and yes they are all looking down

Unconditional (Part 10)

Fandom: Celebrities
Pairing: Reader x Sebastian Stan
Words: 2,622
Warnings: none, maybe idk depends on how you take the ending. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Request: yes or no
Inspired By:
Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
A/N: here it is the final part 10!! ahh i’m so sad it’s ending :( but also so excited!! (yeah idk) but i hope you all like it or don’t think it’s a let down :( but enough of that talk! here it is!! enjoy! and don’t hate me lol
Tags: @almondbuttercup @oldschoolcalifornia @sailorchibimoonunicorn @seargantbcky

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Spies Like Us

Yes, I know, these are Very Srs Characters but I wanted them to have a little fun. Obviously canon-divergent because everybody lived.

Spies Like Us

Jyn wove her way through the ballroom, feeling her silky dress swirl around her ankles. She came up on a group of men, laughing loudly at something one of them had said. “Darling,” she said, latching onto the speaker. “Did you know you’ve only danced with me three times tonight?”

Cassian’s dark eyes looked down at her but it was Berkin Ifan’s cut-glass Core accent that said, “Only three times, my love?”

“Only three.” She pouted up at him.

(The first time she’d tried out that little pout, back at the base, Bodhi had recoiled. “That’s horrifying,” he said. “Warn me next time.” But she’d gotten better.)

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Winter Berena Headcanons 

2: Who knits the other a seasonal sweater?

Serena Campbell, domestic Goddess, wasn’t exactly the first thing that came to mind when describing her girlfriend but yes, Bernie supposes, standing in the centre of the lamp-lit living room like the Vitruvian man as Serena drapes her in tape measures, maybe there is some charm to this whole domestic thing after all.

(And if, at the end of the day, Bernie’s soft pink woolly jumper makes her look a just a tiny bit like a giant marshmallow, it doesn’t stop it from becoming her go-to when they snuggle down at the end of a long shift)

jesus christ lucas agreeing to the name lucas because it’s dorothy’s home and he WANTS TO BE HER HOME like you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me man HAVE YOU NO CHILL LUCAS??? he doesn’t we all know he doesn’t. can you blame him though she saved his motherfucking life i’d look at her like she hung the moon too honestly. pull me down from a cross feed me an apple gently and i’ll march into anything for you yes i goddamn will. “so lucas is home?” mOTHERFUCKER

leobarrett01  asked:

So I had this random thought today, I thought of an au and idk if it's a thing yet, but optician!frank and I just imagined like you get a new optician and it's Frank n he's like really close to you cause he's checking your eyes n then he just kinda whispers "your eyes are beautiful" N you blush and reply "th-thanks.." N then he asks you to look left & right so he can check your eyes and when he asks you to look down you can't help but to stare at his lips (also I'm imagining current Frank)

( I thought I had posted this already but i guess it didn’t)

BUT YES. ALL OF THIS. And let’s say you got new glasses when you came to see him and he’s just checking to make sure they’re alright and he’s just like “These frame your face so well.” or some little innocuous comment like that and you just blush as he chuckles.

aymayzing  asked:

"Flowers? For me?" + Benarmie 💖💖💖 Thank You

Armie looked down at the bundle of handpicked wildflowers before him.
“Flowers?” He asked. “For me?”
Ben smiled and shyly looked away nodding his head.
Hux felt out of control of his body as he reached out and took the bouquet. He realized he should say something.
“They’re beautiful,” was all he could manage.
“I, uh, I wanted to ask you…” Ben started.
Armie doesn’t know what Ben was going to ask, only that whatever it was he would gladly say yes.

anonymous asked:

Kylo definitely has a fascination with Rey but it's anything but sexual. Frankly given that he believes that sentiment lead to Vader's "downfall" if he felt even a glimmer of romantic or sexual attraction to Rey I betcha he wouldn't have touched her with a 10 ft pole and would have been all 'forget the girl we need to find the droid!' I'm very interested to see how BOTH characters are going to deal with the fact that they are cousins. I don't picture Rey handling it well at all in the beginning.

