and yet i love him still

In all the three panels he appears in this chapter, Kaneki is shown with that same smile. I can’t tell if it’s fake or not, probably not, for as hard as it is to believe it it may actually be that he’s finally believing someone loved him, and yet, this last panel with the centipede gives us a different intake.


He is happy. She is happy. They are looking at her friend’s wedding from afar, and she is happy too. But let us not forget: he is a ghoul and the One Eyed King - this is what the centipede represents. They are hiding and constantly on the run, still in full and massive trouble. Kaneki’s excessive smiles come in contrast to this last image because probably HE IS the one who’s forgetting precisely this. He’s never been well-loved or, to be more exact, he’s never understood when he was. This is a whole new situation for his psyche, and he doesn’t have a definite approach to this yet. Love makes you blind, they say, and that’s just what is happening here.

He said recently to Amon that he was fighting for ghouls simply because there are many amongst ghouls he holds dear, but he was saying this before he realised just how much exactly they hold him dear in return. He may lose his focus. Even coming to this wedding, though watching it from afar, is terribly dangerous: is you misstep you’ll have the whole CCG at your tail. Would another Kaneki have done it? He’s not reckless. Yes, he infiltrated the CCG labs just to save Akira, but had a full-fledged plan.


Things are not well at all. When we read chapters like these we see the pink parts first and foremost. When Touka’s confession appeared in the same chapter where pretty-evil-boy Furuta announced his master plan, it massively overshadowed exactly this. The centipede is a call back to reality and possibly to negatives events. It represents Kaneki’s strength, but also his desire for revenge as he put fought against Jason - and not casually, I deem, Kiyoko’s mutilation at his hands was also revealed in this chapter.


Kaneki is kind. When he first met him, he let Amon go. Yet he harms, even terribly, those who hurt whom he holds dear. Ayato, anyone? Matters not they’re happily in-laws now, it served the purpose to show us a first glimpse of his dark side. As Haise, He wanted to let Tsukiyama go, but to do so, he threw Kanae/Karren down a skyscraper - you can never stop stepping on other people’s corpses: “The world is like an egg: to let something be born, it must be broken.”, As Eto poetically put it. Kiyoko is this chapter is just another metaphorical corpse. Is Kaneki forgetting this heart-wrenching truth?


He can coldly control his cruelty, but at times, he also can’t. And now Touka gives him the ring of her father who lost his mind seeking revenge for her mother. All the while a lovely centipede reminds us that no matter how clear blue the sky is now, this story is, in fact, a tragedy.

anonymous asked:

hi! could you do a harry imagine where he comes backstage after the gig with stevie and hes all happy but he starts crying (in a cool way) because he loves her sm and you comfort him, thank you!💖💖

Hi! So in honor of Stevie’s birthday, I just had to write and post this one. I hope you like it :) x.


Leather and Lace

I’d been trying to hold it together for the last twenty minutes. The show was over, the crowd for the most part was dispersing and leaving the Troubadour, with a few clusters of fans here and there chatting. The music was still ringing in my ears, the feedback from the guitar now long gone yet still managing to vibrate and shake throughout my body. I stood frozen in my spot on the balcony where I’d sat next to James to watch Harry. The stage was now empty, the spotlights now making it seem more like a distant memory, or a time capsule from a completely different era - one that I’d seen in old magazines from decades ago.

I couldn’t believe what I’d just witnessed. Harry had just sung with Stevie Nicks. Stevie fucking Nicks! To say I was a fan of hers would be an understatement. Stevie was my idol. My queen. The reason I’d wanted to be a musician since I was twelve.

I hadn’t known she would be there. Harry hadn’t told me. Whether it was because he wanted it to be a surprise, or because he was afraid I would freak out and be nervous for him, therefore making him all the more nervous, I didn’t know. But maybe it was a little of both.

Keep reading

A year ago today, he was still alive.

He was still calling me daily, sometimes multiple times a day and he was still telling me about all of the crazy things that happened to him.

He was still saving quarters to buy the big toy truck for when his only grand child turned 3, because “it says on the box ages 3 and up, and he’s very smart, he will drive it very well.” He was still bugging me about submitting his retirement application because even though he didn’t actually plan on relaxing, he still wanted to get that check from the government when he turned 62.

A year ago today he hadn’t yet gone out into that field to do a favor for a friend and clear out the trees there and he hadn’t hit the bees that would kill him.

