and yellow is my favorite color too

Hi everyone :D my name’s Brianna though i rather be called Juice! I’ve never done this before, heck i had to watch a few tutorials for the banner thing so be patient with me! 

About Me!

  • I’m going to be a sophomore next Monday so this is my last week of summer :,)
  • I live in Texas!
  • I want to make cartoons as a career!
  • yellow is my favorite color, and macaroni and burgers are my favorite foods
  • i actually h a t e studying 
  • I am fluent in Spanish and English

Interests

  • I play the cello, although Its not a huge passion of mine
  • drawing, doodling and journaling is my entire l i f e
  • i like to write too,,, although its more like a hobby 
  • i really like making new friends! ;)

Why a studyblr?

During my freshman year, a lot of personal stuff happened towards the end of the second semester, and my mental health became too unstable for me to handle, and i didn’t have enough time to recover so i wasn’t doing well in my classes. I didn’t get the credits i needed for English and Algebra. Sooo to get me back on track, i figured a studyblr and a nice community would help me stay focused on school and kinda,, force me to study so i can have a successful rebound this year!

Studyblr’s I admire!

@nerdastically @academicsapphic @studejing @study-kuma  

feel free to like/reblog so i can follow! :)

Summer Day Quilt - 52" x 75"

I crave these colors in the Summertime. The juicy peaches and sunny yellows are at the same time theraputic and energizing. I started this modern take on the Courthouse Steps motif with a precious square of my all time favorite Leah Goren print, and from there it grew outwards. Along the way it became a study in perspective. As I added strips, I imagined the cheer it could bring to a home on a cloudy day. I give you now my snap shot of Summer, and hope your Summer is going well too (if you live in the Northern Hemisphere). Here.

- Gina Rockenwagner

distraction/nsfw

gif credit: @justinbiebergifs

A/N: Here’s a smutty blurb y'all, it’s been too long 😏

Watching Justin get dressed is one of your favorite things to do. Especially when the sun had just risen and the sky is still a mixture of bright oranges, soft yellows and a swirl of pink runs through the two colors producing a beautiful painting. You were still naked underneath the white sheets, there are splotches of red and purple marks on your skin. The harshest of them all sit at the base of your throat and you run your index finger down it. It’s still so sensitive that it makes you flinch and your thighs close on instinct at the memories that came flooding back.

You’re still half asleep but you can make out Justin’s frame in front of his dresser, a fluffly black towel wrapped around his hips and little drops of water cascading down his tattoo clad black disappearing down inside of the towel. You would’ve said good morning but when his towel dropped, the words got lodged in your throat and you decided to just admire the view.

Justin was one of the few guys who were actually blessed with an ass, you could actually grab onto it. You smile to yourself when you remember how you  did just that last night when he was inside of you.

You’d needed him deeper and all you could do was grab onto it to help sate your needs.

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And If It Ever Happened (No One Has To Know) ~ Thomas Jefferson x Reader

Because despite being stuck on a bus for a three hour long car ride to a youth conference with a bunch of other awesome hyperactive candy addicted teens, I’m bored and still lacking a life. Also, for SJ’s Submission Sunday. Because by the heck not?

Or: Thomas learns about colors, his jacket is explained, and (Y/N) makes plans.

Warnings: Brain aneurism, child coping mechanisms, arguing, car accidents, bad French and Irish (Google Translate, people, bc I know nothing) character death, mentions of suicide, depression, hospitalization, a couple people get punched, mentions of homosexual relationships (in case that makes you uncomfortable - sorry never gonna change it those two are too precious in my mind) also it’s my first imagine so it probably sucks (be warned!) but it will sort of get better (ish) towards the middle of the story (beginning is on the bad side of OK and I’m not sure about the ending.), probably insanely OOCish and Mary Sue/Gary Lue ish characters that tend to go with shit writing like mine, plus this is the first time I’ve written an imagine, and my writing was already sucky enough as it was, so take that how you will.

So have fun with that

Modern AU, feminine pronouns

Masterlist


At four years old, Thomas Jefferson knew enough to know how to understand others, and what he understood was that all the boys on the block thought that pink or purple or any color reminiscent of them were for girls. (Except for red, because red is cool, like fire and blood and a knight’s horsehair plumes; and blue, because blue is cool, too, like ice and deep sea diving and the big, big sky that all those jets flew through that they were going to fly someday.)

