and yet the premiere will probably be *more* depressing than this

eene-fangirl  asked:

What is your favorite thing about Edd’s character in A Fistful of Ed? Is there more of a reason behind why he is upset?

When it first came out, I loved A Fistful of Ed for a lot of reasons!  First of all, Raven’s scenes are the highlight of season 5 for me, I had loved her art since before she worked for the show, so it was really exciting to see her do the bulk of an episode, and for it to be upgraded from an 11-minute story to a two-parter.  

Secondly, Edd was a hard character for me to understand, he has a lot of traits and a fairly consistent only-rational-character role in the series, but AKA didn’t always try to connect his actions to details about his life outside of each episode, the way that the writers clearly understand Eddy’s home life even if they rarely address it. I can’t remember where/when it was brought up, but season 5 was suggested to be thought of as Edd’s season, after season 4′s finale revealed the spotlight to be on Eddy.  While Edd did take the focus more often at that point, I didn’t feel like anyone but Raven was digging into his inner life and making him as much of a main character as Eddy. So it was even MORE exciting when it became clear how much the episode was turned over to Raven’s understanding of him.

 THIRD, I couldn’t believe I was finally getting what I’d always been asking for. GENUINE EMOTIONS!  As much as I value simple slice-of-life stories, the way the style developed toward complicated expressions was begging for a more serious tone than just the show’s usual topics of outrage and failure.  When the storyboards were being pitched, there was push-back behind the scenes because it was so unusual to play a scene as outwardly dramatic and break the characters down to tears.  But from what I hear it was actually Danny who was most interested in seeing Raven’s vision through, and gave it the green light. I am so grateful that we got the story the way it was originally pitched, because there’s really very little else in the show that suggests how strongly Ed and Edd feel about each other and their group, and we need to see them finally erupt so that Eddy’s exposed backstory in Big Picture Show doesn’t feel out of place in an otherwise numb universe.  That they managed to find such an emotional story while not letting up the violence at all is especially impressive.  For once, beating people up feels cohesive to the character development, instead of a shortcut to slapstick.  It’s also a humongous relief after the focus on the Eds’ increased suffering for the past two seasons, it puts a really nice bow on everything without actually being an ending.

I should also probably bring up the 3-day marathon of the first 5 seasons, leading up to the premiere of Fistful, which was being advertised as the last episode ever, despite ads running during the final day for the Invaded special (and the fandom being completely aware that two winter episodes and a movie were on the way as well). “The Best Day Edder” marathon in April 2007, making fun of a similar-but-disappointing “Best Day Ever” SpongeBob marathon from November 2006, was a dream come true for me, a brief moment where EEnE was treated like CN’s proudest project and celebrated for being the network’s longest-running series.  The end of the episode left me quaking, I was so satisfied and excited to see the Eds start winning and protecting each other.  The whole marathon was a really inspiring experience for me.

Compared to that, I was pretty depressed leading up to the next series finale, Big Picture Show.  It felt significantly more final, and more than two years passed between Fistful and BPS, so it was really nerve-wracking waiting to see if AKA could pull off another big emotional feat.  But when information about Edd’s deleted dodgeball-incident-retelling was presented to me, it really cemented my love for the show and permanently renewed my obsession with Fistful.

Basically, after starting school in another town, Toddler Edd was targeted in dodgeball by the other students, who were presumably a little older and jealous of his advanced grades. This provoked Edd to build a dodgeball cannon and go around the school mutilating other students.  He ultimately regretted seeing how much damage he could do to the human body and was further traumatized by the shame and ridicule after being arrested, forced to give a public apology and kicked out of his first town.  He moved to Peach Creek, hid any evidence he had of the incident in his hat so he knew where it was, and attempted to reinvent himself. It works phenomenally as a backstory for his warring morality and dark side, it would’ve worked well to finally put him on the same level of “bad but improving” as Ed and Eddy, and most of all, it does nothing but support and reinvent previous episodes without retconning anything.

It affects one scene in ‘Ed in a Halfshell’ and one scene in ‘Every Which Way But Ed’, but it affects ALL of ‘A Fistful of Ed’, because Edd’s clumsiness isn’t just being misinterpreted as him being a tough guy. The kids frame it as “it’s always the quiet ones,” suggesting they think Edd has finally snapped from their bullying, and the severity of their injuries makes them treat him like a soon-to-be killer.  They have no idea Edd has actually been through that reality already, but it very clearly wears on him throughout each scene, until he’s finally crying in front of everyone on the cafeteria floor.  Edd struggles to defend himself for an impressively long time, but the final straw being Ed’s mom banning Edd from his friends suggests that Ed and Eddy are the only people who give Edd the strength to forget he was ever MORE violent than the rest of the characters. When I watch the scene of him alone, in the dark, working and crying in the botany room, it’s now very easy to see that he’s not just thinking about the events of Fistful.  He’s stepping back and taking a look at his life, everyone he’s hurt, wondering if he can ever escape it or if it will eventually return to haunt him in every town he ever lives in.  Edd probably struggles a lot with forgiving himself– he knows he has to if he’s ever going to move on, but he’s completely betrayed his morals and in retrospect it probably explains why he accepts so much abuse in Peach Creek.

Big Picture Show is the other half of the dodgeball incident coming back to haunt Edd.  Fistful makes him think about the acts he committed and the judgement he faced, but it probably helps Edd make it to the cafeteria scene that he knows he didn’t actually do anything and that he was hurting himself at the same time these acts were occurring.  In Big Picture Show, the scam not only forces him to see the kids gorily injured, with chunks of their bodies missing, it also causes him to be banished from yet another town by yet another set of angry schoolkids.  This (and ‘A Town Called Ed’) plays into why I approach Eddy and Bro’s backstories with so much “history repeating itself”– almost ALL of Edd’s story has been about him having to face the same guilt over and over with slight changes.  I wish that the final cut of the movie had included his backstory so that we didn’t have to piece the most important part of his character together from insider info, but it’s still impressive enough to me that so much of it IS visible, even if only through Edd internalizing it in Fistful and BPS.