A year ago today i hadn’t yet gotten that phone call from my sister about ‘maybe heat stroke’, and 'ambulance’ and 'I dont know which hospital’ and i hadn’t yet called his phone waiting for his voice to pick up only to be greeted by the voice of a stranger telling me to come right away so they could “tell me what happened.”

So they could tell me what happened to my dad when he died scared and alone out in the middle of a field.

I hadn’t yet had a woman in a white coat take me into an empty room and tell me “He is dead. He was dead before they got to him. I am sorry. He is dead.”

A year ago today i didnt know what it would feel like to have a two year old tell me “this is grandpa’s house. But grandpa is gone.”

Lori never forget that I love you. “Don’t you never forget it.” He said it so often that i still remember the sound of it.

anonymous asked:

What do you think about Yuzuru and his possible retirement after Pyeongchang? He hasn't given a concrete answer, and I think he's mostly avoided questions about his retirement, but he had mentioned it before? I feel like he gave a lot to figure skating as a sport, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to see him go quite yet. ((If he turns out to be retiring, that is.)) thank you in advance!! I love reading your opinions and thoughts on skaters!

i don’t really have any thoughts about it. i can see why he might continue and i can see why he might retire. if he wins in pyeongchang, i think there’s a higher chance of him retiring. he’s done a lot in his career, and though i think he can still do more, i’m fine with whatever decision he ends up making. i’m just glad he didn’t retire after sochi lol. lots of skaters who win the olympics at a very young age end up retiring early.

BTS Having a Goth GF

Yoongi-

“She dressed like my soul.” *everyone knows he’s a secret fluff ball*

Originally posted by bfjoonie

Namjoon-

“Her always wearing black, lets me experiment with my style!” *funky namjoon comes out to play*

Originally posted by namseok

Hobi-

*doesn’t really bother him at all* *doesn’t really understand it though*

Originally posted by yeogibwa

Jungkook-

“Don’t you get super sweaty on a hot day though?” *curious yet loving*

Originally posted by bangtan

Jin-

*lowkey scared to what his peers will say because he doesn’t want you to have hurt feelings*

Originally posted by jjilljj

Jimin-

“I don’t see why its a big deal, she’s still a great person.” *willing to defend you to any and all*

Originally posted by jimiyoong

Taehyung-

*proceeds to act like he can’t see you in darkish lighting*

Originally posted by jimiyoong

*requested by @starangeldark


Ask - I’m currently taking ask and scenario requests

Masterlist

can we talk about how much a sunshine hobi looks like a smiling sunshine in his gif?

stoptakenallthenames  asked:

I wanna laugh so hard right now. Havent seen it yet but i can tell from the reactions. I fucking knew that yesterdays was a short fairytale within the shitstorm. I fucking knew. thats why i always have low expectations and never take something for granted. Robert became the "villain" again of some sort? Still laughing at the irony and in expense of everybodys happiness from yesterday.

Actually i will never see Robert as a villain, not anymore.
The way they write him sometimes just makes me laugh and frustrated. But, i know that even if they try so hard to make him look bad, i love him even more and now, after tonight episode i actually want Aaron and Robert to be together even more. This, episodes as bad as today, remind me how much i love them and how good they are together.
So, yeah, was bad…but i chose to see the good in it!

5

one day

“What if I didn’t care too much? ” he said while looking at her, trying to imagine that she’s someone else. That he’s not asking this question to someone he loves truly—for the fact that he doesn’t want to hurt her. He never wants to cause heartbreak, especially to her. But because he can’t take it any longer, he took a deep breath and continued, “You don’t need to answer me. I just…you know…I just really have to let this out. Because it’s hard. I know you’re not even asking me to care about you this much, you didn’t even ask me to hold you up whenever you feel that you’re about to shatter and fall to the ground. But I care, hell I still care. And you know the only reason why I do. Why I always claim to be—that person who is always on your side—and it doesn’t matter whether you’re on your darkest times or brightest hours. I’ll still be there, to cheer you up when you’re down, and to clap my hands for you, to hug you warmly and to congratulate you every time you achieved something you always wanted.”.

He paused reminiscing all the good and bad times that they were together. He remembered the times she tried pushing him away. But he never left her. Because he knew that time was the moment that she needed him the most.

“Yet now, I wonder. What if I didn’t fall in love with you? Will I still care about you? Will I’m going to be one of those people who left you once they were ignored by you? Will I’m still going to be here—standing firmly next to you? ”. he said. He didn’t wait for her answer, instead he continued saying, “I honestly don’t know what exactly I would do. Because the moment I saw you, I never imagined being away from you. I never saw myself leaving you. I never ever saw myself not caring this much about you. And that’s the reason why—it hurts at the same time.”.

