and you are still a dilf

Like a friggin’ ghost, Castiel appears out of nowhere at the end of the table.

“What’s a ‘DILF’?”

Dean raises his head from his book at the same time as Sam. They meet each other’s eyes across the table and promptly enter into a silent battle of wills.

Sam raises his eyebrows. Dean shakes his head subtly. Sam frowns and narrows his eyes. Dean frowns back and flicks his eyes pointedly to Castiel. Sam purses his lips. Dean flicks his eyes to Castiel again. And then Sam wins the argument by cheating, deliberately looking back down at his book on extinct South American languages and doing his best impression of someone who hadn’t even heard the question. He makes an exaggerated show of turning his page and peering closely at the text, even making stupid little noises of interest like the book is the most fascinating thing he’s ever read, and Dean’s frown deepens into a scowl.

“Did you hear my question?” Castiel asks.

Dean sighs, makes a mental note to throw in a red shirt with Sam’s next laundry load of whites, and shuts his own book.

“Where did you hear it, Cas?”

“At the mall,” Castiel answers immediately. “There was a group of adolescents and I heard one of them say the word to her friend.”

“Okay, Cas. Number one? Stop spying on teenagers at the mall, it’s fucking creepy.”

“But I learn so much from them,” Castiel protests.

“And B, ’DILF’ isn’t a word, it’s an acronym. It means… well, it means ‘Dad I’d Like to Fuck,” he says bluntly, deciding to just spit it out, because god knows that using subtlety on Cas doesn’t always have the best track record. “They were saying they thought some older guy there was hot. Usually you don’t hear ‘DILF’ that often though. ‘MILF’ – or Mom I’d Like to Fuck – is a lot more common. It’s pretty popular in some circles, there’s an entire porn niche dedicated to ‘MILF’s. Hell, I’ve even heard of ‘GILF’s before.”

“He doesn’t need an entire lesson on your disturbing porn-watching habits,” Sam mutters from the side of his mouth, without looking up from his book.

“Hey, he asked,” Dean snaps back. “I’m just being thorough – since someone here is zero help.”

“I see,” Castiel says, ignoring their bickering. He looks thoughtful, like he’s pondering something. “…so I’m considered a ‘DILF’?”

“Christ, they were talking about you? Of course they were,” Dean mutters, rubbing a hand over his face. He sighs and straightens up a little. “Not really, Cas, you gotta be a dad to be a ‘Dad I’d Like to Fuck’, and your…whatever it is…with Claire doesn’t really count, you’re not technically her dad.” He mulls it over for a second, then shrugs. “I guess you’re just an ‘Angel I’d Like to Fuck’.”

Castiel looks surprised and pleased. “Thank you, Dean. I find you extremely attractive as well.”

It takes Dean about 1.6 seconds to process what just happened. 

“Wait a second – that’s not what I –“

But Castiel, the flighty bastard, is already striding out of the library just as quickly and efficiently as he’d appeared, apparently satisfied now that his question was answered. The bottom of his trenchcoat disappears around the corner.

“ – meant,” Dean finishes lamely. He grits his teeth in annoyance and tears his eyes away from the empty doorway - straight into Sam’s smug face and knowing smile.

“Smooth, Dean. Real smooth.”

“….you know that’s not what I meant!” he tries again.

“Uh huh. Whatever you say.” Sam looks back at his book and turns the page again, still wearing a stupid smirk on his face.

Dean glares down at the table. “Wasn’t what I fucking meant,” he mutters under his breath. Although he’s not sure if he’s still trying to convince Sam, or himself.

…and how the hell is he supposed to pronounce ‘AILF’ anyways?

No fucks given. Watched Boruto all Night.

Listen here. Prepare for a rant. And yes it’s in caps for a reason. I’m yelling inside.


PROTECT MY BABY SHIKADAI NARA AT ALL COSTS. HE’S A SMOL-SMART-BEAN THAT NEEDS TO BE HELD!!

& MY SQUISHY STRETCHY STRETCH SON MITSUKI. PLEASE. SNAKE PIE, BE A GOOD BOY.

SARADA A.K.A “LITTLE MS. I CAN BEAR THE WEIGHT OF THE UCHIHA CLAN NAME & BE HOKAGE.” HONEY, IF YOU KEEP CROSSING YOUR ARMS AND SUPPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS FOR BORUTO. WE MIGHT HAVE TO ZIP TIE YOU TO A TREE SO YOU DON’T LEAVE THE VILLAGE IN SEARCH OF ANYTHING THAT CAN DISTRACT YOUR OBVIOUS BONER FOR THAT KID.


& BORUTO A.K.A “MR. I WANNA SAVE THE WORLD BUT I KINDA INHERITED THE KNUCLE-HEAD GENE/TRAIT FROM MY DAD TWICE OVER,” NEEDS TO TAG TEAM WITH HIS CREW MORE OFTEN, AND DOMINATE WITH SARADA AT HIS SIDE.

AND WILL SOMEONE GIVE METAL LEE A HUG. KID’S GOT ANXIETY.

ALSO, LET THE MOTHER’S OUT FOR SOME COMBAT TIME TOO, THEY ARE FIERCE!! & REMEMBER THEY WERE ONCE VICTORS ON COUNTLESS MISSIONS WITH THEIR TEAMMATES BEFORE THEY BECAME MOMS. I’M SURE THAT MOMMA BEARS WOULD LOVE SOME ACTION.

NARUTO MY DUDE. YOU NEED SLEEP. AND RAMEN. AND TO SORT OUT YOUR PRIORITIES BC HINATA STILL FINE AS HELL.

SHIKAMARU A.K.A “KONOHA’S DILF.” IS SUCH A SUPPORTIVE ADVISOR WALKING NARUTO HOME & SHIT. TEMARI’S A LUCKY GIRL.

SAKURA (MAMAKURA) A.K.A “MRS. ALPHA.” GET IT GIRL, SHE’S STILL A LEADING MEDICAL SAINT. & SHE KEEPS IT ON 100 DESPITE “MR. ALPHA’S ABSENCE.” BITCH CAN HEAL & DESTROY.

anonymous asked:

Fav sterek fics?

I have 402 bookmarks on AO3, how do I choose favorites?! I guess I can try ; ; here’s my pathetic attempt at a sterek rec list (fics added as I find them in my bookmarks, not by favorites):


The Boy and the Beast by Dira Sudis (dsudis) [116k, M]

In which events in Beacon Hills go rather differently from the start, and a Beauty and the Beast (ish) story ensues. (Scott is not a teacup and no one sings about their feelings.)

Safety in Silence by Survivah [66k, M]

It’s perfectly understandable. Even Derek wouldn’t want to be Derek’s soulmate.

Easy Trouble by Survivah [55k, M]

Derek+Stiles+fairies = love spell

“Make love to me,” Derek demands.

What.

Where The Inevitable Isn’t by Survivah [41, M]

Stiles has a magical thingamajig that’s supposed to get him out of danger. Trouble is, it took him really, really far out of danger. Like, to the point where he isn’t in the same universe anymore.

“A part of Stiles had been thinking that he’d come home, and just go, ‘hey, Derek, are we mates and you just haven’t said anything about it?’ and Derek would reply, ‘now you mention it, we are indeed! Now come to my bedchamber, where we will have super hot sex and then cuddle after!’”

A Simple Life by Survivah [13k, T]

Derek plans to spend the rest of his life holed up in the woods after Laura dies. Then he meets a stubborn young fox, and the stubborn young fox meets an urn of Deaton’s magic powder, and his plans change.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hello! if you are taking requests could you also do Prompto in carbuncle hoodie? Like that one from your post with Noctis and his daughter. Thank you!

Actually, this really inspired me to make continuation of this called 

“Don’t tell dad that I ordered matching one and I won’t tell him that I’m giving you sweets before sleep”

but if you still want one with sunflower boy alone then come to me next week 

the different kinds of Hot the original paladins were

alfor: the classic Dilf. anything he wears is hot. he doesn’t even know how attractive he is, but everyone around him is aware of how hot he is. would look ten times better without the ridiculous goatee.

zarkon: hot only to furries. Next.

blaytz: the hot uncle. has a hotness that is independent of his personality. whether or not he appeals only to furries is still up for debate. knows how hot he is and that makes him even more attractive.

trigel: a graceful kind of hot. would treat you right and be fun to be around and that’s pretty attractive to me

gyrgan: beefy. farmer market dad hot. 

DILF- Shawn Mendes

A/N: Hey guys! This is my first imagine on Tumblr. It is 2204 words. Not sure if that’s long or short. I really don’t know what to say 😂 Feel free to message me with any feedback and I hope you enjoy! 


“Daddy comes home today, baby,” I expressed to my almost year old daughter while I bounced her on my hip.

“Aren’t you so excited?” she only replied with cute giggles and two-teethed smiles.

One thing about Avery was she loved her dad more than anything in the world. Anything about him made her happy. She loved to FaceTime with him or just listen to one of his songs. There had been many occasions when she wouldn’t sleep, but I put on her father’s music and she was out like a light.

I looked at my baby, being captivated by her beauty. Sure she was still young, but I could see her looking like her father more and more every day. She had his curly brown hair, the kind that swooped across her forehead, and his beautiful light brown eyes. Avery had Shawn’s smile and his cute little nose. He always said she looked like me and “Thank God because you’re the cute one.” I didn’t agree with either of those statements. I was glad she looked like him. If I was missing him, I had a little mini him around to dull the longing I felt.

Keep reading

Samuel McAllister: Day 38 - Fucking Crazy For You

Transcription of Day 38

Samuel McAllister:

It’s March 7th. I still can’t believe how much I have changed since the accident that led me to Doctor D. Prior to that I was an Average Joe with a lot of extra pounds around my waist. Moreover, I was a homophobe who thought that gay people were living in sin. I participated in demonstrations against marriage equality. I donated money to organisations that hurt our LGBTIQ community. I taught my children that gay people were doomed to go to hell. I repeated the words our reverend told us in our church that it was the right thing to do to hate homosexuals. Today, I have realized what a fool I used to be when I was condemning people for being different. I deeply regret what I did since finding out the gay man inside of me, and step by step I’m accepting my true self. I can’t apologize enough for my past actions. That’s another reason why I won’t hide myself in public. Yes, being dressed in leather and rubber does turn me on. But it’s also my statement against bigot people. It’s my ‘I’m queer! I’m here! I won’t going anywhere!’ It’s my way of provocation. All these people can look at me. They can stare at me. They can insult me. They can try to intimidate me. I can fight back! These muscles can beat the crap out of them! I am who I am - and I love myself! Although I am a power bottom I won’t mind giving you bigots a hard time! I’m stronger and more confident now than ever!

