and your own misery

2

I Can’t Think Straight (2008)

Context: Leyla, a Muslim British-Indian woman, is coming out to her mother, telling her “I’m gay.” Her mother reacts with horror and disgust, telling her “You’re up to your neck in sin” and going so far as to ask “Who did this to you?”

But it’s this scene that sums up the reality of LGBTQ+ desi youth. Our parents may very well love us and want the best for us, but the absolute bottom line is: our parents do not want us to be happy. They want us to be appropriate, to be respectful, to have children and well-earning careers, to fit into the mold of heteronormativity and gender roles, to be religious and pious. But no, they do not want us to be happy. Happiness doesn’t fit into it. To them, happiness is indistinguishable as a separate characteristic because according to them, doing all of these things should already be making us happy. The ideal created for desi children is that they shouldn’t strive to do what makes them happy, but what makes them “good.” Unfortunately, under this context, good is defined as anything that isn’t seen as immoral or out of the norm. 

A woman who is not straight is rejecting her role as a wife, and to a lesser extent, her role as a mother. She is rejecting the notion of subservience to men, of obedience and inferiority. Under our current system that is hugely patriarchal, a woman who does not submit is a threat. 

Now, I’m not saying desi parents are bad parents or hate their children because it’s pretty clear this happens in nearly every other culture in the world. But I am saying that desi parents do not make their children’s happiness a priority, they make their children’s success a priority: successful careers and marriages and children = successful lives. So if you ask a desi parent “do you want your kid to be happy?” they’ll immediately say “yes, of course.” But if you add on “do you want your kid to be gay if that makes them happy?” the answer will be a lot less positive.

This movie tackled Leyla’s sexuality and coming out to her parents absolutely head-on with no coyness about it. She goes straight up to her mother and admits that she’s a lesbian. But her mother’s reaction is really the thing that most “coming out” stories try to gloss over, or sugarcoat, or just in general avoid. Her mother admits with frank and brutal honesty the truth that all LGBTQ+ desi kids know: our parents would rather see us miserable and straight than queer and happy.

I Can’t Wait to Hear You Scream PT. 21

Summary: You and Negan seem to be back to square one, but bigger problems come to you when you go out on a run with Arat.

Warnings: Things are about to start taking a violent turn, and some material may get darker. If this could be triggering for you, read with caution.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“But, with time, one has encountered many of the monsters, and one is increasingly less terrified of those still to be met.” - Kay Redfield Jamison

-

When morning finally came, you were already up, having only gotten a few hours of sleep here and there, you were exhausted.
But deciding you didn’t want to lay in bed anymore, you got up and got dressed, collecting your gear and sliding on your boots on before exiting the room.

You still felt pretty shitty from what had transpired the night before, you were determined to not let it overtake you.
you were never the type to wallow in your own misery and you didn’t plan on starting now.

As you left you glanced over to Negan’s door.
It was closed, as it usually was, but it crossed your mind whether he was inside or not.
It even crossed your mind to just walk in, but of course you didnt.
Hell, you wouldn’t even know what the next move would be if you were to go in.
You shook your head at the thought and headed downstairs to start the day.

As you made your way into the yard, you could tell that some of the Saviors were getting ready to go out on a run, they had brought some of the trucks around and were waiting at the gates for further instruction.
You walked up to everyone, you wanted to go, getting out of here for a while is exactly what you needed.

There was a firm tap on your shoulder from behind and you turned quickly with a less than cheerful expression across your face.

“Jesus, what’s wrong with you.” You heard Arat say as she stood behind you.

The smile she had on her face faded as she saw you.

Your hard expression softened as you saw that it was only her, “Sorry, Arat. I thought you were someone else.”

You nodded, “Trouble in paradise, huh?”

“I think you mean the seven circles of hell.” You sighed and rolled your eyes.

She snickered at your wisecrack and shook her head, “God, you sound like him.”

You shrugged your shoulders.
Maybe you were more like Negan than you realized, but you didn’t see why it mattered and frankly, you didn’t care.

“What are you doing today?” You asked, wanting to change the subject from him.

Arat began walking over to one of the trucks and you followed beside her.

“I’ll probably go out and just check out surrounding areas, maybe pick up a few small things if it’s worth bringing back.” She answered.

“Do you mind having some company?” You asked, almost desperately.

You really wanted to get out for the day.

She looked over to you, seeing the look in your eyes and nodded, “Sure. I don’t mind it, I can tell you need it.”

“You have no idea.” You breathed.

You hoped to make it out of the compound without seeing Negan, but of course that wasn’t possible.
He was already out walking around, looking over everyone, giving them one reason to make him angry today.
You could tell he was still pissed.
The scowl on his face looked like it was set in stone.
The only time it looked like it softened a bit was when you saw Sherry walk up to him, they whispered something to eachother and you already knew what it was probably about and you didn’t wanna think about it.
But you did think about how accurate your aim would be from across the yard if you decided to shoot just her, you shook your head at that thought, too.

It seemed like you really were like Negan after all.

You tried to pretend like you didn’t see it when he leaned down to kiss her, grabbing her ass.

“He’s just trying to rattle your cage.” Arat said as she noticed you staring.

You were glad she interrupted you, because time she did, Negan looked over to the both of you with a smug grin spreading across his face as he walked toward the both of you, you turned your head away from his gaze.