The cousins drama is one of the things I’m most looking forward to. Like YES! Let shit go down! Fill up my popcorn! Give me Keeping Up With the Skywalkers in IMAX 3D! I LIVE for this juicy drama! 👀

You all want to know what this “beautiful scene” that Loo said she had with Ben? And we didn’t get that? Because it should have been this:

Sherlock drops by Bart’s after the whole thing with Eurus to apologize to Molly. He explains. Molly pretends to not listen. She then asks him if he did mean it. He says yes, but as a friend. “I didn’t want to lose you. I’m sorry, Molly,” he says, seeing her eyes well up. “But I cannot give you what you seek.” Sherlock watches her as she looks down and nods. She knows. He tells her that he wants her to be happy. She knows. She’s on the verge of crying and Sherlock is worried, and asks her to say something.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

She shrugs. “For holding on for so long, thinking you could ever want me.” She’s seen how he looks at John. She wishes he could look at her like that.

Sherlock pauses, treading on dangerous ground. “You deserve better, Molly.”

She breaks down in front of him. “I don’t know,” she sobs, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy. I’m tired of being alone. I want to come home to someone. I want to wake up in the morning and find another face looking at me. I’m tired. I’m … tired. God, why am I telling you this? You don’t care.”

Sherlock steps forward, and hugs her, holding her close as she cries. “You will.” He pats her back and sighs. “Just because I’m not the one for you, doesn’t mean I care about you less. I do love you, Molly. You’re my friend. Dear Molly. I should be the one who’s sorry.”

She sniffs. “For what?”

He looks down at her. “For playing around with your heart. For insulting you. For manipulating you. All those years. I’m sorry. I led you on.”

Molly grabs a handkerchief and blows her nose. “It’s not all your fault. I was …” she backs off and throws her hand to the side, “ - a silly girl in love with the idea of love.”

He smiles. “You have a big heart,” he says. “Don’t give up. Who knows?” He clears his throat and gives her wink. “The right person could be around the corner.”

Molly frowns. She’s tired of being fed hope only to have it snatched away from her. “Yeah? What, you have someone in mind?”

He starts for the door. “I might.”

“Sherlock Holmes, London’s Matchmaker.”

“Don’t tease.”

“I’m not.”

“Besides,” he pulls back the door and glances back at her with a wink, “She might just be your type.”

Molly stares after him. She?”

Sherlock smirks. "You think I haven’t figured you out yet?” And he leaves the room, and turns around a corner to see DI Hopkins with a coffee in hand. “Ah,” he says, “just the person I’ve wanted to see.”

- end of scene -

And that’s the beautiful scene that I would have wanted.

what do i love about this clip????? thanks for asking,

  • isak and even being affectionate and talking like they’ve been dating for a while!! which is so cute!!! just soft little kisses and talking about stuff
  • isaks little smiles in reaction to that even makes him so happy its so gross
  • laying down together in the bed and chatting about life can they get more domestic
  • “i just like to see you laugh” bITCH WTF SAME
  • isak’s wearing his snapbacks again <3 <3 <3
  • heart eyes!!!! look at their heart eyes they love each other so much!!!!
  • even teasing linn gAVE ME LIFE guys he’s so charming
  • “im the fucking master of lying!” YES ALL THE BANTER GIVE IT TO ME I LOVE THE TEASING
  • giggles!! laughing!! smiling!! supporting each other!!! kisses!! does it get any better??
Good Girl

Anonymous said:
Can you write a daddy kink one with Calum or Michael with a lot of teasing and spanking and overstimulation and being called Kitten and Princess omg pls that would be some lit quality shit

fuck ya girly i gotchu 


Pillows surrounded us as the movie played softly in the background. His finger tips ran along my spin coming up to play with the ends of my hair. “How was class today, princess?” Calum whispered. “It wasn’t the best, but you’re here and that’s all that matters.” I smiled. Calum took my chin in-between his fingers, looking at my lips, then right back at me.

