and-I-am-all

Sweater Weather

SUMMARY  - You read Bucky’s diary after an unfortunate event .

WARNINGS - ANGST , DEATH ( I maybe cried a little while writing this)

Sorry in advance . 

A/N - This is for Annie’s @hellomissmabel 1K celebration shuffle challenge . 

Taw @supersoldierslover Thank you so much babe . 

Everything in italics is from Bucky’s journal. 

MASTERLIST 

Originally posted by merci-angel

I was scared . I didn’t know what to say and if I had to say anything at all. I felt extremely uncomfortable with the number of people around me . I felt guilt . I didn’t understand why they would welcome me to their house after everything I had done . You were the last person Steve introduced me to. The wide smile and the genuine sparkle in your eyes gave me comfort . I hoped to stay away from you in fear of hurting you too like I did to the other in the room .

  All I am is a man
I want the world in my hands
I hate the beach
But I stand in California with my toes in the sand

Well , at first I tried to stay away but wasn’t very effective . You seemed comfortable around me , no hesitance in sparking up a conversation or just sitting next to me watching the television . Your soft smile directed towards me every time our eyes met made me happy for some reason . It gave me ease. My otherwise tense body would slouch a little and I would breathe lighter . It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I didn’t know what to do when you feel asleep on my shoulder . I just sat there looking at how peaceful you looked hoping that one day I could sleep as sound as you were.

Use the sleeves of my sweater
Let’s have an adventure
Head in the clouds but my gravity’s centered
Touch my neck and I’ll touch yours
You in those little high waisted shorts, o

It has been a few months here now and I feel settled . Well you make me feel that way . And the others too have shown so much acceptance that I will forever be grateful . I have become welcoming to touches and conversations. Maybe it is just me but I feel that for some reason you spend a lot of time with me . I like it . I like to think that you care for me . Sam and I don’t really get along that well but I still like him because I heard him giving an earful to an agent who said that I was a monster and I killed people and that I was dangerous . Man !!! I have never seen him so angry . I was very happy to know he cared too .

  She knows what I think about
And what I think about
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that wouldn’t wanna tell you about no

I didn’t really expect Tony to ever talk to me after discovering the truth that  I had killed his parents . But today , he started working on a prosthetic arm for me and he called me to his lab . He was so gentle touching my arm . I couldn’t get the guilt off myself and I found tears rolling down my eyes while I whispered ‘I’m sorry .’   He said nothing . He just hugged me . I didn’t think I deserved such kindness but it eased me mind and heart . He just patted my shoulder and walked out of the lab .

  ‘Cause it’s too cold whoa
For you here and now
So let me hold whoa
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

So…..It been some time since I flirted with somebody . And it was a little surprising to know that girls are pretty good at it . In my time it was the guy who had to woo the ladies . But I didn’t really mind the other way around . Not that I would recognise it if someone actually flirted with me . ‘Listen to me dude , I know for sure she likes you.’ Sam whispered into my ear while we were all sitting in the common room having dinner . I looked at Steve for some help . ‘ I think so too . I mean , she’s been pretty flirty with you lately .’ He said shrugging . Flirty??? You flirted with me??  I liked you but never did I think you would like me back . I found myself blushing every time you looked at me after this new found information .

  And if I may just take your breath away
I don’t mind if there’s not much to say
Sometimes the silence guides our minds to
So move to a place so far away

I tried ok? I tried to be cool and flirt back but even I was cringing at my horrible attempts . I was hoping that the charm back in the 40’s would come back but they didn’t . But thank fucking god you were good at it . ‘ Would you ….Would you like to go on a date with me Bucky?’ you asked and I truly couldn’t my ears . I was screaming and jumping in joy all in my mind . I could only nod with a wide smile etched on my face .

  The goosebumps start to raise
The minute that my left hand meets your waist
And then I watch your face
Put my finger on your tongue
'Cause you love the taste yeah

It was the most wonderful 4 months of my life . I couldn’t be happier . Laying beside you on the bed with you wearing my maroon sweater with your head on my chest made me want to stay like this forever . It’s the best night of sleep I have ever gotten . I couldn’t take the images of last night from my head . The feel of your lips against my body , your soft hands running over my scars , looking at them like they are the most beautiful scars you have ever seen . They once made me feel ashamed of myself , a constant reminder of the day I turned into someone I hate now . But you make them look like battle scars . Like I endured all this pain and came out alive .

  These hearts adore,
Every other beat the other one beats for
Inside this place is warm
Outside it starts to pour

2 years and I still get butterflies in my tummy when you smile . I hope I can always see you smiling that way .I hope I save you from the horrors of the world and keep you say . I will never let anyone make you cry . I found myself blankly staring at you and wondering how the fuck I got so lucky .