“What’s the word, Arat?” He said in his deep tone as he adjusted Lucille on his shoulder.

He barely looked at you, but ocassionally glanced in your direction without a whole lot of interest.

“I’m going to check the surrounding areas, the usual stuff. And bring back anything useful.” She said plainly as she stood in front of him, like a solider waiting for orders.

He nodded, “Cool. Get the the fuck to it.”

Negan took a few steps to stand in front of you and you looked at him through the corner of your eye, not wanting to fully look at him.
Negan noticed Arat was still there and shook his head.

“Do you need a goddamn invitation to leave, Arat? This isn’t Sunday afternoon at the fuckin’ country club.” He snapped at her.

“No. No, sir, but (Y/N) was gonna-”

“She’s gonna fuckin’ go with you, huh?” He cut in.

She nodded back.

“Well, I’m gonna need to have a fuckin’ talk with her, because this is the fuckin’ first I’ve heard of it.” He said with an annoying smile.

You didn’t think that it was that he really cared, he just needed another way to control you.

You looked over to Arat and gave her a slow nod, she walked away quickly over to the group of men who were all waiting for their own orders.

“So what? You’re fuckin’ going out without me now, babydoll?” He said in a demeaning tone.

“Why does it matter to you? I mean, really?” You said, getting frustrated with him.

He sucked his teeth and his expression hardened again, “It fuckin’ doesn’t. Go ahead and make yourself goddamn useful, my lovely-fuckin-wife.”

You clenched your jaw, not wanting to make a scene out in front of everyone, “Don’t worry, I will. So, stay here with Sherry.” You said cutting your eyes to the building.

Negan cleared his throat calmly and before you could say anything else he had you pinned against the stone wall of the storage building, his pupils burning into yours.

“Darlin’, who in the actual fuck do you think you’re talking to?” He growled back into your ear.

“I’m talking to you.. Daddy.” You snapped back in a smart tone as you put emphasis on the word “Daddy”.

He pulled his head back to stare at you, but his expression was calm and that’s when Negan scared you, when he reached the point of anger to where his expression turned into a calm one.

He made an “o” shape with his lips.

“Jesus.. Nothing fuckin’ scares you anymore, does it?” He said as if he was almost impressed with you.

“No. Some things still do.” You said looking from him, to Lucille, then back to him.

He chuckled softly as he leaned up a bit, “Scared of me fuckin’ hurting you, doll?”

“In more ways than one.” You said bluntly, turnimg from him.

He grabbed your face and turned it to meet his eyes.

“Look at me when I’m fuckin’ talkin’ to you, babydoll. You don’t wanna be disrespectful, do you?” He growled sternly.

“No.” You said in a dull tone, keeping eye contact with him this time.

“You think I’d hurt you?” He asked, loosening his grip on your face.

“I don’t know, maybe you could.” You answered back, his eyes burning into yours.

“I wouldn’t do that.” He said in a firm tone.

“But you already fucking have.” You clenched your jaw tightly.

“Then go out with Arat if that’s what you fuckin’ want.” He said motioning over his head to Arat as she stood across the yard, waiting on you, “Clear your goddamn head.”

“I plan to.” You said back angrily.

He smirked at your expression of anger, now he was beginning to get really frustrated with your attitude and apparent “lack of respect”.

He licked his lips and leaned down to you, “Good. And maybe.. When you get back, I’ll let you do my fuckin’ laundry, darlin’.”

Your blood began to boil and the adrenaline started as the words escaped his lips, you fists were in a tight ball as you tried to compose yourself, and in that moment, you understood why Olivia had lost her cool and slapped him.
It took every ounce of strength to control yourself and not slap him in the same way she had, especially with Lucille propped on his fucking shoulder.

You took in a deep breathe closing your eyes and moved away from him before turning back around to face him.
He stood there, grinning smugly seeing at how much he really got to you.

“Of course, Negan. I mean, it’s your world after all, right? We’re all just fucking living in it.” You said with a fake smile, but with a growl in your tone.

You walked off slowly, not even bothering to glance back at him.

You met back up with Arat and you both headed off out into the world, leaving the sanctuary behind.

But of course you wanted to come back, you just needed to get away, even if it was only for a couple of hours.
You just needed to regain some dignity before Negan berated you even more over stupid shit to rip it away from you.

You had went out atleast a mile from the sanctuary, all while passing by abandoned buildings and a few walkers here and there.

Once the car finally came to a stop, you and Arat both exited it, preparing your weapons just in case of trouble and started walking down the long stretch of road to scavenge in a building that she spotted up ahead.
It was one that hadn’t been looted by the Saviors yet.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Negan?” She asked curiously.

You sighed, not really wanting to talk about it, but knew that talking about it was what needed to be done.

“Well, I told him I loved him last night, I just blurted the shit out and that turned out to be a fucking mistake on my part.” You said rolling your eyes.

You looked around to the woods covering the entire surrounding area and an eerie feeling crept into you, but you ignored it as best you could.

Arat shook her head, “Yeah, kinda figured that would happen if he found out.”

“I can see why you didn’t become a wife.” You shook your head.

Arat scoffed, “I didn’t take him up on it, because I don’t need him to take care of me. Especially when you add the fact that I’d be more inclined to take a run at you than him.”