Empty Heart [REQUEST]

This request was from ages ago so I hope the person hasn’t forgotten about it! I do love a little bit of Sehun in my life so they was a pleasure to write and I hope you all like it. There is a lot of fluff and it’s quite long.

Jade xo

“I’m sorry Mr Oh,” the doctor started, bowing low to Sehun. “From what we can gather, your fiancé fell down a long flight of concrete stairs. Her leg is broken, as are five of her ribs. Our main concern is your fiancé’s brain. She suffered a major trauma and there may be some damage to her brain. We’re waiting for the results of the scans and then we’ll know more as to the extent of the damage.”

Sehun ran a hand through his hair and let out a long breath. “Thank you for everything doctor. Is it possible to see her now?”

“Yes, but you need to take it slow with her. We don’t know the extent of her trauma, plus she is on a lot of pain medication,” the doctor explained with a smile before bowing out and leaving Sehun standing outside your hospital room.

Knocking lightly, he slowly opened the door and peeked his head inside. You were there, his fiancé, sitting upright in the bed connected to a few machines that beeped steadily,  not to mention the number of tubes coming out of your body. Sehun’s heart dropped as your tired eyes looked up at him and then quickly looked away. One of the nurses had warned him that you may have some memory problems but he didn’t believe you could actually forget him until he saw in the indifference on your face.

You were brought out of your daze by a tall doctor knocking on your door. The first thing you noticed was how handsome he was, his broad shoulders looking like they could carry the world, the features of his face all contributing in a beautiful face. If you weren’t already short of breath from your broken ribs, the man’s handsome appearance would have taken the air right out of your lungs.

“Hello,” you murmured quietly, dipping your head out of respect as he slowly entered your room.

When you spoke, his face pulled down in sadness and you noticed how tired this doctor looked. His eyes were tinted red like he had been crying and were shadowed by dark circles. Almost as a reflex, you wanted to reach out and touch his face, to take his pain away.

But that was crazy. You’d never met this man before.

“How are you feeling?” he asked attentively, sticking to the wall by the door. His bottom lip will pulled into his mouth, which for some reason made you want to reach over and pull it back.

You didn’t understand why you were feeling like this. “Like I fell down a flight of concrete stairs, “ you replied, watching a small smile crawl onto his lips. It lit up his whole face and made you want to see it more. You laughed lightly and instantly regretted it when pain shot up your chest as your ribs dug into your lungs.

“I’m not sure this is the time to be making jokes,” he said quietly, taking a few steps closer so he was just past the foot of your bed. Still too far to reach him. “Do you recognise me at all?”

It was hard not to frown as you tried to work out if he was familiar. The feelings he was making you feel were very familiar and you knew you had seen those lips before but you couldn’t remember anything. “I’m sorry, should I know who you are?”

He gasped and had to hold onto the end of the bed for support. “That’s what you said to me the first day we met,” he said slowly, looking straight into your eyes. The stare was so sad, it broke your heart. “You were a bit more arrogant back then though.”

Back then? Back when? This doctor wasn’t making any sense.

“Why don’t I remember that? Why don’t I remember you?” you asked, growing more and more frantic. The confusion was whirling around in your head and you couldn’t understand what was going on. “Who are you?” All you had were questions threatening to spill out just like the tears in your eyes.

The man pulled up a chair and sat down beside your bed. His hand reached out like he was going to take yours but he quickly pulled it back and held it in his lap. “You hit your head when you fell and the doctors think it damaged your memory. They are running more tests but they seem hopefully,” he explained, his face moving to a sad smile.

“But who are you?” you asked, feeling the tears fall from your face from frustration.

“I’m your fiancé,” he told you quietly, peeking up at your face to gauge your reaction. “My name’s Sehun, we met five years ago, we moved in together two years ago and last December I asked you to marry me.”

Tears clouded your vision and you turned your head into your pillow to hide your crying face. “No,” you repeated in disbelief, your voice muffled as you shook your head and buried it further into your pillow. “No, no, no!”

“It’s going to be ok,” your fiancé tried to reassure, a hand gently soothing your arm. At his touch, you pulled your arm back, more out of surprise than anything else. “The doctors think there’s a good chance this isn’t permanent, all we have to do is jog your memory.”

You lifted your head and wiped your eyes dry, sniffling back the tears. “How can I not remember my own fiancé?” you exclaimed, feeling dizzy with all the confusion. Where was that shot of morphine when you needed it? “You said we’ve been together for five years, why can’t I remember any of it?”

Sehun’s expression was sad as he ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know,” he murmured, his voice filled with despair. “But I promise you, I will do my best to help you remember. Even if I have to make you fall in love with me all over again, I won’t let you go through this alone.”

It was a week before you were allowed to leave the hospital. Sehun stayed with you the entire time you were in the hospital, telling you about himself and how he met you and everything up until the moment you fell down the stairs. Unfortunately for the pair of you, nothing seemed to jog your memory.

It was strange though, to look at him and listen to him talk about all these amazing things you had done together and had no recollection. He sounded so romantic and before the accident, he probably would have warmed your heart but now, your heart was empty. There wasn’t anything there, just confusion.

When it came time for you to be discharged, you didn’t know what to do. As far as you knew, you lived with Sehun in a one bedroom apartment. It didn’t feel right going home with someone who was essentially a stranger, even if he did claim to be your fiancé. Where else would you go though? It was as much your home as it was his. Sehun offered to go and stay in a hotel but you didn’t want him to do that. Not only did you need his help but you worried if he left if you would ever get your memories back.