“Mm, you look so fucking good right now,” Calum bites his lip. I rolled my eyes smiling, when his hand comes down to my hips squeezing it. “Don’t roll you eyes at me again, kitten.” His eyes stared me down. “Yes, daddy,” I nodded, leaning into his touch. “C’mon princess, I have a surprise for you.” Calum said. “Oh, but I don’t wanna move.” I pouted.

Calum raised an eyebrow, “You’ll want to move when you see what you have in store with the way your acting.” I sat up quickly, following him up the stairs and into our bedroom. Calum and I have never really tried kinks, but we’ve talked about them. Anytime things become intimate, they are not rough, I could tell it was love, not something meaningless, nevertheless Cal would ever treat me like that. “Tonight, we’re trying something different kitten.” He said while grabbing my hips. I nodded, and sat on the bed.

He went to the closet, pulling out a box from the top shelf, and set it on the side table. He pulled out a blindfold, a few ties, and left the room again. I knew not to get up and follow him because if I did, that would not make Calum happy. He came back with a cup of ice, no water, just ice. “Um, why do you have ice?” I questioned. “Don’t speak unless I give you permission, princess.” Calum said.

Calum walked over to me, removed my shirt while kissing my neck “Now, you know I barley punish you nor do I like too, but that’s going to change kitten,” Calum said. “Calum, what-” I was cut off by being flipped around. “I’m sorry, what did I say?” Calum said. “Not to speak unless you give me permission.” I answered. “That’s right, princess, and what did you do?” He asked. “I spoke without permission.” I could tell he was pleased by this.

“Good girl, but, you still defied the rules, you know what that means right?” I nodded as he spoke. “Now, lay across my thighs,” He motioned. I whined quietly, knowing that this night was not going to be anything like I thought. “I want you to count okay, baby girl?” Calum said. I nodded, as I suck in a breath preparing for whatever was going to happen.

Calum landed a slap upon my right cheek, a whimper falling from my lips as I let myself clutch onto Calum’s leg, my body immediately relaxing into the sensation that is going to be driving me up the wall soon. “One,” I whispered, barley enough for him to hear. Another slap on my left cheek, making my nails dig into the rough material of Calum’s jeans. “Two,” I whimpered. “Good girl,” Calum whispered kissing my spine. The slaps continued until tears filled my vision, “Ten,” I sniffed.

Calum let me sit up, as he wiped my tears away, “See it wasn’t so bad now was it, princess?” He cooed. “No, daddy.” I said. “Good, lay back,” Calum instructed. I laid back, letting the cool sheeting sooth my red bum. “Hands up, we are not quite done yet,” Calum said while taking my hands and tied them together to the head board.

Calum only ever tied me up once, and god did I love it. I bit my lip in anticipation, waiting for whatever was next to happen. “To make things interesting, I’m going to blindfold you okay, kitten?” Calum said, grabbing the purple fabric from before. My eyes were covered, seeing nothing, I mean what did you expect? His fingertips slid down my body making goosebumps arise to my skin.

“God, you’re going to be the death of me,” Calum breathed, kissing every part of my skin. I felt something cold being dragged down my skin and rested on my stomach. His lips touched mine for a passionate kiss as his hand snaked down in-between my legs. At the first flick of my clit, I cried out into Calum’s mouth, my hips grinding into his hand. He slipped a finger into me, pumping slowly. The pace of his finger was driving me mad, making me squirm underneath him.

“Stay still, princess,” Calum ordered. It was one of Calum’s rules; I couldn’t move or he’d stop touching me, even if it was during one of my treats. I tried my hardest not to move, but I accidentally bucked into his hand when he pressed against my g-spot. He immediately took his hand away from me, sucking  his finger between his lips.

