and-gender

oh no! i accidentally misgendered someone! what should i do?

DO: 

  • apologize
  • thats it. 
  • realize you fucked up. 
  • realize you probably hurt the other person. 
  • apologize. 

IN THE FUTURE:

  • try to make sure it won’t happen again 
  • get in the habit of asking someone what their pronouns are 
  • when in doubt, use gender-neutral pronouns until you figure out what they use
  • dont assume gender from someone’s name/clothing/appearance 

FOR THE LOVE OF SOMEONE PLEASE DONT: 

  • try to make excuses for yourself
  • go on the defensive 
  • try to justify it by recounting your own experiences with misgendering
  • brush it off as ‘not that big a deal’ 
  • refuse to try and correct your behavior

Do you wonder if your friend who never cooks is a good chef, or that someone who has never even touched a sewing needle is a great tailor?

Not likely. They are not knowledgeable on the matter.

So why believe binary people when they say that there are “only two genders”?

Nonbinary people clearly have the best expertise on whether or not they themselves exist. Listen to nonbinary people.

nytimes.com
How Two Producers of ‘Transparent’ Made Their Own Trans Lives More Visible
The photos Zackary Drucker and Rhys Ernst took of each other showed a young couple in love. They became an important public record of transgender life.
By Emily Bobrow

“Being trans right now necessitates this multihyphenate way of being,” Drucker says.

“I remember when we were installing the photographs at the Whitney, someone asked us: ‘Oh, this is great. Who was the photographer?’ ” Ernst told the bookstore crowd. “They assumed we were just the subjects, which is of course the history of this kind of work.

A glimpse into how a handful of trans people are transforming the arts and entertainment industries.

Although Ernst knew he wasn’t female, transitioning made him nervous, particularly because he knew few people who had done it. “It was still this kind of distant, weird relative of ‘gay and lesbian,’ and people didn’t understand it,” he says. Without public examples of happy, successful, aging trans people, he remembered wondering: Do people grow old? Do the hormones kill you? As a feminist, he asked himself: Do I even want to be a man?

He was also troubled by the fact that it is impossible to transition quietly. It feels extremely public, he explains, because essentially everyone else has to transition, too. “At what point would my mom change pronouns to her hairdresser when they chat about me? It really ripples. It feels like jumping off a cliff.”

anonymous asked:

Can I please request a cuddling scenario w/ aomine, kagami and kise? Just really cute scenarios with Their s/o where they're just chilling, and since they've been busy they haven't seen them much and I just more whiny and clinger than usual? Thank you so much! I love your blog! 😘

I needed this in my life. I hope you enjoy, although I don’t think there’s enough whiny-ness and clingy-ness like you wanted… Hopefully it shows. Anyways, I apologize to everyone for not writing a lot these days. Real life is getting intense, man.



Aomine:

The clouds fill up the sky in dull greyness, rolling along with the wind as the two of you decide it’s a nice day to stay in. It was his idea, actually, and he really doesn’t mind taking you out on a date (or so he claims), but the weather doesn’t look good and the two of you are lazy as hell.

Days where Aomine isn’t busy training for pro basketball are rare, and it’s quite funny to think that he used to skip so many practice sessions back in high school. As much as you’re happy that he’s regained his love for the sport and thus working harder for it, sometimes you can’t help but feel a bit lonely since he essentially leaves you alone most of the time.

Today is not going to be one of those days.

Aomine doesn’t verbalize his feelings much. That’s why when he has you in his arms like this, on the messy sheets of your shared bed as he listens to you talk about the small things that has happened to you lately, he doesn’t tell you that he fucking misses cuddling with you (he will never admit to you he enjoys cuddling), or that he’s so happy he gets to see your face up close as you talk. Or that he loves the way you smile softly, your eyelashes fluttering. He loves the way you smell.

As if his body has lost some sort of control, Aomine buries his face into your hair in the middle of your sentence, causing you to yelp in surprise as he inhales the scent of your hair. Shampoo. Really nice shampoo. He doesn’t know what the smell is, but it smells just like you, and he loves it. Aomine hums as he buries his face deeper. 

You can only blush in response.

“What is it, Daiki?” You ask, wanting to know the cause behind his sudden behavior change. He was so collected just a few moments ago.

“Nothin’,” Aomine answers offhandedly but slightly too fast, and that’s when you know that it’s not nothing. However, this time you can sort of figure out what’s in his mind. A soft smile crosses your face.

“Tell me,” you coo, “please?”

You can literally feel him grunt against your hair as he plants a kiss, and after that there is a few seconds of silence. Maybe he’s contemplating to say it or not…

“I miss you, okay?” He sighs, eyes closed while he snuggles closer to your body, arms now tangled around your torso. “There, I said it.” You chuckle at his remark, brushing abstract patterns against his hands with your own.

“I miss you too, Daiki.”



Kagami:

You are quite adamant to spend the day at home, and it’s not as if he has objections against the idea. Usually, the Kagami you know would be a bit more shy when you proposed cuddling with him as a pastime, but he’s somewhat different today. Not that you mind, of course.