If it weren’t for Doctor D I would still be living in denial. That chance encounter has changed me for the better. I have never been sexually fulfilled. There is nothing better than being intimate with a man. Allowing him inside of you and enduring the strength of his thrust is the greatest gift you can give. Yes, I call it a gift because as a bottom I’m also giving him pleasure in return. I can controll the running time of the fucking. If I want I can end it by pressing my ass cheeks. Believe me, it makes a man cum within seconds. That’s the power I have as a bottom. Of course, it took me some time before I could enjoy the pleasure of Master - I mean - Derek fucking my ass until it’s sore. I used to scream in pain when his dick invaded me and made me feel overwhelmed by his manhood. Now, the pain doesn’t bother me anymore. Instead, I can’t get enough of it. I could have him inside of me for hours! Oh, what a pig I have become!

Every time Master - I mean - Derek pushes his tool in my hole with no mercy I moan in lust. Sometimes I even squeak like a pig. Then I shout at him to go deeper and to push harder since I want to feel him touching that button that makes me seeing stars and butterflies. 

Sometimes I throw him down on his back, wrap my legs around him and ride his cock like a cheap whore. I ride his hard and meaty pole until I cum on his chest without touching my cock. Instead I play with my nipples that always become so sensitive when I have something inside my ass. They get hard as though they were small cocks. They are pierced now because, trust me, the rings maximize the pleasure. 

When I cum all over his chest I clean him up with my tongue. I used to hate it but now a man’s hot juice is my favorite food. Every morning I go under out leather blanket and greedily suck on his tool. I am a professional cocksucker now. You won’t believe how many of Master’s friends I brought to climax with my mouth. I’m even better than my wife. Deep-throating is nothing to me. I can take any length without gagging. It’s child play.

Derek has turned me into an addict to cocks, an aggressive bottom. Yes, I love to take it up the ass and down my throat. I am not ashamed of saying it because it’s the truth. In addition to being my teacher, master and insatisable lover he is the man for whom I’m willing to leave my old life behind forever. Yes, I’m going to divorce my wife. I know that my decision will cause a lot of pain but it has to be done. I don’t know how to include my children in my new life as a gay leatherman. But I can say for sure that I won’t give up on them. Being gay doesn’t change the way I love my children. I told Derek that my children are a part of me I can’t abandon. He understands it. And he told me that he wouldn’t mind sharing me with my children. He even told me that he admires me because in his eyes being a dad is a man’s greatest achievement.

Derek, you make me the happiest man on earth. Please, allow me to be by your side forever. I’m crazy for you. If you ever asked me to marry you I would accept your proposal in an instant. However, I don’t want a traditional wedding. I want to have a wedding in which we are dressed in leather and rubber and have an orgy with a lot of hot leather men afterwards. 

You are the top of my dreams! And you would be a great stepdad to my kids! I love you! Oh boy, I’m getting all turned on just thinking of you! Derek! Let’s fuck our brains out!

Transcription of Day 38 #2

Samuel: Ah! Ah! Ah! Yes, Daddy! Fuck me harder! Please, make me all wet! I need your cum! Ah! You are such a great top! I love you! I love you so much!

Derek: I love you, too! Now, be ready for my cum! 

Samuel: Please, don’t cum now! I still haven’t enough!

Derek: You are such a pig!

Samuel: That’s it! That’s so… SQQUEEEAAKKK!

Derek: Yeah, baby! You are the best pig in the world!

Samuel: SQQQUEEAAKK!! SQQQUEEAAKKKK!

the-zodiac-reaper  asked:

Please rate every ganon form and reincarnation on his Dilfness on a scale of 1 to 10. Bonus points for cdi and cartoon.

Thank you for the first serious question I’ve ever received for this hellsite. 

I will be ignoring Breath of the Wild for spoiler reasons. 

So Hyrule Fantasy Ganon is a pretty garish azure that destroys any discrete hook up opportunities but he’s still thick and seemingly pant-less so let’s give him a 3/10

Adventure of the Link Ganon is the definition of discrete however. Broad shoulders too. But he’s laugh is pretty grating. (And he’s still a pig, lets be real). 3/10 again. Send a face pic next time. 

A Link to the Past Ganon and Oracle of Ages and Seasons Ganon are pretty similar, but the muscle definition on Oracle Ganon is something to write home about. Both 4/10 but one is for face and the other for body-ody-ody. Choose based on if you have a preference for feet or trotters.

Ocarina of Time Ganon (or Ganondorf now) is finally humanoid so he gets some points for that but he is in serious need of some eyebrow doctoring. Also compared to future human Ganon’s, he’s definitely the dad whose like 50 but with a 25 year old body and it really doesnt work? Embrace the dadness, dude. We can all see your receding hairline, you can’t cover that shit with a forehead jewel. 6/10

Also he has the ugliest pig form like… chill the fuck out 2/10

This Ganondorf was cut from the Oracles Games but I’m including this bit of concept artwork because its the only confirmed homosexual of the lot. 7/10 for wearing your identity with pride. 

Now this is a dad. This is a literal father. You know Wind Waker Ganon is currently in the midst of a custody battle with some Gerudo woman. Also hiding under all those layers is a full dorito proportioned body. 8/10

Finally. Twilight Princess Ganondorf. 10/10. We all knew it. This is the king of dilfs. This is what the Ganondilf is. You know his thicc body goes straight up to the armour. He’s not afraid to paint his nails and braid his hair. And you know the sword ain’t compensating for nothing. 

And yknow he’s a literal animal in bed.

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf continues the trend but that hair dude. You might as well be your pig form, the bed’s gonna be covered in it. 8/10

Cartoon Series Ganon is your friend’s dad who will always point out when more than one person in the room is on their phone, but doesn’t realise sitting watching the football in silence together ain’t any more social. 0/10

Wand of Gamelon Ganon is the only one with actual dialogue. Yknow he can definitely do some pretty freaking shit with those fingers too. 1/10 but 3/10 if you’re kinky. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @mongoose-bite!!! Crunchy is one of my favoritest fic authors and also one of the best friends I have made in this fandom! EVERYONE GO WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And while you’re at it, go read and leave a comment on his fics! I’m going to list twelve of my personal favorites below (altho I could go on and on and on until I run out of fics!). LONG POST TO FOLLOW!


Fuck: My Life 

eruriren, snk

A streak of bad luck leaves Eren desperate for cash, and desperate enough that making porn doesn’t seem like such a terrible idea. He’s young, he’s cute, he’s horny, and his favourite studio is currently hiring. It seems like fate up until he learns that his two most admired actors, whom he spent the majority of his teenage years appreciating, have recently retired.

Still, he is nothing if not determined, and he sets out to see if he can persuade them to make one last movie. And then he gets to know them as people, and things start getting complicated.

Reasons I like it: This is one of the first fics of crunchy’s I ever read and I was obsessedddd. I swear I would be checking my phone for an email on update day like >.> c’monnnnnn. It’s eruriren and super persistent but adorable Eren. Erwin is charming and crunchy’s Levi is always so understated and muted it makes my heart ache. I don’t even like porn star aus but crunchy always makes me love tropes and ships I don’t usually like. 

A Sound Like Breaking Glass

ereri, snk

Eren lives by the ocean in a peaceful, untroubled world with his classmates. He studies, dreams of going out to sea on the boats to see what lies beyond the horizon, spends his afternoons by the water’s edge with his friends, and sneaks out at night more often than he should.
His greatest ambition is to join the crew of the Wings of Freedom, but after making a disastrous first impression on Captain Levi, joining his company will be easier said than done. Despite the insults and the bruising, Eren is determined and he vows to do whatever it takes to impress the captain before the ship is out of drydock.

Reasons I like it: Ngl, it took me several attempts to get into this fic bc I at first thought it was going to be a pirate au? I have the worst reading comprehension I swear. But it is not, it is perfect and I love it and it is actually my absolute favoritest fic of crunchy’s so even though it is in the #2 spot here, second is best. :P The characters are charming and the scenery is beautiful and I can’t say anything more about it without spoiling it. ;3 BUT AHHHHHH!!!

Breach! And Other Stories

winmin, snk

A collection on one-shots written for Winmin Week 2014. Mostly canonverse.

01. Superior and Subordinate: Armin was conflicted. They were superior and subordinate after all, kept apart by rules and regulations and just plain common sense. But the heart wants what it wants, and it wasn’t like there was much else that made Eren smile lately.
02. Stained Hands: Armin wasn’t trying to wash away the blood with ink.
03. Alternate Universe: Erwin is too big for his umbrella.
04. Role Swap: Their first night together after Erwin is rescued.
05. Hurt and Comfort: Faded names remind Erwin of a boy he met long ago.
06. (Free Slot): Breach! Armin goes to the ends of the earth for an interview.
07. The End: Armin insisted on the hood.

Reasons I like it: you know how some fics can ruin you on a ship and you can’t stand it? Well crunchy single handedly rescued winmin for me. I still think about Breach! A LOT. THE WHALES. WINMIN CUTENESS! ARMIN! ERWIN! BLONDE GENIUSES! 

My Old Friend

ereri, snk

When Levi was a teenager, the unrequited love of his life was Eren, his best friend’s father. Fifteen years later, Levi finds himself back in Whitecrest Cove to sell his late uncle’s house.

This story was mostly written for Ereri Week 2015.

Reasons I like it: Imagine, it’s the swinging 2015′s at the height of the the dilf!eren craze, in walks crunchy and suggests…what if…gdilf!Eren. Women are screaming, babies are crying, grown men walking around in a daze because their minds are so blown. No, but really, it’s actually a very poignant story of Levi reconciling his childhood and then grief as an adult and reconnecting with Eren who is a surfing silver fox. It’s quite beautiful. 

Blood Of An Englishman

hartwin, kingsman

Harry’s brains dried in the hot Kentucky sun. A fly landed on an exposed piece of his skull for a few seconds and then buzzed off. His blood seeped into the dust. In the distance sirens began to wail, and the crisp, elegant click of patent leather oxfords on concrete drew to a halt beside his ruined corpse.

“Oh dear,” someone said sadly, although Harry wasn’t alive to hear it. He heard, saw, felt, and was, nothing.

Death is not another country. Death is the deep blue sea.

Or, the one in which Harry is officially dead, actually a wizard, occasionally a small dog, and utterly unable to keep his distance from his young successor.

Reasons I like it: This fic has everything, Harry Hart dead but kindof not dead. Suddenly a wizard. A femme fatale Italian milf sorceress. Eggsy’s cute lil butt. Magic. It’s some impressive world building and I prefer it to the sequel we got instead. 

Too Hot To Handle

erejean, snk

Jean has recently joined MI6’s elite agents as 003 and he couldn’t be happier. His career is going places, his degree is paid for, his job is exciting, if somewhat dangerous, and his handler is the beautiful Mikasa, whom he will definitely certainly ask out soon.

Until it isn’t. Until Mikasa is replaced by Eren, who Jean quickly decides is absolutely the last person he wants talking in his ear when he’s getting shot at.