I could tell Calum was smirking by the way he kept pacing around the bed. “Wanna tell daddy what you want, baby girl?” Calum said. “I want your tongue, I want your cock, fuck daddy I want it all,” I was not ashamed. “Such a dirty mouth for a pretty little girl,” Calum chuckled. “You want my tongue huh, kitten?” Calum daunted, removing the blindfold. I nodded, blinking trying to adjust to the light.

I felt his lip wrap around my clit, lightly flicking it a few times. I inhaled deeply only to exhale with a moan as he continued his actions. He released me from his mouth, looking me right in the eyes as he entered his finger in, again. A long whimper came out of my mouth as Calum moved his fingers again. “God, you look so fucking sexy withering under my fingers,” He smirked placing his lips on my clit again. He pushed another finger in, making my orgasm come into play. “Daddy, please can I cum?” I moaned.

“Go ahead princess, be as loud as you want,” Calum mumbled. “Look at me,” he orders. Already used to taking orders from Calum, I immediately look at him. “Mm, daddy,” I whimpered. My legs shook around Calum as he held them open, making me ten times for sensitive. “Fuck, you taste so good,” Calum moaned. My chest rose and fell as I caught my breath, but I sucked in another breath when Calum rubbed his tip against my entrance.

“You want it, baby? Tell daddy how much you want it,” Calum said. “Daddy please, fuck me I want your cock, please.” I begged. He grinned slamming into me. My wrists pulled at the restraints, sure to give me some type of burn. Calum held my hips as he fucked me into oblivion “Princess, I can tell you’re ready to cum any minute,” Calum moaned. “Daddy, I am,” I said.

“Oh Caluum, yes daddy fuuuuck” I yelled, unable to control my body anymore, my gaze on his as he watched my face contract at the same time my walls did around his cock. When I finally came down, breathing heavily, I found myself more tired than I’ve probably ever been after such an experience. Forcing my body not to move and having to absorb pure pleasure was actually much more exhausting than I’d have thought. Calum must’ve noticed too as he gently stroked my cheek, before kissing his way down my stomach, then back up again to my ear. “I’m impressed, you’ve done so good baby girl” he whispered, “but we are not over.”

I shook my head, not able to take anymore pleasure. “Kitten, if daddy says more, you know what it means,” Calum smirked. “Daddy, I-i can’t,” I couldn’t even talk. “Yes you can, and you will baby,” Calum said. I saw Calum pull out the white toy, which intimidated me more than it should have. “You remember this one princess?” Calum said showing me the toy, “I know this is your favorite, so tonight, we’re going to play with it.”

“Daddy, please don’t I can’t handle it.” I whined. “Sounds like you wanna make the rules, is that how it goes princess?” He asked. “Sorry, daddy,” I said. Calum turned on the vibrator to a low setting and dragged it all over my body, making me shiver. “Baby girl, this is suppose to relax you, not tense you up.” Calum chuckled, feeling my reaction.

My legs immediately closed around the vibrator when Calum set it on my clit. “Keep ‘em open for my princess,” Calum pushed my thighs apart. My back arched off the bed as my orgasm hit me like a bucket of bricks. “There you go baby, just like that.” Calum cooed. My body caved in, my feet dragged on the bed while Calum put the vibrator on a higher speed.

“Oh daddy!” I yelled, my whole body shook in euphoria as I came around the toy. “That’s my good girl, cum for daddy.” Calum groaned. My toes dragged against the bed, as I came around the vibrator and profanities left my mouth. “Daddy, daddy fuck,” I moaned. Calum took the vibrator off only to lick my clit again. I was already in a state of sensitivity.

“God, you’ve done so well kitten,” Calum said, beginning to untie my hands. “But now, I want you to suck me off like the good girl I know you are,” He growled. I was already out of energy when Calum pulled me up. I stared in awe at Calum’s cock, probably drooling. “Stop staring princess,” Calum chuckled. I bit my lip, taking his cock in my hand, slowly pumping it.