There’s a bowl of caramel marshmallows right in front of the couch, sitting in a bowl on the coffee table that’s just an arm’s reach away. Yes, your boyfriend made the good stuff earlier—it’s almost as if he’s predicted that the two of you are going to spend time in the house today, but with the current situation (you and him lying on the couch and him feeding you the sinful snacks) you really can’t ask for more.

When he stops brushing your hair with his fingers, you pay close attention.

“Hey, ___________?”

“Hm?” You respond, munching on a piece of marshmallow that he just pressed against your lips a second ago.

“You know, I, uh,” Kagami hesitates for a moment or two, “I really… missed you.”

That really catches you off guard, and now you’re the one slightly blushing in his arms. You don’t reply. Instead, you reach for a piece of marshmallow and feed it to him. When the snack is gone from between your fingers, you heave yourself up and straddle him on the couch, an action to which Kagami responds with a short yelp.

“Whoa!”

Quickly, you press your nose against his, and then you quietly say:

“I missed you more, Taiga.”

The red on his face rivals the color of his hair, dark and deep, and he just can’t find it in him to look you in the eye, so he closes his. Unconsciously his hands wander, speaking on behalf of his lips as he cups your cheek and brings you closer to him, your lips brushing against each other. He revels in the softness that he just touched, the sensation not unlike kissing a rose. You, on the other hand, tasted a hint of caramel from the snack you just fed him.

“That’s not fair,” Kagami murmurs, stroking your cheek as you straddle him still. “You don’t have the right to act this cute, ___________.”

Your laughter that follows sounds as pretty as a bell, he thinks, and he suddenly feels so lucky to be the man you chose as your partner. Kagami’s other hand move down to your torso, brushing at your sides with much delicacy before teasing the skin underneath. 

“Taiga.”

“Hm?”

“Is it okay if… I ask you to take more days off?”

He looks at you with curious eyes and delighted lips, a smile sent your way. 

“Only if you promise me we get to spend each of them like this.”


Kise:

Taking his career into consideration, you often wonder why this guy you’re dating hasn’t come home from work and fainted yet. Not that you wanted to, no, but with the way he’s working, you figure sooner or later that’s going to happen—which is why you’re really glad he finally has a day break, and even though he initially offered to take you out somewhere (after all, it’s been a while since your last date), you insisted that the two of you stay home.

Kise doesn’t protest much afterwards, like the way he usually would. Maybe he’s secretly thankful that you understand his fatigue.

Truth be told, he wants nothing more than what he has right now: you next to him on the couch, the two of you sharing a glass of red wine despite it being barely past 12 in the afternoon. He sighs into the crook of your neck as he tells you slowly about what’s happening in his work life. When you make a move to pick up the ringing telephone, he hugs you tighter and presses kisses to your bare neck, a silent plea to not leave. You don’t.

How can you deny the wishes of a handsome golden-haired angel?

The phone call isn’t an urgent one, you assume, and after that you completely forget about the existence of that thing on the coffee table. Kise continues to stare at you through lidded eyes and stroke your hair.

“___________-cchi?” 

“Yes, Ryouta?”

“Mm,” he hums as if contemplating whether or not to ask the question, “did you ask to stay home because of me?”

“Well, yes, I suppose,” you answer, “I’m really worried about your wellbeing, Ryouta.” You stroke his cheek, staring into his eyes.

Kise pouts a little bit, the expression bringing out his exceptional features. 

“Does that mean ___________-cchi is disappointed that we didn’t go on a date…?”

“What? No,” you laugh, leaning forward to rub your nose against his in a sweet Eskimo kiss. You can feel his arms around you tighten as he moves his face back to the crook of your neck again, situating himself comfortably there.

“I don’t care what we do,” you continue, “as long as we’re together.”

Then you feel Kise squealing, the sound muffled as he has his lips pressed against your bare neck. Your boyfriend gives you a squeeze, and you feel him incredibly closer than you’ve ever been with him before. He sighs in contentment, a blush on his cheeks.

“___________-cchi is the best,” he whispers, “I’m never letting ___________-cchi go.”

F*TA IS A FETISH, EXISTING ONLY TO BRING BONERS

BEING TRANS IS NOT A FETISH! IT IS AN ASPECT OF GENDER THAT IS NOT INHERENTLY SEXUALIZED AND ON ITS OWN DOES NOT DESCRIBE ANYTHING ABOUT SOMEONE’S BODY OR WHAT THEY DO WITH IT

AAAAAAAAAAAA AAAA PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU DO NOT CALL TRANS PEOPLE F*TAS PLEASE! PLEASE! STOP TREATING TRANS PEOPLE LIKE THEY ARE FETISHES! PLEASE!

WHY IS THIS SUCH A PREVALENT THING IN THIS FANDOM I DONT CARE IF UR INTO IT OR U PLAY ONE BUT STOP CONFLATING IT WITH TRANS PEOPLE PLEASE……… Please….. Please.

I’m so tired.