In the end, you decided both of you would go home and Sehun would sleep on the sofa.

When Sehun brought you home, he secretly prayed that being in such a memorable environment such as your home, would help bring your memories back. As he supported your side through the door, his eyes were fixed on your face, hoping to see the little light bulb flash up in your head when you suddenly remembered.

But when you walked in the same scared and confused expression you had been wearing since the accident, he knew his prayers were unanswered.

It didn’t stop him from trying though. He’d show you lots of photographs in the hopes that it would help. He took you all around the city showing you all the places you visited together. Nothing seemed to help regain your memory and Sehun was starting to lose hope that it would ever come back, despite what the doctors said.

His band mates had noticed Sehun’s descent into a depressive mood. They were used to their maknae fooling around and playing pranks on his hyungs but now Sehun just came to work, smiled when he was on camera and then sat quietly in the corner of their dressing room. They all wanted to help but weren’t sure how. In the end Chanyeol came up with an idea. They all pooled together their random videos that they had taken on their phones and Chanyeol edited them together in a short film for you and Sehun.

The boys came over one night with chicken and premiered their little movie. Sehun couldn’t watch the videos of what his life used to be like, instead focusing on your face while you watched it. Tears filled up your eyes and his heart lifted in the hope that you were remembering.

But when the short film finished, you looked at Sehun with a sad expression, he knew it hadn’t worked. Yet you were crying. “I’m sorry,” you murmured, quickly wiping your eyes. “I want to remember so bad because it looks like we really loved each other, but I can’t,” you said through your quiet sobs.

“It’s ok,” he told you softly, wishing he could reach out and soothe you. He wanted nothing more than to take the pain away. “It won’t always be like this.”

For the first time since the accident, you reached and wrapped your fingers around his, holding on tight. “Thank you for loving me,” you told him sincerely, the tears building up again. “I may not remember you but I can tell how much you loved me and I’m so glad I had someone like that in my life.”

“You still do!” Sehun insisted quickly, gripping your hand in both of his. While your tears were spilling down your cheeks, his own were gathering in the corners. “I will always love you, I told you so when I asked you to marry me. And even if it takes another five years of showing how much I love you, it’s worth it.”

You wiped the tears off your face and smiled through the sobs. “I don’t need my memories to tell me how lucky I am,” you said with a little laugh.

Sehun wiped the back of his hand across his cheek just as a tear fell. “How about we start again? We’ll wait for your memories to come back and in the meantime, we make some new ones.”

“I like the sound of that,” you giggled, squeezing his hand tight before asking to watch the film again.

It had been three months since the accident and you were mending well, although your memories weren’t back. Your ribs were healed but still sore and tender. However your leg was proving slow to heal; the cast was off but you still had to use a crutch and walk with a limp. Sehun liked to tease you and call you ‘peg leg’.

Things with your fiancé were going well too. He took you on dates whenever he could – to the movies, boat trips down the Han River, the restaurants you used to love. It was different though. He wasn’t trying to jog your memories like before, he was serious about making new ones. The dates felt like they were your first, like you had started dated which essentially you had.

And slowly you started to fall in love with him.

You missed him when he was at rehearsals and couldn’t wait for him to come home. He was still sleeping on the sofa but the level of intimacy was growing; you held hands a lot and cuddled each other but kissing was still a no go. The hardest part was now he was going back on tour, travelling for long periods of time, just when you had gotten used to him being around.

At the moment he was finishing up a little tour of China. He had been gone for only a week but it had been a very long week for you. Every morning he called you up to check on how you were and then he’d call you after his concert to say goodnight. He wouldn’t call tonight however because he was on a plane coming home.

All evening you had tried to distract yourself by cleaning the house. You had vacuumed, mopped, polished and scrubbed every surface in sight. The fridge had been cleaned out and organised. Even the inside of the toilet was spotless. By 11pm, you were exhausted but determined to stay up and wait for Sehun. Moving into the bedroom, you started organising your wardrobe. It was hard to do when you were relying on your crutch so much but you managed about half of it.

“Bloody hell,” you sighed to yourself, limping back to your bed. You propped your crutch up beside you but it slid off the bed to the floor. When you reached for it, you ended up falling off the bed with a bump to the head. “Ow!” you cried out, huffing and puffing as you wearily tried to right yourself.

Under the bed, a little white box caught your attention. You had only seen it once, a couple of weeks ago. Sehun was rooting through it but when you came into the room, he packed it up and you didn’t see it again. Until now. You pulled it out from under the bed and sat with it on your lap, lifting up the lid slowly. Inside were lots of letters tied together in their envelopes.

At random, you picked one out and ran your hand across the handwriting. It was addressed to Sehun and felt oddly familiar, which probably meant it was your letter to him. Unfolding the envelope, you pulled out the letter and read. As you did, the tears started to fall. It was a letter from when you were in school and he was a trainee about to debut. You could remember being in your dormitory writing the very same letter, spraying it with a little bit of perfume and then sealing the envelope with a kiss.

You could remember…

It was as if someone had turned the light on and everything suddenly made sense. In a blind panic, you read another letter and more memories can back to you. You remembered your fiancé, remembered how he asked you to marry him, how it felt for him to be completely yours. The emotion overwhelmed you and left you sobbing on the floor of your bedroom, tears practically pouring out of your eyes.

“I remember,” you murmured to yourself in shock, shaking your head in disbelief. The fact that your letters had been the thing to bring back your memory made you laugh through your crying as you hugged the box into your chest.

At that moment, you heard the lock of the door turn along with the distinct sound of suitcases hitting the floor. You remembered the sound from all the nights you had sat up waiting for Sehun over the years. Leaving the box on the bed, you grabbed your crutch and hoisted yourself to your feet, limping slowly to the front door. You were still crying and your face was probably red and puffy but you didn’t care, you just had to get to Sehun.