Calum groaned, “C’mon princess, you know I don’t like waiting.” I smiled up at him, kissing the tip. With my tongue broad and flat, I licked the whole length of him, making eye contact. I alternated between sucking, swirling my tongue one way and then another, and flicking it lightly. I wrapped one hand around the base of his shaft, and move it up and down in time with the movements of my mouth. I ran my nails on the inside of his thighs, making Calum whimper. “Fuck princess.” He grabbed my hair.

“Princess, s-stop I wanna cum in that pretty little pussy of yours.” Calum groaned, unable to hold his moans in. I took him out of my mouth, “Daddy, I have a question.” I trailed. “What is it, baby girl?” Calum asked. “Can I ride you, daddy?” I asked shyly. “You wanna ride daddy? Well, I suppose that’s fine.” He chuckled. Calum laid on the bed, cock in hand as I walked over to him.

He cupped my breasts in his hands, groping and tugging roughly. “Yes, daddy,” I moan, burying my face into the crook of his neck. “Oh, God, yes.” “You going to cum for me, baby girl?” “Mmmhmm.” “Come on, baby, cum for me.” My orgasm rockets through my body, sending me into a state of frenzy. Moans and curse words slip out of my mouth. I continue to rock my hips against Calum as I come down from my high, milking my orgasm for as long as possible.  “There you go, baby.” Calum coos.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” Calum moaned, his hands moving to my hips. “Cum for me daddy,” I bit his neck, making sure to leave my mark. I felt Calum release inside of me, making me fall on top of him. “God, that was-” “Amazing.” I finished for him. “I love you, princess,” Calum kissed my forehead. “I love you too, daddy.” I said.

anonymous asked:

Okay, so here I am, an innocent lurker, having just found this blog, when I see: "what if the skywalkers were cthulu-type monsters." excuse me??? please elaborate you just wrote that and nothing else im dying ex p la i n y o ur s el f

  • The Force is everything that ever was and ever will be, every storm and every silence, the hunting krayk dragon and cowering bantha calf: it is huge, all-consuming, completely inhuman. How, then, could its children be anything short of monstrous? (Wonders, yes. But monsters all the same.)
  • Anakin Skywalker is boy-shaped, but Obi Wan cannot bear to look at him. 
  • A clarification: he can look at him with his human eyes; but he must clamp down the extra eyes his Force-sensitivity gives him, because when he doesn’t – well. The first time he met the boy he hadn’t closed those eyes; he’d open them, wide and curious and seen –
    • teeth and claws and roiling shadows, a slipslide of features and starfire, the white blur of warpspeed and it hurts –
  • Anakin Skywalker is the son of the Force, half human and half something extraordinary. There’s a reason the Jedi don’t like him, why Yoda mistrusts him; they all have to close their extra eyes around him; and even when they’re white-knuckled with effort, clamping down so the Force can’t so much as whisper to them (and that hurts Jedi, of course it does, it runs counter to all their training about opening up and trusting in the Force) and even then they still feel the velvet quiver of unseen limbs over their skin. 
  • And more. And worse. When he is angry – which is often – his shadow warps into something awful, and even the least Force-sensitive being quails at the profound wrongness of the sight. His features warp and melt, teeth spiralling out from his pupils, his mouth cracks open wide, his tongue growing scales and feathers and catching fire and he smiles, oh how he smiles and –
    • nothing like him should exist and
    • and you blink, lose the moment, he’s just a young man glowering at you, and his shadow is the same, but the memory of that horror is seared into the back of your brain.
  • It is no surprise that Padme dies in childbed. 
  • The first child’s cry makes Obi Wan’s bones rattle. It – you could not call it anything but an it – is a twisting, squirming mess of light and dark. There’s a wing, a thorned branch: you cannot focus on it. You cannot pin a shape to it. Obi Wan wants to run away, run and never look back. But the Med Droid is offering it to him; and it is a child, of a sort; and Obi Wan takes it, and it coalesces into a soft pink baby girl. He places it – her – against Padme’s white breast. Padme cradles it. “She’s beautiful.”
  • The second is just the same: pushed out like any human baby, but a roling mess of lightening and thick syrupy cloud, one moment tentacled and the next furred, pure power condensed. Obi Wan takes it in his arms and it solidifies into another fat baby, small and squalling. 
  • He’s not like the other babies, Luke Skywalker. He’s a funny one. When he smiles, you have the sudden absurd impulse that he’s got too many teeth for his face. His hair is corn-gold, but when you see it out of the corner of your eye you swear that it isn’t hair at all, but fire and teeth. Looking at him too long is like staring into the sun. 
  • The other children are scared of him, Behu says to Owen, once. And Owen says: children always know. And Behu says: he isn’t a bad kid. Owen says: he’s a wonder. And that’s the problem. 
  • Jabba’s goons go to the Lars farm to collect water once. Only once. They return to Jabba’s palace gibbering nonsense, with their eyes burned out. Both mumble something about there’s something wrong with the boy and then jump into the ragnar pit. 
  • Don’t do that again, says Owen, but he hugs his nephew all the same, pulls him close, kisses his temple. He feels something hot-cold run over his spine, like something far larger than the child is trying to embrace him back. That night, Behu runs her fingers over the new white scartissue on her husband’s back, and says, he’s a good kid. Owen says, I know.
  • If I was there I could have saved them, Luke says to Ben Kenobi, years later, and in that moment he has a thousand thousand eyes and all of them are burning, and he has no limbs but a dozen wings bearing him aloft, and each feather is molten gold and each feather drips blood. Ben thinks of Anakin, screws his Force-sensitivity closed. Luke is a monster. A wonder. But first and foremost he is a boy, and he is grieving. 
    • Ben Kenobi holds him while he weeps. 
  • When Leia comes, she turns into a celestial horror with more teeth than Han cares to count. “Huh,” he says, after their first time. She’s so little in his arms, but so vast. He feels something gentle his back. He says, “Next time, I’ll wear a blindfold, princess. Don’t want to blind me, do you? Then I won’t be able to see when you’re doing stupid shit.” She titters, presses her face into the curve of his neck. 
    • Love comes to everyone, including monsters. 

