and yeah i know you can see reflections it's because they were inside and we were behind the glass

Everything to me (Simon Request)

The tweets were endless. Mentions of you not being good enough for him. Tagging you in photos where Simon was without you. Saying he was happier then. Anything you tweeted yourself would get hate. If you even thought about replying to a tweet from your boyfriend, they’d all attack you with their words once again. It was easier to stay clear of all of it. But Simon claimed you shouldn’t have to do that.
Disabling his comments hadn’t helped. It only fuelled their hatred claiming that ‘you had made him do this’. They said that things were so different since you had been with him. And you were scared that now you were beginning to admit it might be true.
You looked at yourself in the mirror and couldn’t see anything good anymore. You hadn’t felt like this in a while. Not since you had Simon. He made you forget about all of your insecurities. But now that had changed. Those comments and those tweets had changed it.
You now saw how your stomach wasn’t completely flat. You didn’t have the shadows of ab muscles forming or a gap between your legs that was somehow aspirational. You had skin on your thighs that was definitely unwanted and you couldn’t fit into the size six like the models could. Your cheeks were chubby from never really losing your baby feature and you couldn’t wear a crop top comfortably in the summer.
Every time your eyes skimmed over your body you seemed to find more and more features that you didn’t like. That you despised.
You hadn’t mentioned anything to your boyfriend. He knew that their words had affected you but not this much. Not so much that you couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror anymore. To the point where you had considered leaving him just because it would make him happier. You cared about him more than anything and if you were stopping him from being himself, you would be the one to change that. Of course, he had never said to you that you had done anything to make him feel like that but the millions of subscribers had pressured you into believing it.
“(Y/n)?” Simon calls when he evidently walks into the room and you jolt your head towards the bathroom door just to make sure it was closed.
There were tears in your eyes now and he couldn’t see you like this.
“I’m in here” You reply loud enough for him to hear even with a croak in your voice.
“Hey babe” He chirps and you can see the cute smile on his face, “Do you wanna film a video with me and the guys? We’re thinking of starting a new series”
“Umm hang on a second” You quickly respond, tugging down the material of your ‘Sugg Life’ jumper that hung oversized on your body, “What were you thinking of doing?” You ask, closing the door behind you and going to find a pair of jeans or joggers that didn’t necessarily hug your legs as much…
“Like random games or GTA or dead by daylight and stuff but with you in it. Basically just us teaching you how to play” He explains happily, “You in?”
“I don’t know Simon, I’m not feeling too great” You lie, grabbing a pair of joggers and pulling them over your legs.
“Were you sick?” He frowns with evident concern, the smile slipping from his lips.
“No no I just… I’m gonna go lie down for a while” You nod, “I’ll go in the spare room”
“Don’t be silly, you can stay in here” He assures you, “Everyone knows you live here anyway”
“Its okay” You force a smile onto your lips, leaning up to kiss his cheek, “Enjoy filming”
You don’t notice how worried Simon looks as you walk away. You just felt so enclosed that you had to get out.
~~~Simon’s POV~~~
I was concerned now. Something wasn’t right. And as my thumb clicked onto twitter, I could tell why. Her mentions were full of hate. And these were only the ones I had been tagged in. She must’ve seen so much more. Tweet after tweet pushing more and more negative thoughts into her mind. And none of them were true. I loved my viewers but did they really have to be like this? I could only imagine how upset she was. She was sensitive even if she didn’t admit it.
And with this, I couldn’t blame her.
‘Kill yourself you fat bitch’
‘Haven’t seen Simon look so fed up since I started watching him. It’s her’
‘She needs to start using those fat legs of hers and walk out’
