I went into that episode having heard something vague about the Mighty Nein accidentally becoming pirates, and I was like, haha, that’s weird, how does one accidentally become a pirate.
But… yeah. Yup.
How to Become Pirates In 25 Easy Steps
Spy on a shady dockside deal that involves a dude you want to talk to.
Go “cool, let’s get a better look” and accidentally make so much noise that literally everybody notices you.
Do so in a suspicious enough way that they start firing crossbows at you.
Quickly and stealthily attack back with a spell so loud that it specifies right there in the book that everyone in a 300-foot radius hears the booming noise.
Oh shit the city guard’s on their way.
Wait where’s the dude you want to talk to?
Okay, the people he was doing a shady deal with are sort of maybe holding him hostage a little?
Hey dude, come hang out with us!
Okay, now he thinks he’s better off with the hostage-takers than with you. That’s cool. That’s fine. Better get him back.
Oh shit the city guard’s here and demanding you identify yourselves.
You’re a little busy right now. They’ll keep.
Wait, maybe not. The city guard’s now firing at you, too.
Look, just grab the guy and go. Just grab the… okay, fight the shady deal people and chase the survivors back onto their ship. The city guard’s pressing forward. Have your wizard cast Fireball on the ship and just barely keep from setting the whole thing on fire. Have one of your clerics sneak away from this whole debacle.
Set up a deeply confusing stack of illusion and charm magic that culminates in an illusory duplicate of your other cleric dramatically stabbing herself and jumping off the dock.
Some of the city guard are angry. Some are just really concerned at this point.
Set the dock on fire???
Everyone just get on the damn ship I guess.
Make sure your only person with any kind of sailing experience is belowdecks while everyone else just sort of guesses at how to make a boat go.
Hey, the boat’s going!
Hey, is that your other cleric disguised as an old man swimming in the ocean? Grab him, too!
Subdue the last shady dockside deal guy by putting an axe in his head when you were pretty much just aiming for his shoulder. Welp. That… that’ll subdue him real good.
Chat with the dude you wanted to talk to in the first place.
He offers to act as ship’s cook for you guys.
Ship’s… oh. Yeah. Oh no.
Oh no, you just antagonized a whole city, stole a ship, and you have no idea where you’re going or what (if any) supplies you have at your disposal.
happy strifehart sunday!!💗 guess who’s planning a digital strifehart fanzine? it’s me hehe >:) with luck itll be fully compiled by the end of october, and will feature a bunch of comics and drawings of our favourite gays in their younger days and also their dad days! it’ll be disgustingly self-indulgent, filled w stuff ive drawn for myself on sad days to cheer myself up and some other just straight up ooey-gooey love. look forward to it ok!!
Pro-tip, if you message asking me a question and I direct you to my FAQ where I actually answer something pretty much as succinctly and in depth as possible, and your response is “ugh that’s just so much reading though, can’t you just summarize it for me?”, editing is probably not going to be a good career choice for you.
i. the way he never tolerates his friends disrespecting you, the way he’s just as affectionate in front of his boys as he is in private.
ii. he always holds your hand in public and it’s not possession, it’s partnership. you ask him about it once, the way his hands always seem to find some place on the most innocent parts of your body. and he shrugs, “i like the feeling of being close to you.” he says it simply like it means nothing at all. you smile for the rest of the day.
iii. he couldn’t afford to buy you anything expensive for your birthday because you’re both young and broke and trying to carve out some space in the world big enough for the two of you to exist without being crushed. but he cooked you breakfast and sang happy birthday, loud and off key, to anyone who would listen and danced you drunk under fairy lights in the courtyard. and when he dipped you down so that the only things you could see were him and the moon, he buried his face in your neck. said your name very quietly against your skin, held you for a beat longer and a degree tighter than usual until your name was something else on his lips.
iv. he does the dishes because he knows you hate the way the dishwater feels against your skin.
v. when you brought him home for the first time, he was nervous. all words tripping over each other and your mother’s favorite flowers spilling from his hands and more ‘yes ma'am’s’ than a southern boy at his favorite grandmother’s house. he slept in the cold basement that your dad hadn't gotten around to insulating yet even though your parents said he could sleep on your floor. “i want them to trust me,” he said, “i want them to know i would never take advantage of their kindness. or of you.”
vi. that week that you could barely get out of bed because you were so sick, he watered that little plant on your windowsill at work without telling you.
vii. he paints the nails on your left hand and replaces your sodas with water and keeps a spare hair tie in his wallet and remembers your best friend’s birthday and slips granola bars into your purse on the days he knows you’ll forget to eat lunch.
viii. when you argue, he doesn’t raise his voice. he says sorry when he’s wrong and it sounds like an apology, not an excuse. he forgives you for the little things. for the big ones too.
L.A.L. || All the little ways he says i love you || prompted from someone behind the screen