anonymous asked:

hey ellen, i'm a mess right now. lately i've been so chilled it's started to scare me. like i have 3 huge exams tomorrow but i'm not panicking eventhough i've done 0 revision. this whole week of half term i've wasted. i took a day off saying i'll have a 'me time' and promised myself that i'd start work the next day but it didn't work. i want the top grades but that's impossible with the attitude i have right now. where did my once so organised self go?

hey there! it sounds like the break has broken your study pattern - this is pretty common and the same thing would happen to me when I was at school. The best thing to do tonight {ahead of the exams tomorrow} is to read through your notes, make some summarising notes, maybe do a couple of past paper questions. Don’t push too hard as the night before isn’t really an ideal time to be revising - get a good nights sleep too otherwise the stuff you do learn you’ll be less likely to remember! The most effective method of information recall is through teaching other people, so maybe you could try that out tonight on a friend or family member. Next time you have a half term, try and plan a study schedule so that you know when you should be revising - you could do this on a weekly planner! xo

I'm so fucking tired of wasting my time

I didn’t fucking ask for this. I never wanted us to end the way that we did, thinking we were on good terms. When we actually aren’t I guess. I gave you the world and you barely gave me half of that and I was too blindsided to see that. You never gave me closure and moved on, yet I still miss the comfort of your arms around me, your touch, your smile. All the little things you used to do for me, I miss.

Progress :)

Completely leaving the scales out of the equation, since January 31st (so in about 3 weeks) I’ve lost an inch from my waste and a half inch from my bust.

It’s not massive but I’m headed in the right direction. This time round I’ve been doing everything on my terms. None of this “eat clean and exercise everyday” stuff. If I want to eat a cookie, imma eat the damn cookie. If I want to chill for a day, imma chill.

That stuff works for some people, but personally it’s not for me.

Even if I’m not seeing crazy physical progress yet, I’m loving all of the mental progress I’ve made. 6 months ago I was terrified of going to the gym on my own, now it feels as natural as going to the shop or something.

I just love my whole new outlook on everything :)

I hope you’re all having a great day! How are you all doing?x

Additionally, today (right now as a matter of fact) is my graduation from uni. The graduates were supposed to arrive over an hour ago to be seated, and now have to sit there for another hour and a half for the ceremony. Obviously I am not one of them, but this time it’s on my own terms instead of the university’s. Because, believe it or not, I do not want to waste my time in that place any longer after what they did to me last year.

as such, yay for me and everyone else graduating today

and to the Uni of Iceland, I have this to say:

Honestly I'm really lost but yo, fuck it..

I’m a little scared about my possibilities. Ever since the loan office told me I have to start paying off my debt, I just can’t seem to focus. It’s only a small chunk of a loan but its a pretty hefty amount for just staying half a semester.

At times the money aspect discourages me from continuing school. Why must I have to complete pre-req classes like gym or spend time in a drawing class that has nothing to do with a career. I realize I’ve been wasting time trying to get by in school instead of thinking long term. Everything seemed fine and dandy until reality kicked me in the teeth. Some of my friends are already graduating in the next couple of years, I feel left in the dust. While they start new chapters in their lives, in struggling to write an end to this one.

With me, I always seem to have an ace up my sleeve when life throws me a curve ball. Currently I’m out of aces and my motivation well is dry. But I did conjure some possible solutions when I move back.

I pray that I can get back my fee waivers so I don’t have to pay full price and all I have to worry about are books. It makes me sad that I have to prove to the school that I’m poor enough so they can allow me to continue receiving that waiver. Although my parents at the time did earn enough money for us to live, all their paychecks went to bills and living expenses. When the financial department at my previous school told me that I was too “rich” to receive any aid and that they’re sorry. Sorry what, fucking asshole.

I haven’t had any luck either with landing a job. As much as I try, another candidate always seems to be picked over me which is chill, it sucks but hey watcha gonna do.