When you came round the corner and saw him taking his shoes off like he had a hundred times before, you couldn’t stop yourself. You tried to run to him, forgetting your injury, and as a result ended up on the floor.

In a flash Sehun was by your side, cradling your face and repeatedly saying your name. “What’s wrong honey? Tell me what’s wrong!” His hands were frantic, searching your face, wiping the tears away and moving your hair behind your ears. “Please tell me,” he murmured, his fingertips running down the side of your face. He used to do that when you couldn’t sleep; stroke your face until you fell asleep.

You tried to sniff back the tears and look up at him. “I remember,” you murmured, holding his face so you could look into his eyes. “I remember it all.”

Instantly Sehun eyes filled up with tears as he cradled your face and looked at you in confusion. “Everything?” he asked, his voice cautious and shocked like he didn’t want to believe it was true. He must have spent so much time hoping.

“I remember you,” you told him, looking him dead on in the eye. And if that wasn’t enough to convince him, you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his for a kiss.

He quickly pulled away, staring at you with a finger on his lip like he couldn’t believe you just kissed him. “Please tell me this isn’t a joke,” he pleaded, those tears in his eyes threatening to spill.

“It’s not a joke baby,” you told him, giggling through your own tears of happiness. “I remember it all!”

Sehun was quick to react, pulling you swiftly onto his lap and covering your mouth with his lips. His fingers reached up to where your hair was tied back and he pulled it out, tangling his fingers in the waves as they fell around your face.

“Everything right?” he asked, pulling back just to check.

You sighed and ran your hands down his chest. “Yes, it’s back. Now can we please get up off the floor because my leg is killing me?” Instead of helping you to your feet with your crutch like he had done the last few months, he lifted you straight up into his arms and carried you to the sofa, setting you down and then joining you with the blanket he had been sleeping with. It was only then you realised how respectful he had been while your memories had been missing.

“This is amazing,” he exclaimed when he sat down, quickly wrapping you up in the blanket and cradling you into his side. “How did it happen? When did it happen? Did it come back whilst I was in China?”

“Slow down baby,” you assured him, putting a hand on his neck and rubbing his softly like you knew he liked. “I found the box of all my letters under the bed and as I was reading them, everything just seemed to click into place. I can’t explain it properly but it was like the cloud of confusion in my head had been lifted.”

His mouth fell open in shock, his long fingers caressing your cheek with his gentle touch. “I told you it would come back,” he said with a hint of arrogance in his voice.

“I’m sorry it took so long,” you murmured, snuggling up into his side and breathing in his strong aftershave.

He laughed lightly and kissed the top of your head. “It’s my fault. I thought if you saw them, it would have done more damage than good,” he explained, dotting little kisses along your forehead.

“Then I wouldn’t have seen how amazing my future husband was,” you replied, reaching up to dot his lips with a kiss. “What’s the time?”

He showed you the watch on his arm. It was 00.04, officially past midnight. You looked up at him with a smile on your face. “Happy birthday baby,” you told him, loving that you could remember. Something had been nibbling your mind all day and you knew what it was now, your fiancé’s birthday.

“It’s already the best birthday in the world,” he whispered, leaning down for a kiss. “My wish has already come true.”

“What did you wish for?” you asked curiously.

“The Chinese staff brought out a cake last night and the whole stadium sang. It was amazing but all I could think about was you. I wanted your memories back.” He smiled down at you with his cocky grin.

“I guess your wish came true!”


[masterlist]

So, as I said after Jump Fiesta there was a rumor that Naruto’s VA silenced Kishimoto when he was talking about Sakura and Hinata and people weren’t sure if it was real or not so the only understandable way to find out was to ask people from Japan who went to JF if it’s true. After they confirmed I asked one fan for details and she sent me pictures from the event one from which was from the Hinata and Naruto’s cosplayers and fans actually ignoring them or even silencing Naruto when he was saying “Never give up” occasionally. Then I asked Airi-san ( the person from twitter) if she had seen the movie and thankfully she was nice enough to tell me about her whole experience and the atmosphere and people’s reactions while watching the movie. The best part is that she watched Road to Ninja at theaters and she even pointed out the differences between them and how the viewers felt. There were a lot of messages we sent to each other so instead of posting it as a dialogue I decided to make a full text of her answers and correct some mistakes with her English (even though she did great).

IMPORTANT:

  • These questions were asked shortly after Jump Fiesta 2015
  • Naruto Gaiden wasn’t out yet so there is nothing about the Boruto generation except her opinion on it and the general reaction to it.

“One thing is for sure - this movie was everywhere. There were posters all around the city, commercials and a lot, A LOT of merchandise. Surprisingly it didn’t end after the premiere of the movie but actually got even worse (or better, depends on your views on it). The hype was real, fans were really excited and every fan talked about this movie because we had a lot of hope in it. Most of us, if not all, were expecting a Team 7 central so we can see our favorite team fighting together once again.Many people actually laughed at Naruto’s older design but we assumed it made him look more mature and the bandages around his arm gave a sense of mystery to it. We also knew the ending was near so we looked forward to that as well. But we didn’t expect what would happen, eventually. When the final 2 chapters were released there wasn’t the satisfaction, the pleasure and the sense of pride we expected and it wasn’t  conclusion either. Instead of answering our questions the final chapter raised even more of them. Everything was suggesting to “watch the movie to understand” which is what Kishimoto sensei wanted so we did. Most of us thought that this was the Infinite Tskuyomi because everything seemed too unreal to be true. Another thing was that Naruto: The Last was promoted with Road to Ninja which we knew was for the IT and it lead us to think that it was that way.

