and you are still a dilf

anonymous asked:

Fav sterek fics?

I have 402 bookmarks on AO3, how do I choose favorites?! I guess I can try ; ; here’s my pathetic attempt at a sterek rec list (fics added as I find them in my bookmarks, not by favorites):

The Boy and the Beast by Dira Sudis (dsudis) [116k, M]

In which events in Beacon Hills go rather differently from the start, and a Beauty and the Beast (ish) story ensues. (Scott is not a teacup and no one sings about their feelings.)

Safety in Silence by Survivah [66k, M]

It’s perfectly understandable. Even Derek wouldn’t want to be Derek’s soulmate.

Easy Trouble by Survivah [55k, M]

Derek+Stiles+fairies = love spell

“Make love to me,” Derek demands.


Where The Inevitable Isn’t by Survivah [41, M]

Stiles has a magical thingamajig that’s supposed to get him out of danger. Trouble is, it took him really, really far out of danger. Like, to the point where he isn’t in the same universe anymore.

“A part of Stiles had been thinking that he’d come home, and just go, ‘hey, Derek, are we mates and you just haven’t said anything about it?’ and Derek would reply, ‘now you mention it, we are indeed! Now come to my bedchamber, where we will have super hot sex and then cuddle after!’”

A Simple Life by Survivah [13k, T]

Derek plans to spend the rest of his life holed up in the woods after Laura dies. Then he meets a stubborn young fox, and the stubborn young fox meets an urn of Deaton’s magic powder, and his plans change.

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DILF- Shawn Mendes

A/N: Hey guys! This is my first imagine on Tumblr. It is 2204 words. Not sure if that’s long or short. I really don’t know what to say 😂 Feel free to message me with any feedback and I hope you enjoy! 

“Daddy comes home today, baby,” I expressed to my almost year old daughter while I bounced her on my hip.

“Aren’t you so excited?” she only replied with cute giggles and two-teethed smiles.

One thing about Avery was she loved her dad more than anything in the world. Anything about him made her happy. She loved to FaceTime with him or just listen to one of his songs. There had been many occasions when she wouldn’t sleep, but I put on her father’s music and she was out like a light.

I looked at my baby, being captivated by her beauty. Sure she was still young, but I could see her looking like her father more and more every day. She had his curly brown hair, the kind that swooped across her forehead, and his beautiful light brown eyes. Avery had Shawn’s smile and his cute little nose. He always said she looked like me and “Thank God because you’re the cute one.” I didn’t agree with either of those statements. I was glad she looked like him. If I was missing him, I had a little mini him around to dull the longing I felt.

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the-zodiac-reaper  asked:

Please rate every ganon form and reincarnation on his Dilfness on a scale of 1 to 10. Bonus points for cdi and cartoon.

Thank you for the first serious question I’ve ever received for this hellsite. 

I will be ignoring Breath of the Wild for spoiler reasons. 

So Hyrule Fantasy Ganon is a pretty garish azure that destroys any discrete hook up opportunities but he’s still thick and seemingly pant-less so let’s give him a 3/10

Adventure of the Link Ganon is the definition of discrete however. Broad shoulders too. But he’s laugh is pretty grating. (And he’s still a pig, lets be real). 3/10 again. Send a face pic next time. 

A Link to the Past Ganon and Oracle of Ages and Seasons Ganon are pretty similar, but the muscle definition on Oracle Ganon is something to write home about. Both 4/10 but one is for face and the other for body-ody-ody. Choose based on if you have a preference for feet or trotters.

Ocarina of Time Ganon (or Ganondorf now) is finally humanoid so he gets some points for that but he is in serious need of some eyebrow doctoring. Also compared to future human Ganon’s, he’s definitely the dad whose like 50 but with a 25 year old body and it really doesnt work? Embrace the dadness, dude. We can all see your receding hairline, you can’t cover that shit with a forehead jewel. 6/10

Also he has the ugliest pig form like… chill the fuck out 2/10

This Ganondorf was cut from the Oracles Games but I’m including this bit of concept artwork because its the only confirmed homosexual of the lot. 7/10 for wearing your identity with pride. 

Now this is a dad. This is a literal father. You know Wind Waker Ganon is currently in the midst of a custody battle with some Gerudo woman. Also hiding under all those layers is a full dorito proportioned body. 8/10

Finally. Twilight Princess Ganondorf. 10/10. We all knew it. This is the king of dilfs. This is what the Ganondilf is. You know his thicc body goes straight up to the armour. He’s not afraid to paint his nails and braid his hair. And you know the sword ain’t compensating for nothing. 

And yknow he’s a literal animal in bed.

