and you all owe me a quid

The Bookshop That Has (Almost) Everything

fun fact this is loosely based on a real bookshop I once found somewhere in greenwich idk exactly where it is but if ever find urself around the area look out for it its v cute and v tiny

summary: Phil works at a bookshop. Dan buys a book one day, and, in a ploy to see Phil, keeps returning with more and more obscure requests so Phil has to spend more time searching. After Dan leaves with ‘cactus maintenance: a memoir’, Phil starts to suspect something’s up.

words: 7.3k


“Look,” Phil sighs when he catches sight of the book Dan’s clutching today. “I know there’s a very good chance you keep cacti and you just wanna maintain them and it’s probably wrong of me to assume otherwise, but-…can I ask you something?”

Dan gulps, putting the book titled “Cactus Maintenance: A Memoir” down on the counter.

“Do you actually need half of the books you come in here for?” he asks softly. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s a good chance you might actually ride motorcycles, study bricklaying, want to know more about frogspawn or- you know, wanna look after your cacti, but…” he shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s just- um, you’re the first person I’ve met that, you know, buys one book every single day. When do you get time to read them all?”



Graveland’s Books is the kind of place you’d only come across if you were either very bored, very desperate, or very lost.

It hides on the tail end of an alleyway just behind the village market, and the gnarled wooden beams, the glass oil lanterns lining either side of the aged brickwork and the rusty bronze bell hanging above the door would fool anyone into thinking they’d just stepped out of 2016 and into the 18th century. If it wasn’t for the mobile phone shop sitting directly opposite, of course.

It’s not big in size, with a staff room and an office the size of a postage stamp upstairs and just about enough room to fit two free standing bookshelves in the middle of the shop, but books spill into every single crack. Stacks and stacks of fiction and history and travel and biographies narrow the aisles between the shelves, and it’s all too easy to trip over a random pile of books in the middle of the floor when you’re not concentrating properly.

But, for a job running along the sidelines of university, Phil enjoys it. He’d certainly rather spend his time flicking through a story about a cursed mushroom than stack supermarket shelves and deal with obnoxious co-workers, anyway.

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Cait: Oh thank God…FaceTime working…
Sam: (Waves + grins) You got this Hun…wouldn’t of looked too good if I was there and then playing the PR Samzie Show the following night…quid pro quo and all that…you would of looked a player otherwise Babe…just enjoy yourself…
Cait: I know…can everyone see the screen okay?
Sam: Sure can…So proud Cait…we can do this…just work…
Cait: Love you…See you in a couple of hours…I got this…

Me: 🤔 So that’s why Sam didn’t attend OW…protecting her again…best stay below deck for a while longer…storm still raging…running low on snacks and vino if anyone cares to join…

anonymous asked:

Can you recommend some good, steamy McCree fics?

Before I do I’d just like to say that I am very new to the OW fandom so this is only from what I’ve read so far

…and also please don’t judge me because some of these are..yeah but you asked for steamy so lol…

Most of these, if not all, are rated Explicit so please read at your own discretion!

All’s Fair (Eggsy Unwin x Reader)

Fandom: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Pairing: Eggsy Unwin x Reader
Word Count: 627
Summary: You and Eggsy always seem to fight, but Roxy seems to see something else behind all the harsh words. She gives Eggsy a little push in the right direction.
A/N: I don’t own anything and this wasn’t edited, so any errors are mine.

Eggsy storms into the workroom in a huff, parking himself on the couch next to Roxy.

“The two of you were really going at it in there,” she muses without looking up from her book.

His jaw is clenched and for a moment it seems that he’s not going to grace his fellow Kingsman with a response. Roxy knows better than that.

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Do not reblog

I have a favour to ask.

I am currently in dire financial straits despite working 60 hour weeks. This is due to tax errors and incompetence at my work place. I am owed at least £1200 by the tax office, but I also owe them £146 and apparently the latter is more important than the former if the way they’re chasing me is any indication.

In just over a week I will be in a position of much greater financial security. I will hopefully have the rebate, and will also have been paid the correct amount for the first time since 2015.

If you are able to donate a couple of quid to my PayPal to get me over this hump I would be incredibly grateful. All will be paid back as soon as I possibly can, likely before the end of the month.

My Paypal is annysthetized(at)gmail(dot)com.