He knew all the colors in the rainbow: red and orange and yellow and green and blue and purple, and black because that’s always what was between the other colors, and white because that was what was on either end of it in the shape of big, fluffy clouds.

Not pink.

Pink didn’t count, he thought.

At age six, his mother takes him to the local hardware store to look at paint samples, and he looks up at the giant wall with a gaping jaw as he takes in the impossible number of colors-within-colors. (Even pink.)

He sees some sort of grey splotch near the top of a yellow card, though, and doesn’t like it. He decides it doesn’t belong there.

“Mama, why is there another color on this one?”

She looks at him, brow risen in slight confusion, before she realized what his little finger is pointing to and chuckles.

She bends down real, real low, so they’re at the same eye level.

She’s tall, he thinks, not for the first time. I bet she could fight giants.

“Thomas,” she tells him, a small smile on her face and an amused twinkle in her eye. “This isn’t supposed to be another color. This is the name of the color. Like green is called green, and orange is called orange, but these ones are…,” she paused for a moment, mulling over the words as she tried to find a way to explain it to his young mind. “Different,” she finally settled. “They’re longer, and weirder.”

“Oh.”

“Like this one,” she took down a shade of light, light orange and yellow, that reminds him of when those very colors clash on the - the nex - neckt - nectarine. “They call it Brooklyn Skyrise.”

He frowned. That didn’t sound like a color.

If he looked at it, it was actually really nice.

“What’s Brooklyn?”

“It’s a city in New York, Thommy.”

He stared at it a little while longer before nodding his head firmly. “I’m going to live in New York,” he decided confidently.

His mother’s eyebrows rose.

“I’m sure you will, Thomas.”

(And if he didn’t have any idea where New York was, then he didn’t say anything.)

She then pulled down another one, a murky auburn, leaning more toward red, and he is reminded of leaves right before fall.

“Here’s another one. This one’s called Dragon’s Blood.”

His grin lit up his face. “Cool!”

He is seven when he finally meets her.

She is bold and she is brilliant and despite the fact that she is a girl, she seems to possibly be one of the only people in that class that he might actually like.

Besides James, of course.

He decides to save himself the humiliation and stick with becoming friends with James.

It’s okay, though.

He’s not the only one who’s noticed you.

It’s when you hit another boy that he finally gets the courage to talk to you, opposed to all the other boys who look upon you with both awe and fear, and scattered every time you came near.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” was the only answer he got back.

“What’s your name?”

“(Y/N). What about you?”

“I’m Thomas.”

“Cool.”

It was quiet for a little while.

“I saw that you punched that boy,” he informed her.

“Everyone saw it, dummy,” she shot back. “It was during recess.”

His face grew hot and he practically recoiled, not knowing at first what to say to that.

Keep reading

8

Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles Characters.

anonymous asked:

This may be an odd question that's probably been asked a million times before, but what is your favorite color to work with? I have a hard time with green and yellow, but love Blue's and purples.

ohh I’d say blue/purple/pink are the colors I’ve been using the most lately!

I think pics with a blue-ish color palette are probably my fav to work with, and I also usually end up throwing in some purple shading regardless of color palette haha I dont feel like I use green/yellow too often either rip

i don’t know if anyone noticed the color transition from blue to yellow by the end of 4x03, but oh my god how dramatically does the colorism change? lmao.

i mean, on a larger scale, the change especially highlights the interlude for the season’s tagline “from the ashes we will rise”, but it embeds a lot of interesting shifts in the simple act from getting characters from point A to point B too, while also introducing a different and new connotation to the theme of “hope” as well, and i think that’s pretty cool and pretty neatly done in the context of everything.

my favorite thing about this particular shift is that it takes place on one level (clarke walking), but connects two different settings with one another.

setting 1: when clarke watches the people work outside from inside the quarter’s (they’re preparing themselves for the radiation) while she works on a list that only includes 100 people, which means 400 of them are not in it.