Reasons I like it: Well first of all I had to include this bc it was a bday present for me. :P I think this might be the only fic of crunchy’s I’ve read from Jean’s perspective? And I love him. He’s a cocky lil asshole and I still scream over this line: “He couldn’t believe how lucky he’d been to score Mikasa. She’d transferred from Foreign Office around the same time he’d been given his double-oh designation, and not only was she incredibly efficient, but she was absolutely gorgeous. Jean had seen an awful lot of movies and TV shows; he knew how this went. Sooner or later his roguish charm and devil-may-care attitude would thaw her icy exterior and the sex would be mindblowing.” HELP. I”M SCREAMING. Also it has SUPER SEXY hairy Eren (because crunchy knows my kinks, shush).

The Beneficent Gentleman

hartwin, kingsman

An act of heroism sees an unusual offer made to one Eggsy Unwin; if he can get accepted he can go to Oxford, all expenses paid. All he has to do in return is pass his classes, and keep his mysterious benefactor informed as to his educational progress via the old-fashioned medium of the handwritten letter.

An AU loosely based on Daddy Long-Legs.

Reasons I like it: this is incredibly ambitious for a fic. It’s all in epistolary form aka letters. It’s quite an undertaking to write but the result makes it seem so effortless. Plus I like handsome benefactor from afar Harry. 

Season and Circumstance

hartwin, kingsman

Circumstance dictates that there must be a great distance between Eggsy Unwin and Lord Hart, but the seasons turn and bring them together, and seasons turn and pull them apart. Seasons always change. Circumstances must be acted on. A Regency AU.

Reasons I like it: Hartwin Regency AU? Need I say more? Also crunchy always writes the best frot scenes like…if you want quality frot, look no further than crunchy’s fics. 

Magic Does Not Make A Garden

ereri, snk

Levi grows his garden peacefully on the edge of the desert, until the day he finds a boy with wings dying of exhaustion and takes him in.

Reasons I like it: Fuck this fic makes me wistful and teary eyed and hopeful all at once. King of crunchy’s short fics by far. I think about this fic nonstop. It’s too short to spend time describing it, just read and be full of FEELINGS for the rest of the day.

A Bird in the Hand

ereri, snk

Little ever changes in the Underworld, and few visit, but the arrival of a single songbird foretells a coming change for both the Underworld and its god, Eren.

Spring is here.

Reasons I like it: Hades/Persephone AU!!!!!!!!! Except Levi is Persephone and likes to wrassle and is so full of life I love seeing him like this. Also crunchy describes Levi’s naked figure so beautifully in the water i started salivating and it was so powerful it inspired beautiful art of the heichou booty by syn (nsfw link).

The Hero Who Traveled To Faerie in Search of a Bride

yurabek, yoi

The king is dead and in accordance with the custom all worthy aspirants to the crown must set out in search of a bride deserving of the throne. For one soldier, distinguished in battle, it was not enough to seek a princess among the neighbouring kingdoms, because for many years his heart had pulled him towards the distant spires and violet hills of Faerie, a land forbidden to mortals, for so few return…

Reasons I like it: sexy elf otabek with long hair :O and brave knight yura. I love the descriptions of the four courts and Victor is so goddamn perfect. The world building is sublime and everything feels so lush and perfect. ayaaaa to visit the fae for a day… 

Under Neon Skies

sheith, voltron

After the battle with Zarkon Shiro finds himself in an alien city, on an alien planet. Here Zarkon rules triumphant, the Black Lion tame under his hand, and Shiro’s own face appears on glowing billboards fifty feet high to advertise the arena fights as their reigning champion.

Shiro knows he has to get home because his universe needs him, but this universe just might need him more. He pins his hopes on the Blade of Marmora and learns that in this reality, Keith did not grow up on Earth…

Written for the Sheith Big Bang 2017. Not season 3 compliant.

Reasons I like it: i got to beta this fic but honestly crunchy doesn’t need beta-ing at all hahaha so it was a real treat to see it before anyone else. I love the alternate universe and the way it’s described so perfectly. Everything feels truly alien and you can feel Shiro’s loneliness. T_T And I love raised with the Blade Keith. He’s extra feisty. Also bc the most recent season has confirmed that alternate realities exist this is canon and nothing you can say or do will convince me otherwise.

The Garden of Wild Roses

allurivan, voltron

The galaxy might now be at peace, but Allura is not. A warrior without a war, a princess without a kingdom, she decides to tuck herself away for a while, take a well earned break and work out what to do with the rest of her life.

Earth is the obvious choice, the planet still coming to grips with a crowded universe but almost untouched by the recent war. Shiro organises a long holiday smoothly and swiftly, and it doesn’t occur to Allura to ask if she’s the only lonely alien he’s installed in the village of his childhood.

Reasons I like it: Okay i know, i picked 13, but that just goes to show you that i’m a liar. This fic has so many wonderful character analyses and I love how it shows Allura coming to grips with a war that has been won. And also I’m a slut for good pussy eating scenes what can I say. 

Heathers Characters as Quotes I've Said
  • Veronica: "Stop with the Boom-Booms it's 11:00"
  • JD: "It's Nerf or nothing, bitches"
  • Heather Chandler: "No I didn't eat ass as a child"
  • Heather Duke: "You don't have a dick because you ARE the dick"
  • Heather McNamara: "Don't be upsetti, eat some spaghetti to forgetti your regretti"
  • Kurt: "I wish Coke still had cocaine in it"
  • Ram: "Papa Smurf is such a DILF"
  • Mrs. Fleming: "Don't die, dying's bad for your health"
Eren/Levi fic rec list part one

(I don’t know everyone’s name on tumblr; if you see one that needs correcting, please let me know so I can link them in properly.)

zhedang

The Rest of Their Lives

In one life, Eren Yaeger died at twenty-two years, three months, and twelve days of age. In another life, Özgür Gözübüyük, twenty-two years, three months, and twelve days old, started crying in the middle of his molecular biology class.

A different sort of reincarnation fic. If one day you suddenly remember an entirely different life, what happens to the identity you held up until that day? Teen.

Christmas at the Ackermans’

An incredibly self-indulgent fic in which Mikasa asks Eren to do her a favor and go pick up her “sort of” cousin Levi from the airport and oh no, he’s hot. Teen.

Words Cannot Describe

People had always said that Eren wasn’t right in the head. As a kid, it didn’t bother him. But hearing those words now stung in a way he could never have imagined.

A canon-verse, sort of slice-of-life future fic in which Levi gets a well-deserved break, Eren deals with some haters, and they both prove that while communication is sometimes difficult, understanding can occur with just a little patience, effort, and care. Teen.

Giving Up the Ghost

Levi’s apartment is haunted, but he can’t bring himself to care. A story about depression, ghosts, and letting go. Teen.

twisting_vine_x

Always Taking Care of Me

Levi should have never taught Eren how to fuck. Explicit.

Let Me Help

The one in which Levi and Eren are forced to share a bed, and Levi has nightmares. Levi, vulnerable. It’s like watching the rain fall up instead of down. Explicit.

Fireside 

Essentially, the one in which Levi ditches his car and ends up half-frozen on Eren’s doorstep, and then falls harder for Eren in four days than he’s ever fallen for anyone in his life. Explicit.

mongoose_bite

These Weren’t Memories

Eren Jaeger had spent the last two weeks tending and nursing a huge fucking crush, and Levi had been the one stupid enough to plant the seed in whatever hormonal abscess passed for a teenaged heart. Explicit.

A Sound Like Breaking Glass

Eren lives by the ocean in a peaceful, untroubled world with his classmates. He studies, dreams of going out to sea on the boats to see what lies beyond the horizon, spends his afternoons by the water’s edge with his friends, and sneaks out at night more often than he should.

His greatest ambition is to join the crew of the Wings of Freedom, but after making a disastrous first impression on Captain Levi, joining his company will be easier said than done. Despite the insults and the bruising, Eren is determined and he vows to do whatever it takes to impress the captain before the ship is out of drydock. Explicit.

My Old Friend

When Levi was a teenager, the unrequited love of his life was Eren, his best friend’s father. Fifteen years later, Levi finds himself back in Whitecrest Cove to sell his late uncle’s house. Explicit.

foreverautumn

the mess we’re in

Levi is a man of action, a man who takes decisive strides to get the things he wants.

A man who leads this sort of life has little time for regret, and yet Levi has never felt more certain that he’s definitely made a wrong move somewhere.

That somewhere being his ass, which is currently occupied by Eren’s dick. Explicit.

strike me out looking

Levi is hunched over the steering wheel, knuckles white and palms sweaty. He’s been trying to recite aloud what he wants to say, but his voice keeps cracking and he’s just emitted a strange wheeze, so he’s decided to give up on that for now.

Concentrate on driving, just concentrate on driving.

…Driving to see Eren Jaeger.

lend me your ear

Eren’s not a vindictive person. Really, he’s not. In fact, he considers himself a big supporter of doing the right thing, fighting the good fight (literally, if need be); basically, he’s a big proponent of justice.

Sitting here with Jean’s credit card clutched in his hand, Eren’s sure this is just the beginning of a long and prosperous road full of justice. Explicit.

shulkie

The Red Long Johns, or “Be Sure to Dress in Layers”

It’s the week of the yearly Trust Initiative Teen Action Network (T.I.T.A.N.) retreat but this year Levi is left out in the cold when Hanji breaks her leg. To make things worse, Principal Smith gets a replacement chaperone—the new, very green English teacher Eren Jaeger. Levi and Eren butt heads over every little thing from professional to personal. Despite all of this, Levi finds himself distracted by the red long johns the fashion-challenged Eren wears under all of his winter gear and just how to get into them… Mature.

Welcome to the Jungle

Eren and his crew run heists on magical dispensaries, stealing goods to perform illegal spells until one day things don’t go as planned… Teen.

The Long and Short, Short of It

Eren tries to bake cookies for his Valentine. It’s a disaster. Gen.

The Stag in the Dark

After a high school hazing prank goes awry, Eren is forced to work at local “witch” Levi’s knitting shop. Teen.

BadAtPennames

Entrenched

Eren meets Levi for morning coffee in a trench during WWI. Explicit.

Special Interns Squad

Levi was content to go to work, do his job well, and maintain a fairly steady routine. Naturally, being placed in charge of a team of interns was not included in this list. It didn’t help that Erwin kept giving them ludicrous assignments that no intern should be doing. Or that Hanji uses the interns to torment him. Or that one of his new subordinates seemed to be getting more and more attractive by the day. Not Rated.

murakamism (VinatgeHandle)

The Art of Wooing

So now maybe Levi’s got a rock collection, but it’s perfectly reasonable, you know.

For one, they’re all from Eren. Eren in his titan form, because for some reason the boy has yet to give him one in his human form. Still, Levi doesn’t mind. Maybe there’s something instinctual in titans—giving away pretty rocks as a form of affection. Whatever. Hanji would go wild over that theory. Teen.

FoxofNineTails (TotooftheSouth)

Interruptions

It takes quite a bit for Levi to lose his cool, but when he does, it’s spectacular. Alternatively, the one in which Eren and Levi can’t seem to catch a break. Explicit.

cinnamonskull

Through the Bedroom Door

Taking place in the popular DILF! Eren and PINING! Levi universe on Tumblr, Levi and Izzy stumble home a little intoxicated from a night of partying. After Izzy falls asleep, Levi walks to the bathroom and overhears laughter coming from Eren’s room. Curiosity gets the better of him and through the bedroom door, he watches Eren and Jean engage in sexual activity. Explicit.