Thanks for your time, and I am so so sorry for asking.

avatarreigisa  asked:

"The Marauders are a boy band/dance group while lily is their manager who James is in love with" au

They don’t even realise they’re being watched until someone clears their throat. Lily jumps away from James so quickly, she accidentally knees him in the balls. 

“I quit.” Sirius says, then turns around and walks off the tour bus. It’s the third time he’s quite since they got on the tour bus yesterday morning and the last time it was because Peter ordered him a regular Coke instead of a Diet Coke from the drive through. 

“You two took your time didn’t you.” Peter rolls his eyes and follows Sirius. 

Remus just looks at them, imitating the stern look Lily likes to give all four of them whenever they’re drunk and putting the band’s reputation at risk, even though she’s usually just as drunk as they are. “Firstly, Peter owes me fifty quid. Secondly, as our manager Lily, intimate relations with any band member is highly inapp-”

“Piss off.” James says at the same time Lily throws a pillow at him. 

Speak Now

There’s really no better way to spend a 2 and a half hour train journey than going through prompts and picking out a cute one, right??

I’m also really paranoid about writing on trains fhdjsafhdh I really hope no-one’s reading over my shoulder they’ll be so Confused I’ve turned my laptop brightness right down and im trying to angle the screen away from Everyone #pray4shelley


prompt: teenage!phan are best friends and phil has a crush on dan. phil also has a parrot and one afternoon when dan’s at his house the parrot says “i love dan” or something and then fluff happens.


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anonymous asked:

Can I request florist!au Nine/Rose, where Rose stumbles into Nine's shop to get her mom a last minute gift or something along those lines?

Rose couldn’t believe she’d forgotten. She’d had florist websites pulled up on her computer for a week and a half and then somehow time had gotten away from her and she’d never ordered the bloody flowers.

Her mum was never going to let her live it down if Rose forgot to get her her traditional birthday bouquet. The only option left was to hope she found a florist still open on her way over to her mum’s flat.

She’d passed two florist shops that were already shut for the night and was about halfway to her mum’s when she spotted Blue Box Flowers on the next corner. The lights in the shop were still on so Rose picked up her pace, hoping against hope that they were actually still open.

She got to the shop and tugged on the doors, only to find them locked.

“Shit!” She rested her forehead against the door, not letting go of the handle.

This was going to be humiliating.

Just then, the door she was leaning on swung in, causing her to tumble inside and onto the floor of the shop.

“Well you make quite an entrance,” an amused Northern voice above her said.

“It’s a gift,” Rose replied as airily as she could while trying to pick herself up off the floor.

The man that the voice belonged to reached down to give her a hand and in no time at all she was on her feet and getting her first look at him.

Tall, strong, nice hands, incredible facial structure with gorgeous blue eyes and a leather jacket.

Rose was in so much trouble.

“So, what can I do you for?” He asked.

“What?” Rose squeaked, his voice startling her out of her inspection.

“I’m assuming you weren’t just leaning against the door of my shop looking defeated for no reason.” He shrugged. “But if that’s what you like to do on Tuesday nights, it’s not my place to judge.”

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anonymous asked:

Do you not think it's really sweet though how all the other boys could clearly tell Harry and Louis had feelings for each other in the beginning and they were all cool with it?! I mean it's written all over Niall's and Zayn's faces especially in the video diaries! They're amazing people/friends.

I think it’s the sweetest thing ever!!! Sometimes I wonder if the other boys knew before Harry and Louis even figured it out themselves. Like did they ever take bets on how long it would take them to come out? And by the time Harry and Louis did make the announcement Niall was probably like “Well it’s about time. You guys weren’t all that subtle ya know. We’ve all been waiting weeks. Now I believe Zayn owes me 10 quid for winning that one.” 

Look at Niall giggling like a loon and you can’t tell me Zayn isn’t thinking “Just kiss already ffs” xx


Niall sees it. And he looks so smug. Niall is me. Niall is all of us.

They’re ALL fonding over how embarrassing Harry and Louis are being right now. me too guys. xx

And again because why not. Liam looks so endeared LIKE SAME. And Niall is the definition of done.

Middle man Zayn. I don’t think he minds

Niall are you breathing? I know that caress is a lot to handle and you’re actually witnessing right in front of your face but seriously are you alright?