You looked at her with a raised eyebrow for a moment, sort of confused.

She shifted her eyes to you and rolled them, “I’m gay, if you want me to be blunt.”

You nodded and turned your head back to the road, “You’re lucky then. Atleast you’re not head over heels for someone who doesn’t give a shit.”

“I think Negan gives a shit, (Y/N). But he’s a man, you know how some men are. He’s isn’t a romantic that’s for sure. But what can you expect nowadays?”

“Yeah, I know. It just fucking sucks, I have no idea how he truly feels.”

Arat shook her head and laughed, “If you haven’t noticed, the world we live in now fucking sucks. Honestly, fuck feeling emotions, they don’t hold any use in this world. They just complicate things and get people killed.”

You nodded back in agreeance with her, but not really wanting to talk about any of this anymore.

“I’ve tried turning them off, Arat.” You said plainly.

“Look, If you want my opinion, you and him were made for eachother.” She turning her head to you.

“How do you figure that?” You said, raising an eyebrow.

“Well let’s see.. You’re both stubborn, prideful and homicidal. So, that’s a fucking start and not to mention, severely jealous.” She said, giving you a serious look.

You smirked back and nodded, “Mm, sounds like my kinda date. The jealousy on my part doesn’t matter though, the other wives are still there.”

“Well, it’s like I said - fuck emotions - there’s no place for them in this world.”

“Easier said than done.” You said back calmy.

You both looked at eachother for a moment before dropping your eyes and continued walking in silence.

But that eerie feeling kept creeping up on you and Arat must have began to get some sort of feeling as well as you both slowed your pace.
You looked over to the woods to hear cracking nosies, like dry branches being stepped on.

You looked back to Arat and she gave you a nod as she pulled out a gun and you pulled yours out too.

You slowly walked to the source of the sound.
Your hands outstretched, ready to shoot.
The woods were dense and it was hard to see exactly where the source of the sound was coming from, but it got louder and just as you were about to go in deeper a horde of walkers came up.

You both backed up quickly.

“Shit. We need to take them out quietly.” Arat said in panic as she put away the gun and took a knife out.

“You can’t fucking kill them all with a knife.” You said urgently.

“I can atleast try.” She said in a determined voice.

She ran up to one of them, stabbing it in the skull and it fell to the ground with a loud THUD.

You kept your gun out and and held it up firmly, aiming at the heads of the corpses advancing towards you.
Arat stabbed another two, but there was no way she could do it all herself, that was made clear when one of them suddenly caught her by the side, trying to drag her to the ground.

“Arat!” You screamed, running towards her.

She yelped in fear as she tried stabbing at it and during a moment of struggle, she finally making contact with the knife as it collapsed ontop of her, pinning her to the ground.

You couldn’t wait, so you began shooting at the walkers immediately, hitting some of them perfectly and missing others.

Suddenly there was a barrage of gunshots that wasn’t yours or hers, hitting the corpses making them fall like dominoes one after the other.

“Jesus.” You growled to yourself as you dropped to the ground where she was, pushing the dead one off of her, and grabbing ahold of her shoulder and you both receded to cover behind an abandoned vehicle.

The shots went on for a few more seconds as all of the walkers now laid on the ground unmoving.
You both breathed heavily and looked around, trying to find the source of the shots.

“What the fuck was that?” She said in a low, but fierce tone.

You shook your head frantically, “I don’t know. No fucking clue..” You trailed off as you peeked over the abandoned car you had sought safety behind.

You both sat there for a minute more, not wanting to move out of fear of being shot.
But you both began to crawl out and as you did you were met at gunpoint by atleast 20 or so men.

“Ladies.” One of the men said, holding a machine gun to your head.

He had short, dirty blonde hair and a beard.

You both dropped your heads and knew that this was the worst possible position to be in right now.
The crowd of men parted and you looked up to see another man approaching.

It wasn’t until he was in front of you that you recognized that it was Randy.

“Shit, never thought I’d see you two again.” He said as he smiled at both of you.

You dropped your head again and let out a sigh, trying your best to creep your hand up to your gun.

Afyer seconds of a quick debate within yourself, you tried to go for it, but before you could even get it out of the holster your arms were taken and you were being subdued by Randy’s men.
They slammed you up against the car holding you back and they got Arat too, taking her weapons.

Randy came up to you as he handed his gun over to one of the other men, “I was hoping I’d see you though. Are you still mad about what happened?”

“Fuck you.” You growled, narrowing your eyes at him.

He nodded, “Apparently so. I should probably be the one that should be pissed though. You did kill my girlfriend.”

“You fucking attacked me. Both of you did. You should have stayed around, you could be with her now.”

“Now why would I do that? How would I take over Negan’s place every if I was dead?” He said with a sinister smile spreading across his face.

“You’re not taking over.” You growled back.

“I will when he’s dead.” He laughed.

That made you snap and as quickly as he had said it, you spat in his face, licking your lips, smiling after you did.

Randy’s face changed as he wiped it, then looked back to you, “You goddamn bitch.”

He grabbed you by your shirt collar and threw you to the ground, giving you a swift kick, but it didn’t phase you, you tried your best to fight him back.

“She’s a fucking crazy one fellas. I think I’ll keep her for a while. Load her up, she’ll come with us.” He said calmly, as he rolled his shoulders.