The problems didn’t start with chapter 699-700 mostly but with the pre-sales. Thankfully I wasn’t patient enough to wait so much and decided to watch it later (not the premiere) because there was a crowd that would take at least 3 hours to get the tickets. I felt said because the tickets came with extra stuff with Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke and everyone, of course, wanted to have them. I wasn’t lucky and patient enough for that but some of my friends did get them. After some time more and more commercials were shown and after the 30 minute special (she is talking about the time when they picked only some people and showed them 30 mintes of the movie) it was clear that this clearly wasn’t what we expected. The way that they promoted it was weird. They used Kakashi as a Hokage and there was a lot from Sasuke, we found out that Hanabi was in the movie so came to the conclusion that this is why Hinata plays a role in it. My friend is a big Naruto and Sasuke fan (talking about Narusasu, as a pairing, her friend shipped them) and all she wanted to see was action and Team 7. “The Last story is the First Love” line came out and everyone was thinking it was about Naruto and Sakura. The way they introduced Sakura in one of the commercials (talking about the “That beauty..ah yes, Sakura. For Sakura whose womanhood has increased Naruto surely is…” ) and since Naruto and Sakura were linked to Naruto’s parents, Minato and Kushina, we all thought we were going to see them of some sort. They even included that scarf that was between Hinata and Sakura but absolutely no one thought it was a Naruto and Hinata movie in the beginning. We didn’t even thought so much about the romance in the movie, most of us just wanted a good movie, that’s all. But then it became worse.

Keep reading

everything he is

Blaine is depressed.

He said, specifically, that he was depressed; he said it while he’s seeing a therapist, for reasons including loss of interest, motivation, and joy in everything that usually brings him happiness.  It could be more explicit, sure, but I don’t see it as up for debate.

And I know I’ve reblogged several posts about it, but I wanted to make one of my own, and not just rambling in tags.  Because it means so much to me.  Because.

I’ve been saying that I see this in him since the middle/late part of s3.  That’s years, now.  I go to reblog e.g. sp0iler-related fics that I wrote before the season premiere, or I look at my old fic list in general, and I see, over and over again, a line to the effect of ‘warning for depiction of unnamed depression.’  I’ve thought it was there forever, I’ve been writing about and trying to deal with it forever, and yep, it’s real.  So there is a bit of triumph there, ngl, and also a lot of renewed faith in Glee’s willingness to 'go there,’ and just… a lot of feelings.

And because - Blaine’s one of the leads of Glee.  (Arguably the lead for the last two seasons, even, but we don’t need to go there.)  But there’s no way in which he’s not one of the few main characters… and he’s not only a gay hapa boy, but he’s mentally ill too.  That’s important.

And, really, most of all, because.  Because they did this story so well.  Because I was afraid that if Glee ever did really go there, it’d be a one-episode PSA type plot, at least something that’s easy to write off as one, something you’d have to do the mental work (that I always do here anyway in fandom, but that’s another story) not to.  But they didn’t, they never said, they did the absolute opposite of implying, oh, he has depression now, but he never did before.  What they showed is that he does now, and he has the name and is in treatment for it now… and it’s something that very much looks like an extension of previous times on the show when I (and many many other fans) have thought and said he was depressed.

What they did, is as much as they could do without being absolutely explicit about it, (and it probably wouldn’t fit particularly well with the story if they were), is to show, yep.  This is part of his life - a pretty significant part of his life - and it has been for years, for a whole long time that we’ve known him and haven’t known that it’s actually true about him, and possibly for even longer than that still.  It affects his trajectory in the school and work world, his relationships with friends and probably family and romantic partners, it affects how he sees himself and how he learns to deal with things.

And there is also, still, so so much more to him than that.  All of these things are true about him; they’ve all always been true.  And yet, of course, he’s still the boy who loves so amazingly with his whole heart, his partner and his friends and really almost everyone in the world.  He’s still the boy who’s so talented and charming and perfect-seeming until you notice or until he lets you get close enough to see the sometimes cracks in the facade.  He’s still someone with kind of a white knight complex, who tries to be Prince Charming on purpose and oh so frequently succeeds, who it’s so incredibly easy to love back.  He’s still so talented, he loves to touch and be touched, he’s kind of a diva and very definitely a dork.  He can be all of these things, and struggle with depression too, and none of them negate each other at all.

And by making it part of, and integrated into his story like this, Glee shows us that.  Not just with our heads but with our hearts.  And oh I love it so much.

Tulips and Tattoo Machines

Some people think that one of the greatest expressions of love is getting tattooed with their lover’s name. Kyungsoo would say these people are idiots.

Do Kyungsoo, the town’s premiere florist, was probably the leading expert on things that didn’t last. His trade was completely centered on flowers – they grew, were cut, arranged, turned into beautiful masterpieces that people bought and gave, only for them to wither and wilt not a week later. He’d had his fair share of relationships and he had watched as every single one ended exactly like his precious flowers, withered and wilted, before finally thrown out with the rest of the garbage.

Admittedly, this depressing view on relationships is probably why he had been regularly seeing the town’s best psychologist, Dr. Kim Minseok, for going on five years now.

“I guess your appointment with Dr. Kim went well today.” Yixing, the owner and proprietor of the best bar in town, was one of Kyungsoo’s few close friends, and had been the one to recommend Dr. Kim those five years ago. “You’ve only had one drink tonight.”

Kyungsoo snickered, swishing the amber liquid of his favorite bourbon around in the glass, watching as the shifting lights of the bar filtered through the ice in the drink. “It went well. I talked about the new guy that set up shop next door – he’s always got this music going, but it’s not that annoying, surprisingly.”

“You mean the guy that started the tattoo parlor?” Yixing asked. He carefully finished stacking the freshly-cleaned shot glasses, arranging them in an oddly decorative pattern.