setting 2: when she enters medical after her moment with bellamy in the quarter’s, and they (abby and co) figure out that luna’s nightblood is the one thing that is able to reject the radiation in her body and keep her alive

and here is where the transition takes place:

the thing you might notice with the color blue is that it is connected to her previous scene with bellamy, which means that visually speaking the color highlights what her relationship with bellamy represents and how that particular moment has affected her personally: (i won’t write down a list of what the color stands for, you can google it). so, the reactive framing in connection to the color blue even outside of the quarter’s shows a paradigm shift in the piece of hope bellamy has given clarke - she is able to make a step with that feeling within herself, even after having to write a list that only contains 100 people.

and here is where it gets pretty fascinating: that same bit of hope that bellamy has given her transitions into the next scene without us entering the new setting yet - we go from blue to yellow while clarke walks - which means that bellamy’s piece of hope transcends into all of humanity without clarke/the audience knowing that luna is already up on her feet with her body (the nightblood) rejecting the radiation, and the fact they might have found a new solution to the bigger problem they’re facing. this is so neat in regards to basic visual mechanics, because the color yellow in this case represents sickness, or even madness. so, it doesn’t really sound promising if you look at it that way. we do enter the scene seeing a lot of people dead first, after all. but it does come with a big promise, because of the hopeful tone we get through the transition (blue to yellow). so, colorism as a piece of foreshadowing? why the hell not.

overall, the way in how the visuals process that togetherness between clarke/bellamy is really compelling, because while bellamy is not present, you still feel him. even when clarke enters a new dimension of visuality, their connection does not get lost, but grows bigger in the picture. and it comes in full circle when she repeats “from the ashes we will rise”, which in hindsight creates a good callback to clarke’s line “science is our only hope” in 4x01, because luna, quite literally, represents hope too and she’s going to move the story in big ways.

anonymous asked:

How do you get the softer colors? I've been trying to get the pastel look, but my colors keep coming out harsh af, BUT I LOVE YOUR SOFT COLORS SO MUCH I WANT THEM *cries*

i cut down on saturation and have eliminated the color black from my palettes completely. like, for instance:

the one on the left still has blocked in color, but feels like it has an aura. that’s beause i kept a soft yellow background that compliments the rest of it, and it all blends in to be one piece a bit better. something can look detailed while still being pretty simple.

the one on the right is the same exact piece, just how i used to color. the black stays in and the vibrance almost makes it too busy for this particular image. i’ll use one of my favorite pieces that’s 3 years old to use as an example of how this can change a piece:

with a couple of color adjustments, the piece is suddenly softer and more immersive. i was heavily reliant on over-saturated colors at that time, but not using them makes it so when you incorporate them into a piece, they stand out and make something really eye-catching and a lot depthier and pleasant to look at

Anonymous said:

I’ve noticed that most “big” artists use online programs to do their work, is it widely accepted that physical art doesn’t look as good or something? Do all artists eventually ‘have’ to do it online?

in no way does physical art not look as good–i remember when eastern artists were starting to make the switch from traditional to digital. the reason? speed and massive convenience. you don’t take up as much room, you don’t use as many supplies, you literally have an endless canvas that can be used as an opportunity. instead of being surrounded by, and ultimately wasting, tons of paper on drafts and rough sketches for pieces, or having to scrap something because a pen exploded halfway through, digital art has saved so many artists so much time and so many resources.

the reason i use digital is because i could no longer afford traditional. i was a painter, but good lord, painting takes up so much damn room. and transferring skill from the mediums is relative. i was able to take what i learned then and applied it to digital. but what a lot of artists don’t show you is that no one ever scraps traditional mediums altogether, because that’s where everyone starts. many still use sketches that they scan and upload to then do digital lines/color/paint/etc

in no way do artists have to eventually do it online. in the industry, it will be increasingly difficult to get work though, because for the sake of convenience almost everyone has switched to digital. that doesn’t mean it’s out of the range of possibility, though, and you can certainly be an independent artist with physical pieces, too.

How to plan the perfect XYZ dragon

so you all might know me as that one weird girl who’s obsessed with XXY dragons, but let me tell you, there is nothing more beautiful and satisfying to look at than a perfectly coordinated XYZ dragon! they’re also super fun to dress! so this is a relatively useless guide to planning your own! I thought it would be helpful for newbies who are still getting used to all the beautiful colors fr has to offer.