“No!” Arat bellowed as she tried to fight her way out of the arms of the other men.

“What about this one?” Another man called out as he smiled, holding Arat back.

Randy took his gun back and without warning, let out a shot and it hit
Arat. She let out a pained grunt as she slid to the ground.

She had gotten hit somewhere in the chest.

You tried lunging out at Randy, cursing and crying as you did, trying to get ahold of him, you wanted to kill him more than ever.

“You motherfucker!” You yelled out as the rage coursed through you violently.

The men pulled you up before you could accomplish anything though, and no matter how much you fought, they were stronger than you.
All you could do is look back to Arat’s body as you were being drug away, with no idea where you were going to be taken, or if you were going to come back out alive.

Next thing you knew, you were handcuffed and thrown into the back of a van, you jerked your hands violently against the metal cuffs, tying your best to slip out of them.
You felt the dig in your skin as they began to cut into your flesh from pulling so hard, one of the men noticed and pushed you back into the side of the van wall, keeping an eye on you.

“The more you fight the worse it’s gonna be on you, bitch.” He growled as he pulled out a cigarette to light it.

You leaned back against the wall, knowing that there was nothing else you could do at that moment, you had to sit there as you were being taken away to who knows where.

You were stuck here with these fucking people and right now, you just wanted to be with Negan, atleast that way you’d be safe.
You should have never left that morning.

And with the way it was looking now, you weren’t going to see him again, and you might not even make it out alive if Randy decided to kill you.
There was no way you could defend yourself against his small army.

After a while, everything finally came to a stop as the man who was sitting in the back of the van finally opened up the back doors and hopped out, only to reach back in to drag you out of the truck, not even giving you a chance to get to your feet and with your hands cuffed you fell to the ground outside as he yanked you out.

“C'mon, keep the fuck up!” He said in a smart tone.

“You know that I fucking cant.” You growled back as you tried to get to your feet.

He grabbed you by the face suddenly and you tried pulling back, he looked you in the eye and you kept trying to pull back.
It reminded you too much of the way Negan would grab you when you caught an attitude and it was only okay when Negan didn’t it.

“Get your hands off me.” You growled.

“You got quite a damn mouth on you. I could think of a couple ways to fix it.” He said digging his hands into your cheeks.

You tried pulling back even harder from him.

Before anything else could happen, Randy appeared from around the van, he gave a loud whistle and the man immediately dropped your face from his grip.

“That’s enough, Mark.” Randy said, eyeing him intensely.

You glared back at Randy.

“But she’s being a bitch.” The man name Mark protested.

“So? Most females are.” Randy said, putting his hand on Mark’s shoulder to shoo him away from you.

He rolled his eyes and walked away before disappearing with everyone else.
Randy grabbed ahold of your cuffs and started to lead you to a small building.

It looked like you were at an old warehouse, it wasn’t very big, so that made you think maybe he didn’t have that many people behind him, which was good if it was the truth.

There was silence as he led you into a small shed like building next to the warehouse.

It was dark and had no windows.

He flipped a switched to turn on the lights inside.
There were bare stone walls on the inside and tile on the floor, he pushed you inside as he closed the door behind him, and leaned back against it.

You took in a breathe, “When are you gonna kill me?”

He snorted and shook his head, “Not right now, that’s for sure. What’s the point in outright killing you without making you suffer a little?”

You clenched your jaw and dropped your head, “How long have you been planning it?”

“Well, kidnapping you wasn’t the fucking plan, that’s for sure. I just wanted to outright attack the sanctuary, but I needed manpower for that.”

“Alexandria.” You said calmly.

“Yep. But I ended up just trading some guns with this weird fucker that was there. But how do you know about it?”

“Because I know.” You said plainly.

“And how the fuck do you know?”

You gave him an evil smile, “Because Negan and I killed off your old group. Vernon is the only one left and he’s suffering too, we kept him alive.”

“Too bad, but it really doesn’t make a difference now. I have you and once your ‘husband’ starts looking for you, I’ll have something to threaten him with: you.” He smiled, squinting his eyes to you.

“And what the fuck makes you think Negan would go for that?” You growled, balling your fists up in the cuffs.

Randy prowled over to you slowly, you back yourself into the wall as he got closer.

He put his face down next to yours and you turned away.

“Because (Y/N), you know Negan can’t stand to see someone else having playtime with one of his bitches.” He said moving a strand of hair from your face.

You snapped and head butted him as hard as you could, making him stumble back as he held onto his head, but caught himself before he fell.

“I’m getting real fucking tired of you, you fucking cunt!” He shouted venomously as he grabbed you by the throat and slammed you down into the ground.

You kicked at him as hard as you could, but we’re restricted greatly since you hands were still unusable.

He held onto your throat and squeezed.

“Stop, or I swear to God I’ll choke the fucking life out of you right here, right now.” He said, gritting his teeth as he pressed harder into your throat.

It reminded you of the first time he had tried to kill you with Amber, he had nearly choked you to death then, and with great protest, you decided to calm yourself and stop fighting back.

You laid there and panted as you looked up at him dangerously, wanting so desperately to be free and get your hands around his throat, wanting to choke him until you saw the light leave his eyes.

He brushed his hair back angrily as he stood up, his face was dripping sweat at the struggle you were putting up.