‘Who the fuck even thinks Simon likes this girl?’
‘I feel bad for Simon. He must be desperate if he’s with that fat fuck’
The anger bubbled in my stomach until the controller I had been planning on using to use for filming goes flying across the room and crashes against the wall.
“I was gonna ask if you were gonna join the call but that can wait” Josh starts, leaning against the wall of my room, “What’s going on?”
“I need to talk to (y/n)” I sigh, getting up, “Record without me yeah?”
“Sure but, are you sure everything’s okay?”
“No, but I just need to speak to her,” I nod and head outside, going straight to the spare room.
~~~Your POV~~~
You were sat on the bed with your laptop on your legs, replying to some emails from work and generally just catching up on a few things when Simon came in.
“I thought you were filming” You frown.
“Nope” He shrugs, reaching out his hand, “Come here”
“What are you doing?” You question as he lifts you up to stand.
“You’re coming with me beautiful” He mentions simply, leading you out of the room and downstairs.
“Babe what’s wrong with you?” You chuckle slightly as he hands you a pair of shoes and slips on his own.
He leads you silently to the car and you climb inside without protest even if you didn’t feel up to it.
It was dark outside now. The clear sky forming a sheet of stars above the house and the moon reflecting the past light of the sun.
Simons hand doesn’t leave yours as he drives and you keep your eyes focused on his adorable face with his glasses perched on his nose. They were right. You didn’t deserve him.
He soon parks up and you notice he’s taken you to the top of a cliff where the pair of you had gone after a date before. It was the place of your first kiss.
“Why are we here?” You frown and he sits down on a large rock with you beside him.
“So I saw those tweets” He starts, fingers absentmindedly playing with yours.
“Si-” You start
“And I know they would’ve upset you” He comments with all too much truth, “And I don’t know where to start (y/n)”
“You don’t have to” You shake your head, feeling guilty now.
“They mean nothing babe” He states simply, “I don’t give a fuck about 140 characters on a tweet. I don’t give a fuck about your mentions. I don’t give a fuck if they say it every single day. I only care about it affecting you. Because it shouldn’t”
“Its endless Simon. Every single thing I do they seem to have something against” You look down, “I’m starting to think they’re telling the truth”
“Bullshit” He states simply, “They could say a thousand things and it wouldn’t matter. They could say a million times that you’re not good enough or whatever and I still wouldn’t care”
“Look at me Simon” You exclaim, “There’s Sarah and Freya and Katie and Kay and Emily and then there’s me. I’m not beautiful like them, I can’t take a selfie that I look good in. Hell, I don’t even take photos on my own. I don’t look good in tight clothes, I always just wear sweats. Im nothing compared to them”
“(Y/n), do you remember when we first met? Because I do. 3 years ago. You were at the restaurant and you served us. I remember you said something about JJ and it made all of us laugh. And we spent the night chatting to you because by the time we left, it was hours after you should’ve closed. And I remember every time you walked away I realised more and more how beautiful you were. You liked sport even if you did prefer rugby and you liked video games especially gta and you had this fascinating life outside of that small restaurant that I was mesmerised by the more and more you spoke. You were stunning in your simplicity. You didn’t need makeup or perfectly done hair. You were you and to me, that was everything. And that’s not going to change”
You have tears in your eyes now. Simon was never one to speak like that.
“Think of it this way” He nods, squeezing your hand, “I fell in love with you and that’s what should matter, don’t let my viewers stop you from remembering that”
“Thank you” You mutter, the tears threatening to slip from your eyes as they built up more and more.
“Don’t cry babygirl” He whispers, the pad of his thumb wiping under your eyes quickly, “We all have these days. Yours just aren’t necessary” He chuckles and you smile.
“We should probably get back. You have filming to do right?” You sigh, knowing moments like these never lasted long.
“YouTube can wait”