Coming down
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that I wouldn’t wanna tell you about, no no

After everything I did I didn’t think I would have a chance at a normal life much less a chance at love . But you….uhhhh I don’t know what to say . I could have never imagined the life I am living today . I want to hold you in my arms and cherish you forever . That’s when it hit me…..

 Cause it’s too cold whoa
For you here
And now
So let me hold whoa
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

It wasn’t just Steve who was helping me out but it was also Nat , Wanda and Sam. How the fuck did they even know ?? Steve and Sam were mostly useless since they only teased me all the time but Nat and Wanda actually gave me tips . Nat helped me pick out the ring and Wanda helped me out in calming my nerves and helping me with the speech . I had to get this all ready before the mission and Tony also promised me that he would make a romantic atmosphere on the roof for when I come back so that my proposal could be the best .

'Cause it’s too cold whoa
For you here and now
So let me hold whoa
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater
 

I was going to be off to the mission by tomorrow morning and I knew I will miss you a lot . So I kept you close to me all day . Kissed you and hugged you every chance I could get . And at night I when I found you on the bed hugging my sweater to your chest already asleep I pulled you against me chest and fell asleep . I wanted to tell you before I went but you were fast asleep and I didn’t want to disturb you . I can’t wait to get back .

But he didn’t . Well technically he did get back . But he didn’t get back alive . You held the book against your  chest , tears flowing down your face staining the sweater as your body shook violently against Steve’s chest . You didn’t understand how he was able to contain himself . You knew he was dying inside . So were you .You couldn’t believe it . How could this happen? It’s not true !! Bucky can’t be dead!! He said he’s come back . He said he’d propose to you .

“Steve??? Please!!!! Bring him back !!! He wouldn’t leave me like this . He loves me !!!” You cried turning around to face Steve ,clutching his shirt shaking him trying to get him to speak . But he didn’t . He just wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close as he silently cried .

You pushed him away .

“Steve!!! He’s…..He’s not dead . I love him . He..he…..please….” You begged . You couldn’t accept the fact that he is gone . The man that you love , you will never be able to see again .

Everybody’s heart broke to see you this way , Tony wanted to come and console you but he couldn’t get himself to do it . He was in shock too .

“Do you want to see him?” Steve asked softly as he wiped his tears with the back of his hand .

You shook you head no . “ No.. I don’t ….My Bucky is dead Steve!! Our Bucky is dead Steve…I…” He pulled you back against his chest as you sobs grew louder . You stayed there hoping that this was all just a nightmare . You kept staring at the door hoping that Bucky would run through it and kiss you . Hoping that he would hold you against him as you slept . But that never came . Steve slowly lifted you and took you to where Bucky’s body was kept . You felt nauseous . The tears crept back in threatening to spill.

And they did as soon as you saw his lifeless body on the bed . You couldn’t go closer . You didn’t want to touch him and make it all real . Still hoping that this was a horrible nightmare .

The next few days went so quick. You had no time to register what was happening around you . You just went with the flow and so did Steve . Still unable to accept that he lost his best friend for the second time.

After the funeral and everything you came back to your room and hopped on your bed . That’s when you realised . This was all true . Bucky is gone . Your breathing became heavier as you head started to ache . His sweater on the pillow , and you bought it to your body . You turned around not able to look at the empty place on the bed next to you . The book that you had read had a box on top of it which caught your eye . You knew what it was . But you couldn’t …you couldn’t look at it . You didn’t want to look at it . The reality of never seeing him ever again , never hearing his voice , never able to touch him , never able to look into his blue eyes again but most importantly look at his beautiful smile that you would die for. And even though you had his sweater with you , you felt cold . Cold and empty. 

Life is cruel. As soon as it gave him a second chance it snatched it away from him .

It’s too cold,
It’s too cold
The holes of my sweater
 


LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS FIC . AND IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGS SEND IN AN ASK OR COMMENT . 


@justareader @buckyappreciationsociety @topkay @hopelessgarbage @melconnor2007 @magellan-88 @mcfuccfairy @psychicwitchphilosopher @the-witching-hours12-3 @badassbaker @superantonija @elwenia @elwin-smaragd @mytrueself @panickedpandaposts @tol-sam @emilyevanston @always-an-evans-addict @mjcumberbatch @crazybutcollected @yknott81 @winterboobaer @chipilerendi @aingealcethlenn @hollycornish @iamwarrenspeace @mrshopkirk @sexy-sea-basss @thewinterswimmer @cassandras-musings @imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19 @alwaysbella @purplekitten30 @supernatural-girl97 @melissalovesmusicyay @riddikuluslyemily @4theluvofall @colorfulv @s8sense @booksb4boys69 

The crossed ones tumblr didn’t let me tag . Sorry . 

thewolfofthestars  asked:

My store resells kids clothes at a p cheap price, average range for any individual item is about 2-7 dollars. This lady just came up to my register and proceeded to buy about $450 worth of clothes. Luckily she wasn't overly rude about it or anything and she wasn't one of the crazy couponers or anything, but bitch, I clocked in a half hour ago. I'm still not fully in the work mindset. I've only been at work for an hour and a half and I already want to murder someone. Send help :(

Umm… you’ve been their for a half hour and you weren’t in the work mindset yet. For me that is the other way around. I am all gung ho when I get there and it says my mind till I’m numb by the end of my shift. Maybe I just don’t understand this one.