There’s no other place the captain would rather be. Look at how happy he is! I want to be Niall.

Those three boys are Harry and Louis’ biggest support system and I think it’s really wonderful. You can’t ask for better friends than that. Band of brothers xx

  • (everybody singing happy birthday)
  • Chas: Well go on then.
  • Aaron: It's great. Are we gonna go to the soft play area as well later?
  • Chas: You ungrateful wretch, it's all David had. Anyway, you're a very childish person, so it fits.
  • Liv: I did actually order you something, but it's not gonna arrive til next week, so just enjoy a nice cash present for now.
  • Aaron: Yeah, you're alright, you keep it. Put it towards the trainers you want.
  • Chas: Thank you. You lazy mare. I gave you 20 quid yesterday to go and get him something. Where's the other fiver?
  • Liv: Crisps for me and Gabby.
  • Robert: I lent you 20 quid for the Drayman's Christmas box, so you still owe me a fiver. Did you get a snog, by the way?
  • Chas: Hm. Got nowt.
  • Liv: Bit like Aaron got off Robert.
  • Chas: Yeah at least I got him a shirt.
  • Aaron: Yeah, no there is nothing wrong with plain black, slightly too big.
  • Chas: Added growing room, isn't it? It's winter, stick a jumper underneath it.
  • Robert: Well, despite being very busy, I have actually got you something, Aaron. A Rolex.
  • Chas: No?
  • Robert: Yeah, no. A rolo.
  • Chas: Aw, actually, that that's quite touching, yeah. It was a brilliant ad, in the 80s. I was just a kid.
  • Robert: Not the 1880s. ahhh. But it is said "Do you love someone enough to give them your last rolo". So, says it all.
  • Aaron: Does it?
  • Liv: Oh, cheer up Aaron, you're only 25, you've got your whole life behind ya.
  • (Chas laughs)
  • Robert: I'll catch you later. (leaves)
  • Chas: Right, well, make sure you come in for your tea this af, okay?
  • Aaron: If I don't get a better offer.
  • Liv: This is the first birthday I've actually spent with you, so I'm sure it'll get better as the day goes on.
  • Aaron: Here, catch!(Liv catches) Nice! (Fist bump)
Niall Horan Slams Paparazzi For Being Rude To One Direction Fans

Niall Horan appears to have borrowed Louis Tomlinson’s sassy pants today, with the One Direction star taking to his Twitter account to blast the “nasty” paparazzi for being seriously rude to fans.


[Copyright: Splash]

After the boys’ amaze performance at the O2 last night, which was the final London date of their On The Road Again Tour, they decided to go out and paint the town red - but obviously the paps don’t make this the easiest of tasks.

With Niall wearing his injured foot in a boot to protect it for the duration of the show (which was incredible btw but more on that later), he was absolutely bombarded as he tried to make his way into Cirque Le Soir alongside Liam Payne and Louis.

Originally posted by ninicutiepie

Although 1D are known for taking the abuse from paps in their stride, the cameramen crossed the line when they started being rude to fans in order to get a better picture of the boys, with it being thought that they turned nasty when a fan went forward to take a selfie with the singer.

Writing earlier this morning, a seething Niall ranted: “I absolutely hate some of those paps… Nasty, nasty people.

“Whoever the hell you were, don’t ever tell one of our fans to get out of the way so you can get a sh*t picture of me walking into a night club that you’ll get ten quid [for]…”

Referencing the fact that it’s the fans who One Direction owe their success to, the 22-year-old sassily added: “You do nothing for me, so you get out the way.”

Ooft, Niall, we like it when you get all protective.

In the same night, Niall’s bandmate, Louis, was also caught on camera quipping to the paps: “Do you lads ever f*cking sleep?”, with this not being the first time that the 23-year-old has been caught getting a bit fed up with the paparazzi.

[Copyright: Splash]

Earlier this year, Lou was filmed losing his temper with the paps after one of them aggressively shoved Louis’ friend through a hotel door, with the girl tripping over as a result.

Understandably, Louis lost his cool and could be heard shouting: “That’s your f*cking job, you loser” as his security ushered him away.

Originally posted by ninicutiepie

All in all, we can’t help but respect the lads all the more for accepting that whilst being ambushed is a part of their daily life, it’s totally not okay for the paps to turn on the people around them.