Kissing Booth

Eren’s soccer team hosts a kissing booth at the Spring Carnival to raise money for charity. What will he do when he’s unexpectedly forced to work a shift with Levi, team captain and his secret crush?

Steamy kisses up ahead. Teen.

shotgunsinlace

Night Drive

Working as a desk clerk for Sina Enterprises isn’t the most grandiose job out there, but it sure beats every other option Eren had jotted down since graduation. Troubled past behind him, Eren strives to make a name for himself by not fucking up the only good thing he has going for him. But when a certain foul-mouthed and dapper executive waltzes through the lobby doors, Eren is more than willing to set aside his “no fraternizing with the higher-ups” rule. However, the engagement ring on Levi’s finger proves to be a deal breaker. It was supposed to be a one night stand, one night to get each other out of their systems, but the two of them bit off more than they could chew. Explicit.

FarmlandTensions

Tell No Body

Famous musician Levi Ackerman stops by a stranger’s house when his car breaks down, and finds her son knows exactly who he is. Teen.

PresquePommes

Woke Up Dead

He had never believed in heaven, and the premise of hell had always seemed like something that had been invented to scare kids into behaving.

No karma.

No fate.

(Not believing in anything doesn’t make nothingness the truth.)

Or: That One Reincarnation Fic in which everyone is born to different parents, given different names, and existing birth order is thrown to the wind by an unforgiving god. Also That One Reincarnation Fic in which remembering means being born into a helpless, mush-brained infant body with the memories of an adult, which is fundamentally kind of horrifying and sometimes has catastrophic results. Secondary summary brought to you by the fact that the first one doesn’t tell you jack shit about the content of this piece- which is now complete! Explicit.

No-Smoke, No-Gamble

Levi has a customer.

He doesn’t tend to look at his customers, but he knows them by voice, and this one’s got some sort of shitty European accent and never buys cigarettes or lottery.

Which is pretty strange, considering that Levi runs the cigarette and lotto counter. Mature.

cottontale

The Almost Divine Comedy

Summon a demon for the vine, Jean said. It’ll be fun, he said.

Or the one where Eren summons a demon with a sweet-tooth and somehow ends up dating him. Gen.

Sex Bomb

Eren was covered in glitter and smelled like lavender. God, he loved bath bombs. Explicit.

ryuusea

A Warm Breath

“You’re a human child, aren’t you. You mustn’t touch me then, or I’ll disappear.“

One summer when visiting his Uncle Erwin out in the countryside, Eren befriends a mysterious masked man who lives in the forest. They promise to meet every summer from then on.

In other words, a story told through summers, year by year, of Eren being a (cute) brat, Levi dealing with said brat, and all the fluff, awkwardness, and strange feelings that come with growing up, despite the limitations placed on their interactions. Mature.

Eight Times the Fun

After a Scouting League mission goes wrong, Levi is forced to lay low on a remote island. He meets an interesting sea creature.

“You’re not afraid of me?”

“If you’re in the business I’m in, this isn’t the weirdest shit I’ve seen.” Explicit.

An Unforgettable Face

“Have we met before? I recognize your face…” Levi’s brows furrow, scouring his memory as to why he knows this guy’s face from somewhere.

“Ah, you’ve probably seen one of my videos!”

“Hmm. YouTube?”

“No. Porn.” Explicit.

unhappy_turtle

King of Carrot Flowers

It’s a Sunday. He’s washing his favorite mug and trying not to pay too much attention to the funeral that’s going on across the street.

(Levi lives across the street from a cemetery and Eren’s father has recently passed away.) Mature.

You Are Humanity’s Strongest

“Levi,” he says under his breath, “if this doesn’t work out, the world is not over. What you did last week was brave and you should be proud of yourself for doing that… fucking pathetic, he is fifteen. You are afraid of a fifteen year old—”

The doorknob is suddenly twisting and Levi sprints towards his own quarters. Gen.

peralta

Anonymous Asked

In a horribly inept attempt at flirting, Levi accidentally sends Eren anon hate. Well, in his defense, it’s not his fault Eren’s smile is so damn pretty. Teen.

MocheGoche

To Boldly Go

Captain Levi and First Officer Eren Jaeger of the Starship Enterprise set off on a five year mission to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.

“Captain’s log, Star date 16396.4: My first officer is a little shit.”

Captain Levi’s crew is infected with a toxin that affects the host in a similar manner to high blood alcohol levels, which can be spread by touch. Can Chief Medical Officer Kirstein and Nurse Bodt find a cure before the entire ship is infected? Not Rated.

violetlolitapop

Lock the Cellar Door

It’s all Sasha’s fault. That’s Jean’s story and he’s sticking to it. Explicit.

coldmackerel

The 6th Ward

A comedy about being dead.

Levi is finally returning to work as a nurse after recovering from a car crash that nearly killed him. Nothing says “welcome back” like realizing he’s lost his marbles and can see the disembodied spirits of the comatose patients in the 6th ward. He begrudgingly helps them learn how to be dead. Eren, the newest coma patient in the 6th ward, has six months to learn how to be dead. Good luck, kid. Mature.

KayteaEM

Eat Your Heart Out

An eight-course meal: Eren makes cakes, pancakes, bread, soup, sauces, stews, and beautifully shaved ice. He fishes, shops, plans feasts, pulls roots, drinks vine, gets in fights, gets in the way, says “yes, sir,” “for you, sir” and ultimately falls in love—not necessarily in that order.

Then there’s Corporal Levi, along for the ride. Teen.

BlakeBroflovski

Sentiment

In the Recon Corps, reading and comprehending paperwork is equally as crucial as it is beyond the realm of Eren’s capabilities. However, with his CO’s confidential tutelage, Eren is sure he’ll be able to catch up with his comrades in no time… if he can shake this unexpected suspicion that his fondness for humanity’s strongest soldier isn’t simple hero worship.

Hint: He cannot. Explicit.

crying-abt-fictional-people

Dentist AU

As the back of the chair is lowered, Eren takes a few deep breaths. The more horizontal his position becomes, the more he begins to question his life choices – specifically the one to chew oodles of gum instead of actually brushing his teeth regularly, but also the one to not turn at his heels and walk away upon laying eyes on not-Dr. Smith, otherwise known as Dr. Ackerman. Though half of the man’s face is now covered by a surgical mask, he still manages to appear fleetingly irritated as he stares down at Eren.

“In addition to sitting down, you’ll also have to open your mouth, you know,” he points out as he adjusts the overhead light. Mature.

Eight Months

“So I’m old enough to risk my life taking down titans but I’m not old enough to love you?” Eren quips, and while this time he purposefully goes for sassy, his voice hitches up near the end – it’s the first time he’s used the word ‘love’ to describe the emotions he has towards his Captain, but that’s what it is in its purest form, he now realizes: selfless, unwavering love that knows no bounds.

With a short nod, Levi replies, “That’s right.” His expression doesn’t change, but Eren’s sure he must know how ridiculous his demand is. However, he’s well aware that Levi’s not easily swayed, so with a dejected sigh, he drops his shoulders down.

Eight months. Well, it’s still better than a ‘no’. Mature.

commonfaced  asked:

Hii, huge fan of bakudeku and lover of all of the fics about them especially Heart vally daycare (honestly one of the best) but ive been wondering if you could tell me the titles for your vampire au and villan deku au fics please.

Ahhhhh thank you so much for the kind words! And I’m so happy you’ve enjoyed my Heart Valley Daycare pro-hero dilf!baku x bamf daycare teacher!deku fix-it/kid-fic! <3 Thank you so much, and expect more from that story because, I still got a lot planned. Hehehe! 

Anywho, yes I shall happily tell you the titles!

  • My Vampire AU is a katsudeku/tododeku main + dekubowl story, but at the moment it’s very plot oriented. A slow burn fic and it’s called: Bloodstained Heroes of Humanity
  • I currently have 1 completed darkkkk Villain Deku that has demons in it. It’s the origin story though, so more with that coming up and it is called: A Willing Demon’s Descent
  • I have another Villain Deku fic (both bakudeku) that…I am slowly deciding to making into a full multi-chap fic. I couldn’t even reply in the comments section because, I’m thinkin’ about creating a full fic. (And I might just do so lol) Right now it’s a oneshot called: The Past is Long Past Dead

Thank you again for the interest and happy reading! <3 -Unoutan

2

DAY 2: Summer Job!

Pining!Levi, you still got it bad for DILF!Eren hun. SO. My sweetest kohai theheichouwesawthatday and I were talking about this prompt, and decided to do a bit of a COLLAB! :D Mags wrote this amazing fic to go with it. Uuuuugh kill me now. Levi your embarrasment is palpable. 

Please go give my sweet girl some love!

Under here!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Boys find out their s/o is pregnant right before they leave for the road trip.

Right before the trip? Holy heck they were all making quick work like geez!

  • Noctis already knows something had been up when they all started to get ready to set out, and you had called him asking to see him. You didn’t sound like your normal self; despite you still talking to him in the exact same manner there was just a little something shaking in your tone somewhere but he didn’t quite know what.
  • He was already going to see you right before leaving the capital anyways, but the call made it all the more urgent for him to see you. Having rushed over immediately after leaving the citadel, Noctis has everyone else remain outside while he goes in, telling them he will only take a minute.
  • Sweet greetings aside, he can see by your fidgeting and body language alone that something that something is ailing you. Deciding to not beat around the bush, you just give him a simple “I’m pregnant” when he finally asks what’s been up.
  • You could swear you feel the room go cold and he goes absolutely pale. Oh god how is he going to handle this situation, especially with what this whole trip over to Altissia is about.
  • He actually hits a moment of panic because of that, and god knows only what his father would think- not that he thinks Regis is going to be mad or ream him but what if his old man is disappointed in him for being so reckless like this? And the fact that he actually hadn’t even told his dad about you in the first place so how would he even drop this surprise?
  • Bad new is he ends up sitting in your kitchen having an existential crisis in his own head for a little while(leaving you repeatedly asking him to please just say something). Of course he ends up snapping out of that, especially when he remembers he left the guys waiting and he really can dawdle on this.
  • Noctis has to explain the situation to you and what’s supposed to be going on. Clearly this isn’t exactly… the best situation for everybody. But he promises that he’ll keep his trip short and try to resolve everything.
  • And he tries to think of it on the bright-side, maybe, once things get sorted out, this will end up being a blessing for him.
  • But as for now, he’ll tell you to wait for him patiently in Insomnia for him because he’ll be back in no time… Or so he thinks…

  • Ignis caught word of what was happening a little bit ahead of time. He was someone who was going to guide and help Noctis for the long haul in the future, so naturally of course he was one of the first few informed of the journey they were supposed to make; he was going to make sure most things were prepared and taken care of ahead of time.
  • But since he knew early, so did you; Ignis made it a priority to call you ahead of time. Though it was something that was already happening so suddenly and it’s something that caught even him off guard, and for you it would too, he didn’t want to leave it at something so last second. It’d be unfair if he did that.
  • So that night you both were just going to spend time together. Just kick back and relax, and cherish the time because neither of you are sure when exactly he’ll be back. And the plans were, since you’d be the one back the earliest, that you’d go to his place and fix dinner and the two of you would decide on the rest from there.
    Of course that was still in the plans but this time with more spice from life;  you had went to out to get checked on for why the sudden nausea and vomiting. Your suspicions had been confirmed, and now it was a matter of telling him tonight.
  • It was during dinner when you had let him know. “Hungry darling?” He said when you reached over to place more food onto your plate.
    “Well, as of now I am eating for two.” You quipped.
    Ignis’s eyes went wide and the fork he held suddenly clanked down onto the plate as it slipped from his fingers.
  • All in all he takes the news well, just mostly surprised was all. Asking about how far along and when you found out.  This for sure happened sooner in his life than he had hoped, and the two of you had played it more careful but- he’ll support whatever to decide to do with this given situation.
  • The rest of the night ends up eaten up by the serious discussion, of both this and about his upcoming journey before you two turned in to rest. Come next morning when you go to send him off, he gives you a gentle kiss on the forehead, “Worry not, darling, for we likely won’t be gone for too long. And when I return we can start to make preparations. I promise.”