-Rodney

anastasia!au where jimin is anastasia and jeongguk is dimitri. jimin is desperate to get to paris to find his family, however not possessing travel papers he is unable to leave for paris. hearing that jeongguk and taehyung are the people he should look for if he would like to obtain travel papers, he seeks them out, only for them to persuade him into pretending to be the dowager empress’ grandson. now their eventful journey to paris has begun.

“are you trying to tell me that you think that i am royalty?”
“all i’m trying to tell you is that i’ve seen thousands of boys all over the country and not one of them resembles him as much as you do.”
“i knew you were crazy from the beginning but now i think you are both mad.”

Guys,'I'm doing it

I am putting all my current fics on the back burner now and throwing all of my energy into a new one. I am canonically throwing Alex Drake and Aria Montgomery together. I can’t get over how obsessed Alex seemed to be with Aria. Nothing bad ever happened to Aria under Alex’s reign. The girl kidnaps her fucking fiancé?? And then she was lying in the bed with her and Hanna, and just…fucking caresses her cheek almost? I am here for it. So I am thinking of writing a fic set in 7x20, when Spencer and Ezra are in the underground bunker thing. And Alex is running amuck in Rosewood, pretending to be Spencer. What do you guys think? Would any of you be interested in reading this? Please “heart” this post or reblog it if you would! I just hope I’m talented enough to pull it off.

Originally posted by troianforlife

Sorry to touch on this but its really bugging me that lesbians using he/him are trying to spread he/him combined with being lesbian as acceptable because pronouns dont equal gender. Ok, but consider. I am a trans man, I use he/him as an affirmation that I am male, it is one way I find to feel correct in myself and my gender. If he/him is accepted to be something that can go with being a lesbian…. suddenly it opens the door to possibly questioning my gender since, what makes me male? The he/him pronouns dont, and i could just be considered a butch lesbian, after all I am dating a woman. I just, it bugs me, this is one way I have to say I am male, that I’m not a lesbian girl. I want to really avoid being lumped in because terfs love to do that and call me just some lesbian.

I am in Indianapolis for the Phillips 66 US National Championship Swim Meet aka World Trials to see my 17 year old sister swim. Y'all I am so incredibly proud. She is 1 of just over 100 swimmers under the age of 18 at this meet. She is swimming against olympians. I’m shook.
Anyhoo. If you’re bored and in Indy feel free to drop by the Indiana University Natatorium and see me.

THANK YOU

Thank you everyone- my friend has raised the goal amount and… guys… thank you. To those who reblogged and to those who donated… guys you gave her a chance to say goodbye to her nephew. To grieve and support her loved ones. A time when you’re supposed to be with family- you gave her that. 

Thank you. 

You gave a family closure. 

Thank you. 

You are all angels, blessed and kind and rekindled not only my faith in humanity- but hers. This is the first truly good thing that’s happened to her this year… and to come from such tragedy… it will help heal the wounds. 
You are all beautiful and she wants to thank you from the bottom of her heart- I know that her family will never be able to completely show you their gratitude- but, know that it’s there. 

Thank you. 

“My tears are bittersweet as I can now be where I am needed. Thank you all for helping me in such a tough time. God bless you all.” - Trigmy

그 손을 내밀어줘, Save Me

Pairing: Yoongi/Jungkook
Rated: M
Author: TheHalesNyx
Length: 54k - 15ch

That’s when Min Yoongi, self-declared ‘simple man’, turned the corner onto his street, mid-yawn, his breath escaping with a small squeak he’d never admit he made, when he collided into another body, and his ‘simple man’ life was thrown into chaos.

In which Jungkook is angry, nearly a high school drop out, and alone, and Yoongi is an adult who is struggling, and somehow, they find someone to save them in each other.

READ ON AO3

Reccer’s Note:
I am completely in love with this fic, as I am with all of thehalesnyx fics tbh, they’re all so well-written. This is one of my favorites, and I think this deserves a read from everyone in the fandom, yoonkook shipper or not. It’s just one of those fics where you gotta read it, just because.