He looked at her just to find her staring back at him. With her eyes so beautiful that the stars weren’t enough to describe the way her eyes shone that night. He slowly grabbed her hands, closing it with his.

And when he looked back at her, both of them have tears in their eyes, as he said “Because the truth is, no matter how hard I try to move my feet miles apart from you, I can’t. I just can’t run away from you.

—  ma.c.a // Love Pushed Me To You
2

an embarrassed chanyeollie (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

‘Why did you fall for him?’
I’ve never been able to answer this question and I wonder if I ever will be. The only thing I know is that I spent years not knowing him and one day he just was there.
I still remember him, just sitting there on a wooden picnic table, I still remember him looking up at me, I still remember the look in his eyes, I still remember the feeling I had. Both were pure, clean because nothing had happened yet.
There we were on that chilly spring morning, not yet knowing how we would change each other’s lives.

'Why do you still love him?’
How will I ever be able to answer? I just do. He’s such a big part of my life, I can’t imagine it without him. No, there hasn’t been an easy moment ever since I met him and yes, at times it hurts, a lot.
But I guess I just live for him, for the signature grins I get from him, for the way he calls my name, for the sparkle in his eyes when I make him laugh. For the way he can still make me stutter after 5 years and for the princess-like feeling he can give me.

I know everyone tells me to let him go. And I get why. Perhaps I could let him go if I only met him a few months ago, but he has marked too many memories, predominated too many years. He’s the only thing in my life that never changes.

—  Confessions

Apparently people are talking saying how disappointing Kaneki was this chapter, talking about how the power difference doesn’t make sense and all that. But you all forget Mutsuki used the biggest weapon there is against him.

Mutsuki completely disarmed him by playing on his heart. Kaneki still loves the quinx despite making the decision to leave them. And seeing one of them upset and sad was heart breaking for him. Especialy since he hasn’t fully worked through what his time as Haise meant.

And especially knowing how it felt to lose a parent figure, which is what he tried to be for them.

It was a sudden affront to. He was basically slammed with the people he loves and regrets leaving behind on the human side, something emotionally I doubt he’s really worked through yet.

Even when Mutsuki attacked him, it took him a minute to figure out the Mutsuki wasn’t just like… lashing out at him for leaving but actually only came to capture him and be then he’d already administered many hits of RC suppressants and was considerably weakened… And even then he still didn’t want to hurt Mutsuki because he still cares.

It was a dirty trick. But you all don’t seem to get Mutsuki to some extent seemed to know exactly what he was doing. He spent so much time with him, he knew how much Haise seemed to care about people, and he used it against him.

Mutsuki’s not a moron he knows full well he couldn’t beat Haise/Kaneki fighting straight up. We all know it.

a list of things to love about snape, in no particular order:

  • “do not use that word!”
  • literal potions genius, making potions recipes 10x better at sixteen 
  • swishy cloak
  • chooses to spy on a terrifying dark lord not once, but twice
  • sarcastic af
  • “lately only the ones i could not save”
  • his Melodramatic Speech during the first potions class which u kno he probably has said to every first year class for years
  • always lurking
  • despite the darkness and horrors of his life, he’s still capable of producing a corporeal patronus
  • bat
  • hates gildery lockhart with all his being #relatable
  • sends neville to hagrid instead of the carrows during seventh year even tho he’s being watched closely
  • like he’s mean but he’s really good at being mean he always knows exactly which insult is going to hit the hardest
  • saves harry’s ass like like 20 times
  • petty af
  • “but you were unsuccessful?” “obviously.”
  • so cunning that a mind reading dark lord didn’t even know he was a spy until harry told him
  • creates his own fucking spells what kind of genius
  • makes remus wolfsbane
  • “you have raised him like a pig for slaughter”
  • risked azkaban and death to try and save lily and her family
  • apologized to lily when he fucked up and called her a mudblood
  • brave af
  • gave harry vital war information as he was dying painfully
  • spent twenty years fighting the death eaters and voldemort
  • dunderheads
  • half-blood prince
  • tries to look after draco
  • so harsh and terrible and flawed and yet he can still do good things, even kind things

feel free to add

“and when i sleep on your couch i feel very safe / and when you bring the blankets i cover up my face, i do” talk about subtly heartbreaking lines bro. sufjan packed the whole concept of “we are not intimate enough to sleep together in his bed and yet i love him enough to feel okay about that and yet i’m still ashamed that i want to be more intimate with him when he loves me in his own, different way” into two fuckin lines

don’t u ever get self conscious about how you sound over the phone? yeah I’m looking at you unknown

You’re In Love With Him But He Likes Your Best Friend

Masterlist linked in bio 


Harry’s been drinking all night.