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf continues the trend but that hair dude. You might as well be your pig form, the bed’s gonna be covered in it. 8/10

Cartoon Series Ganon is your friend’s dad who will always point out when more than one person in the room is on their phone, but doesn’t realise sitting watching the football in silence together ain’t any more social. 0/10

Wand of Gamelon Ganon is the only one with actual dialogue. Yknow he can definitely do some pretty freaking shit with those fingers too. 1/10 but 3/10 if you’re kinky. 

Eren/Levi fic rec list part one

(I don’t know everyone’s name on tumblr; if you see one that needs correcting, please let me know so I can link them in properly.)


The Rest of Their Lives

In one life, Eren Yaeger died at twenty-two years, three months, and twelve days of age. In another life, Özgür Gözübüyük, twenty-two years, three months, and twelve days old, started crying in the middle of his molecular biology class.

A different sort of reincarnation fic. If one day you suddenly remember an entirely different life, what happens to the identity you held up until that day? Teen.

Christmas at the Ackermans’

An incredibly self-indulgent fic in which Mikasa asks Eren to do her a favor and go pick up her “sort of” cousin Levi from the airport and oh no, he’s hot. Teen.

Words Cannot Describe

People had always said that Eren wasn’t right in the head. As a kid, it didn’t bother him. But hearing those words now stung in a way he could never have imagined.

A canon-verse, sort of slice-of-life future fic in which Levi gets a well-deserved break, Eren deals with some haters, and they both prove that while communication is sometimes difficult, understanding can occur with just a little patience, effort, and care. Teen.

Giving Up the Ghost

Levi’s apartment is haunted, but he can’t bring himself to care. A story about depression, ghosts, and letting go. Teen.


Always Taking Care of Me

Levi should have never taught Eren how to fuck. Explicit.

Let Me Help

The one in which Levi and Eren are forced to share a bed, and Levi has nightmares. Levi, vulnerable. It’s like watching the rain fall up instead of down. Explicit.


Essentially, the one in which Levi ditches his car and ends up half-frozen on Eren’s doorstep, and then falls harder for Eren in four days than he’s ever fallen for anyone in his life. Explicit.


These Weren’t Memories

Eren Jaeger had spent the last two weeks tending and nursing a huge fucking crush, and Levi had been the one stupid enough to plant the seed in whatever hormonal abscess passed for a teenaged heart. Explicit.

A Sound Like Breaking Glass

Eren lives by the ocean in a peaceful, untroubled world with his classmates. He studies, dreams of going out to sea on the boats to see what lies beyond the horizon, spends his afternoons by the water’s edge with his friends, and sneaks out at night more often than he should.

His greatest ambition is to join the crew of the Wings of Freedom, but after making a disastrous first impression on Captain Levi, joining his company will be easier said than done. Despite the insults and the bruising, Eren is determined and he vows to do whatever it takes to impress the captain before the ship is out of drydock. Explicit.

My Old Friend

When Levi was a teenager, the unrequited love of his life was Eren, his best friend’s father. Fifteen years later, Levi finds himself back in Whitecrest Cove to sell his late uncle’s house. Explicit.


the mess we’re in

Levi is a man of action, a man who takes decisive strides to get the things he wants.

A man who leads this sort of life has little time for regret, and yet Levi has never felt more certain that he’s definitely made a wrong move somewhere.

That somewhere being his ass, which is currently occupied by Eren’s dick. Explicit.

strike me out looking

Levi is hunched over the steering wheel, knuckles white and palms sweaty. He’s been trying to recite aloud what he wants to say, but his voice keeps cracking and he’s just emitted a strange wheeze, so he’s decided to give up on that for now.

Concentrate on driving, just concentrate on driving.

…Driving to see Eren Jaeger.

lend me your ear

Eren’s not a vindictive person. Really, he’s not. In fact, he considers himself a big supporter of doing the right thing, fighting the good fight (literally, if need be); basically, he’s a big proponent of justice.

Sitting here with Jean’s credit card clutched in his hand, Eren’s sure this is just the beginning of a long and prosperous road full of justice. Explicit.


The Red Long Johns, or “Be Sure to Dress in Layers”

It’s the week of the yearly Trust Initiative Teen Action Network (T.I.T.A.N.) retreat but this year Levi is left out in the cold when Hanji breaks her leg. To make things worse, Principal Smith gets a replacement chaperone—the new, very green English teacher Eren Jaeger. Levi and Eren butt heads over every little thing from professional to personal. Despite all of this, Levi finds himself distracted by the red long johns the fashion-challenged Eren wears under all of his winter gear and just how to get into them… Mature.

Welcome to the Jungle

Eren and his crew run heists on magical dispensaries, stealing goods to perform illegal spells until one day things don’t go as planned… Teen.