“Maybe you need some solitary. I was gonna be nice and take the cuffs off, but you can keep them on now.. Fucking bitch.” He said in a sharp tone as he opened the door to the outside and slammed it hard as he left.

You could hear him lock it from the outside as you slide yourself up against the wall and curled into the fetal postion.

Tears were trying to well up in your eyes and as much as you wanted to cry, you didnt.
You knew that now more than ever you had to stay strong if you were going to survive this.
Arat said there was no room for emotions and she was right.
You had to put all of that behind now and focus on surviving and how you could possibly get the hell out of here, or either die trying.

Either way, you weren’t going to give up, you weren’t going to let Randy win.
And no matter what Negan had done or said, you were still loyal to him and you knew you’d die before you let Randy have a shot at him.

Taglist: @ambroselunatic @robert-d-j-bernthal @suileidead @beautifulfound @oceaninwinter @wadeyourebarelyalive @concertxjunkie @magical-spit @smuttwd @kawaiirepublic @miss-nori85 @gizmoallthetime @negans-dirty-girl @voidobsession @thatgingefromtheinternet @briannaatkins03 @dickheadturner @horsesandbandsforlife

*Tag problems*

For some reason I’m not able to tag:
@66psychotic99
@aj-star
@myheart4ever47-blog
@ericas-negan77

I’m not intentionally leaving you guys out, but it will not let me tag you in these stories and I have no idea why.

In Those Arms That Aren’t Mine ~ Sehun x Reader

A/N: Just a little drabble I came up with before I went to bed because I’m a sucker for angsty fluff.

Summary: You wanted more than someone who didn’t believe in true love (or what you thought)

Constant phone vibrations at the other side of the bed at three a.m kept Oh Sehun awake, also making his heart melt; not in the good way. Sehun knew who you were texting and who you were talking to, has he ever brought himself out of his misery and into your own by bringing it up?

No.

Sehun blamed himself, he blamed himself for all of it; for introducing you to his friends and most of all Kim Jongdae, the one who knows how to swoon girls with a twist of an upwards lip. Sure, you were fairly good looking and certainly the world and beyond in Sehun’s eyes but all of his friends should know that when it comes to girls, then back off. 

Yes, sure Sehun told you he didn’t believe in true love before but he knew that felt more than little ‘I love yous’ when he was around you. Now his feelings are over whelming and he just wanted to curl his arms around you, but the sudden thought of his best friend’s arms being curled around you made him shudder and shake his head into his pillow. 

It was times like this when all he wanted to do was watch old, shitty K-Dramas, eat tubs of ice cream to himself and cuddle with Vivi,

Unknown to the young boy though, you were actually complaining to Jongdae about how you felt like there was no love in the relationship between yourself and Sehun. Especially since he said that he didn’t believe in the concept of it. 

Jongdae would offer hospitality but you would deny, telling him over and over that you and your boyfriend hadn’t gotten into any arguments, it’s just something you need to talk through.

You were getting stressed and turned your phone off, setting it onto the floor beside the bed before taking a deep inhale and settling yourself into bed properly. Next to you, shuffling from Sehun could be heard and you knew he was awake; he was facing you and looking straight at you in all sincerity.

y/f/n, I believe I’m in love with you.

About time, Oh Sehun.” 

Hope you crazy beautiful bunch enjoyed!
~ Admin Kai xo

The radical self love manifesto

Strive to always be thankful and optimistic. Focus your gaze on what is good and positive; never dwell on the negative. Do not allow life to make you cynical or closed off. Remaining open and true to yourself is a life-long adventure and the only one worth having. Choose to see the best in people. Strike up conversations with strangers. Never be afraid to ask for what you really, really want. To love, purely and fiercely, without agenda, is the most terrifying and rewarding thing you’ll ever do. Travel is essential to the spirit. A pair of great shoes means nothing if you have an ugly heart. Try your hardest not to judge anyone else; it never leads anywhere good. Always avoid tabloids and gossip; they destroy the soul. Be kind and loyal. Always trust your intuition, ALWAYS. Rescue animals, it will strengthen your heart. Never delight in anyone else’s misery. Trust in others. You are your own best investment. Believe in the magic of a new day and a fresh start. Follow your bliss. Do more of what you love. Always do the best you can. Create your own family and care for them ferociously. When people offer you opportunities that scare you, say yes; it’s the very best way to grow. You are never as stuck as you think. Stay eager. Love yourself. Say yes to the adventure of life.

Abusive parents

I am not able to imagine how sad and miserable your life is that you have to control every aspect of the lives of your children. You are disabling them from experiencing independence, soul and identity searching.
Doing so, not only you bring further misery in your own life, but you also bring your unhealthy lifestyle in your children’s life.
Acknowledge you children as independent, autonomous individuals and not as your reflection. They are not you.

anonymous asked:

Hey! Can I ask a GOM father au scenario where their daughter comes home one afternoon from school crying because of a broken heart? How will they react? Thank you!

Kuroko: He silently pulled you close and brushed your hair out of your face so he could see your teary eyes. You two sat down by the window and he made you some hot cocoa. Warm drinks were always better than milkshakes when you were this upset. And then, he would just let you tell him everything that was on your mind, what was weighing on your heart so heavily.

Kise: He couldn’t help it. He was crying with you, wrapping you in his arms yet acting as though it was his heart that had been broken. In a way it had been, since he hated seeing tears streaming down your precious cheeks. At least his sobs were comical enough to distract you from your own misery for a while.