It all started off with Savannah, whom he went to Lexi’s Bar with a couple of friends. It was a tradition they all had that carried throughout the past couple of months. Because Friday night meant cheaper alcohol, and Y/n’ s closing shift.

They were all having a good time, Y/n serving them drinks and they all drank their week away. It was just a night of celebrating the end of the week, where stress could be left behind for at least a couple of hours.

Everything was great until Harry got too handsy. It wasn’t his fault, he thinks, they had been talking for months and he had no particular reason to refrain himself from wrapping his arms around Savannah, considering she’s let him do it many times before.

But tonight, she wasn’t going near him, which was a drastic change from her previous attitude with him earlier that night.

So now, he’s stranded at Lexi’s Bar past closing hours, tipsy out of his mind. Savannah left without a word, abandoning him at the bar with no other ride home. 

Jesus, Harry!” Y/n gasps, her hand instinctively reaching for her chest when she makes her way back to the bar. “What the hell are you still doing here?!”

Their friends had left a while ago, only Harry remaining slumped against the bar with an empty glass of Malibu. She wasn’t aware of his stay, in fact, it was her closing shift and the bar had closed twenty minutes ago. Only the slight sound of the radio and the clanging of dishes Y/n was washing could be heard throughout the scene.

He looks like a mix of frustrated and upset, a clear shadow of sadness in his eyes as he looks up at her. He frowns a bit, looking back down at the empty glass that’s fiddling in his hands as he lets out an almost inaudible sigh.

“Do you mind driving me home?” he asks guiltily, “Savannah was my ride but she’s not really speaking to me right now.”

Y/n furrows her eyebrows at the softness of his words, an evident tone of helplessness when he spoke. She nods her head slightly, reaching over to grab his finished drink.

“Gonna wash this real quick,” she mutters, “you can grab your coat, I’ll be right out.”

Harry nods while shooting her a small smile through his frown. He’s always been extremely appreciative of her efforts with him. He knows damn well no other person would be able to treat him the way she does. She put him first, always, and it had always been something Harry never fully understood. She went out of the way for him whenever he needed it most, without the smallest hesitation. And if he needed someone to talk to, even if it was about the horrendous traffic on his way to work, she was always there to listen to him.

He can’t lie, he feels guilty that it’s her closing shift and she’d have to be driving out of her way in order to take him home. But in all honesty, he had nobody else. Savannah left without a word after Harry tried desperately to get her attention, his other friends following shortly after in one car, leaving Harry stranded alone at the bar with Y/n still working. So, really, this was his only option.

When Y/n returns to the front of the bar, she remains silent as she grabs her coat off of the hanger. She looks at him from the corner of her eye, watching as his fingers rub harsh circles against his temples, a gesture he’s always done when he was stressed. He shook his head slightly, shutting his eyes tightly as he fixes the jacket hanging swiftly from his shoulders.

She bites her lip, curious eyes wandering around his slumped frame. Seeing Harry distressed makes her feel upset. Witnessing him at a time of stress was extremely rare, and something about it makes Y/n’s stomach drop. He was always so positive, always making sure the people around him were smiling. He has the type of personality others strive, because he’s so selfless and effortless at everything he does, it’s the part of him Y/n always loved and admired.

“What happened? You okay?”

Harry lets out a frustrated sigh, his nose flaring as he closes his eyes momentarily.

“Savannah’s just so confusing sometimes. I like her a lot, but she’s hard to keep up with. It’s like she’s into me one minute and the next like I’m completely wasting her time, you know? I don’t know what she wants from me anymore.”

Y/n nods, understanding completely what he’s talking about. Savannah often does this to him—to most guys, actually.Because of how different they both are relationship-wise, it’s almost impossible for Harry to adjust to Savannah’s ‘hard to get’ character. Harry prefers to not waste any time when it comes to dating. If he likes someone who reciprocates feelings, he immediately takes action. That’s how he always was with his past girlfriends, taking no time to start a relationship with them.