The Long and Short, Short of It

Eren tries to bake cookies for his Valentine. It’s a disaster. Gen.

The Stag in the Dark

After a high school hazing prank goes awry, Eren is forced to work at local “witch” Levi’s knitting shop. Teen.



Eren meets Levi for morning coffee in a trench during WWI. Explicit.

Special Interns Squad

Levi was content to go to work, do his job well, and maintain a fairly steady routine. Naturally, being placed in charge of a team of interns was not included in this list. It didn’t help that Erwin kept giving them ludicrous assignments that no intern should be doing. Or that Hanji uses the interns to torment him. Or that one of his new subordinates seemed to be getting more and more attractive by the day. Not Rated.

murakamism (VinatgeHandle)

The Art of Wooing

So now maybe Levi’s got a rock collection, but it’s perfectly reasonable, you know.

For one, they’re all from Eren. Eren in his titan form, because for some reason the boy has yet to give him one in his human form. Still, Levi doesn’t mind. Maybe there’s something instinctual in titans—giving away pretty rocks as a form of affection. Whatever. Hanji would go wild over that theory. Teen.

FoxofNineTails (TotooftheSouth)


It takes quite a bit for Levi to lose his cool, but when he does, it’s spectacular. Alternatively, the one in which Eren and Levi can’t seem to catch a break. Explicit.


Through the Bedroom Door

Taking place in the popular DILF! Eren and PINING! Levi universe on Tumblr, Levi and Izzy stumble home a little intoxicated from a night of partying. After Izzy falls asleep, Levi walks to the bathroom and overhears laughter coming from Eren’s room. Curiosity gets the better of him and through the bedroom door, he watches Eren and Jean engage in sexual activity. Explicit.

Kissing Booth

Eren’s soccer team hosts a kissing booth at the Spring Carnival to raise money for charity. What will he do when he’s unexpectedly forced to work a shift with Levi, team captain and his secret crush?

Steamy kisses up ahead. Teen.


Night Drive

Working as a desk clerk for Sina Enterprises isn’t the most grandiose job out there, but it sure beats every other option Eren had jotted down since graduation. Troubled past behind him, Eren strives to make a name for himself by not fucking up the only good thing he has going for him. But when a certain foul-mouthed and dapper executive waltzes through the lobby doors, Eren is more than willing to set aside his “no fraternizing with the higher-ups” rule. However, the engagement ring on Levi’s finger proves to be a deal breaker. It was supposed to be a one night stand, one night to get each other out of their systems, but the two of them bit off more than they could chew. Explicit.


Tell No Body

Famous musician Levi Ackerman stops by a stranger’s house when his car breaks down, and finds her son knows exactly who he is. Teen.


Woke Up Dead

He had never believed in heaven, and the premise of hell had always seemed like something that had been invented to scare kids into behaving.

No karma.

No fate.

(Not believing in anything doesn’t make nothingness the truth.)

Or: That One Reincarnation Fic in which everyone is born to different parents, given different names, and existing birth order is thrown to the wind by an unforgiving god. Also That One Reincarnation Fic in which remembering means being born into a helpless, mush-brained infant body with the memories of an adult, which is fundamentally kind of horrifying and sometimes has catastrophic results. Secondary summary brought to you by the fact that the first one doesn’t tell you jack shit about the content of this piece- which is now complete! Explicit.

No-Smoke, No-Gamble

Levi has a customer.

He doesn’t tend to look at his customers, but he knows them by voice, and this one’s got some sort of shitty European accent and never buys cigarettes or lottery.

Which is pretty strange, considering that Levi runs the cigarette and lotto counter. Mature.


The Almost Divine Comedy

Summon a demon for the vine, Jean said. It’ll be fun, he said.

Or the one where Eren summons a demon with a sweet-tooth and somehow ends up dating him. Gen.

Sex Bomb

Eren was covered in glitter and smelled like lavender. God, he loved bath bombs. Explicit.


A Warm Breath

“You’re a human child, aren’t you. You mustn’t touch me then, or I’ll disappear.“

One summer when visiting his Uncle Erwin out in the countryside, Eren befriends a mysterious masked man who lives in the forest. They promise to meet every summer from then on.

In other words, a story told through summers, year by year, of Eren being a (cute) brat, Levi dealing with said brat, and all the fluff, awkwardness, and strange feelings that come with growing up, despite the limitations placed on their interactions. Mature.

Eight Times the Fun

After a Scouting League mission goes wrong, Levi is forced to lay low on a remote island. He meets an interesting sea creature.

“You’re not afraid of me?”

“If you’re in the business I’m in, this isn’t the weirdest shit I’ve seen.” Explicit.