Step 1: Picking a Primary

I started with a blank base so I had a clear vision of what I wanted to go for. Skink is a great gene to start with, because it usually has a stark contrast between its main and accent colors. and also, that throat gradient is to die for. it looks really great with treasure primaries like runes, lace, and contour. other great primaries with accents are poison and petals! Iri also works well on certain breeds.

Step 2: Selecting a Secondary

Here is where things actually get fun. I like to choose a color based on the accent color of the primary. Here, cyan is a perfect match for the accent of lead skink. I like that cyan butterfly just has that pale yellow accent color on the tips, but is otherwise a solid bright blue. You can already see the harmony between the colors beginning to work! Other secondaries that have great accent colors are toxin, spinner, and sometimes shimmer. Keep in mind that with certain colors like orca and metals, pretty much any gene will show off a contrasting accent color because that’s just how that color works! (Those ones are my favorite.)

Step 3: Taking a Tertiary

This is the step where it all comes together. That little pale yellow accent color in cyan butterfly matches perfectly with flaxen. Contour is a great simple gene that doesn’t overwhelm other genes or make them too busy, but adds a ton to bring the secondary and primary together. In addition, choosing an eye color is important too–here I chose light eyes to match the tertiary color. I mentioned great treasure tertiaries in step 1, but glimmer, opal and stained can also make for lovely, unique XYZ dragons!

Other Examples!

These are just a few more combinations that can look stunning. With the first dragon I started with his tangerine opal and chose his other colors to be complimentary to it. The second dragon had his primary chosen first, then his tertiary, and his secondary was picked to accent his stunning throat gradient. (Super helpful note: bogsneaks look great with glimmer and underbelly because their throat color will always show through!) The last dragon’s secondary was picked first, and her other genes were chosen to match. On to the last step!

Step 4: Cry

So you want to actually make these dream dragons a reality? Go ahead and search their colors and see what pops up.

There’s a reason it’s nicknamed “the crying workshop.” Have fun with your breeding projects!

My favorite Yellow Rangers for @morphingrid‘s Yellow Ranger Zine!

Katie from Time Force being my absolute fave followed by Summer from RPM, Trini from MMPR and Kira from Dino Thunder!

While working on this, realizing that Yellow might just be my fave ranger color if I generalize. Cause again, as much as I ADORE the hell out of Katie..I still kept going “oh but man I wanna draw ALL of these others too.” With Pink, I really only hesitated with one other choice and when I did Red, there were ZERO. Yup. It’s decided. I dig yellows. 

A Heart Half Open (1/1)

request by anon: you have a tattoo of what your soulmate is most passionate about. prompt from here

title: A Heart Half Open 
words: ~1600
rating T for language
pairings: nalu & gajevy

“I don’t even know what this means still,” Lucy complained, prodding at her shoulder where a strangely shaped red marking stood. “Do you think we should ask someone else?” The last person she asked about the tattoo had laughed themselves silly when she told them it randomly appeared one morning, but Lucy was fast running out of ideas.

She couldn’t quite figure out what it was, not even when Levy had snapped a myriad of pictures for them to research. It had led to a whole lot of zilch. Notta. Error. In other words, every book they picked up mentioned nothing about random tattoos appearing in the middle of the night except for two. One thought it was an elaborate prank by a friend and the other suggested something absurd. Something that still made Lucy scoff days later.

Magic existing was as likely as poisoned water causing it or, or, or the Heartfilia’s somehow losing all their collective money. It was ridiculous, inconceivable – impossible – to even consider her new tattoo to have magical beginnings.

Levy didn’t respond, fiddling with the water bottle in her hand. Lucy fixed the strap of her shirt lest she flash a passing stranger on accident. That would only improve of her father’s mood, which had been irritable ever since he found the tattoo. He certainly hadn’t thought it was magic and even though she was twenty-one, she still cowered before her father’s disapproval.

“Levy?” She prodded after a few minutes of silence. Levy’s soft face was unusually solemn and contemplative; it was almost unheard of to see her bookish friend ignore a challenging research subject. The moment Lucy hesitantly told Levy what happened, she had tied up her blue hair and traded her plaid pajamas for jean shorts, demanding Lucy to recap her entire day as they hurried to the library. As their days of research came up more and more empty, Levy’s excitement had only increased to outrageous levels, but Lucy wondered if the lack of answers had finally dried Levy’s well. “Are you okay?”