Originally posted by qt-taehyungssi

“Laying in bed, Taehyung’s mind skimmed over the events from today, always pausing to think about the extremely pretty girl who was staring at him earlier. He was determined to find out who she was, she wasn’t getting away so easily.”

Genre: Fluffy? Angsty? Fuckboy!Taehyung, Fuckboy!BTS
Members: Taehyung x Reader, All of BTS at some point
Word count: 1528

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I Quite Like It

Originally posted by sweetly87

Request:  Could you do an imagine where the Reader is Tina’s and Queenie’s sister and when Tina brings Newt at your flat Queenie immediately notices that they’re both *very* interested in each other so Tina and Queenie try everything to bring them together 😊

You were the little sister of Tina and Queenie and you had invited them around for dinner at your apartment and they had asked if they could bring a friend. You of course had said yes, any friend of theirs was a friend of yours. You heard a knock at the door and you smoothed down your clothes before opening it. “Queenie! Tina! And who’s this?” You asked politely.

“This wonderful little man is Newt Scamander.” Queenie introduced, he did seem quite wonderful. He had freckles dancing all over his face and beautiful green eyes, you didn’t realise he was actually staring right back you, taking you in. Queenie and Tina shared a knowing look. You welcomed them in and gestured to the table that had plenty of food for everyone on it. New and you had been sharing little glances throughout the whole meal and Tina and Queenie had a plan where they would leave and strand Newt in your apartment where inevitably you would hit it off.

“I’m just gonna go.” Queenie and Tina said quietly before sneaking out the door while you were in the kitchen and Newt was in the bathroom. When you went back in to the sitting room everyone was gone and you felt your heart sink, you hadn’t really got the chance to speak with Newt about his creatures, but then you heard the bathroom door open and Newt came out.

“It seems you’ve been stranded here, Mr Scamander.” You joked.