Shoving girls over and shouting at the lads’ fans is just totally unacceptable behaviour, isn’t it?

Loud Giggles

Summary: Phil makes fun of Dan for his obnoxiously loud laugh and Dan can’t take a joke. Dan stops laughing for a week and Phil assures Dan that he’s actually absolutely in love with his laugh. Angst.

A/N: Hey guys! Thank you guys so much for over 2800+ followers! I’m doing a giveaway at 3,000! I’ll be traveling to Los Angeles now, so without stable internet, I won’t be able to write for a couple of weeks :( 

Based on this prompt  from  @bottomashtonlibrary

Video from this fic: Linkin Bark 

Warnings: Little angst

Word Count: 1151

“No one likes Raspberry, but you Peej.” 

“Oh, c’mon! Raspberry is so much better than mint chocolate!” PJ retorted.

“Can you even count raspberry as an ice cream flavour, though?” Dan questioned.

“You guys need to stop bullying me.” He dramatically threw his hands into his hands and pretended to cry.

Each of the boys then got up to throw out any residue of their ice creams before coming back to their seats to continue their silly banter. 

Phil had invited Pj and Chris to his and Dan;s favourite ice cream parlor in London for a “double date” sort of night. The four used to do this a lot more and he thought it was bout time they had one of these dates again.

“Okay, if the next person that goes up order’s raspberry, you all owe me 5 quid, yeah?” 

The boys had been sitting right next to the cashier and could clearly see and hear every customer’s order.

“Deal.” The others replied in unison and turned their attention.

“How can I help you today?” The cashier asked.

“Yes, Hello. Could I please have one scoop of orange sherbet and well as,” the girl ordering paused for a moment, keeping the boys on edge. “as well as a scoop of raspberry sherbet, please?”

“PAY UP!” PJ yelled, extending his arms.

Phil and Chris began booing at PJ as he cheered in over exaggerated celebration. Dan, however, was howling with laughter. He had been laughing so loudly that the other three had to shoot the other customers looks of apologies.

“Dan, your laugh is so annoying.” Phil said sternly, but chuckled as well. PJ and Chris made sounds in agreement.

“Well, that was definitely the last customer of the night. It’s midnight and Dan’s the only one of us who won’t be dead tired in the next hour. Right, love?”

Dan was too tuned out of the conversation and in his own thoughts to have heard what Phil said. Phil’s comment actually surprised Dan. To him, what Phil said sounded pretty sincere, but Phil didn’t honestly hate his laugh, did he? Dan quieted down after that, but kept a smile on his face. He didn’t want Phil to notice how much it bothered him, especially with Chris and Peej there.

“Alright, you two. We should be heading back. Let’s meet up again before you leave for your tour, yeah?” Chris said as he gave both Dan and Phil a parting hug.

“Ready to go, babe?” Phil asked as he put out a hand to help Dan up.

“Yep.” Dan took Phil’s hand and the two began home.

The cool air of the London night was always relaxing for the two boys and quite usually a romantic walk home for them. Tonight, however, Dan refused to intertwine his fingers with the boy walking beside him.

“Dan? You alright?” Phil looked over, a bit worried.

“Course, I am. I had a lot of fun tonight.” Dan quickly pecked Phil to stop any more suspicion.

Another 30 steps or so, they arrived home.

“Dan?” Phil yelled from across the flat. “Dan!”

“What, Phil!”

“Come here. I have something to show you.”

Dan shuffled his way to Phil’s room with a bag of crisps in his arm.

“Dan, watch this.”

Dan sat down on the bed as a shot of a dog appeared on the screen as the clip began. (x) An amazing rendition of Linkin Park’s ‘Numb’ was being performed by numerous barking animals.

Laughs from Phil filled the room as Dan’s eyes began to water from the hilarious video. It took everything in Dan to not let out his screeching laugh which he had now been aware of.

“Dan? Are you,” Phil said in-between laughs. “Are you alright? You’re crying!” 

The sight simply caused Phil to laugh more and when the video had finally ended Dan had yet to let out more than a couple unstoppable giggles.

Once they had both calmed down, Phil went to ask his boyfriend what had been up with him.

“Dan, what’s up with you? You were acting weird when we were editing the Dil video yesterday, too. You didn’t laugh at all. You always laugh at Dil.”