“Lu, do you think there’s such thing as magic?”

Keep reading

Trimberly Fanfic Prompt

Requested by: bythebeardofdumbledore

Trimberly prompt: Trini’s parents leave for the weekend for one “second honeymoon” and Trini stays at home to take care of her brothers and the house. She calls Kimberly right after her parents leave, becase she knows a) her brothers love Kim and they will have fun with her and b) she gets to sleep by her girfriend’s side and have Kim just for her for two nights and that’s the best thing ever.

Rating: G to PG

Part 1 (there will be a part two that goes into more adult themes)

She waves as the car pulls out of the driveway, rolling her eyes as her two brothers run back inside to see what they could get into; in her head she had other plans.

Walking inside Trini shuts the door behind her “DON’T BREAK ANYTHING!” she yells down the hallway and chuckles hearing two complaining groans before sliding her cellphone out of her pocket.

Quickly using the fast dial and putting it to her ear.

Hey hot stuff, whats up?” came from the other end of the line.

“Well let’s think princess, parents left for the weekend and it’s only the boys and me at the house…wanna come over for the weekend?” Trini asks with grin, even though her girlfriend can’t see it.

“Does a zord pack a good punch? Of course, I’ll be over in ten minutes!”

Laughing Trini hears the call end and tucks her phone away, “Boys, what ya think of Kimberly coming to stay with us for the weekend?!”

Suddenly two boys grinning and yelling their excitement; causing the older girl to cover her ears as she smiles, “Okay, calm down she’ll be here in…” she looks at her watch, “eight minutes.”

Both boys run in different directions to do who knows what as Trini walks into the kitchen, grabbing a cold coke out of the fridge and sitting at the table sipping and waiting.

A few minutes later she hears the front door knob wiggle as it’s turned, she decides against announcing the arrival of her girlfriend to her brothers and grins when the taller girl looks into the kitchen and her face lights up.

“Hey babe!” Kimberly states with a big smile and drops her bag in the hallway and makes her way over to the smaller girl; straddling her lap and taking the coke to have a drink.

“Hey that’s mine!” Trini says but does nothing to take it back as arms wrap around the taller girl’s waist.

Smirking Kimberly takes a long drink before setting it on the table, “what are you going to do about it?” The gleam in her eyes making Trini just a tad antsy.

Keep reading

jennathatsmyname  asked:

Your photography is so beautiful, I hope mine is as good as yours one day! Any advice for aspiring photographers?

Thank you so much!! I’m really no expert but I humbly offer up a couple of tips.

I think the biggest thing I could advise you to do is take a LOT of pictures! If I’m shooting portraits (especially myself) maybe 3 out of 50 will be usable/up to standard. Keep photographing the same thing until you get a shot you love.

Don’t be afraid to take photos using different angles, lenses, settings, etc. For example, if you always shoot straight toward your subject, try moving right or left, or shooting from a downward or upward angle. It could make your photo a lot more interesting. And if you’re shooting a flower, for example, you’ll want to take a close-up I’d imagine, so try using the close-up or macro setting on your camera, if it has one or the other. And if you’re shooting indoors at night and the lighting is all yellow and tungsten, use the tungsten setting on your camera; it adds a bit of blue to negate the yellow/orange.

And also. If your photo isn’t what you wanted it to be but could be with a few tweaks, don’t be shy about opening up a photo-editing software and changing it to your liking! Some of my favorite shots were made even better after cropping, resizing, altering coloring, and changing brightness/contrast. Sharpening is a beautiful thing but I used to have no sense of an image being too sharp when I was a beginner. Now I always duplicate the image first and play with the opacity to make sure it’s not over-sharpened. I usually aim for somewhere between 30-50% opacity when sharpening.

Take pictures during the golden hours (the hour after sunrise and the hour before sunset). The light is absolute magic, so vibrant and soft because the sun is lower in the sky, therefore closer to us. It will come across in photos. Try to avoid taking shots in harsh midday sun, particularly portraits, and if you have no choice, do it in the shade under a tree or behind a building, or create shade with your body if you’re photographing plants or something small. Or use a reflector/flash.