  • It’s the day of departure , and you begin to make your way towards the Citadel. Not only to attend to your line of work, but also to see Gladio and the others off. You held a small box in your hand as a small goodbye gift for him.
  • It made you sad honestly. Not the fact that he was going- though not having a warm radiator like him to hug onto during the cold nights was something you were going to miss- but the fact that thank to this certain plans were tossed out the window. You had planned on finding a cute way of telling Gladio that he was going to be a father. But you wouldn’t have the chance to now with a sudden departure, and only The Six know when he might be coming back, so now you just had to find a different, quick way to get it out there.
  • You finally found him off deep in the belly of the Citadel, in a room with his father and talking. But shortly after you entered, Clarus had excused himself and left the two of you alone.
  • When you told him, it was as you both were walking down the halls and talking. “I know we’ve talked about this subject before, about how it would be between the two of us, but not about your side of the family; how do you think your dad would take to any news of him being a grandparent?”
    “Knowing my old man, he’d probably be sent over the moon.”  He looks at you in suspicion and asks why. And that’s when you outright tell him.
    At first Gladio laughs, he thinks you’re joking, “C'mon, what’s this really about? You’re not going baby crazy on me, are you?” Nope, you’re serious. And he quickly learns that. Especially once you start telling him for how long you know, when -“It was that one night, wasn’t it? The one on the car hood…”- and him asking why you didn’t tell him sooner.
  • All in all Gladio takes it well; walking with you while having his arm around you and pressing you into his side while already joking and talking warmly about the situation.
    “No worries, we probably won’t be out for too long. Do me a favor though, hold off on telling some of the others for now. I want to be their to see their faces too.”
  • Speaking of watching people’s faces… You had handed Gladio the gift and had him open it right in front of you. He opened it up and takes what looks like to be fabricout, and immediately he laughs and rolls his eyes. It’s a new shirt with the word “DILF” written on it’s front.

  • For Prompto it seemed like the day just wasn’t going to get any better. All this time and all his hard work was paying off. He had finished all of his self-defense training, and was learning even better of how to fight. Though still not the strongest, he was making a lot of improvement and was happy to get up, and take a photo of himself with one arm flexed so you could see the progress of even the muscle. And now he was going to be allowed into the Citadel; something that only people of utmost importance could do and he was so happy that today that person was him.
  • He was so happy and eager to do almost anything and everything today. Which was good. That meant he was actually easily distracted. It was perfect for what you were about to do, and you had hoped it was something that would make his day even better yet.
  • You thought it was going to be a cute and clever idea; a cupcake with a topper that says “baby”, a small note with “special delivery” written in beautiful, golden caligraphy (you practiced on that just to make sure it was perfect too), and placed onto the note was two feathers; one from a bird that symbolized fertility and family, and the other a small feather that came from a chocobo because- well it was from his favorite bird.
    So while he was distracted temporarily, you had set it all out in the open for him to find. But there was just one big problem.
  • Prompto found it all, alright. He looked at everything and -“Uh, babe? The cupcake is good and all but what’s with the feathers?”- he didn’t get it. You even tried to drop him verbal hints but…
    Time was running out. You know he’d have to leave soon and there was no more time for hints or games; “Prompto, I was trying to tell you I’m pregnant.” you finally blurted out.
    His eyes go wide. Finally it hits him what that all was supposed to mean and- he stares at the feathers and you watch as the color drains from him.
  • Oh gods, was this a mistake? Nah, nah it wasn’t. Because before you know it he’s beaming in happiness and nearly tackles you to the ground when he goes to hug you, shouting how great this is and did something wet just drop onto your shoulder?
  • Prompto is more than sky-high with the news and now the day literally could not get better for him. And he literally would not stop gushing about it until the time he had to be pushed out the door.
  • He’s not so much upset with the fact he’ll have to leave you for the time being, because as far as he’s concerned they’ll “be back in a jiffy”, but he’ll be calling you up every day to see how you’re feeling (and asking if you can feel kicking yet even if it’s far too early).
A Softer Family
  • “I’m raising my baby to be vegetarian. That way I don’t have to do it for very long.”
  • “I’m worried my baby will come out stupid and telling me I will love her anyway just makes it worse.”
  • “Dear my baby’s momma, regret is waking up to realize some nobody takes those quiet walks with you now.”
  • “You and me and baby makes life into a string of compromises.”
  • “When our adopted child misbehaves, we have a nickname for him. Buyer’s Remorse.”
  • “I wish Cthulhu would come out of the closet. Gay children need to know they can do anything.”
  • “Please don’t leave me alone with our stupid children.”
  • “I weep for our stupid, stupid children.”
  • “Of course the divorce wasn’t your fault, son. If anything, it was my fault for buying expired condoms.”
  • “Sometimes, son, when a man loves a woman he gets sort of creepy.”
  • “They light a candle every night hoping the son I couldn’t be comes home.”
  • “After the accident, it was just the family dog and me. I started letting him sit at the table, dressing him in my daughter’s clothes.”
  • “Hey, it’s me. I meant to take the kids and the cat to the park. But I guess we just kept driving. Anyway, you should change that message.”
  • “Thinking about the infinity of space makes me insane. I never want my kids to feel this small. So yeah, I let them eat whatever.”
  • “On my mom’s birthday, I put on my best suit. I get a haircut. I pretend she’s coming home.”
  • “Your mom came by the store to buy a statue. I honestly meant to say "I like your hair” but it came out “I’m pregnant.”“
  • "Maybe I’m not really trapped. It might even be kind of glamourous being a deadbeat mom. Maybe I’ll go back to school!”
  • “It’s my mom’s birthday and I am her wingman. I miss dad.”
  • “Everyone wants someone they can bring home to mom. I need someone to distract my mom while I raid the medicine cabinet.”
  • “Live every day like your mom said it was alright.”
  • “Dad says that Gramma is always with us even though I am sure he can’t hear her when she sings me my lullaby.”
  • “It’s not you, it’s me. It’s both of us. Actually, it’s your dad. It feels good to admit that.”
  • “My mother took off when I was just little. I want to hunt her down and tell her how proud I am.”
  • “We got drunk and had sex. How did you think your mother and I met? The tooth fairy?”
  • “My father says racist shit all the time. He hates these ones and those ones and he takes care of me and my mother.”
  • “I am a pacifist and I will be a pacifist until I die or someone threatens my mother.”
  • “Sometimes I wish I could take back all my mistakes but then I think what if my mother could take back hers?”
  • “It broke my heart when I realized my father had a whole secret second family and that they got to have a dog.”
  • “Every year on the anniversary of his death I visit my father’s grave to make sure it took.”
  • “Your father is not "a MILF-hungry DILF” and I think maybe you just lost your computer privileges.“
  • "My grandfather died in a war. My father died in a war. Me? I’m holding out hope for a zombie attack.”
  • “My parents made sure I had a good work ethic. I still hate working, but when I’m not working I hate myself.”
  • “When I see a couple where one is very tall and one is very short all I do is wonder about them having sex. Thank god my parents split up.”
  • “I’m going to dress up like a sexy orphan for halloween! I have the outfit, now I just need to kill my parents.”
  • “Sometimes I look across the table at my family, and I think, Boy, I really shat the bed on this one.”
  • “I have this dream where my sister is taking my picture, and I keep saying don’t get on the plane and she says say cheese.”
  • “My sister and I both hate antique shopping. But we love hating things together.”
  • “You were the best mistake I ever made. Or, anyway, you weren’t the worst.”
  • “Everyone should have a contingency plan for when the dead rise. Mine is to see my brother again.”
During lunch while PB writers are brainstorming and eating cronuts...
  • Cronut Eater #1: Crap! There's alot of Maxwell stans out there waiting for him to be an LI.
  • Cronut Eater #2: What should we do for them to focus with the given LIs?
  • Cronut Eater #3: We should make him a dad.
  • Maxwell Stans: We cant romance him because he is a DILF?! Well you know what? WE'LL STILL BANG! OH YEAH! *dances gangnam style*
Samuel McAllister: Prologue

This story begins in an office of a medical center being redeveloped to fit in with the new clients moving into the neighborhood, new upwardly mobile working couples who preferred their medical centers looking good; so if they did get sick despite their dedication to a healthy lifestyle, going to the gym on a regular basis, staying away from all the unhealthy stuff, et cetera, they wouldn’t be offended by out of date magazines or drapes that didn’t match the post-modern landscapes on the wall.

I was not the head of the medical center. Most people didn’t even know I was there. Nowadays, I saw few clients, and the ones I do see were not what you call ‘normal’. To give you a picture: Remember the ‘Cat-Lady’ in the TV series ‘The Simpsons’? I have a bunch of them seeing me every week, even the male version.

Anyway, I had this little set of offices out the back, and people just thought about me the way you think about the crazy uncle who only lives a few blocks away but you never actually get around for paying him a visit. I don’t bother them, and they don’t bother me.

I’ve inherited a fortune from my late parents, grandparents and even from an aunt I barely knew. So, it doesn’t matter whether I have clients seeing me or not since I’m financially secured.

When there was nothing going on which happened quite a lot I took the extra free time to work on my little machines, and delved deeper and deeper into the human brain. I never get over how beautiful and complex the human mind can be. I guess that’s what started it all - the power of people to rationalize their behavior.

Let me explain some things before we move on to the main story.

As a clinician, I spent years listening to people telling me their stories, and I was always amazed at the rationalizations they came up with to justify their behavior.

“I can’t go outside or the men in black will get me!”

“I can’t eat shellfish because they drink polluted water!”

“I killed those puppies so my dear grandma could play with them in heaven!”