An Unforgettable Face

“Have we met before? I recognize your face…” Levi’s brows furrow, scouring his memory as to why he knows this guy’s face from somewhere.

“Ah, you’ve probably seen one of my videos!”

“Hmm. YouTube?”

“No. Porn.” Explicit.


King of Carrot Flowers

It’s a Sunday. He’s washing his favorite mug and trying not to pay too much attention to the funeral that’s going on across the street.

(Levi lives across the street from a cemetery and Eren’s father has recently passed away.) Mature.

You Are Humanity’s Strongest

“Levi,” he says under his breath, “if this doesn’t work out, the world is not over. What you did last week was brave and you should be proud of yourself for doing that… fucking pathetic, he is fifteen. You are afraid of a fifteen year old—”

The doorknob is suddenly twisting and Levi sprints towards his own quarters. Gen.


Anonymous Asked

In a horribly inept attempt at flirting, Levi accidentally sends Eren anon hate. Well, in his defense, it’s not his fault Eren’s smile is so damn pretty. Teen.


To Boldly Go

Captain Levi and First Officer Eren Jaeger of the Starship Enterprise set off on a five year mission to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.

“Captain’s log, Star date 16396.4: My first officer is a little shit.”

Captain Levi’s crew is infected with a toxin that affects the host in a similar manner to high blood alcohol levels, which can be spread by touch. Can Chief Medical Officer Kirstein and Nurse Bodt find a cure before the entire ship is infected? Not Rated.


Lock the Cellar Door

It’s all Sasha’s fault. That’s Jean’s story and he’s sticking to it. Explicit.


The 6th Ward

A comedy about being dead.

Levi is finally returning to work as a nurse after recovering from a car crash that nearly killed him. Nothing says “welcome back” like realizing he’s lost his marbles and can see the disembodied spirits of the comatose patients in the 6th ward. He begrudgingly helps them learn how to be dead. Eren, the newest coma patient in the 6th ward, has six months to learn how to be dead. Good luck, kid. Mature.


Eat Your Heart Out

An eight-course meal: Eren makes cakes, pancakes, bread, soup, sauces, stews, and beautifully shaved ice. He fishes, shops, plans feasts, pulls roots, drinks vine, gets in fights, gets in the way, says “yes, sir,” “for you, sir” and ultimately falls in love—not necessarily in that order.

Then there’s Corporal Levi, along for the ride. Teen.



In the Recon Corps, reading and comprehending paperwork is equally as crucial as it is beyond the realm of Eren’s capabilities. However, with his CO’s confidential tutelage, Eren is sure he’ll be able to catch up with his comrades in no time… if he can shake this unexpected suspicion that his fondness for humanity’s strongest soldier isn’t simple hero worship.

Hint: He cannot. Explicit.


Dentist AU

As the back of the chair is lowered, Eren takes a few deep breaths. The more horizontal his position becomes, the more he begins to question his life choices – specifically the one to chew oodles of gum instead of actually brushing his teeth regularly, but also the one to not turn at his heels and walk away upon laying eyes on not-Dr. Smith, otherwise known as Dr. Ackerman. Though half of the man’s face is now covered by a surgical mask, he still manages to appear fleetingly irritated as he stares down at Eren.

“In addition to sitting down, you’ll also have to open your mouth, you know,” he points out as he adjusts the overhead light. Mature.

Eight Months

“So I’m old enough to risk my life taking down titans but I’m not old enough to love you?” Eren quips, and while this time he purposefully goes for sassy, his voice hitches up near the end – it’s the first time he’s used the word ‘love’ to describe the emotions he has towards his Captain, but that’s what it is in its purest form, he now realizes: selfless, unwavering love that knows no bounds.

With a short nod, Levi replies, “That’s right.” His expression doesn’t change, but Eren’s sure he must know how ridiculous his demand is. However, he’s well aware that Levi’s not easily swayed, so with a dejected sigh, he drops his shoulders down.

Eight months. Well, it’s still better than a ‘no’. Mature.

anonymous asked:

Boys find out their s/o is pregnant right before they leave for the road trip.

Right before the trip? Holy heck they were all making quick work like geez!