Take pictures of things you love; it will come across easily in your photos. I love cats, the sky, nature, etc. so that’s what I mainly take photos of. If you’re really into wolves, for example, find your wolfy niche! Go to a wolf exhibit and start snapping! Or if you love old buildings, take pictures inside and out of them! Or if you love taking pictures of city life, walk around and capture the heart of the city. Practice what you love but also don’t forget to expand on your other skills.

Best of luck to you!! xo

yellow

The air was cool and the sky was clear, clear enough for counting stars and finding constellations. Shawn was creative, and he wanted dates to be special. The idea of sitting on a rooftop looking at the night sky, with someone you liked very much, was a cool date if you asked Shawn. And so here they were, shoulder to shoulder, sitting on a blanket, with little crumbs from there snacks at the bottom of their feet.

They had already spent twenty minutes finding planets, and naming stars. They wanted to be doing more though, at least Shawn did. He felt bad that he planned this date, thinking it would be romantic and fun, and maybe it was at first, but not it’s cold and all the snacks are gone.

“I’m sorry this isn’t turning out to be what we planned.” Shawn looked over at her, smiling weakly.

“What are you talking about! This is great!” She looked back, smiling wide.

“Are you just saying that?”

“Of course not. I’m having fun.” She tilted her head, and reached her hand out to Shawn’s to give it a squeeze. Shawn immediately felt relieved, and was glad that Y/N was actually having a good time unlike him. Not that he wasn’t having a good time, because of course he was, he was with her. But he was awful at conversation and he felt like whenever he talked to her about anything, he would just embarrass himself.

“What color is your toothbrush?” Her eyes were now focused on the stars as she spoke.

“Uh.. Black, I think. Why?” Shawn laughed in confusion.

“It’s something I say whenever I don’t know what to say. And it’s a cute question! My toothbrush is blue.” She was looking at him now, and rubbing her cold hands together. Her hair wasn’t brushed, and the wind was tossing it all over the place, but it was beautiful. She wore glittery blue eyeliner on her eyes, and her lips were a dark pink. She was beautiful either way, but right now she was glowing. The stars bright shining aura, reflected off her face, making her shine.

“Is your favorite color blue?” Shawn asked her, not knowing what else to talk about.

“I really like all the colors, but I think my favorite is red. Like, a deep, dark red. Like blood.” She widened her eyes when she said the word blood, and then laughed, making fun of herself. Shawn wanted to kiss her more than anything.

“What’s your favorite color? No! Let me guess! It’s yellow!” She swayed back and forth, a huge smiled plastered on her face, her eyes full of excitement. Shawn didn’t exactly have a favorite color until now. How could he say that yellow wasn’t his favorite after she just randomly guessed like that? Her eyes were filled with childlike love, and just pure bliss. She was playful, and the more time Shawn spent with her, the deeper he fell in love.

“Yeah!” Shawn smiled back at her, and tried not to laugh too hard. His cheeks were a soft pink, and his heart was the only thing keeping him warm in the cold air.

“Really! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I guessed it first try!” She waved her hands around enthusiastically, her smile even bigger than before. She was perfect to him, and he was now realizing that he wanted to be with her at all times. He was pretty sure that yellow was going to be in everything that he did now. He could live in it. He couldn’t keep in his smiles and giggles, and he kept gushing with love for this girl.

“I can’t believe it either.”

Sailor moon nails! Usagi was one of the cutest and funniest characters I had growing u so this is another cameo for her since my first sailor moon fail. It’s a little to pink for me but I like it! Though she looks a bit too yellow, from me topcoating quickly- it is still one of my favorites!

Color used

Pink-Cherimoy- sadie

Pink shimmers-Cherimoy- Aurora

Pink-Cherimoy- slippers

Red in the rose-  Cherimoy- Candy Apple

Usagi- acrylic paint/ stars/ Luna

My art teacher used to say

“don’t add the black paint
until you’re ready for a finished product”

and I never listened.

So I painted with my black paint
a little too soon,
a little too much,
a little too dark,
a little too passionate,
a little too addicted
to the night,
I always enjoyed the starry sky.

My art teacher used to say

“kiet, i know that you love her,
i see it, you two are my
favorite couple”

and I never listened.

So I broke her heart at night
as she gripped her chest
while I did,
as she hid her heart
while I bit,
as she held her tongue
while I kissed,
as she ran from me,
while I chased.
I always enjoyed the lustful parts,
but I miss the gentle parts more.