Savannah, however, loves the game. Being chased amuses her, almost makes her feel as if she’s worth something. Because of her undoubtable beauty and irresistibly charming personality, she always makes the man work for her liking. Her character always made guys frustrated but exposed them to an entirely different relationship. Her hot to cold attitude made men feel intimidated, yet motivated them to catch her. Because, undoubtedly, she’s the ultimate catch no guy could ever ignore.

It had always been that way, too. When Y/n and Savannah both hit puberty, Savannah was the irresistible one. Her figure curved at all the right edges, her tan complexion naturally glowing, and she started to expose herself to new people.

She wasn’t shy of anything. Any opportunity to take on a challenge called Savannah’s name. She was constantly seeking adventure and finding new people to get along with. Which, of course, wasn’t hard at all. Everyone liked Savannah, it was almost impossible not to.

Y/n, however, was the exact opposite. She was beautiful, but not ‘Savannah beautiful.’ She was paler, not a spot of makeup on her face. Her body was a bit more frail than hers, her curves not as extenuated. She was more introverted, as well, only speaking when she felt was necessary. The only way she was able to make friends was through Savannah’s courageous behavior.

And although Savannah and Y/n had an unbreakable bond since middle school, being Savannah’s best friend screwed up Y/n’s love life tremendously. It hurt Y/n a lot throughout her high school years. Being best friends with the most beautiful girl wasn’t easy for her, if anything, it made her feel less about herself. It’s the exact reason why she hasn’t dated in years. Because guys Y/n liked always ended up falling for Savannah.

Which is exactly what’s happening with Harry.


Y/n first met Harry when she began working at Lexi’s. It was her first Friday night shift during the summer. It was her first week after training, so she wasn’t quite used to the busy weekends and late hours, but she didn’t mind it.

She was rearranging glasses at the bar when Harry first walked in. Her breath hitched in her throat when she first saw him enter. She could have sworn her heart had jumped out from her chest in that very moment. He was beautiful, a different kind of beautiful, too. He was so effortless at it—the way he moved and the way he presented himself; he had confidence in himself without flaunting it.

He was wearing tight black jeans with a pink floral see-through button up, flowing loosely from his shoulders. His chest was in great view, as well, the cross hanging from his necklace dangling perfectly between his pecs. His hair was freshly cut, his face freshly shaved and had an aroma of a cologne Y/n wasn’t familiar with. It was unique, though, like him, and all-in-all made him more attractive than she already perceived him to be.

Her eyes went wide when he claimed the barstool in front of her, her actions coming to a halt as her eyes hawked over his every move. She genuinely forgot how to breathe, his physical features overwhelming her in ways she’s never experienced before. The world around her seemed to fade as she admired every part of him she could see.

He was just so breathtaking.

It wasn’t until one of the other bartenders dropped a glass onto the floor that Y/n was pulled out of her trance. She quickly shook her head, slowly coming back in touch with reality. Thankfully, he hadn’t seemed to notice her presence yet.

She shook her head again before working to dry the remaining shot glasses. She just had to make it a couple of hours without completely embarrassing herself in front of him, that’s all she had to do.

Her eyes drifted slightly to him again when he lifted his right leg up against the unoccupied barstool next to him, leaning over before his fingers started working to retie his shoelace.

“The usual.” he spoke, eyes still cast downward.

Y/n looked around behind the counter, checking to see if he was talking to someone else. Considering she had just started working there a week ago and hasn’t served him yet, she was completely clueless as to what he was ordering.

“Uh..”

He looked up from his shoes, eyes diverting right into hers as a sense of realization reached his features.

“Oh, I see,” he giggled, “Sorry, love. I wasn’t aware there was a new bartender in town.”

His voice was both raspy and smooth in the most elegant way she’s ever heard. His accent was so incredibly thick she could visually see it by the way his lips moved. And his giggle, with the slight smirk he developed made her heart flutter in her chest.

Y/n nodded, smiling slightly at him.

“Yeah, just started a week ago. Nobody’s ever ordered ‘the usual’ before.” she joked, nervous laughter falling from her lips as she tucked loose pieces of hair behind her ear.

He grinned at her, his cheeks turning a bit peachy. He had to admit, she was gorgeous, and clearly had a great sense of humor. He could tell she was shy, though, by the way she wasn’t confident in her words and the way her cheeks flushed whenever he spoke to her.