“Oh no! I don’t mean to bother you, pretty lady, and I just said that didn’t I, I’m so sorry. You are very pretty though. I can just walk back to Tina’s apartment.” He rambled, turning red.

“Don’t be silly! Just stay here for the night and I can take you over to Tina and Queenie’s in the morning, I would take you right over if you didn’t have your case, but you do, so you can make sure your creatures are alright. And thank you for the compliment, I think you’re very handsome if it’s any consolation.” You rambled back turning a pink shade.

“Would you um, like to s-see m-my creatures?” Newt asked awkwardly, holding up his case. You smiled and nodded and followed him down the stairs, he immediately brought you over to Frank the Thunderbird, who you stared at in awe. He came right over and nuzzled in your hair, making you smile. “He really likes you!” Newt exclaimed happily. You petted him affectionately. Newt then brought you over to the Occamies and let you hold one. It was a baby and didn’t have a name yet so Newt let you pick a name.

“I think Anthony would suit him well.” You said smiling at Anthony. Newt chucked.

“I think he likes it.” He said putting his arm around you on instinct and nearly died when he realised what he’d done. “Oh my! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to be so forward!” He exclaimed, cursing himself, he’d forgotten he still had his arm around you. You set Anthony down before turning and putting your arms around Newt.

“It’s quite alright, I think, I think I quite like it actually.” You admitted, then kissed his cheek. He turned a bright shade of red. He kissed yours shyly. You leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

“It worked!” Queenie exclaimed. Somehow Queenie and Tina had managed to get back in to your apartment and down in to Newt’s case without you noticing.

“Queenie!” You squealed as you and Newt went red.

Context: We’re looting the secret base of the crazy lady we just killed. The barbarian has found a silk dress that she wants to keep.
Paladin: O c'mon, ye’d look ridiculous innit.
Barbarian: Fine. *she gives it to our Ranger, who’s tall but pretty dainty.*
Ranger: It’s so pretty! Turn around, guys, I’m trying it on.

All of the guys in our party comply.

DM: As you’re half dressed, two guards burst through the door.
Alchemist: Wait, what gender are these guards?
DM: …both guys. (Our Alchemist is a raging lesbian who hits on all females)
Alchemist: I pull down the back of the Ranger’s dress
Ranger: WHAT WHY
Alchemist: [Ranger] how big are your boobs
Ranger: I don’t- um…
DM: Boob size doesn’t matter, the guards are embarrassed by you flashing them.
Alchemist: YES *attacks*
Ranger: Now I can never be a wife!