  • Noctis already knows something had been up when they all started to get ready to set out, and you had called him asking to see him. You didn’t sound like your normal self; despite you still talking to him in the exact same manner there was just a little something shaking in your tone somewhere but he didn’t quite know what.
  • He was already going to see you right before leaving the capital anyways, but the call made it all the more urgent for him to see you. Having rushed over immediately after leaving the citadel, Noctis has everyone else remain outside while he goes in, telling them he will only take a minute.
  • Sweet greetings aside, he can see by your fidgeting and body language alone that something that something is ailing you. Deciding to not beat around the bush, you just give him a simple “I’m pregnant” when he finally asks what’s been up.
  • You could swear you feel the room go cold and he goes absolutely pale. Oh god how is he going to handle this situation, especially with what this whole trip over to Altissia is about.
  • He actually hits a moment of panic because of that, and god knows only what his father would think- not that he thinks Regis is going to be mad or ream him but what if his old man is disappointed in him for being so reckless like this? And the fact that he actually hadn’t even told his dad about you in the first place so how would he even drop this surprise?
  • Bad new is he ends up sitting in your kitchen having an existential crisis in his own head for a little while(leaving you repeatedly asking him to please just say something). Of course he ends up snapping out of that, especially when he remembers he left the guys waiting and he really can dawdle on this.
  • Noctis has to explain the situation to you and what’s supposed to be going on. Clearly this isn’t exactly… the best situation for everybody. But he promises that he’ll keep his trip short and try to resolve everything.
  • And he tries to think of it on the bright-side, maybe, once things get sorted out, this will end up being a blessing for him.
  • But as for now, he’ll tell you to wait for him patiently in Insomnia for him because he’ll be back in no time… Or so he thinks…

  • Ignis caught word of what was happening a little bit ahead of time. He was someone who was going to guide and help Noctis for the long haul in the future, so naturally of course he was one of the first few informed of the journey they were supposed to make; he was going to make sure most things were prepared and taken care of ahead of time.
  • But since he knew early, so did you; Ignis made it a priority to call you ahead of time. Though it was something that was already happening so suddenly and it’s something that caught even him off guard, and for you it would too, he didn’t want to leave it at something so last second. It’d be unfair if he did that.
  • So that night you both were just going to spend time together. Just kick back and relax, and cherish the time because neither of you are sure when exactly he’ll be back. And the plans were, since you’d be the one back the earliest, that you’d go to his place and fix dinner and the two of you would decide on the rest from there.
    Of course that was still in the plans but this time with more spice from life;  you had went to out to get checked on for why the sudden nausea and vomiting. Your suspicions had been confirmed, and now it was a matter of telling him tonight.
  • It was during dinner when you had let him know. “Hungry darling?” He said when you reached over to place more food onto your plate.
    “Well, as of now I am eating for two.” You quipped.
    Ignis’s eyes went wide and the fork he held suddenly clanked down onto the plate as it slipped from his fingers.
  • All in all he takes the news well, just mostly surprised was all. Asking about how far along and when you found out.  This for sure happened sooner in his life than he had hoped, and the two of you had played it more careful but- he’ll support whatever to decide to do with this given situation.
  • The rest of the night ends up eaten up by the serious discussion, of both this and about his upcoming journey before you two turned in to rest. Come next morning when you go to send him off, he gives you a gentle kiss on the forehead, “Worry not, darling, for we likely won’t be gone for too long. And when I return we can start to make preparations. I promise.”

  • It’s the day of departure , and you begin to make your way towards the Citadel. Not only to attend to your line of work, but also to see Gladio and the others off. You held a small box in your hand as a small goodbye gift for him.
  • It made you sad honestly. Not the fact that he was going- though not having a warm radiator like him to hug onto during the cold nights was something you were going to miss- but the fact that thank to this certain plans were tossed out the window. You had planned on finding a cute way of telling Gladio that he was going to be a father. But you wouldn’t have the chance to now with a sudden departure, and only The Six know when he might be coming back, so now you just had to find a different, quick way to get it out there.
  • You finally found him off deep in the belly of the Citadel, in a room with his father and talking. But shortly after you entered, Clarus had excused himself and left the two of you alone.
  • When you told him, it was as you both were walking down the halls and talking. “I know we’ve talked about this subject before, about how it would be between the two of us, but not about your side of the family; how do you think your dad would take to any news of him being a grandparent?”
    “Knowing my old man, he’d probably be sent over the moon.”  He looks at you in suspicion and asks why. And that’s when you outright tell him.
    At first Gladio laughs, he thinks you’re joking, “C'mon, what’s this really about? You’re not going baby crazy on me, are you?” Nope, you’re serious. And he quickly learns that. Especially once you start telling him for how long you know, when -“It was that one night, wasn’t it? The one on the car hood…”- and him asking why you didn’t tell him sooner.
  • All in all Gladio takes it well; walking with you while having his arm around you and pressing you into his side while already joking and talking warmly about the situation.
    “No worries, we probably won’t be out for too long. Do me a favor though, hold off on telling some of the others for now. I want to be their to see their faces too.”
  • Speaking of watching people’s faces… You had handed Gladio the gift and had him open it right in front of you. He opened it up and takes what looks like to be fabricout, and immediately he laughs and rolls his eyes. It’s a new shirt with the word “DILF” written on it’s front.

