lines were pretty much all enforcing the idea from Heaven that nephilim are bad and need to be killed and so on, and now by the end of 12x10 this has been at least chipped at a little so far. I have some hope now that Cas will make the right choice, by whatever standards the show works on (this whole thing is really ethically messed up when it comes to the Lucifer baby stuff so idk how much that will relate to what fans think the right choice will be and people with different opinions in general will react differently to what they do, I guess.) But at least by the show’s apparent rules for the characters and whether they’re being presented as good, bad, redeemable, in danger of moral lapse, they’re apparently trying to show us Cas changing and learning and hoping to find another way to deal with it than the old, absolute rule of Heaven he was trying to enforce. Which is all a positive sign that he WON’T go down a bad road and kill the kid and end up in this place where it affects him in the long run…

I hope :P 

I don’t know if Cas will get a happy ending or not because they’re really messing around filling time on a show they know at the moment they can write as if it will never end, but Cas has clear goals set out for happiness and belonging and a sense of home, as well as obstacles to stop him getting there, settling in, and then being in a place where he’s achieved all his goals before the end, and then obviously has to have terrible stuff happen to him to take it away again because that’s not how things work in stories >.> So these delays on Cas getting what he wants are good because obviously they want to hold something back for him to aim at.

But I definitely don’t think Cas has been damaged beyond the point of ethical redemption or deservedness of a happy ending.


I DID in my watching notes, when Ishim was talking about tearing out Lily’s heart because she broke his, and went for her daughter, immediately link it to when by Cas’s POV on being heartbroken by his family turning on him and refusing to help/believe in him/trust him in 6x20, he then goes off and breaks Sam’s wall to slow up Dean from stopping him. Obviously that’s a really exaggerated bad example I just made with a lot of character slander to compare what Cas was doing to what Ishim did. BUT it was his one big, truly “unforgivable” action in the narrative. 

Dean acts as the shows moral compass, and often/mostly has the final say on ethical issues like this, determining who is good and bad (and if he’s wrong, it’s on his shoulders to deal with that - 7x03 was the last episode I watched this week working through the show with my mum, and of course the next episode after that is the judgement one where Dean’s heart is weighed, and blah blah off track here but Dean’s moral judgement is really important on the show). DEAN FORGIVES CAS for hurting Sam. It’s an almost miraculous recovery because to Dean hurting Sam is just… the absolute worst thing you can do. Dean is otherwise the sort of person who would advocate shooting their own grandfather for betrayal, but after Cas does it and inflicts the worst damage on Sam we’ve seen anyone go through in the whole show… He lets Cas back in and accepts his attempts to redeem himself. Cas’s season 7 redemption is one of the most important stories on the show for him or Dean or even Sam when it comes to personal relationships… I like to just randomly watch Cas’s season 7 episodes and bawl at the screen :P 

Anyway, Cas went right over the moral event horizon in 6x22, but he was brought back already, years ago, and like Sam jumping into the cage to atone for season 4, has been morally recovered, in a way, for a very long time. He still feels some guilt for it but the narrative (which blurs with Dean’s opinion :P) has forgiven him. Sam and Dean are initially horrified by Cas’s story in the middle of the episode, but don’t reject him and the final conversation is positive, with them discussing that change and hoping for a change with their next decisions.


(still not sure what’s up with Dean and the Mark and all that, but as I said… rug sweeping :P But yeah, Dean is the character always talking about how they go down swinging and doesn’t see a happy end, and I do think he doesn’t think he deserves one, just that exploring any of the reasons why has all been suppressed by him, so it’s not being dealt with >.> He’s probably got a list of reasons dating back to when he was four years old. Whether HE gets the happy ending is something they’ve been poking at for years, and when that starts getting properly addressed, we’ll know the show is nearly over :P)

“Okay, for real now.”

Dean is serious, sitting straight and looking like he’s working in another case– and this is half weird, half funny because they’re supposed to be on a short vacation or whatever. Sam isn’t sure how he should feel about this. so he just hums in response, turning a page of his magazine. He can’t remember why he’s even trying to read it, but he’s grateful for Dean’s interruption.

As weird as it is.

“Why do you never say ‘yes’?”

Oh. So that’s the reason behind Dean’s sudden behavior. Sam has believed they’ve got that settled a long time ago.

He can’t remember when Dean started asking, really. Maybe after Stanford and Jess, maybe when they first kissed in the back seat of the Impala when Sam was 13. At first it was just an innocent joke, something they threw around only to have something to look for– a promise of sorts. They’d always be together, day after day, as long as Dean kept asking and Sam kept refusing, and it was good. No matter how fucked up their lives were, they still had a constant there, keeping them together.

But then time flew by, things got even more fucked up than ever and with everything the world had thrown at their faces, somewhere down the road that question turned and twisted into something meaningful, real and deep as a fresh wound. Despite Dean’s best efforts, though, Sam’s answers has never changed.

‘You goin’ to marry me today?’

‘Ask me again tomorrow.’

Dean is still staring, still waiting for Sam’s answer, and Sam sighs, pushing the magazine aside to look up at his big brother. Their eyes lock for a second or two and even if there’s a thousand and one things Sam could say, there’s only one answer he’d always pick.

“Because if I did, I’d never get to hear you ask again.”

{ part 01 | tagging: @policeofficerdean @corrupteddean @golly-god @angelicmeg }

Memory- Open Starter (suicide tw)

“Midnight, not a sound from the pavement. Has the moon lost her mem'ry? She is smiling alone…”
Lucy sang quietly where she sat on the roof of the apartment building, her feet dangling off the edge.
“In the lamplight the withered leave collect at my feet and the wind begins to moan.”
Tears dripped down her cheeks, her hazel eyes staring blankly up at the silver moon. The wind blew cold, but she didn’t even shiver.
“Mem'ry. All alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days, life was beautiful then.”
She had just come out for a breath of air, to clear her head, to push the intrusive thoughts back to the back of her mind where they had been kept for so long. But now she was out here…
“I remember the time I knew what happiness was, let the mem'ry live again…”
The ground was far, far below her, lit by the street lamps and passing cars on the busy New York streets. If she fell, if she just happened to slip of the edge, would anyone truly care?
“Day light. I must wait for the sunrise, I must think of a new life, and I mustn’t give in.”
Maybe they would. They’d mourn for a while, a few weeks maybe. But how much of an impact had she really made on anyone’s life? Soon they’d all realise that now she was gone, they were better. A weight would be lifted from their shoulders, a burden would have disappeared.
She started to scoot toward the edge, teetering. It was better for everyone. She felt a calm, her tear-stained face blank as she continued to sing, unaware of the door opening behind her.
“When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory too… and a new day will begin.”