“Cute” he muttered ever so slightly, Y/n almost thought she imagined it, “‘The usual,’ at least for me, is a Malibu Bay Breeze. Bit heavier on the cranberry juice, a bit lighter on the pineapple.”

Y/n nodded, muttering a quiet “coming right up” before gathering the ingredients. Harry watched her as she poured it all together, mixing the essential ingredients, admiring her gestures and movements whenever he said something that made her smile.

They talked for hours that night, getting to know each other. Y/n was mesmerized, completely and utterly captivated at how somebody like him could possibly exist. He was everything she’s ever dreamed of—there wasn’t any part of him she didn’t find alluring. This was the only time she’s ever spoken to him, yet she found herself feeling something she’s never felt before.

And the feelings only got stronger with time. Every Friday for four months, Y/n found Harry coming into Lexi’s earlier than he usually did, and every time he’d come she prepared him a Malibu Bay Breeze—heavy on the cranberry, light on the pineapple.

He stayed with her until closing, until the last light went off and the music went down. And after she was off her shift, he took her to the 24-hour movie theater that hardly anybody went to in those early hours of the morning. Instead of watching, however, they spent the entire movie goofing around with popcorn and sharing fond memories of their childhood.

To say Y/n had fallen hard for Harry was an understatement. She was completely and unconditionally in love with him.

The feeling he had given her never subsided—he never failed to give her a feeling of euphoria whenever he spent his Friday nights with her. And the more he opened up to her, and the more she opened up to him, the more it felt right. He felt right, no part of her doubted that for a second. He captured her heart and she knew there was no way in hell she was ever getting it back.

Savannah even began to notice her shift in mood ever since her Friday night shifts began. It was as if she turned into an entirely different person. She seemed more confident in herself, and Savannah started noticing the softest of smiles illuminating on her face every so often.

Y/n was the happiest she had ever been before, she swore she was on cloud nine. Y/n started to believe nothing could have torn her down. Nothing.

But then, it happened.

Savannah showed up to Lexi’s during Y/n’s regular Friday night shift. It was a little past midnight, arriving back from her aunt’s wedding—which Y/n would have attended if she didn’t need the money (and if it wasn’t during her shift Harry was a frequent customer in).

She ran in with a long eggplant purple dress, which had a long slit along the leg. Her hair curled in perfect waves that fell loosely down her shoulders, her makeup illuminating and extenuating her flawless features.

“Y/n!” She squealed, scurrying her way to the bar while nearly tripping over her six-inch heels.

Y/n saw Harry’s eyes widen at the sight of her. Of course she visited her when Harry’s here, and of course, she visited when she looked as beautiful as ever. Y/n knew the second Savannah walked in that it was over, every possibility of her and Harry building up to a relationship has been knocked down to the ground.

Y/n closed her eyes momentarily, because she started to feel every part of her heartbreak, and it was the most painful feeling she’s ever felt. Harry’s only seen Savannah for a couple of seconds and he was already looking at her in a way he never has with Y/n.

She gritted her teeth harshly, because how did she think this wouldn’t happen? This was always how it ended, and even if Harry ever liked Y/n enough to start a relationship with her, she wouldn’t be able to hide him from Savannah forever.

“Guess what!” she yelled once she found her way to the bar, leaning against it so she was as close as possible to Y/n.

“What?” Y/n smiled weakly, unable to rid the aching in her chest.

“The photographer at the wedding asked me to be a model for his pictures! And not only that, but he just started working for Top Shop, said he could talk to some people for me to make this work! Can you believe it?! Savannah Turk, next top model! Gosh, I’m so excited!”

Y/n smiled widely. It was always Savannah’s dream to become a model, and she could definitely pull it off. In all honesty, she was shocked she wasn’t one already.

“That’s great, Savannah!” Y/n gasped, “I can’t believe this! I’m so happy for you!”

They both reached over to hug each other, Savannah jumping up and down as small squeals fall from her lips. Once they let go, Y/n is quick to fix up Savannah’s favorite drink as she claims the barstool next to Harry.

Harry’s heart began to race as she scooted closer to him. She was completely breathtaking. He had never seen someone like her before, every part of her intrigued him. She drew him in, and there was no way in hell there was any chance of going back.

“I’m Harry, by the way.”

Savannah let out a slight “push” as she waved her hand in the air.

“I know, Y/n doesn’t shut up about you.”

Y/n’s eyes widened, but quickly refrained against her shocked expression as she let out a nervous laugh. God, they couldn’t know about her feelings, because she hadn’t told anybody about how she felt about Harry and certainly wanted to avoid talking about it while he’s practically gawking over Savannah.