  • For Prompto it seemed like the day just wasn’t going to get any better. All this time and all his hard work was paying off. He had finished all of his self-defense training, and was learning even better of how to fight. Though still not the strongest, he was making a lot of improvement and was happy to get up, and take a photo of himself with one arm flexed so you could see the progress of even the muscle. And now he was going to be allowed into the Citadel; something that only people of utmost importance could do and he was so happy that today that person was him.
  • He was so happy and eager to do almost anything and everything today. Which was good. That meant he was actually easily distracted. It was perfect for what you were about to do, and you had hoped it was something that would make his day even better yet.
  • You thought it was going to be a cute and clever idea; a cupcake with a topper that says “baby”, a small note with “special delivery” written in beautiful, golden caligraphy (you practiced on that just to make sure it was perfect too), and placed onto the note was two feathers; one from a bird that symbolized fertility and family, and the other a small feather that came from a chocobo because- well it was from his favorite bird.
    So while he was distracted temporarily, you had set it all out in the open for him to find. But there was just one big problem.
  • Prompto found it all, alright. He looked at everything and -“Uh, babe? The cupcake is good and all but what’s with the feathers?”- he didn’t get it. You even tried to drop him verbal hints but…
    Time was running out. You know he’d have to leave soon and there was no more time for hints or games; “Prompto, I was trying to tell you I’m pregnant.” you finally blurted out.
    His eyes go wide. Finally it hits him what that all was supposed to mean and- he stares at the feathers and you watch as the color drains from him.
  • Oh gods, was this a mistake? Nah, nah it wasn’t. Because before you know it he’s beaming in happiness and nearly tackles you to the ground when he goes to hug you, shouting how great this is and did something wet just drop onto your shoulder?
  • Prompto is more than sky-high with the news and now the day literally could not get better for him. And he literally would not stop gushing about it until the time he had to be pushed out the door.
  • He’s not so much upset with the fact he’ll have to leave you for the time being, because as far as he’s concerned they’ll “be back in a jiffy”, but he’ll be calling you up every day to see how you’re feeling (and asking if you can feel kicking yet even if it’s far too early).

DAY 2: Summer Job!

Pining!Levi, you still got it bad for DILF!Eren hun. SO. My sweetest kohai theheichouwesawthatday and I were talking about this prompt, and decided to do a bit of a COLLAB! :D Mags wrote this amazing fic to go with it. Uuuuugh kill me now. Levi your embarrasment is palpable. 

Please go give my sweet girl some love!

Under here!

Keep reading


Ok and what if Levi is over one day, and he runs into Eren walking out of the shower with a white towel slung low over his hips, his damp hair clinging to his glistening skin.  It’s fucking SENSUAL as fuck and he grins all innocently at Levi and that makes it a million times worse.

Later that day Eren is sitting at his desk all cramped over a laptop and Levi happens to walk by the door to his office to see him stretch, the dark material lifting up over his stomach and exposing perfectly tanned skin and wiry muscle.  Levi’s eyes catch the darkly curling happy trail leading into the waistband of Eren’s tight jeans.

He barely contains a gasp and walks quickly past the door and back into Isabel’s room. 

“Dude,” Levi says, his eyes still seeing the tight expanse of muscle and honey brown skin.  “Duuuuuddde.”

“What,” Isabel says, chewing the end of her hair and staring at her phone.  

“Your dad is HOT AS FUCK,” Levi says, intensely, pushing the hair back from his face and then giving Isabel a lopsided grin.  

“Stop smiling like that you creep,” she responds, slamming a pillow into Levi’s face.  “That’s my DAD.”

“Yeah, a DILF to be more precise,” Levi gasps against the pillow.

yes, more of this.  all of it.  

Sim I’d Like to F…ondle Tag 😏

SILF = Sim I’d like to F.. ondle

There’s surely a sim out there, you’d like to fondle… Well, it’s time to tell it to everyone. Don’t be shy!

RULES: Choose a sim made by an another simblr you’d like to fondle if he/she was real… and then tag 5 simblrs.

*If you can find a picture of your SILF, it’s better but not mandatory.

Tagged by @sympxls who had me laughing a little TOO hard with her confession. (Got a taste of Latin cookies hmm? Lol!) Alright, let’s be a little perv for once. I actually have 2 sims I’d be proud in fondling. Slapping this under “Read More” so it doesn’t stretch anyone’s dash.