Midorima: He didn’t think he would know how to handle this. You were a mess and it was stretching him out. It also hurt him to see you like this. He left you on the couch for a moment to go into your room, coming back with something that baffled him. It wasn’t your lucky item of the day–what he would think would bring you piece–no, instead it was the stuffed frog he had given you when you were much smaller. It reminded you of your father, so you cherished it heavily. And when he handed it to you as he sat beside you on the couch in silence, you clutched it to your chest and leaned against him, visibly calmer.

Aomine: At first he had no clue what to do or why you were crying. He thought maybe you broke a bone or stubbed your toe. After inspecting you for bruises and whatnot, he was left dumbfounded, letting you go to your room and curl up in your bed. It took about five more minutes for him to figure it out. And once he did, he barged into your room and pulled the blanket off of you, pulling you into his lap and rubbing your shoulder lightly. “You could have told me,” he complained softly. Still, he knew by now not to say much, just being there to hold you was the best remedy he could offer.

Murosakibara: As soon as he saw tears sliding down your cheeks, he literally lifted you into his arms and carried you into the kitchen. He sat your confused form on the counter and went into the freezer. He pulled out a pint of ice cream and two spoons and set it down in front of you, after making you eat a spoonful of ice cream and drying the tears you had already shed. “Ok,” he murmured after eating a spoonful himself. “You can tell me what’s wrong.”

Akashi: He wrapped his arms around you and wiped your tears away. “You don’t need to worry about it, (name),” he told you, “I’ll take care of everything.” It sounded a bit like he was threatening someone’s life, but you didn’t really care at that point. So you nodded and followed him over to the couch. He had some tea brought over and let you lean against him as you told him what happened, resting his head on yours. You were his princess. No matter who hurt you, they would pay for it.

2

How you could have come to love the cruel man in front of you, you didn’t know. The only thing you knew was that you did.

Ramsay wasn’t a good person by far and he deserved everything that came back to him. That knowledge however did not help to lessen the pain you felt in your heart when you saw him bound to a chair, bloody and beaten up. Your chest felt tight and your breathing became heavy like all the sorrows of the world rested upon your shoulders. In that moment you felt like they really did. It had been a long time since you felt this miserable, a terrible feeling gnawing inside you that spread through your whole body and left you a nervous wrack.

„Y/N.“ Ramsay spoke when he saw you, looking at you with hopeful eyes that only added to your own misery. You knew what he probably thought but you didn’t come here to help him. You wouldn’t set him free. The only reason you came was to say goodbye no matter how much it pained you.

There would never be peace in the North as long as Ramsay was alive. You were aware of that as much as everyone else. Personal feelings had no place here and they did not matter. Winning a war was never easy and you already had lost enough people. It would end and if Ramsay’s death was the price to reunite your home you would pay it without hesitation.

„I can’t let you go.“ You whisper and shake your head, your voice already beginning to crack.

„Of course you can there’s no one else here…Y/N I love you.“

„I don’t think you do but that doesn’t stop me from loving you.“ You try to hold your tears back and speack again, „Ramsay you’d never stop. I know you, if I let you go all of this will happen again and next time it could be my family sitting in that chair. I will not let that happen.“

„You can’t kill me.“ His voice rises and he starts to yell, realizing you meant what you just said.

You turn around and start to walk away, „No I can’t but they will.“ You say as his hounds stride closer to him and you hear his screams ringing in your ears. A sound you’d never forget.

Let’s Make a Deal

Request: Hii I really enjoy reading your Divergent Eric imagines, could you write one where ‘Y/N’ (or you can give her a name) is a transfer from Amity and she is quite bad, so When Eric teases her about it she gets really sassy, it makes him kinda angry. He makes her stay back after training and the rest is up to youuu. Could you put some fluff and a lot of teasing and name-calling stuff. Thank youu


Word count: 734

The punching bag barely moves. You laugh at your own misery, trying hard not to regret your decision. Leaving your family and friends behind was the hardest you’ve ever done. But Dauntless was an old dream, and now you struggle to pass the first stage of this stupid initiation. Well, maybe you’re stupid, thinking that you’re good enough or strong enough to pick Dauntless.

“No. I will make it. I will.” You whisper, noticing Four stopping beside you.

“C’mom, initiate. You’re better than this.”

“I’m trying, ok? Can you please leave me alone?” It’s not that you don’t like Four, he’s a nice guy actually, but when Four talk to someone, Eric quickly follows him. You don’t know why, but you do know they hate each other. And now, guess what? Eric is coming your way. You take a deep breath, cursing Four between teeth.

“Hey, Four. How’s our ‘banjo strummin’ softie’ ?” Eric stopped behind you, and you can tell that he has that idiot smile on his face.

“I’m not in Amity anymore, so shut up.”

“Are you mad, (Y/N)?” His voice is low, but it’s enough to make everyone freeze and stare at both of you. “You better get back to work right now, initiates!” Eric screams and everyone jumps. Not you. You won’t let him scare you.

“I’m not mad. But I’m sure you’re blind since you’re calling me ‘banjo strummin’ softie’ when I’m wearing black.” The punching bag slightly moves, making Eric laughs. He grabs your arm, forcing you to look at him. Four is gone, that bastard.