Harry looked up at Y/n with a playful smirk resting perfectly on his face.

“Well, who else is going to get me through my Friday night shifts?” Y/n laughed.

Harry lifted his drink up to her, eyebrows lifting as he smirked at her, “And who else is going to get me through my loneliness, eh?”

Ouch.

Savannah’s eyebrows lifted, a wide grin on her face as she looked over to Harry. And by God, he surely was a sight to see.

“Oh, so ‘Friday night shift boy’ is lonely? Don’t know why Y/n hasn’t taken advantage of that yet,” Savannah smirked, “I know I would have.”


Y/n nods again, mustering up a sympathetic smile to him. She doesn’t want any part of Savannah’s games to make him feel bad about himself. None of what he’s feeling is his fault, and every atom in her body aches for him to know that.

“I’m sorry, Harry” she whispers, “I know how much that can hurt, you don’t deserve it.”

He gives her a soft smile, but it falls just as quickly as it spreads. His gaze falls to the floor, eyebrows furrowing as he shakes his head softly.

“I just can’t keep doing this with her.”

His soft and Bambi eyes look up at her in sorrow, a frown stretched on his lips at the strain his heart has endured.

“I don’t know what more I can do, Y/n.”

And as selfish as it sounds, the first thought that comes to her mind after the hopeless words leave Harry’s mouth is you can love me back.

Because, God, if he loved her, she wouldn’t keep him waiting. She wouldn’t keep him under the impression that he’s not good enough. No, Harry’s fulfilled every part of her wildest dreams, and she would never let a day go by without making him feel the way he deserves—loved.

Despite her selfish thoughts that she desperately wishes she could say to him, she pushes them all aside. Harry needs her, he needs her to be the friend that will be there for him in the latest hours of the night. He needs her shoulder to lean on, and she can’t deny the chance to help him through this and make him feel better.

She doesn’t respond to him, only slinging her bag around her shoulder and pointing her head toward the exit doors.

“We can talk about this later, yeah? Lets just get you home first.”


The ride to his house was silent, mainly consisting of the soft tune on the radio and Y/n’s hushed voice singing along. With the alcohol still buzzing inside Harry’s head, he didn’t mind the silence they shared. It was comfortable because Harry wasn’t in the mood to discuss his anticlimactic relationship with Savannah. He just needed someone to listen to him, to be there for him, and Y/n was his favorite company.

When they arrive at his house, Y/n is basically carrying Harry to his door.

“Yeah, alright, you—that’s right, you’re good” she huffs, the weight of his body making it a struggle for her to walk.

He isn’t drunk enough for her to completely guide him, but he is stumbling a bit and does find himself tripping over his own two feet a couple of times.  

Y/n giggles, shaking her head as she walks him through his front door. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have made you that many drinks. Thank God you weren’t planning on driving, that would have been a mess.”

Harry doesn’t have much time to respond before she sits him down on his couch. She runs her thumb along his forehead softly, wiping away some of the sweat before smiling at him softly.

"Gonna make you some tea, now.”

Harry shakes his head, his hand reaching to grab her wrist.

“Love, you don’t have to,” Harry shakes his head, “you’ve been making everybody’s drinks all night.”

She shrugs, a small smile tugging on her lips.

“I don’t mind. You’re upset, I want to make sure you feel better, alright? I know that Savannah does this to you and I don’t—“ she pauses, closing her eyes softly, “and I don’t want you to keep thinking that this is your fault.”

His heart swells at her words, his large hands reaching out to grip her small ones.

“Would you mind just—just lying down with me for a bit? I don’t want the tea, just need your company right now.”

Y/n frowns slightly, and she isn’t sad because she doesn’t want to be with him. What makes her sad is the intimacy of holding him would give her no chance to escape her feelings. Whenever she feels the heartbreak sneaking back up on her, she always finds a way to distract herself from the pain. Whether it was rearranging her bedroom, organizing the books on her bookshelf, or focusing on her work, there was always a way to escape the pain.

But it’s when she feels him—whether it’s the touch of his hand, or a rub of the shoulder—when she feels his skin ignite her and when she feels the warmth of is body against her, there was no running away from the harsh reality she’s been living in. There is no escape from the thought that she’s in love with someone she can never have because all she feels when she feels him is broken.