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anonymous asked:

Hi love! I was wondering if you could help me? I love Sterek but I've actually never read a single Sterek fic because, well, Larry exists. But now i would like to try reading some and see if that world could suck me in and I did go through your Sterek fic rec tag but I've hard time choosing one. Which Sterek fic would you recommend for a first timer to read, one that has the power to suck me in and make me want to read more? :) Thank you so much for your time!

Ohhhhhhh, I looove this question !!

So, depending if you prefer to start with some canon fic (like Werewolves AU) or some humans fics (totally AU) :

-DILF : “Today is Scott’s first day of kindergarten and Derek is terrified.” (30k, human world)

- Gravity’s Got Nothing on You : “Three weeks,” Derek says. “Still don’t want to,” Stiles says.“I’ll pay you,” Derek says, and that… that has Stiles interested. Alf’s Antique’s may be a great job, but it’s not a high-paying job, and half of Stiles’s tuition is coming from financial aid, so…“How much,” Stiles asks, “are we talking here? Because I know your family, dude. And it’ll be kind of awkward after.““My family thinks you’re some sort of fucking gift to the world,” Derek seethes, like he’s jealous, “they’ll probably be pissed at me when we break it off, so don’t worry about that. Five hundred bucks.”“A thousand,” Stiles says, because screw ethics. Also, the Hale family is loaded. Derek can deal. (83k, Werewolves AU but not Teen Wolf canon)

- No Homo : Stiles’ sophomore year starts something like this: 3 FourLokos
+ 1 peer-pressuring cat - 1 best bro to end all best bros = 1 Craigslist ad headline that reads “str8 dude - m4m - strictly platonic”. Derek is the fool who replies.
(84k, human world)

- Cornerstone : Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else. (83k, human world)

anonymous asked:

Top five Jared Padalecki shirtless pics

oh man oh man oh man

(i did 7 cause um how dare you limit me)

1. idk what it is about this…. it used to be my phone lock screen background for a while…. just reminds me of how much i love seeing pics and hearing stories about what a party boy jared was in his pre-genevieve days (not like meeting her and getting married was bad or like ruined him or whatever!!!!! just ya know he was different at different ages and i tbh i love him more as a mature dilf <3)

2. this whole scene like how is it legal this is porn

3. this pic cause i’m in it

4. how i met your mother: padalecki edition

5. that little pec flex lmao i cried i HATE boys who do that i HATE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH

this whole scene i’m like please drop that towel please……..god please make an earthquake happen so he is forced to drop the towel……. or give me an aerial view……or better yet just let me fuck him ok PLEASE

6. tbh i dont mind a little hair i mean it’s natural right, like it’s probably pin if he has to get waxed for scenes and stuff… anyway i just love his facial expression and how fucking huge his hands are *winks* and how he’s in his 30s now but he’s still a hot piece of ass dilf amiright


7. so this is from a deleted scene in 5x03 where he has sex with that girl from the bar (wHY DID THEY DELETE IT WHY) and from what i’ve seen of it it’s really sweet and i love knowing that while jared was probably wearing something on his lower half during filming, SAM ON THE OTHERHAND IS NAKED SO

ok there ya go now i’m rly horny fuck you anon why are you doing this to me

all the Olympians love Paul
  • Poseidon: No really, he's a great guy and he always picks up his trash at the beach.
  • Zeus: yeah he flew this kite one time and got it so high. It was wicked.
  • Athena: Plus he's smart as heeeeell
  • Hermes: He's never mislabeled an envelope, did you know that? What a gem.
  • Dionysus: That man can pick a fine wine, lemme tell you.
  • Demeter: Not to mention he always eats the recommended amount of grains in a day. Healthy like an ox!
  • Hera: And so dedicated to his wife!
  • Apollo: Dude's got mad karaoke skills, you don't even understand.
  • Hephaestus: Boy, can he fix a leaky faucet or what! Look at that craftsmanship!
  • Artemis: Not bad for a straight white guy
  • Hades: his coworker passed away last year and you know he's the only other teacher who sent a flower arrangement? Stand up guy, he is.
  • Hestia: He sits by the fire and reads to me sometimes. Of course, he doesn't really know he's reading to me but still.
  • Ares: He's a little level headed for my taste but in 6th grade he stood up for this kid that was getting bullied and broke his hand punching the bully. Honorable as shit. I can dig it.
  • Aphrodite: He's hot af too, talk about DILF alert! I'd hit it.

mismerccray  asked:

Oh my gosh, you're open!!!!! Can you do a fluffy, relationship, and matured grimmjow head canon for me pleaseeeeee?

I didn’t know what you meant by matured so I kinda like described his looks when he gets older.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez


He can braid, like really good, and if he has a daughter, or a son, he will braid their hair and make all the other kids at school jealous. He also can make a great bun. He is just really good at hair stuff, he loves doing his s/o hair as well.