Kyungsoo nodded. “I’ve only actually seen him once, though. You’d think we’d see each other more often, being neighbors.” He shrugged. “He really wasn’t what I was expecting. He just doesn’t have that vibe – I could see him working with kids or something, not tattoo machines.”

Yixing snickered lightly. “You’ve always had a soft spot for an innocent face.”

Kyungsoo threw a half-hearted glare at him and tossed back the last of his drink. “I’m done with that. I gave up on relationships, you know that. Now, I’m going home before you try to get me to buy more of your over-priced alcohol.”

Yixing laughed, waving as Kyungsoo stepped down from the bar and walked across the dark wood floor to the door. Sure, Yixing thought, you gave up on relationships, but that kid sure hasn’t.


Kyungsoo was incredibly punctual. He was always perfectly on schedule, and his life revolved around order. Usually, when he arrived at his shop at exactly 7:00, the town was only just starting to wake up. Usually, the only sounds he heard as he unlocked the front door were birds’ songs or the occasional passing car.

This morning, though, the usual calm was broken by a new sound – the music that was always coming from the tattoo parlor was already playing.

Kyungsoo looked toward the building before glancing down at his watch, nearly convinced he must have overslept that morning and just not realized it. His head snapped back up when the door to the tattoo parlor opened and the young owner stepped out, mug of coffee in his hand, a tired grin on his face.

Kyungsoo stared, naturally wide eyes focused on the beautiful swirls of color and shape that twisted up the man’s strikingly tanned arms. His eyes traced over the patterns until they became recognizable, turning into traditional koi and lotus flowers. Kyungsoo’s eyes flicked up to his face; the man had a jawline that Kyungsoo was sure could cut diamonds, and he had exquisite, though admittedly tired eyes that peeked out from beneath pale blond bangs. He laughed as he motioned someone out; Kyungsoo saw two delicate silver studs in his bottom lip flashing in the morning light.

“Don’t forget – keep it out of sunlight for a minimum of two weeks, and wear the loosest shirts you can,” he said, holding the door for Chanyeol, the town’s resident dentist. “Come back in three weeks for your next appointment and we’ll finish the shading around your neck, okay?”

Chanyeol grinned. “Thanks, Kai – I still can’t believe we managed all this in one sitting, too!” He yawned, and only then did Kyungsoo realize that the tattoo shop hadn’t opened early – they had been there all night.

“I wasn’t really expecting it either. Most people can’t handle more than six hours in the chair at a time, but you managed ten. Your tattoo is probably one of the most intense backpieces I’ve ever had the privilege to work on.” The tattoo artist smiled, smothering a yawn behind his hand. “Tree of life – this one is definitely going in my portfolio, if you’ll let me.”

Chanyeol nodded. “Sure! It’s too badass not to be shown off, right?” he said, pride starting to shine through his exhaustion.

Kai laughed again, the sound almost weary. “Exactly,” he said. “You know the shop number if you’ve got any questions while it’s healing, right?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol said, breaking into yet another yawn. “I’ll see you in three weeks. Sound good?”

Kai nodded as he leaned against the door to his parlor. “Sounds good.” He took a long drag from his coffee, watching as Chanyeol sauntered off toward his car. He stretched, turning back to the shop, pausing as his eyes caught with Kyungsoo’s.

The realization that he’d been standing there, blatantly staring at the exchange, slammed into Kyungsoo then. He blushed to the roots of his hair.

Kai smiled at him, suddenly a little awkward. “Uh, hi,” he said. “I guess we’ve never really been properly introduced. I’m Jongin, though everyone just calls me Kai – I run this tattoo parlor.”

Kyungsoo managed to make himself move again, crossing the short distance between their doors to stick his hand out. “Kyungsoo,” he said. “That’s my flower shop.”

Kai smiled again, the awkward tension relaxing from his shoulders a bit as he shook Kyungsoo’s hand. “It’s good to meet you.”


The next several weeks proved to be very interesting for Kyungsoo. He and Kai continued exchanging pleasantries when they went to open or close their shops, and it wasn’t long before they began to chat aimlessly about their shared interests.

Kyungsoo found he liked Kai – he was genuine, if a little awkward, and had the smarts of a businessman and the heart of an artist. Kyungsoo often found himself grinning with shared excitement as Kai talked about his art. When Kyungsoo asked about the music that was always playing in the parlor, Kai told him about his love of dance and how, even when he was working on a tattoo, the music kept him calm and centered. In return, Kai always had questions about Kyungsoo’s flower shop and never seemed to be bored by Kyungsoo’s answers.

Kyungsoo still kept with his weekly ritual of visiting Yixing’s bar after his appointment with Dr. Kim, and had been keeping the bartender up to date on his developing friendship with the awkward tattoo artist next door.

“So he’s the one that did Chanyeol’s new tattoo?” Yixing asked. “That thing is massive and really good – he’s been showing it off any chance he can get.”

Kyungsoo nodded. “Kai’s incredibly talented.” He snickered. “It even crossed my mind that I’d get a tattoo if he was the one to design it, but then I thought better of it.”

“If he managed to get the thought to cross your mind, he’s not only talented, but a magician,” Yixing laughed. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, a light grin on his lips.

“He seems passionate about his art,” he said. “It’s nice to meet someone with that much enthusiasm for what he does.”

Yixing looked over Kyungsoo’s shoulder, suddenly grinning. “Speak of the devil.”

Kyungsoo turned, his grin widening when he saw Kai walking through the door to the bar. He waved to catch Kai’s attention, gesturing for him to come over, then turned back to Yixing. “I thought you said you didn’t know him,” Kyungsoo said, an eyebrow arching.

Yixing shrugged lightly, his smile a little too innocent, turning to grab a bottle of beer before setting it down just as Kai took the seat next to Kyungsoo, grinning his thanks at the man behind the bar. Kai took a long drink from the bottle, sighing happily as he let the glass hit the counter again.