And it’s in these moments she finds herself being most selfish. Because he needs her now, holding him, reassuring him that everything will be okay. He’s going through the same feeling she is, and all she can think about is her stupid self and her broken heart, even when he needs her most.

She lays down on his couch first, which Harry finds particularly inviting. He lays with his head face down against her neck, legs tangled in between hers with his arms wrapped around her back. He loves cuddling with her. She’s just so soft, and she feels cozy, especially after he drinks heaps of alcohol. He hasn’t cuddled with her for a while, either, and holding her against him now already makes his shitty night somewhat tolerable.

“Thank you for being with me, Y/n” he mumbles against her collar bone, the fabric of her t-shirt moving against his lips. “And I’m sorry I made you drive me back.”

She giggles softly, her fingers brushing through his messy bed of curls. She feels him relax into her the more she rakes his hair, and he doesn’t hesitate to keep her motions going.

“It’s okay, didn’t have any other plans. Besides, I kind of miss being alone with you sometimes.”

He hums in response, pressing his cheek further into her neck. His eyes shut, his body relaxing to the sound of her heartbeat, which he feels thumping perfectly against his chest.

“S’good to me” he mumbles, “don’t know what I’d do without you, you know.”

Y/n feels her heart skip at the words he spoke against her, her whole body getting an overwhelming sense of despondency.

“Harry, I—“

“I think I’m gonna keep fighting for her” Harry interjects.

His voice is slurring now, his half-asleep daze making his words all jumbled. But he knows what he’s saying, and Y/n knows, too, and her heart plummets. Her throat suddenly begins to choke on cries she wasn’t aware had come so quickly. It’s just another reminder, just another confirmation that Savannah always gets what she wants, even if Y/n wants it more.

“Yeah, I’m not gonna give up on her yet. If I like her, I gotta fight for it, right? She’d be well worth it, too.”

Y/n tries desperately to blink away her tears, and she’s forever grateful that the light is off in his living room when she fails to do so.

“I—I think you should do what you want, Harry” her voice shakes as she speaks, “I’ll be here for you either way.”

Harry holds her tighter, humming in response again, because he’s already falling asleep and finds no energy in him to answer her.

She wishes with everything in her that she can scream, scream at him for being so fucking stupid and oblivious to her love. And the worst part is that she can’t even blame him. She had an entire four months where she could have confessed her feelings, where she could have told him how in love with him she was.

But would it have changed anything? Would they have just ended up in this shitty situation anyway?

And it isn’t until Harry’s passed out on top of her, his breath spreading along her chest and his fingers rubbing her back in his slumber that Y/n realizes she could spend forever laying here with him, all wrapped up against his body. She could fall asleep like this every night, after a long day of work and empty wine glasses on the coffee table. She could see everything, everything she’s ever envisioned, with him.

And it’s in this moment she realizes that she can’t keep doing this anymore, either.

Her cheeks dampen with her tears, hands shaking in his hair. Never would she think she’d have to let him go, but seeing his face rest so peacefully on her chest, she knows she has to.

“I love you, Harry.” She cries, her fingers gripping onto the roots of his hair.

God, Harry, I love you so much.” she sobs.

If Harry wasn’t such a deep sleeper, she would have never dreamt of saying all of this. But he’s remaining asleep, lips parted as he snores, the alcohol in his veins making him almost immobile against her.

“You deserve to be happy, Harry” she whispers, “I shouldn’t hold you back.”

Her body is shaking, soft cries leaving her lips and endless tears streaming down her face. She doesn’t want to let go, she doesn’t want to stop loving him in the way she does now. Because even though it hurts, she doesn’t want to imagine a day without him.

But she has to. For him.

Her thumbs rub along his cheekbones, her eyes admiring his features one last time.

“And it’s because I love you—“ she pauses, swallowing thickly as her shaking lips press tentatively against his forehead, “that I have to let you go.”

We’re like two magnets
that are both at south with each other.
And I try to fix it
by pouring gasoline on fire
and it’s like
I don’t know how to do anything else.
But this boy, he calms his flame for me,
and hushes my waves for me
and makes me still but also makes me roar
and I have absolutely no idea
how I could ever be good enough for him.
Someone tell me how to be good enough for him.
Someone tell me how to treat him right,
and love him right,
maybe tell a good joke or two
so I can hear his laugh,
that I love.
Teach me how to hold his hand,
but let him lead,
or look him in the eye,
but let his gaze carry me.
Show me how to love this boy.
This fragile yet indestructible creature.
I need to know.