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FLY TOGETHER: Chicago Blackhawks Mix Tape 

[For my favorite sports team, because I love those idiots.This is an extremely serious mix which you should take extremely seriously. ]

01 Domino – Brandon Saad / 02 Classic – Marian Hossa / 03 Hey Brother – Duncan Keith / 04 Not a Bad Thing – Niklas Hjalmarsson / 05 Starships – Patrick Kane / 06 Young Blood – Jonathan Toews / 07 Wild Ones – Scott Darling / 08 Get Lucky – Bryan Bickell / 09 Shake It Out – Brad Richards / 10 Some Nights – Brent Seabrook / 11 It’s Time – Patrick Sharp / 12 Sex On Fire – Johnny Odyua / 13 Bulletproof – Corey Crawford / 14 Happy – Antti Raanta / 15 Fancy Footwork – Marcus Kruger / 16 Second Go – Kris Versteeg / 17 Young Volcanoes – David Runblad / 18 The Fighter – Andrew Shaw / 19 Dynamite – Dan Carcillo [x]

-cough- My mind interpreted this question as, “Please torture Kunikida some more.” Also, I could completely picture this scenario in my head, but getting it down in words was a bit of a struggle. Still, I hope you like it! ^-^

Another note: Obviously, to make everything understandable, the songs they sing are in English. I hope my references aren’t too lame. I’m not exactly the funniest person on Earth. T^T

Kunikida Doppo is in hell.

It’s not what he imagined hell would look like, sure, but it’s definitely just as scary. The one person that could have saved him is sitting to his right, and Kunikida wonders why he had let this outing happen. Kunikida shifts his eyes to the birthday boy next to him and clears his throat.

“With all due respect,” he says, trying to pick his words carefully. “Why are we in a karaoke room? I would not have thought that you were one for such loud parties.”

Fukuzawa quietly takes a sip of his tea before answering, “Ranpo. Kyouka.” He doesn’t elaborate any further, as if that’s enough of an explanation. The tea in his hands is brought to his lips for another sip, signalling the end of the conversation. Kunikida smothers a sigh and turns his attention to his unruly subordinates.

“I’M KING,” Ranpo declares loudly, taking perch on the nicest couch in the room. “You guys have to listen to whatever I say.” This cannot end well, so Kunikida does his part and tries to interject.

“That’s not how the game works,” he tries to explain. “We’re all supposed to draw straws, and the one with the longest straw is the king. In fact, the king should change every round.”

He may as well have been talking to thin air, because Ranpo is already flipping through the song menu. Kunikida smothers a sigh and decides not to interfere. If he stays quiet, perhaps humiliation can be avoided.

The first round of songs begins, and everything goes wrong immediately. After a moment of thought, Ranpo declares his first victim and his choice of music.

“Yosano. “It’s Raining Men.””

Hearing the lyrics come out of the doctor’s mouth is terrifying, Kunikida thinks. He doesn’t know whether it’s the smile on Yosano’s face, her voice, or the glint in her eyes, but for the first time ever, the song induces images of male bodies littering the floor in Kunikida’s head. He pales, and tries to remind himself that it’s a song celebrating love and relationships of some sort. He breathes a sigh of relief when the song ends.

“Tanizaki, Naomi. “A Whole New World.””

Halfway through the song, Kunikida and Atsushi jump out of their seats to cover Kyouka and Kenji’s eyes and ears. “Aladdin” is ruined forever. 

Apparently, Ranpo is slightly shaken by the performance of the Tanizaki siblings as well, and tries to restore some semblance of decency and innocence to the room by choosing the two youngest members of the Agency to go next.

“Kenji, Kyouka. “You are my Sunshine.””

The performance is a delight, in the sense that nobody feels the need to stop the music or plug their ears.

It’s near the end of this performance that Kunikida suddenly comes to a heart-stopping realization. He breaks into a cold sweat. The only people yet to be chosen are himself, Atsushi, and Dazai. A plan is needed in order to avoid death by musical humiliation.

What could he do? If he tells everyone that the ideal says that singing is bad for his health, would anyone believe him? Would anyone care?

The camaraderie in this team is terrible, Kunikida suddenly laments. More often than not, it seems as if his coworkers at the Agency try to induce a heart attack in him on purpose.

“Atsushi.”

Kunikida snaps out of his inner dialogue for a few seconds in order to hear the fate of the tiger cub.

“Gangnam Style,” Ranpo declares. He’s always had something against Atsushi, Kunikida thinks. “With the dance moves.”

Kunikida watches the poor boy with all the world’s sympathy in his heart until Dazai pokes him in the arm. “Hey,” his partner whispers. “You should join. You’re a very good dancer. I still have pictures from your Just Dance incident…”

Kunikida almost chokes, and gives Dazai a well-deserved whack in the head. Screw camaraderie, he thinks, ignoring Atsushi, who has his eyes turned to him, begging for help. He absolutely has to get himself out of singing before he can rescue anyone else. His eyes fall on his notebook.

Budgets! He can do company budgets. Maybe Ranpo will leave him alone then. He gets started, flipping to a brand new page and calculating how much today’s party will cost and how much saving will need to be done for the rest of the month.

“Dazai,” Ranpo calls.

At least he has another three minutes before his plan is tested.

“And Kunikida.”

No.

“I Knew You Were Trouble.”

Hell no.

Kunikida ignores the mic on the table, and the tapping of Dazai’s hand on his shoulder. “Sing with me, partner,” he says enthusiastically. “I know you’re shy, but hey, it’s a duet.”

Dazai begins the song, ignoring the fact that Kunikida does not join him, and Kunikida allows himself to relax a bit. Dazai’s wailing is not helping his concentration, but at least he’s not being forced-

“KUNIKIDA, THE CHORUS!” Dazai screams, pointing a second mic at Kunikida’s pursed lips.

“‘Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in                                           So shame on me now…”

Kunikida will not give in. Briefly, he thinks that he can sympathize with this Swift girl. He should have kicked Dazai to the curb the first moment he laid eyes on him.

“Flew me to places I’d never been
‘Til you put me down, oh”

Dazai’s wailing is getting louder, but Kunikida believes he can endure.

“I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE WHEN YOU WALKED IN…”

Dazai’s mop of curly hair is getting closer and Kunikida’s ears are starting to ring.

Deep breaths, he tells himself. 

“FLEW ME TO PLACES I’D NEVER BEEN…”

Endure.

ENDURE.

“COME ON KUNIKIDA, JOIN IN!” Dazai shouts, right in his ear.

“NOW I’M LYING ON THE COLD HARD GROUND.”

“ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Kunikida screams, whacking Dazai on the head again. His hit is hard enough so that a THUMP is amplified by the mic, but Dazai sits up, unfazed. He shrugs.

“Pretty close, actually,” he comments. “But you sound more like a goat than Taylor Swift.” He continues to sing, unaware of Kunikida’s growing murderous intent.

Kunikida wants to bury himself in a hole. He looks to the side at Fukuzawa, who pointedly stares straight ahead, away from his accusatory gaze.

This team has no sense of camaraderie, Kunikida thinks again. He briefly considers joining the Port Mafia. Surely they wouldn’t engage in such foolishness as this. 

At that very moment, Kunikida feels a cold prickling run down his neck, and he cringes, suddenly very afraid. He looks to the side carefully, and Fukuzawa gives him a dark look before turning his eyes away again.

Fukuzawa sips his tea.

Kunikida tries not to cry.