“I’m all good, Phil. The video just wasn’t as funny as it usually is, that’s all.” Phil glared at Dan. “I’m fine. I promise.”

Phil didn’t mention it much more for the next few days, but began to worry again when it came time for the two to film another video together.

“Well hello there, dildos.”

“Dildos? Really, Phil?” 

“What? You know, because it’s Dil.”

Dan shook his head and returned to the game. Phil was confused to find that Dan didn’t comment more on the topic and was even more surprised to find that Dan didn’t even chuckle at his joke. 

It had been like this all week. Every time Phil expected to hear Dan’s adorable laugh reach his ears, it never came. He had even attempted to be extra ridiculous, but to no avail, Dan kept a consistent frown on.

Phil reverted his attention back to the video and heard Dan rambling on about something sims related. Phil suddenly jumped out of his seat and reached over the desk to press the stop button on their camera.

“Phil? What are you doing?”

“Dan, talk to me.”

“Um, about what? We have to film.” Dan reached for the camera, but Phil stopped him.

“Why haven’t you been happy lately?”

“Happy? What do you mean? I’m happy.” Dan took both of Phil’s hands into his.

“I haven’t heard you laugh all week.”

Dan went silent. 

“Dan? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Phil. I just..I just don’t want t-to laugh.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s loud,” Dan sighed. “And obnoxious. Even you said the other night that you hat-”

“Oh, Dan.” Phil pulled the younger boy into his arms. “Is this because of what I said the night we went out with Chirs and PJ? About your laugh?”

“Seriously, Phil. It’s fine.” Dan didn’t look at him as he responded.

“Dan, do you know just how much I’ve missed your laugh this past week?”


“Love, your laugh is perfect. I was just joking about it being obnoxious. Yes, your laugh is extremely loud and yes, it may make random strangers look over to check if anyone is murdered, but..” Phil heard a small giggle come from Dan. “It’s my favourite sound in the entire world.”

“It’s annoying.”

“I love you. Every single thing about you, Dan.” Phil gently placed a kiss upon the top of his head. “And your laugh is definitely one of those things.”

“I’m sorry I’m such a baby.” Dan whimpered.

“Well, maybe filming a video about our baby will cheer you up.” Phil’s expression lit up.



Dan genuinely laughed for the first time that week and Phil was glad that, if anything, Dan was laughing at him.

  • John: Are you sure you need her tonight?
  • Sherlock: Yes.
  • John: Of all nights? Really?
  • Sherlock: It's urgent, John.
  • John: Sherlock, you've had that hand since yesterday. Why exactly do you need Molly Hooper now? You could've phoned her yesterday.
  • Sherlock: The fungi needs to be in a—
  • John: I can tell you're fibbing, Sherlock. Mary taught me.
  • Sherlock: *grumbles* Will you just call her?
  • John: Doesn't she have a date?
  • Sherlock: Does she? Well I guess she'll have to cancel.
  • John: Why can't you call her?
  • Sherlock: She stopped answering my calls when she's out on a date. Told me I had the most impeccable timing.
  • John: I thought you didn't know she has a date.
  • Sherlock: . . .
  • John: Well, I suppose you can call her. She's staying at home tonight. If I remember correctly, Mary told me the date was moved to tomorrow. Something about an emergency operation. The guy's an on call surgeon after all.
  • Sherlock: ohh...
  • John: Call her then.
  • Sherlock: Now that I think about it, two days isn't enough for the hand to be ready. I'll call her tomorrow. Later, John. *walks towards the bedroom and slams his door shut to avoid further questions from John*
  • John: I guess I owe Mary 15 Quid.
RPF: You, me and the years in between.

Pairing: David x Billie

Rating: adult (I almost published this sans smut but decided to keep working on it and inspiration struck me and it turned into what might just be the smuttiest thing I’ve ever written, but hopefully it doesn’t come across as just PWP)

Author’s note: Possibly my last RPF, at least for the next 2 months since I’m going to another continent, I quite like it and I hope you will as well. Feedback is always appreciated.


It’s their anniversary. The restaurant is romantic, the meal is delicious and her husband is dutifully attentive, complimenting her new halter dress. But her eyes keep drifting toward her beaded clutch, strategically left opened on the table so she can sneak glances at her phone. Just in case. In case the nanny calls. In case David remembers what happened on this very date eight years ago.


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