“I am your leader and you will show me some respect.”

“I’ll show you respect when you do the same.” With a violent push, you’re free, turning back to the punching bag.

When the day is over you follow your new friends out of the training room, but just when you reach the door, Eric calls your name. Twice. Rolling your eyes you stop on your tracks, waiting for everyone to leave.

“I’ll be outside. Scream if you need me.” Four says in a low voice when he walks by you.

Slowly you turn around, making your way to Eric, who’s standing near the punching bags. When you reach him, you notice that he’s looking at your hands. They’re bleeding, but you pretend the pain it’s just a ghost.

“Do you miss your trees, Amity?” He breaks the silence.

“If you called me to say this, I’ll leave right now.”

“I’m your leader, you’ll do as I say.”

“No, I won’t. Sorry if I’m not scared of you like everybody else.”

Eric grabs your wrist when you give a step back. You gasp thanks to the sudden pain, as he pulls you to a corner, the darkest place in the training room. Failing completely to get rid of him, you’re pinned against the wall, feeling Eric’s breath on your face.

“Pay attention, (Y/N), I won’t say it again.”

“Let me go right now. Four is out there and he’ll come to beat the shit out of you!” Despite the fear, you manage to keep a confident voice  

“Oh, really? I don’t give a damn. You won’t get through initiation.”

“Oh, really? Then why don’t you just kill me already?” You can barely see his face in the dim light, but it’s more than enough light to notice how handsome he is.

“Two options. I can kill you or kiss you. Choose.”

“You would kiss a ‘banjo strummin’ softie’?” Ignoring your heart beating against your chest, you tiptoe, so your lips are touching his.

“Who would guess? I do.” Eric leans closer and kisses you roughly, but you pull away immediately. “What?”

“Let’s make a deal. You help me get through initiation and I’ll pay you with kisses.” You smirk in the dark, your fingers caressing the tattoos on his neck. If he wants to kiss you, so be it. Your secret crush on him won’t be a secret anymore.

“For an Amity girl, you’re way too sassy.”

“That’s why I left.”

“Every time you win a fight you’ll spend the night with me.” He leaves sweet kisses on your neck and you let a moan escape your lips.

“Dauntless leader Eric wants to fuck an Amity girl.” You finally push him away, smiling, making your way out of the training room.

“No, babe, you’re Dauntless now.”

“See you tomorrow, handsome.”

“Goodbye, beautiful.”


A/N: Sorry for any grammar mistakes, English isn’t my first language. Hope you like it. 

forcing yourself to vomit up the words
you were too scared to speak
is never pretty
deep-throating a gun
is never as erotic as you thought it would be,
you’ve just splattered the wake of your own misery
on the wallpaper instead,
an unspoken tragedy
but when your mouth is dry and sticky
you’ll do anything to quench that thirst,
to feel the way you used to,
to feel the sun on your face again,
to feel a lover’s breath in your ear,
to feel wings unbroken,
to feel something besides this
to feel anything besides this
to feel anything
to feel
there are some aches that no amount of aspirin will remedy
just as there are itches we cannot scratch,
one right between the shoulder blades that an arm at any angle can’t reach
there is a constant battle between our entities
and the things they cannot keep.
so we wrap our fingers
around the loose thread and pull
unraveling skin, muscle, bone, marrow
leaving trails of our being behind
like viscid ghosts
it’s a primeval lust to destroy
the essence of ourselves
to quiet the dull murmurs of agony in our veins
and so, i sit in silence for years
before i set the pills back on the table
for maybe just another moment.
—  prozacgirl
6

Ohhh Lord IIIM DOOOOONE!  Zzzzzzzz…

Haha jk however IM SO HAPPY THIS IS DONE!! :D :heart:

Now.. their info ;) (pretty much says on pic but rest is here)~

~NightShade!Sans~ The Genocide - Ruthless Brutal Phantom

InfoVoice

- He has a deep rough Russian accent.

His Colors: Deep Blue and Deep Purple and his bones is black coal covered color. He has sharp claws and fangs. His eye has three white rings, blue around the pupil, then purple around that.
(He glows so make to have the mode on luminosity mode in drawing)

His personality- Highly intelligent/ tempermatic/ cocky/ selfish/ persuasive/ hateful/ sadistic/ possessive/ deceiver/ sarcastic/ troll/ introvert/ deep talker.

Your misery is all that he wants which is his own guilty pleasure. *wink and nod* He loves all the negativity and wishes nothing more but for you to pass it more and for him to feed on you. He hates when your happy or having fun as it makes him irritable and tries to piss you off through physical violence. He’s the worst person to be with and he loves to torture everything. He doesn’t like to kill though, thinks it’s too “easy” and would rather keep you to himself and make you scream in pain for eternity. He loves to play mind games.

Everything he touches inflicts pain or rotting or melting, depending on what it is. (It IS venomous and will cause great pain but doesn’t necessarily kill you).

He’s the very definition of HELL itself.

He only has one eye which is his right eye and no left eye. He has cracks of shade shining from him along with flames going upwards. The weapons he has are well of course the gaster blasters but he rarely uses them cause he rather deal with things himself and his weapon of choice is poisonous thorns&spears from within his deadly body. (Pretty much the same definition when he touches you, only here’s the steps if your cut by his deadly poison, you’ll feel pain in your whole body then by how deep your cut is by his thorns even a small cut, is very dangerous altho not in terms you’ll die, however you’ll more likey hallucinate and the illustrations are easy going at first but it gets much worse as the time rolls on and from how deep the cut is, defers how long the hallucinations will last.)