A Real new hockey fans guide: By someone who was sick of the tumblr bias posts
  • Yes sidney crosby is the best forward but it depends what you’re looking for. Sid is generally considered the best because he has the best balance of defensive and offensive talent. But there are other players like Ovechkin, Bergeron, Tavares, McDavid, ect ect ect. who are the best at their own thing and who you consider the best is up to what you think the Best entails. most people just consider Sid’s all around prowess The Best. 
  • Not everyone thinks high scoring is what makes a d-man.  but recently because Goaltending has gone up and scoring has gone down, it’s been the priority to score rather than defend. that means you’re not going to hear about shut down d-men…or if you do it probably isn’t because they’re shut down d-men. You’re more likely to hear about guys like Keith, Letang, and Karlsson. who are all good at their game…but don’t forget the quiet guys like Hedman, Chara, Ekblad ect. their job is to make the game “less fun” so it’s okay to not notice them. but they’re there and they’re good.
  • Carey Price is generally considered the best goaltender. But goaltending is not as spread out as the media and tumblr will have you think. Yes even I think Price is the best but I don’t think he’s so untouchable and every other goalie is a scrub. The media and tumblr are drama queens, we like to exaggerate things and follow story lines. It’s not fun for halfway through the season for us to be like “uh we were wrong about the price being untouchable, so now we’re going with Dubnyk as untouchable” no one is going to buy that. Respect Price, but respect the guys putting up the same numbers, they also exist.
  • Trends in the league are like waves, Good teams go down as the bad teams go up. And they don’t happen at the same time, it’s all wonky and if you graphed it it may just look like a bunch of scribbles. But just because you joined the fandom and one team is The Best, it won’t stay that way and it probably wasn’t that was a few years ago. So just because everyone is crying over a specific team being the best, remember to stay grounded. Because it’s gonna end soon and it probably just started. In 2013 the Boston Bruins overwhelmingly swept the pittsburgh penguins where David Krejci was leading the Post Season points and Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin and Kris Letang did not score.
  • Never be one of the “everyone likes…” guys because trust me. We’ve been here for years and enough of us have plenty of reasons to not like so and so.
  • A lot of shit happened in the league and al lot of players have been accused of pretty bad things. If you care about this a good google search will not lead you wrong. But stop asking us why “everyone hates blank” if we don’t talk about it readily it’s probably because we don’t WANT to.
  • A lot of us do like and read check please but the NHL is NOT check please. so please stop comparing and treating our favorite players like fictional characters. Sidney Crosby is not Jack. Evgeni Malkin is not tater ect. ect. They may be based off of them but respect Ngozi’s characters are individuals and real life human beings as individuals. Besides how can it be real life if sidney crosby is dating someone not geno
  • Fights and Hits and aggression is part of hockey. No one is going after your Baby ™ because they want to hurt them personally. It’s the game. Guys fight each other who are best friends off the ice. But it’s literally a different world for them on the ice. Do not get offended because two men consented to a fight. and clean hits are still clean if your fav player is on the receiving end
  • There is a difference between chirping and insulting. learn it. don’t insult and don’t get offended by chirps. Or do. Just don’t expect to be taken seriously. 
  • The Playoffs is when things quickly go form “haha this is fun” to literal murder time please be prepared.
  • Please get involved in other teams besides yours. I know a lot of us have our One True Team (OTT) and I get that I do too, but involving yourself in the rest of the league is the only way to really understand the game. You can’t just look at one team and say “our best player is best in the league” consider the other players. And Maybe you don’t awnt to truely understand the NHl and that’s just as good trust me i wish i was in that boat. Involve yourselves in other teams, interact with rivals, search tags you might not usually. Get to know people and teams. 
  • don’t let any of us fool you we all weren’t stoked about Team NA and the world cup but then it happened and we all did a 180 so quick. 

Day 3: Home/Family

Look at the stars. The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars.”


Yes… So whenever you feel alone, just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you … And so will I.

Mating Runs and Chicken Wings

I have no idea what this is or where it came from. 

So… enjoy, I guess? 

Aso, you can check out the rest of my weird shorts over at AO3 here: Word Soup

“Derek,” Talia Hale said, and Derek gave a guilty start and turned to face her. He hadn’t been zoning out. No, not at all. Not right now, in front of half the town, right before the speeches were about to start.

“Yes, Mom?”

Talia narrowed her eyes in the direction of the buffet. “Why is that omega shoving canapés down his pants?”

And Derek knew, even before he looked, exactly who she was talking about.

Stiles Stilinski.


Keep reading

Imagine Newt Scamander running after you, because you left your jacket behind. And him being such a cinnamon roll that he is, Newt ran all the way across town to find you and give it back to you.

The out of breath Newt helps you put on the jacket and stutters, “M-maybe since we’re out… Y-you might… Suppose you might like to eat out with me, if you’d like?”

And you say yes and say, “Thanks for brining me my jacket. You didn’t have to!”

And Newt just smiles and looks admiringly down at you, and whispers more to himself, “Anything for you.”

Lipstick Prince

Me: *Looking through ‘Lipstick Prince’ tag on Tumblr*
Mum: I don’t think we need to be looking at pictures of shirtless Korean men at the dinner table
Me: Oh it’s a new show coming out with idols to break down prejudices that only women can wear makeup and I’m all for that :)
Mum: Yes but both men and women can wear shirts *distant air horns*