“Thanks, Xing,” Kai said lightly. He turned, grinning at Kyungsoo. “Hey, Kyungsoo. I didn’t really think you’d be a bar owl.”

Kyungsoo snickered. “I’m here every week, same time, same drink even,” he said. He threw an accusatory look at Yixing. “And apparently, you’ve become a bit of a regular yourself.”

Yixing just smiled and continued cleaning a martini glass. Kai laughed, twisting the beer in his hand. “Yeah – I don’t usually get here until later, though. I’m normally still with a client.” He shrugged. “I didn’t have anyone make an appointment for this afternoon though, so I decided to just come early.” He turned to Kyugnsoo, grinning lightly. “I’m glad I did.”

Kyungsoo smiled back, cheeks coloring lightly. Later, he would say that it was the alcohol affecting him, not the way Kai’s eyes shone in the bar’s hazy light, or the way the silver studs in his lip practically glittered every time he moved to laugh or took another drink.

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Kai began after a moment. “I know you don’t dance, but would it be okay if I asked you to dance with me anyway?” He grinned, an embarrassed blush creeping over his face as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, though. I just thought I’d ask.”

Kyungsoo froze for a moment, his mind whirling. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t get tangled up in another promise of forever, wouldn’t let a cute face or a few drinks pull him back into that same cycle again. However, Kai had always shown him genuine interest.

Kyungsoo’s thoughts were interrupted when Yixing laughed, grabbing his nearly empty glass. “Yes, he’ll dance with you. He hasn’t let loose in a long time.”

Kyungsoo shot him a glare, intending to tell him to mind his own business, thank you very much, though Kyungsoo secretly acknowledged that he was already going to say yes, when Kai laughed brightly, pushing his own beer away. “You sure you want to, Kyungsoo?” he asked, snakebites flashing again.

All the venom seeped out of Kyungsoo’s glare as he turned back to Kai, his lips twitching up into a small smile. “Yeah, I’d like that.”


“… And then I nearly had to throw them both out at closing time because they were still dancing with each other! So, I did a good thing for them, convincing Kai to keep his afternoon free and come in early, right? Kyungsoo hasn’t been this happy in ages, and Kai’d been interested in him since he moved into the shop next door. Maybe I didn’t entirely tell Kyungsoo the truth, but he’ll thank me for it some day, right?” Yixing paused, looking over at Dr. Kim Minseok, eyes a little pleading.

Dr. Kim simply looked up from where he was scribbling on his notepad, expression understanding and sympathetic.

“I know – it’ll all work out in the end. This will be good for them both, I bet!” Yixing sighed, standing up and smiling at the round-faced psychologist. “Thanks again, Dr. Kim. You’re always so incredibly insightful!” He turned to leave, throwing Dr. Kim another grateful smile before walking out the door.

Dr. Kim glanced back at his notepad, admiring this week’s rendition of Yixing – this time with the top of his head flipped back and springs poking out – before he tore the page off and crumpled it up. Luhan, Dr. Kim’s receptionist, walked in just as the psychologist was throwing the wad of paper into the trashcan.

“Another day in the books,” Luhan said, grinning lightly as he leaned back against the doorframe. “I’ve already got the lobby tidied up and ready for tomorrow, so all that’s left is locking up for the night.”

Dr. Kim smiled in thanks, grabbing his briefcase before standing and stretching. Luhan snickered.

“I know, I know – what would you do without me?” he asked, a nearly sing-song lilt to his voice. Dr. Kim rolled his eyes, a grin tugging at his own lips as he walked out of his office, turning off the lights behind him as he mentally crossed off another day.

“By the way, Kyungsoo called and cancelled his appointment tomorrow afternoon,” Luhan said, shrugging into his jacket. Dr. Kim looked at him questioningly, an eyebrow raised sharply. Luhan snickered. “He said he made other plans, but would probably be back next week. I’ll bet he’s going to be with that tattoo artist he’s been telling you about.”

Dr. Kim snickered, shaking his head lightly.

Luhan grinned, holding the front door open for the shorter psychologist. “It really is unusual for Kyungsoo,” he said. “But then again, he’s needed a change of pace. I think this tattoo artist is going to be good for him, don’t you agree?” Dr. Kim merely grinned back. “Exactly. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll bring your coffee, as usual.”

- Admin A 

The thing that gives me the most hope...

…is the fact that AMC has spent SO MUCH MONEY on Beth.

  • They built her up in 4b, pairing her with their most popular character.
  • After she was taken, they started the “Where’s Beth?” campaign.
  • They promoted her to main cast.
  • They spent god knows how much money on the hospital set.
  • They GAVE BETH HER OWN EPISODE. No one else from Team Family was involved.That was not only a huge risk for them, but it also cost money to do it.
  • They made her into the “cliffhanger” (if you can even call it that) of the MSF.
  • They’re STILL promoting her in promos and TV spots all around the world (though how much of that is Fox International, I don’t know).
  • They’ve gotten rid of the Termites and we know the truth of Eugene. If they are really done with Grady and Beth is dead, what is left for anyone to come back and watch 5b for? (unless her death really was a cliffhanger because she’s not dead) Getting rid of these story lines would be a huge waste and could impact the viewership for the for 5b.
  • Emily’s lines at WSC NY/NJ were almost as long as Norman’s, showing the exponential growth in popularity for her character.
  • Beth is a young woman growing up in the ZA who has overcome depression to become the hopeful light of the show. Her presence taps into female audiences of all ages, particularly younger women, as well as adding interest for young men and those who have/have had depression. Losing her could mean losing some of those viewers.
  • “…they also scanned EK for an action figure…yet, they didn’t release it yet! The past couple of months would have been the perfect opportunity to capitalize on Beth’s popularity, especially considering Slabtown was the highest rated episode after the premiere, AND it would have been in time for the holiday season. What are they waiting for? They haven’t even officially announced the action figure as far as I’m aware.” <— credit bethylgrixon

There’s probably a lot of other instances people can come up with (if you think of any, let me know and I’ll add them).