He absolutely despises any form of light and if he ever touches it with his hands, it will make him deform, cause him to get great pain, and will not be seen for who knows how long. He has one loooooong tongue and his spit is made of acid. He’s food of choice likes any with poison plants to rotten food. He does need to be alone and as he likes the silence from time to time but mostly loves the screams. He does tell the honest truth but he’s hurtful about it though he can LIE (example: saying everything will be fine just take(steal) it you’ll feel good afterwards… but you won’t.). He does puns but there either dirty or hurtful. His very WRATH will be YOUR MISERABLE END. And let’s just say he’s more dark and ominous than flowey and chara combined o_o  

Quotes-

“You disgust me." 

"Vuewehehehe”

“Hell-o and welcome to your own hell-a pain” 

“Shade ya later, as I will watch you in the shadows very closely.

"Kill you? Nah. I’d rather burn you alive than give you the releaf.” 

"I will ram everything you hold so DEER HAHAHA." 

"I hate the very existence of you, die in silence.”  


~DayLight!Sans~ The Pacifist - Guardian Archangel

(Some spoilers!) Keep in mind this is Wild!Sans “Infinite Form!” They are one of the same person!  

InfoVoice- He has a deep charming British accent. 

Colors: Golden and white silky outfit. He has golden markings. His eyes are bright with blue around and white golden glow eyes. His shield clock is rainbow and the blades in the middle golden .His staff is skyblue with white swirly vines, with a rainbow colored crystal gem inside on top of the staff. White fur. And the wings glow golden white like a heavenly radiance(luminosity mode). (He glows so make to have the mode on luminosity mode in drawing). 

His personality- Highly intelligent / Speaks in riddles / VERY lovable/ friendly/ high-spirited/ caring/ humorous/ faithful/ outgoing/ honest/ cheerful/ stylish/ protective/ angelic/ generous/ blissful/ positive/ optimistic/ very wise.

HE LOVES ALL EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. He wishes nothing more than for everything and everyone to be happy as it makes him happy and at peace. He will shower you with a feeling of great blissful peace when you’ve been doing the right thing or have done something good. He loves to laugh! His aroma/atmosphere brings peace and harmony to those around him. He’s very fun to be around he will cheer you up as he will be with you and enlighten you for you to feel better. He’s the best person to be around and loves to cheer you on. He does not like when you say hurtful things or do the wrong thing and he will make sure you learned your lesson. He loves to teach and give lessons for those who wish and earn it as he loves to give rewards when you do a great deed. He loves oranges and mango as it feels him with joy, he will also share them with you.

His clothes are of very great silk, his fur is very warm fluffy. His weapons is a celestial clockshield that moves in a clockwork position(For humans, if you battle with him,(which he will be very sad if it does come to that) it will be your death timeclock). The clock can break up into golden spears, bring out four blades, and has circle shaped gears that are “seals” to hold you down (it does not bring you any harm but its only there so you don’t bring any harm to others or to yourself). If you are possessed he will do a bible exorcising on you. He has a bible book(not shown in pic cause I forgot) it is of gold and silver. If you open his book and you are a sinner it will make you blind for all eternity because you probably did not repent for your sins. He has a long staff with a crystal rainbow gem (if you are in darkness and pray to repent and wishes for the dark to be gone, he will show up and will lighten the path to you) He uses turquoise (bright greenish-blue) flames, it will not hurt you as it is a healer for you.    

Quotes-

“Greetings!” “

It’s so good to see you!" 

"Be strong." 

"You bring light into my sky eye sockets." 

"I love the very essence of you, amazing pal." 

"Don’t give up!" 

"I have hope and faith in ya." 

"Courage in the heart is very rare.”  

“I beg you, please pray and repent while your still alive and if you want the pain to end." 

"I’m rooting for you, good luck!”

———————————————————————————————–

WELP! It is done. I may add more later on in their descriptions howeves! If you like to draw them.. I salute the GOOD LUCK

but pls leave me credit and link me to em! I always wanna see fanart as I love em blissfully with love and hearts! Hope you like and love! <3 <3 <3 Also! I will be doing livestream Saturday! Come see if your interested in me drawing and being goofy in such with my sillyness and chat with peps! :D <3  

Art DayLight and NightShade Sans /c/ me 

/c/ Undertale

PLEASE DO NOT RE-POST! RE-BLOGS ARE MOST APPRECIATED! 

Are You Dying?

A/N: This is going to be disgustingly self-indulgent because I’m currently a snotty, itchy, watery-eyed mess.  

Fall was absolutely your favorite time of year.  Vibrant hues from the changing leaves painted the landscape, cozy sweaters were brought out, apple cider and donuts were plentiful.  But there was also a dark side to the season.  Your allergies.  From early October through late November you became a walking pharmacy, allergic to the outside world.  No amount of decongestant, antihistamine, or nasal spray could conquer your ailment.  You’d long ago resigned yourself to carrying around boxes of tissues and tubes of ointment for your chapped lips and nose.  It wasn’t a pretty sight.

Keep reading