Hopefully if I do get a job and save up, I can build a new PC and start a gaming stream channel on Twitch. I mean, I’m pretty damn good at LoL and Counter-Strike, so I mine as well stream for fun and meet some chill people along the way.

I guess that’s all for now.

Fuck this house

I’m sick of living here in this house where if I’m not in my room my mom will pick a fight with me if I’m not doing something she wants me to be doing I’m wrong or lazy or not doing shit to make my future better. All I am is the worst kid in the world but my brother who hasn’t even tried to get his life together or even get his car back because he got it taken away for drunk driving is the best kid in the world because he half assed mopped downstairs and used a baby wipe to clean the bathroom counter. He still goes out and hangs out with shady people and wastes all his money, but I’m the bad kid I love it. I get my tattoo with my own money and on my terms I’m wasting my money even though I’ve wanted it for a long time and put lots of time into what I’ve wanted and looked for the right artist and like it means a lot to me but it’s stupid and my nose ring is a mistake because it’s going to ruin any future opportunity I may have. God my mom is right I’m ruining my life what the fuck is wrong with me.

It’s the last day of half term and even though I’ve done a fair amount of work and I’ve almost finished all of my h/w, I’ve wasted the past couple of days because I’ve been really anxious and depressed. This half term has been a reality check. I’ve realised that I’ve got a ton of work to do to be ready for my mocks in a couple of weeks let alone my actual exams if i’m going to get the grades i want. 

So i’m going to try to make the most of today. 

Keep reading

Time Wasted?! - Day 51

So today is Sunday 23rd February and this week was the half term. The reason on why I’m updating this is that I’ve just realised the gravity of the situation. I have no excuse on why, but I havent done enough work over the holidays. I have updated my sketchbook. Great. But I’ve done no FMP work or made ground on my narrative assignment! This is  unacceptable. I have no idea why I havent done it, i cant explain it. I was on target for the whole year and now this has really shook the project up.

But i cant panic. I’ve got three weeks till the next presentation in which I show everything I’ve done up until this stage and I’ve really not done much. I technically havent even started my characters! I’ve been creating other faces and models first - female and male. So these three weeks I seriously need to get my head down and recover the lost time. So I’m staying up all night, technically this sunday morning - 00:47 in the morning. So I’m gonna get all of the theory for the Narrative Assignment done for this morning. And around 8, ill start on a female character. After doing a female head bust I should be all set to create my characters.

Another problem I face is the bodies! I’ve hardly studied on the bodies. And I havent created one. I’m certain I can do the head busts but the bodies? This is going to be hard. But I need to do.

anonymous asked:

black fennel and matcha?

Questionssssss! :)

Black: How much personal space do you like?

A LOT. Perhaps a bit too much…

Fennel: How do you feel right now?

Stressed :( Have an interview tomorrow and I have also wasted my half term doing nothing and have so much work for next week and I have to go to work tomorrow :(

That’s probably not a very positive answer sorryyyy!

Matcha: Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

BOTH!! I love them equally. They both have a very different magical quality to them and I don’t think I can choose!

Thank you Anon!! :)


Normally I spend my half terms at home, relaxing and recuperating. Prepping for the next terms but this week long break had been nothing like my past ‘holidays’ full of early norms and gym visits because I allowed my friend to talk me into taking part in a gym induction- something I never would have thought I’d do- and as fun as it was I really miss having the week to waste. And now because I’ve been exhausted all week I’ve got all my homework to cram into two days. It’s going to be hell

The Same

I needed to remind myself on my resolutions so I thread through them. There are a few things I have been working on but I don’t think it’s enough. Even though I have been doing stuff this half term, I still feel like I’ve wasted so much time.

Everything just feels the same. No change at all.

Lately, I have been feeling really fat again. I kind of need to start exercising regularly - not just to lose weight but to feel healthy in general.

anonymous asked:

Why? :(

Because it’s half term, which means I’ve seen nobody, done nothing and I’m pretty much just sat in my room wasting away 👌