Basically, letting Beth go would not only be terrible storytelling, but a HORRIBLE business decision in every possible way. I might not fully trust the writing right now, but I do trust that they want to make money. They can’t be complete morons, at least in this sense. And that, more than anything, gives me hope.

She doesn't need to be treated like a child.

In a pretty pathetic attempt to make her relationship with Daryl something other than what it clearly is Beth’s critics want to label her as immature.

Personally, even if she was an immature character I don’t really see how that changes much; Daryl still loves her.

But here’s the thing, she’s NOT immature.

I’ve seen people make half-assed attempts to criticize her and compare her choices and actions with other characters on the show, but they usually fail miserably to make any kind of legitimate argument.

I’ve decided it’s because when you look closely at her actions and compare her to other characters, it actually illustrates that she IS mature, or at least, as mature as other adult characters around her.

I’m just going to throw a few examples out there, using Andrea.

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anonymous asked:

I think for me, OUAT is suffering from Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy. I mean, we had Dark One/Underworld/Killian dying/Robin dying last season, and now Emma's supposedly gonna die, and they never get any moments of happiness to enjoy anything ever working out before they hit the next crisis. It's... idk, empathy exhaustion? Like, I still care about the characters, but jfc, when they're ALWAYS in Total Mortal Peril, it gets tiring. Does that make sense?

Yes, it absolutely does, because @winter-by-the-sea and I were talking about this exact thing earlier.

I love angst, I love adventure, I love conflict, I love perilous situations, I love what comes of that, I really do… but at this point, as they themselves are aware and are pointing out in the narrative, it has been six straight seasons of literally nonstop battles with only few and far between moments of happiness, and while of course the moral of the story is that those are important and need to be valued and fought for, it’s become pretty depressing for a show about hope (even with the assurance that things will more or less work out okay).

I mean, I love Emma, and I don’t want to feel as I currently do, which is kind of a shrug, because I just spent ALL of season 5 worrying SO much about her and about Killian and about them together and it’s… well, pretty much burned me out. She just got Killian back from the dead in 5x21, now she’s (obviously she won’t, but that’s what they want you to think) gonna die. They literally never get any respite to build from a place of strength into what comes next, and we all criticize the show’s relentless focus on plot to the exclusion or cyclical repetition of character moments, to the point where now it’s yet again some totally awful seemingly hopeless situation. Of course, they’ll pull together and figure it out, and then the same thing will probably happen yet again with a slightly different tinge to another character. I don’t watch OUAT to see everyone knitting at Granny’s, but I feel as if it’s gotten to the place where you basically have to endure relentless pain for a moment of brief happiness and canned moral of the story at the end. Which is a shame, because I love these characters more than anything, and want to remain invested in their struggles. But by now, I’m like, “eh, it’ll work out, cool, drama, okay, yeah, see you next week for our regularly scheduled Doom!”

A speech about hope per episode doesn’t really equate to making the show balanced in the light and dark moments, imho. I do realize it’s the premiere, but starting off on this note, after all we went through last season, has pretty much switched me into passive observer mode. Which I’m fine with, since heaven knows it’s easier on my mental health, but it’s a shame as well.

Gold From Straw: Actor's Perspectives on Troublesome Gay Characters

 I’ve reached something of a conundrum in my meta writing.  I’m still having fun writing about Ben Whishaw, but over the past couple of months I’ve watched a lot of depressing as hell movies about queer men dying and/or being tormented because of their sexualities.  Some of these stories are complex and even hopeful (Kill Your Darlings), but it’s still been kind of overwhelming.  I actually think it’s all the gifs from Lilting with Richard and Kai in bed that were circulating last week that have proven to be too much for me.  I know that film is independent and intersectional, and I really want to see it eventually, but aside from these virtues, it is yet another film with the death of a gay man at its center.

So, in this post I'm shifting focus from problematic gay roles to the way actors talk about them.  I’m usually the kind of fan who enjoys hearing what actors have to say about their characters, but some straight actors playing queer people have gone a long way towards changing that. For example, Rob James-Collier, who plays Thomas on Downton Abbey, has said so many ignorant, offensive things about his character that I can’t watch or read his interviews anymore. The last thing I remember him saying was that because Thomas’s sexuality is illegal, if he ever found love it would probably be in a jail cell. (This is a character who’s done illegal things in every season, almost every episode, and he’s never gone to jail for any of it.) Collier does an incredible job of disappearing into Thomas, which I find to be a virtue in more ways that one.

I understand that it’s his job to promote the show in these interviews–which includes endorsing  storylines he has no hand in writing.  However, he is the only person responsible for what he says: when he reduces Thomas’s sexuality to a source of misery, that’s a conscious decision. This is where actor’s perspectives on their characters becomes important, and why I still find some interviews worth watching, because sometimes those perspectives serve to challenge reductive readings of these characters rather than perpetuating them.

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Shameless Season 5 Character Wrap Up:  Ian Gallagher

(He looks just as disheartened by this turn of events as we are.) 

Previous wrap ups.

I know you guys were probably expecting Debbie, but Surprise! I’m still talking about Ian Gallagher. I honestly hadn’t planned on it, but this ask just dragged up all the bitter and I figured I’d talk a little more about how they screwed over his character and the trashy upcoming season he’ll likely be having.

Be warned:  I’ve had a few glasses of wine before writing this and am being very critical because I just watched all of Sense8 this weekend…so my standards are quite high at the moment.

TW:  Mentions of rape.

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