He loves PDA, he wants everyone to know that “Yep this is my baby, I’m proud of it” plus he also does it so nobody will talk to them while he is with them.


The older he gets, the hotter he looks, he becomes the hot dad, or the hot old neighbor, the DILF. He keeps his hair short and always slicked back, he doesn’t have any facial hair but his cheeks bones get so nice, and his eyes scream “I don’t have sugar, but you can still come in” eyes. And his so built and toned and hot, literally everyone in his neighborhood wants to fuck him.

i feel like a good test to see if people genuinely r invested in a fictional subtext gay relationship vs. unhealthy fangirling is to see if they age down the relationship (esp when it takes the Older Dynamic form).

like sherlock/john and house/wilson are all older men, which defines the way a lot of younger bi/gay guys interact with the media. for us, its a future (or a once possible one), and seeing a complex gay relationship that evolves and is as nuanced as a straight one (even if it is in subtext) is intensely gratifying not despite but BECAUSE of their age. the want for the men to have an overt romantic/sexual relationship is because, even if you think rsl is a DILF and wanna see him have sex with a man, there’s still a want for an accurate and nuanced depiction of a gay older relationship from all angles. (older gay men, which is like 35+ in gay years, in media rarely get to be sexual or even in a relationship that isn’t strictly domestic and awwwww)

IF, however, the person interacting with the media is not a gay/bi+ dude, and if they ignore the factor of age, even going so far as to make the characters be younger in fanart or fanfic (au excluded, but like if All of the work is “theyre in high school” im side-eying) it shows that the interest isnt in the Dynamic or a confirming of characters that are intensely relatable to gay/bi men, just that they wanna see two guys fuck and enjoy the voyeurism of a relationship that is both forbidden and also often treated as a joke


‘OK OK shh! you guys are gonna wake up my dad.’ Allison giggled.

You and your sister Lydia were spending the night over at Allison’s for a little Girls’ Night In.

‘Oh yeah because we don’t want your hunky dad to come in.’ Lydia teased.

‘Oh my God, but can we talk about your dad tho.’ you said excitedly.

‘Here she goes.’ Lydia groaned as she picked up the bag of Doritos and began snacking on them.

‘Allison your dad is hot. Like in a almost wrong way.’ you said.

‘Your crush on my dad is what’s wrong.’ Allison teased.

‘Not my fault your dad is such a DILF. I mean, those pretty ass eyes and bright as the sun smile. And that peppery hair, ugh. It’s like he walked out of one of my Daddy wet dreams.

‘Oh really.’

Your blood ran cold as you instantly recognized that voice.

You turned and saw the DILF you were just talking about standing in Allison’s doorway.

‘Well, in all honesty I’m quite flattered (Y/N).’ Mr. Argent smiled.

You were still so mortified that your brain to mouth filter had glitched in you said the first thing that came to mind.

‘I’ll be legal in three months, wait for me.’

‘We’ll see.’ he smiled before he left the room.

No but like, imagine Eren dancing around the house while he’s cleaning, listening to “Hey Mama” by Nicki Minaj which is blasting from Isabel’s room. Levi is waiting for Izzy to get ready and he decides to go downstairs and get something to drink and he walks in on Eren shaking his booty and mouthing the words. Their eyes connect and Eren smirks, still dancing and mouthing:

I wanna hear you calling my name, like hey mama mama.”

Levi’s mouth goes completely dry and his thirst has never been so real. The song ends and he’s like:

“What if I call you daddy instead?”

Tokyo Ghoul : Absolute Romance Rules 

Originally posted by this-sxdnxss

i. Ship, Thou shalt tease but never give. (All Kaneships; Akiramon)

Read the whole manga with you shipper glasses on. You’ll find what you want to see.

ii. Ship, Shalt thou ever reach the Realm of Canoness, angst and tragedy thus become thy fate.

* Kozen-Ukina : Ukina killed by Kozen (Yoshimura)

* Fueguchi couple : Killed by Mado and became Fueguchi One and Two. Bonus : wife killed by her dead husband kagune.

* Arata-Hikari : Hikari died young and Arata may be used in CCG’s kakuhou harvesting project. Still these two’ve blessed the fandom with their superior genes. #Queen!Touka #Bishonen!Ayato #DILF!Arata.

* Nishikimi : human-ghoul couple hence bound to suffer . Nishiki left Kimi before the Anteiku Raid. It is hinted that something might have happened to Kimi with Torso (Saeki) being involved.

* Ayahina : Tg:re 33 seems to confirm Ayato’s feelings towards Hinami. Said Hinami is confined within Cochlea and her time is counted.