My art teacher used to say

“black is dominance,
black is overwhelming,
and black is torture,
but black must be controlled”

but I never listened.

Because it never made much sense, I didn’t make much sense of anything except for her. I tried to make sense out of a human being, my human being. A lover, my lover, and you know what the truth is all about?

People don’t make sense.
Love has no sense of direction.
People are chaotic.
Love is chaos.
People are nature’s kiss.
Love, the lips.
People are timeless.
Love is timed.

She was natural.
I was the fucking disaster.

There is a quote out there that goes,
and you’ll know why people are named after storms, why hurricanes are named after girls and you know what?

She wasn’t any of those things,
I was.

I was the earthquake that
shook her buildings down
and they crashed into her heart;
that explains the cracks.

I was the wildfire that
burnt through her magical forest
and the rabbit lost more time;
that explains Alice in wonderland.

I was the calm eye of the storm that
had one sweet angle and 20 more
reasons to fuck her over;
my insides said I love you,
but my outsides said I hate you
that explains the obsession,
this hopeless romantic poetry bullshit.

I was a flood,
and her eyes the land,
her eyes the gates,
her eyes the drowned city.

I was the big bang,
and her soul the many universes
within universes, the many stars
followed by comet showers,
the wishing stars that never came true,
the first time the moon met the sun,
love at first sight, forever separated,
the moon crashing into the sun,
night and day never being one
until dawn came and twilight clouds
rained her name and my name
was shot across the eons of lightyears
and no one hears me scream in space
except for her and she does care,
but these type of blackholes
suck up everything!

They destroy everything,
a still painting dripping with black paint and I wanted to love her
and all of this time I thought
that she was the black paint,
but it was me, who was the paint.

And I took all of her light,
a black hole in space
kissing the suns of my theory
one last time,
into the darkness they went
and back to the darkness
that they came from.

And my art teacher used to say

“don’t add the black paint
until you’re ready for a finished product”

I finally listened.

So I let go of her a few days ago.
I told myself that I needed to stop.
Stop talking to her like she was
the sunset we all adored
and how her eyes meant the world,
and if it meant that she’d wink
butterflies into the pit of my stomach,
I’d die as a self-imploding star.
So I stopped myself from being
more black paint, I crossed out
her face with my own fingers
and kissed her one last time.

My art teacher used to say

“because this black paint is undoing,
you cannot paint over it with white,
the black is so dense, it’s raw,
it’s real it stops all hints of color
under it over and over it.
because this is art and art is life,
art is poetry and art is love,
because art is everything
and anything”

So I became the nights she had to sleep alone, so I became the nights I cried to sleep, so I became free from her love and I finally understood my art teacher, I finally understood my ex.

“black paint is the purest color
and lightest of color if used correctly
with the right amount of care and tender.”

add a little black with white
and you’ll have grey.
add a little black with red
and you’ll have my bleeding heart.
add a little black with blue
and you’ll have her bruised lips.
add a little black with yellow
and you’ll have her eye colors.
add a little black to my soul,
and you’ll have lust.
add a little black to my heart,
and you’ll have her.

And I could swear I heard my art teacher say

“you’ll let go of her one day
when you’re ready,
you’ll add red over all
of your paintings
because they’ll remind
you of her lips, it’ll be your
favorite color, you’ll add blue
over your roses because
red has too much passion,
it’s on fire and sometimes
we have to appreciate
the beauty of weirdness,
poetry and art is weird,
the best kind,
you’ll add pale yellow for
her skin tone and you’ll add
dark, dark brown near
lonely tree trunks
because it’ll remind you
of her eyes that cried
every night because
you didn’t know how
to love, young kids
finding slipped pants
and unhooked bras
more satisfying than
adding black paint
to solidify a relationship
that could’ve been,
and you’ll add your last drop,
the finishing touch,
you’ll be the black paint,
and she’ll be the finished product.”

and I finally listened.

I finally listened to my art teacher.

So I let you go, baby.

The world is your canvas
and I was the black paint.

His lips your new black paint,
and you, his unfinished product.

—  My art teacher used to say
don’t add the black paint
until you’re ready
for it to be over,
she was right.
// k.c.