All these individuals were behaving in odd and sometimes anti-social ways, and yet they were firmly convinced that their arguments were logical and reasonable.

“I had to hit that son of a bitch because he was thinking about another woman!”

“Neal Armstrong never landed on the moon - it’s a conspiracy!”

“They tap my phone because they know I know stuff!”

This is not new. Over the centuries man has shown a wonderful capability to justify any action so that it appears reasonable. Slavery, murder, war, rape, mass destruction - all things a reasonable person might consider wrong, but at the time it seems appropriate and necessary. This was the part of the human psyche I wanted to examine, to manipulate, to control.

My early attempts at behavior change met with failure. People would do things because of social pressure, doctors’ orders, or to please the authority figure. But as soon as the pressure was off, they would slip back into their old patterns. I needed a way to get them to take responsibility for their own behavior modification. Not just agree with me, but believe it to be the absolute right thing to do.

So, after years of research, I developed my Fundamental Compliance Device or FCD. It was designed to activate the portions of the brain that were responsible for making decisions seem reasonable. You see, the brain is constantly asking itself questions, and then responding to the most reasonable answer.

“How should I exit this room? A) Through the door or B) Through the window?”

“Through the door, you idiot!”

These inner conversations are going on all the time, but we are seldom aware of them. So, what happens when those answers are changed? That’s right! Behavior changes right along with them.

“A) Should I kill the boss or B) Should I surpress my anger so I don’t go to prison?”

“Kill the boss. He’s a bastard, and they probably will call you a hero.”

The FCD was meant to change the answers to some of these questions, and change the behaviors accordingly.

Great! You cry. That way, people can stop smoking, lose weight, total rehabilitation of sex offenders and murderers. A boon to mankind!

What you don’t understand is that I am doing this for me. I don’t give a damn about mankind. And it is the dysfunctional person that provides the income for my whole profession. I am not going to tamper with the destiny and evolution of mankind. Just the destiny and evolution of a couple of men. Maybe when I die, mankind can have it. But in the meantime I will have my fun with the FCD.

Now, let’s get back to the story.

Remember we were getting the medical center remodeled? Well, as I came in every morning, I noticed one of the foremen was a goody two-shoes. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out. When he wasn’t socializing with his workmen or telling them what to do, he was doing all sorts of good deeds such as walking old ladies to the other side of the street or giving his changes to homeless people. In appearance, he was just an Average Joe. Mid-thirties, overweight due to having junk food for lunch on his workdays for many years; a few people would say he was obese. He wore his brown hair parted and was clean shaven. His shirts were always neat, so were his shoes and trousers that were at least two sizes too big. Furthermore, he was a happily married father of four children going to church every Sunday and supporting a dozen charity organizations. In addition to being a devoted Christian, philanthropist and Republican, he backed various anti-gay campaigns because he believed that homosexuality was a sin. He even went to some demonstrations against the legalization of gay marriage. To cut a long story short: He was living the perfect conservative and bigot life.

I don’t know why I thought that he’d be a perfect guinea pig for my first major project. Maybe, it was a fantasy of mine I wanted to make come true changing a Good Samaritan into something else or I was just pissed off by guys like him. Either way, I decided that he would be my latest guinea pig.

In order to construct my machine I had had to learn quite a bit about electronics, so it was quite simple to set up a specific electrical booby trap for my first victim. The next morning, as I moved towards the front door, the goody two-shoes was on his way to his team to have a talk about their next steps when several hundred volts went shooting through his body right on time.

Of course, I volunteered to work on him, and had his men bring him to my office. It was early, and there was no one else inside at that time. After checking him I assured everyone he was fine; he just needed to rest. Then I sent his men back to work promising them that I would call his wife, and while he was still out, I plugged him into the FCD. It would take a while for the computers to align themselves to his specific brain activity, so I needed to ask him several easy questions.

“How are you feeling?”

“Wha … what happened?”

“You had a brush with some live wires, by the look of things. Tell me, how many fingers am I holding up?”

“Two… Where am I?”

“You’re in the medical center, in my consulting room. Can you tell me your name?”

“Samuel. Samuel McAllister. Who are you and what are these wires?” He started to rise and was grabbing for the wires stuck to his head.

“Just lie down. You’ve had a severe electrical shock, and I’m just running an EEG to check that there has been no permanent damage. As for me, you can call me Doctor D. Everybody does. Just relax for a few minutes while I check the readout.”

He dropped back onto the couch, while I checked the calibration. My trusty little device had zeroed in on the appropriate areas, and was now ready to start applying the proper little micro-electric pulses. I would say something while pressing my little black button, and, theoretically, Samuel would attempt to integrate it into his reality, as if it were something he already knew, or at least wanted to believe.

“You don’t have to go just yet. Why don’t you just stay here for a while?”

“Okay. I think I could take a break. Did someone call my wife?”

“I will. But let me check the rest of you first. In case there was other damage. Don’t worry. I’m a doctor. The best one around. And you can trust me completely. Now, let’s get those clothes off, shall we?“

He was a little reluctant to undress, but he did anyway. Inside his head, he was asking:

“Should I take all my clothes off in front of a complete stranger?”

“Sure. He’s a doctor, the best, and you can trust him completely.”

Soon, he was standing there completely naked, except for the wires connected to his scalp. As I already mentioned above, he was overweight, but not a lost cause. With the right work-out program and diet he could lose those pounds in a couple of months.

To my amusement, his hands were held in front of him to hide his manhood.

“There’s no need for being embarrassed,” I said as I tried not to chuckle. “I’m your doctor. It’s okay for me to look at every part of you.”

He dropped his hands and relaxed a bit, and I was quite pleased that there was nothing wrong with what I saw there. Even deflated, his cock seemed healthy.

“Now, Samuel, I’m going to give you a thorough examination, but you are not to move or hinder me in any way. Okay?”

“Sure, whatever you say.”

I then set about checking the rest of his body. Partly, I am enough of a scientist to want to make sure my experimental subjects are healthy. But mainly, I just wanted to get my hands on a naked man, even though he was hairy like a bear.

I rubbed his chest, squeezed his nipples. I stroked his butt and had him bend over so I could check his hole. I had him put his hands behind his head while I took a few good slaps at his stomach. He just stood there blandly through it all. Finally, I reached down to fondle his dick and his balls, but there was little response.

“Samuel, I need to know if your cock is still working properly. Could you get an erection for me?”

“Are you sure? I just never got it… you know… hard in front of a man before.”

“It’s up to you, Samuel. But I just wanted to make sure your dick was up to scratch. Just think of your wife. Imagine making love to her.” He got a smile on his face, and his cock started swelling. I squeezed his balls, twisted the sac, stroked his member and slapped it a few times. Through it all it was obvious he was off in a fantasy somewhere.

“That’s fine, Samuel. You can get dressed now.”

“Thanks.” Samuel grabbed his clothes and started to dress himself.

“From now on, Samuel, I may need to examine you on a regular basis. That means if I ask you to take your clothes off, you will do it no matter where you are.”

“Sure. I want to be sure I’m okay.”

“And I may need to check every part of your body, so you won’t be upset if I touch you even in the most private places?”

“No, you just touch me anywhere you want. I know you’re just doing your job.”

“One more thing before you go back to work…”

“Yes?” Samuel sat back down, now fully dressed.

“I don’t like all that hair over your body. It may be making you overheat, and that could be bad.” Samuel looked puzzled.

“I want you to go home and shave the hair off your arms and legs, your crotch, under your arms and even off your ass. Otherwise you might get too hot and die. Do you have problems breathing sometimes?”

“Sometimes…”

“That’s because of all the hair. In addition to you being overweight it can cause long-term damage to your body.”

“Okay, I suppose you know what you’re talking about.”

“Good. I’ll take another look at you in a couple of days, and we’ll see how things are going.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. That’s what I’m here for.” I stood up and started removing the electrodes from his head.

“I think there is no need to tell your wife about your little accident. We don’t want to worry her, do we?”

“Of course not! She already has her hands full with the children and her studies.”

“Your wife is studying?”

“Yes, she is aiming for a degree in teaching. She will be finished in a couple of months.”

“That’s why you’d better not bother her. She has to focus on her studies.”

“That’s right.”

“You should get back to work now, and I’ll check on you in a couple of days.”

“Okay. Thanks again, Doctor D. I really appreciate what you’re doing for me.”

“My pleasure. Take care. Bye.”

After he left, I sat down to write up the notes. It all seemed to be going well, but now it was a matter of seeing how well the new suggestions held. According to my theories, the new justification scripts should be permanent, but I would just have to wait and see. An intelligent person would probably be continually reassessing their life scripts, looking for new and better solutions to problems and situations.

Although Samuel was quite intelligent he didn’t doubt my words as he thought of me as a man who could be trusted blindly. Also, I assume that he was a little naïve. Well, he was, after all, a goody two-shoes who believed in everything his church told him. I couldn’t deny how much I was looking forward to the end results.

The next morning I turned up, eager to see what had happened. The answer was both gratifying and annoying.

Yes, by the looks of it, Samuel had gone home and shaved his body. Unfortunately, I forgot that he preferred to wear trousers and long sleeve shirts, buttoned up high.

Samuel waved to me when he saw me (well, I was his trusted doctor) and I acknowledged him. I had actual clients to see that day, so there was nothing I could do about it then and there. But I cleared some space for the next day to make sure Samuel got another dose of ‘friendly’ suggestions.

“Good to see you again, Samuel. Just come in and take off your clothes.”

Samuel walked into my office and started stripping before the nurse had closed the door. It didn’t take long for him to get completely naked and stand there waiting for me.

“I need to put these wires back on. Do you mind, Samuel?”

“I suppose it’s okay. I really want to make sure I’m all right.” I walked over and attached the electrodes to the various points on his scalp. I couldn’t help but notice, though, that his body was smooth despite all the extra pounds he was carrying. He didn’t make any comment about being nude in front of me, so I took it that the other suggestions had worked as well.

The machine already had his patterns mapped, so it didn’t take long to get down to business.

“Why are you still wearing long sleeve shirts to work, Samuel?”

“Well, I wear them every day.”

“And why did I tell you to shave your body?”

“You said it would overheat, and that would be bad for me.”

“That’s right. But what’s the point of shaving all that hair off if you’re going to wear clothes to cover it all up?”

“I suppose it’s not good, Doctor D?”

“No, it’s not good. From now on, the less you wear the better. If you wear a shirt, make sure it doesn’t cover your arms and that it’s unbuttoned all the way down. And get yourself some really tight pants for heaven’s sake. The trousers you are wearing are at least two sizes too big.”

“Okay, Doctor D, but my workers are really going to jerk me around if I do that. And my wife… She was quite shocked after I shaved my body.”

“What’s more important? Your health and your doctor’s orders, or a bunch of construction workers? As for your wife, she has better things to do, don’t you think? Just tell her that you want to try out something new. I’m sure she will understand. After all, it’s your health we are talking about. You don’t want to make her a widow and leave your children without a dad, do you?”

“Hell, no! If you say that my life depends on it, I have to do it then.” He looked resigned as the machine reassured him it was for the best.

“Also, I’m going to need a sperm sample from you. Just to run a few tests.” Samuel baulked at that for a few seconds, as his natural instinct was to question the need. But my little device convinced him that I was the best doctor in the world, and it was rude to question my instructions.

“Uh, sure Doctor D… Where do I go?”

“You can do it right here, where you are.”

“But, I’ve never jerked myself off with anyone watching. I don’t think I can do it.” He was embarrassed about doing something so private in the office, but he was just as upset at letting his trusted doctor down.

“That’s okay. Just try, while I get a specimen bottle.” It was a glorious sight, watching this man doing his best to get himself going while trying not to look at anything. He had his fist wrapped around his cock as it slowly stiffened, and he began his jerking motions. I walked up and stood as close to him as I could.

“Do you need any help?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“No, I insist. Let me just massage your balls to make sure the sperm is all mixed up in there, huh?”

“Okay.”

I suppose he wasn’t used to masturbating while he was standing up. He certainly wasn’t used to doing it while another man tugged and pushed his balls. It didn’t take long for him to hit orgasm, and I was a bit sorry. I was going to suggest to him that I work on his prostate.

Oh, what the hell!

While the last of his cum oozed into the specimen jar, I had another word with him.

“That’s good, Samuel, but we need more than that. Do you think you could do it again for me?”

“What? Now? But I can’t come again already.”

“Just give it a try, it’s important.”

“Okay, if you say so.” And then he started pumping again. His cock wasn’t quite as big, and it was obvious he was used to rolling over and falling asleep after his orgasm.

“Samuel, I’m going to have to help you with this. You keep doing what you’re doing, while I put some pressure on your prostate. But you’re going to have to bend forward a little.”

“No, please, I can do it …”

“I can’t wait for that, Samuel. Now, be a good boy and bend forward so I can get my finger into your ass.” He wasn’t happy about it, but he was getting used to following orders. He leaned forward, and I pushed my index finger into his virgin hole. I moved it around a fair bit, which didn’t really help him come, but gave me pleasure.

Finally, I pressed his little button, and he exploded a second time. I think it took him by surprise, because he let out a fair grunt.

“There. See? I knew you could do it.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Why don’t you put on your clothes and we’ll have a little chat.” When he put his shirt on, he rolled up the sleeves and left the front open to expose his smooth chest.

“Now, Samuel, I’m a little worried about some things. No, don’t worry. It’s nothing serious. I just need to run a few tests.”

“But what’s wrong with me, Doctor D?”

“I’ll be able to tell you next week. Come back and see me on Monday, and I’ll have some definite answers for you. In the meantime, I want you to give up alcohol completely, and make sure you get a lot of exercise. And no more junk food. Ever. We want you to be very fit and healthy, don’t we?”

“I guess so.”

“Now, get back to work, and remember everything I’ve told you.” I removed the wires from his head and he stood to go.

“Will I be okay, Doctor D? Give it to me straight.”

“If you do everything I tell you to do, you’ll be more than okay.”

Samuel smiled. “I sure will. See you on Monday.”

“One more thing before you go. Don’t tell anything to your wife. We’d better not bother her, especially, now when she is about to earn her degree.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

“Good.”

I was amazed at how well the experiment was going. If I could only get my machine to work telemetrically. There must be some way to dispose of the wires. I would get a friend I knew to work on it for me.

But otherwise, everything seemed to be going extremely well.

The next morning, Samuel was up on the scaffolding, wearing skinny jeans and a tank top. His butt looked jammed as it pushed against the tight fabric. I don’t know how the other men were reacting to the changes in their foreman, but the looks they were giving him said they were starting to see Samuel in a totally new light.

On Monday morning, Samuel was waiting for me as I walked up to the office.

"I couldn’t wait. I need to know if there’s anything wrong with me.”

“That’s okay, Samuel. Come on in.” I dropped my briefcase and hung up my coat, while Samuel automatically took his clothes off. There wasn’t much to remove - the same skinny jeans he was wearing for days, a t-shirt and, to my surprise, a jockstrap. I must have been staring, because Samuel stopped and tried to figure out what was wrong.

“I see you have taken my suggestions to heart.”

“Of course, I have. It’s all for the best.”

“I didn’t tell you to wear jockstraps, did I?”

“The less I wear the better. Those were your words.”

“Yes, I did. How do you feel wearing jockstrap?”

“At first, I felt embarrassed. But after some time it was… How should I put it… sexy.”

“That’s good, Samuel. You’re on your way to have a long and healthy life. I’m really proud of you.”

Samuel blushed. “Thanks… Don’t you want to check me over?”

“Yes, Samuel. No, that’s fine.” I was a little thrown by the jockstrap and the easy way he had taken to stripping for me. Maybe my machine was doing more than I knew.

“Tell me, how did your wife react to your new wardrobe?” I bustled around him, attaching the electrodes to their usual positions.

“Well,” he began, “at first, she was irritated. She still is. Always asking me what’s wrong with me.”

“Did you tell her that you are seeing me?”

“No, you told me that I shouldn’t because it would bother her. And right now she has to focus on her studies.”

“Good.” I smiled at him, and then sat at the desk and picked up some papers that I could pretend were the results of his test.

“I have some news for you, Samuel, but you may not like it.”

“Tell me, Doctor D.”

“Well, from these results, it looks like you’re gay.”

“Gay? No way! I’m as straight as they come!”

“I’m sorry, Samuel, but all the signs are there. We tested your semen, and it confirmed it.”

“But how? How can I be gay? I’m married for twelve years. I have four kids.”

“There are men who find out about their homosexuality after spending a few years in a heterosexual relationship. Some of them even got kids. It’s quite common. They repress their real sexuality due to internal homophobia until they experience a significant event which can be the death of a parent, the birth of a child or, like in your case, an accident.”

“But I’m not attracted to men. I’ve never even seen another man naked. Homosexuality is a sin. That’s what the pastor of my church is telling.” He was confused, and my poor machine was desperately converting this inverted logic into undeniable truth.

“Well, there’s one more test we can do. But if it says you’re gay, then there is no question. Do you want to try it?”

“Yes, of course! What is it?” He was frantic to find some way of proving that he was heterosexual, although the machine was already enhancing his every doubt.

“Well, you know that gay men give other men blow jobs?”

“Yes, everyone knows that.”

“Well, you can give me a blow job. If it works in say, fifteen minutes, and I cum in your mouth, then that means you must be gay, because you made another man come.” It was a long shot, but I was hoping he was so confused he wouldn’t question the pseudo logic too closely.

“Ah, you mean, I suck your dick, like my wife, and if you have an orgasm, then I’m really gay?”

“That’s right. Only a gay guy could make another guy come. You want to try it?”

“Sure, if you say that’s going to verify whether I’m gay or not.”

He knelt down near the machine and I walked towards him and pulled out my dick. It was already hardening from the mind games I had been playing, so it was ready for a good face fucking. Samuel was tentative to start with, as he did this for the first time in his life. When it seemed he was being too gentle and cautious, I placed my hands on the back of his head and began pushing my cock deep into his mouth.

We soon got into a rhythm, and it was just under the fifteen minutes when I came into his mouth. I kept his head pressed deep into my crotch so he had no choice but to swallow the load. He wasn’t ready yet to lick my cock clean, so I grabbed a tissue from a box on the desk.

“Well, that sort of proves it, don’t you think?”

Samuel sat there with his head in his hands, close to tears.

“Shit, I must be gay, then, like you said.”

“Now, it’s not all that bad. You can still have a fantastic life. It’s just that you’ll be having sex with men instead of women. Furthermore, I suggest you’d better not set foot in that church with that homophobic pastor from now on.”

“But I still love my wife! We have great sex! How can I be gay when I can’t even get hard thinking about men?”

“Well, it probably means that you’re a ‘bottom’.”

“What do you mean a 'bottom’?”

“Well, there are some gay men who only serve other men. They suck them off and let the 'top’ fuck their ass and stuff. In other words, they are like women in a heterosexual relationship.”

“So you think I could be a bottom?”

“It looks like it to me.”

“Still… I don’t know anything about being gay…”

“Look, here’s the address of a club downtown. Go there tonight. Tell the bartender you’ve just discovered that you are gay and a bottom. Ask him if he could recommend a top for you, someone who doesn’t mind to show you the ropes. Then, you go with this top and do everything he tells you for three months. After that you come back to my office for another check-up. Furthermore, I want you to keep a video journal. Record your daily progress and give me a copy of the video files at our next meeting. I will use them for my research in order to help other men who are going through the same dilemma.” I unhooked him from the machine, and he put on his clothes.

“Okay… See you in three months, then, Doctor D.“

"I’ll look forward to it.” And that was no lie.

Three months later I was walking towards the office. The workmen had finished some time ago, and I’d heard nothing from Samuel since our last meeting. Some of the gossip going around made me think that he had taken my suggestions to heart, though.

As I got closer to the front door, I noticed a big handsome guy with a goatee, apparently in his early thirties, standing against the wall like a hooker. His brown hair was shaved to a short crew cut while his eyebrows were perfectly even, plucked by a real professional. With no unnecessary fat on his body it was obvious that he was on a strict diet and successfully resisted any temptation. His muscles which stretched his black tank top to the max indicated that he went to the gym several times a week regularly. He was wearing skin-tight black leather pants that highlighted his bubble butt and crotch very, very well. There were also some hints that one of his nipples were pierced. All in all, a nice way to start the day.

When the guy opened his mouth I didn’t recognize him as Samuel because he had a lisp that wasn’t there before. I assume it’s due to having his tongue pierced.

“Hi, Doc.”

“Do I know you?”

“It’s me, Samuel.”

“Samuel? Samuel McAllister…? Oh my…”

He grinned. “Yeah, Doc, it’s me. You said I should come back and tell you how it was going.”

“I’m glad you did. Come on in to the office.”

“I can’t stay long. My master’s going to be back soon. And we have to get our flight to San Francisco in three hours. We have been hired to do a live sex show.” I stopped at the words 'Master’ and ‘live sex show’ but let it go as we passed into my office.

“So, Samuel, tell me what you’ve been up to.”

“Well, I went to that bar, like you said. I asked the bartender about tops, and he suggested I look out for my Master - I mean, he wasn’t my master then.

"Anyhow, I found him, and told him I just discovered that I was gay and wanted to learn how to be a bottom. At first, he thought I was kidding, but when I kept on at him, he said he would teach me as long as I did everything he told me to. Of course, I said yes, like you told me to, and then he explained to me exactly what a bottom does, and it sounded really bad, but he was a good teacher. Every time I did something wrong he would make sure that I would do it right next time.

“However, when he demanded me to move in with him and to stay away from my wife and kids in those three months, I was reluctant at first until he told me that it was necessary. So, I went home, wrote a letter to my wife that I needed some time off in order to figure out a few things and moved to my master’s place. During the first two weeks he taught me how to suck off another man properly. He also helped me control my gag reflex, so I could deep-throat even a 9 inch cock with ease.”

“That really is impressive.”

“In addition to that Master fucked me every day until my hole got used to the pain. It really doesn’t hurt anymore. When Master was sure that I didn’t have any problems to have a cock invading my ass he offered me to anyone who was ready to pay for my service. All the money I earned went to Master as compensation for taking care of me. He buys me food, clothes and all the other things I needed.

“Well, I remembered what you said about if I came, then I could be sure I was gay. So every now and then, my master would get my dick out and play with it, but I couldn’t get it hard for him at first. I just wasn’t turned on. I know it made him angry, but there was nothing I could do.

"Then after a month he invited some of his friends over, and we had a sort of orgy with me as the only bottom to serve them. They made a circle around me and took their turn. Each one of them fucked me and filled my ass with their cum. There was one point where I was being fucked up the butt by one guy while I had another guy’s dick in my mouth, and I felt my master’s hand reach down and play with my balls. Before I knew it, I was getting hard, and then he did some things to my dick, which really hurt, but my dick stayed hard.

“Then my master took his turn. He pushed me up against the wall and started kissing me and squeezing my nipples. The guys around us were yelling out for him to do more, and so he got me to bend over and he forcefully shoved his cock inside my ass. While he fucked me it brought out something very good inside of me. That’s when I really felt it, and I before I knew what ws going on I came all over the ground.

"My master made me lick it up, because that’s what a good bottom does.”

“And that was the moment you knew that you were gay.”

"Yeah, I guess so, but I had an idea before that. I just wanted to come by and thank you for all you did for me. You were the first one to really tell me like, you know.”

“That’s my job, Samuel. I am glad I was able to help. What about your wife?”

“After verifying my homosexuality Master told me that there was no way I could return to my old life, and he was right. So I paid my wife a visit and explained to her that I was gay and wanted to live the life I was supposed to live. I still love her but we aren’t sexually compatible. Moreover, our views on homosexuality are too different. She believes that it is a disease and that it can be cured. But I know it better. You are born gay. You can’t change the way you are. I’ve already hired a lawyer who is taking care of my divorce as we speak. I know it’s terrible for the kids. But it’s for the best. My wife can still find another man and have a happy life with him. By the way, she got her degree. She also found a job as an elementary school teacher.”

“That’s great. Now she can support herself and the kids without you.”

“Of course, I will pay her alimony, and she will get the house. At least, she and the kids have a home and won’t starve.”

“You are too generous, Samuel… I can’t shake off the feeling that you aren’t really happy about how things turned out.”

“Of course, I’m not happy about the outcome. I was happy when I was a husband. I was happy when I had my four kids around me. I was happy when I was respected in my community. During those three months I have lost everything. My parents have disowned me. I have been fired from my job. I’m not welcomed at my old church. And my wife doesn’t allow me to see my kids although I’m not sure if I want them to see me as I am now.”

“You will get over it. I’m positive about it. You have a master who is eager to teach you how to be a gay man. There is a new world out there waiting to be discovered by you. You can finally be authentic. Trust me. Every child would rather have a father who is honest to himself than a father who isn’t.”

“My master told the exact same thing to me.”

“You are a lucky guy to have such a wonderful man by your side.”

“I have to admit I have madly fallen in love with him after he made me cum for the first time. And yes, I consider myself a lucky guy to have found him. Sometimes I find it difficult to adjust to the gay world. After all, I was living the perfect straight life for more than thirty-six years. But my master knows how to make me feel at ease. And I really love it when he fucks me. He’s a great top.”

“You’ve mentioned that you and your master are doing a live sex show. Are you doing it for a living?”

“Yes, my master happens to be an adult entertainer. He convinced me to perform live sex shows with him. At first, I suffered from stage fright. But I got over it quickly. When he fucks me in front of a crowd I feel liberated and strong because the two of us control the sexual energy around us. We are quite popular. We are booked out for the next six months. He also got me to do porn, modelling, dancing and escorting. I don’t know if I want to be an adult entertainer for the rest of my life. But so far it’s fun.

“Well, I got to get to the airport now. Thanks again, Doc.”

“Goodbye, Samuel. And don’t be a stranger. How about coming back in three months or so? Just for a check-up.”

“I will gladly accept your offer… Oh, by the way. Here is a copy of my video journal. I have recorded every day of my progress, as you said.”

“I’m sure they will help me in my research.”

“I’m also thinking of starting a vlog. Maybe it will help people who are in the closet to come out.”

“I can tell you that you have at least one follower.” 

And off he went to his exciting gay life.

Thanks to him I knew my FCD was a wonderful success. A few more adjustments and refinements, and there’s no telling what sort of fun I could have.

But first, let’s take a look into Samuel’s video journal.

�����b9

anonymous asked:

Top five Jared Padalecki shirtless pics

oh man oh man oh man

(i did 7 cause um how dare you limit me)


1. idk what it is about this…. it used to be my phone lock screen background for a while…. just reminds me of how much i love seeing pics and hearing stories about what a party boy jared was in his pre-genevieve days (not like meeting her and getting married was bad or like ruined him or whatever!!!!! just ya know he was different at different ages and i tbh i love him more as a mature dilf <3)

2. this whole scene like how is it legal this is porn

3. this pic cause i’m in it

4. how i met your mother: padalecki edition

5. that little pec flex lmao i cried i HATE boys who do that i HATE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH

this whole scene i’m like please drop that towel please……..god please make an earthquake happen so he is forced to drop the towel……. or give me an aerial view……or better yet just let me fuck him ok PLEASE

6. tbh i dont mind a little hair i mean it’s natural right, like it’s probably pin if he has to get waxed for scenes and stuff… anyway i just love his facial expression and how fucking huge his hands are *winks* and how he’s in his 30s now but he’s still a hot piece of ass dilf amiright

seriously though, best part of all: HIS BATHING SUIT IS RIDING SO LOW I JUST WANT TO YANK IT LIKE RIGHT NOW

7. so this is from a deleted scene in 5x03 where he has sex with that girl from the bar (wHY DID THEY DELETE IT WHY) and from what i’ve seen of it it’s really sweet and i love knowing that while jared was probably wearing something on his lower half during filming, SAM ON THE OTHERHAND IS NAKED SO

ok there ya go now i’m rly horny fuck you anon why are you doing this to me

HOT SINGLE DAD EREN

Ok and what if Levi is over one day, and he runs into Eren walking out of the shower with a white towel slung low over his hips, his damp hair clinging to his glistening skin.  It’s fucking SENSUAL as fuck and he grins all innocently at Levi and that makes it a million times worse.

Later that day Eren is sitting at his desk all cramped over a laptop and Levi happens to walk by the door to his office to see him stretch, the dark material lifting up over his stomach and exposing perfectly tanned skin and wiry muscle.  Levi’s eyes catch the darkly curling happy trail leading into the waistband of Eren’s tight jeans.

He barely contains a gasp and walks quickly past the door and back into Isabel’s room. 

“Dude,” Levi says, his eyes still seeing the tight expanse of muscle and honey brown skin.  “Duuuuuddde.”

“What,” Isabel says, chewing the end of her hair and staring at her phone.  

“Your dad is HOT AS FUCK,” Levi says, intensely, pushing the hair back from his face and then giving Isabel a lopsided grin.  

“Stop smiling like that you creep,” she responds, slamming a pillow into Levi’s face.  “That’s my DAD.”

“Yeah, a DILF to be more precise,” Levi gasps against the pillow.

yes, more of this.  all of it.  

Slumber Party

I was inspired to write a little drabble about Kara’s teenage daughter having a sleepover and imagined her friends reactions to her parents.


It was a Friday night and it was 14 year old Lexa Matthews (El was her real surname but none of the humans could know that) first ever slumber party. It had taken less convincing than she had thought when she had begged and pleaded with her parents to let her have her friends over for the night.  Now she was in her pink Supergirl pyjamas (she was her favourite hero obviously) and perched on her bed with her friends all sitting on their sleeping bags on the floor.

“I think Josh Barnes is really cute”, her friend Holly Parker gushed as they conversed about who they were currently crushing on at school. “I mean have you seen his eyes? They’re such a gorgeous green”.

“Nah, he’s too male for me”, Mia Collins piped up. “Summer Perkins is definitely the prettiest girl in school. She has those adorable dimples and her hair is always braided in those cute buns”.

A skinny brunette girl, Tiffany was painting their friend Olivia’s nails a vibrant purple when she spoke up. “I think Logan Hunter isn’t too bad. He actually helped carry my books the other day”, she blushed and Lexa got the impression that Tiffany thought that he was more than just ‘not too bad’.

“What about you, Lexa? Anyone special caught your eye?” Mia asked, putting the spotlight on the quiet blonde who hadn’t said anything up to now about crushes.

“Well…” Whatever she had been about to say was cut off when her bedroom door opened and her mom and dad appeared in the doorway.

“Hey sweetie, how’s it going? We just wanted to let you know we’re home now”, Kara Danvers-Matthews smiled at her warmly. Her mother worked hard as a reporter at Cat-Co and sometimes her job plus her additional responsibilities kept her out late. Her dad also worked late hours as a bar manager when he wasn’t taking on his other obligations which meant that her Aunt Alex was often the one left on babysitting duty with her and her brothers.

“Everything’s fine, mom”, Lexa answered, hoping that the two would leave quickly.

“Hi girls!” Mon-El (whose fake name was Mike to normal people), waved and grinned at the room causing Lexa to mentally face palm with embarrassment. She stared at them pointedly, hoping that they would take a hint and just go already.

“Hi Mr Matthews”, Olivia giggled.

“If you guys need anything we’ll just be downstairs. Call if you need us”, Kara informed them, realising that her daughter was not impressed with their presence lingering around her friends.

“Oh we will”, Mia smiled, her eyes glued on Lexa’s mother.

As quickly as they had appeared, they left the doorway and shut the door behind them. Lexa’s friends immediately turned to stare at the blonde girl with amazement.

“Holy cow, Lexa, you’re parents are hot”.

“…what?!”  The blonde stared at Tiffany in disbelief. “You are kidding me right? They’re my parents”.

“They look more like your older siblings”, Holly remarked. “Your dad is like SOOO hot. I’d definitely do him. He’s for sure a DILF”.

“A DILF?”

“Dad I’d like to fu—“

“OKAY, OKAY, SAY NO MORE”, Lexa chanted, slamming her hands over her ears. She really didn’t need to hear that about her father.

“Forget her dad, what about her mom?” Mia joined in immediately. “Talk about a MILF. She looks like she’s still in her twenties. And have you seen her biceps? I bet she could carry me in her arms, no problem”.

“WOULD YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT MY PARENTS? They’re not hot, they’re my parents!” Lexa yelled with frustration as her friends burst out laughing at her reaction.

“I hate to tell you this babe but your parents are gorgeous. Are you sure they’re even human?”

Downstairs, Mon-El and Kara’s laughter cut off as they began to choke on air.