a bible of mermaid pictures


Pairing: Jungkook x reader x Namjoon

Genre: merman!au, angst, one shot (possibly)

Word count: 6.3k

Contains: violence, death

Summary: The world above is truly more beautiful from below.

Listen: a bible of mermaid pictures (acoustic)

A/N: inspired by song of the sea by @taeverie (it’s gone now rip) & cold waters by @lthyl 

Coming from a wealthy family definitely had its perks, however you saw few. Your family’s influence saw you in a different country practically every week, more often than not a different city every day. Your life revolved around closing deals with your mother, an influential force in the corporate world, and practicing your swing on the greens of country clubs with your sports champion father. With no siblings to alleviate the stresses of your opulent life, the gargantuan weight of your parents’ legacies burdened your shoulders, however you managed to juggle both empires your family possessed. Barely.

That was why being of your name and status heralded few perks from your perspective. Although you had both everything and everyone at your beck and call, you had both everything and everyone ready to eat you alive. Friends were dangerous, and in this ruthless world they were a liability. Another disadvantage to having it all.

When your parents announced a family getaway weekend you assumed it was for the purpose of closing a deal. It was common for your family to host retreats or galas in order to finalise agreements with other syndicates, so this trip was not news to you. What was news, however, was what your best friend Jimin speculated to be the cause for the voyage.

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Because We Are Friends - Jinyoung

Today was the day. You decided that the rain wasn’t going to stop you from accomplishing your plan. With a box of freshly baked ChocoPie cookies you attempted in the morning, you sauntered along the sidewalk to the JYP building. You knew it was Jinyoung’s favorite, so you were confident he wasn’t going to decline. The only thing he may decline was the feelings you were going to confess. That part made you nervous as hell. Deciding against the negativity, you tried your best to smile at each passersby.

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Walk Away- A Anthy Himemiya mix

“All those things that you taught me to fear, I’ve got them in my garden now and you’re not welcome here.”

Another chronological mix that follows Anthy’s development throughout the series, from a deeply cynical, trapped woman to one who bravely walks away. Album annotations give indication of what each song is addressed to.

1. Petals| Hole//2. Not Your Concern|  The Hush Sound//3. My Blood|  Ellie Goulding// 3. Gasoline| Halsey///4. Misery Loves Company (Rad Edit)| Emilie Autumn//5. E.V.O.L| Marina and the Diamonds//6. Studying Stones| Ani Difranco//7. God Help Me| Emilie Autumn//8. Walk| Kyla La Grange//9. Hold Me Down| Halsey//10. Glass Slipper (Snippet)| The Dresden Doll//11. Buy the Stars| Marina and the Diamonds//12. What Girls are Made of| Garbage//13. Curbstomp| Meg Myers//14. The Art of Suicide| Emilie Autumn//15. Get it| Kyla La Grange//16. Turn to Stone| Ingrid Michaelson//17. Control| Poe//18. Comeback Kid| Against the Current//19. Alive| Superchick//20. Brave| Idina Menzel

Added on Playmoss: Gasoline| Halsey

Play on 8tracks

Play on Playmoss


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anonymous asked:

Ok, could I request Atsushi, Chuuya, and Dazai (mafia or agency) kissing their s/o scars and injuries they gained during a mission?

This is such a cute prompt ahhhhhhhhh afternoon fluff <3


Curled on his side Atsushi runs his fingers through your hair. His lips curl downward as his fingertips skate over the snow white bandages wrapping around your head and covering your left eye. Deep purple and green bruises litter your torso and arms, ‘battle wounds’ as you called it, but he knew the three deep cuts running from your shoulder down past your collar bone would be a different story. Yosano had dimmed the lightening and pulled the cream curtain around the bed before she left but Atsushi still felt you were too exposed for your liking. Quietly he tugged the white sheets up to your chin. He froze when you stirred, fingers clenching the edge of the sheets as your uninjured eye popped open.

“Atsushi?” You called, partially dizzy from the painkillers.

“I’m right here.”

The white lights overhead buzzed as your peripheral vision adjusted to the loss of your left eye. You assumed it was temporary considering you could feel how swollen it was, but it was not exactly an ideal situation. Your head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and each time you tried to move a sharp stab of pain radiated down your left shoulder. Atsushi shot up and start rapid firing questions at you, asking if you needed Yosano or if you were thirsty or hungry or–

“Atsushi lay down with me, you’re talking too fast.” You sighed while tugging the sleeve of your boyfriend’s shirt. “Ow, that glass really did a number on me huh?”

Atsushi’s eyes shifted as he rolled back on his side and pulled your body flush against his chest. He eyed the gauze covering the thick cuts over your shoulder with vehemence. He hated that his negligence had led to a permanent scar on your beautiful skin.  You watched his brows furrow with your one good eye and frowned.

“What’s wrong? I’m alright Atsushi really, just a few cuts.”

You could feel his muscles tighten at your words and for once, you saw a look of such animosity cross your boyfriend’s usually delicate features that it made your throat constrict. Attempting to pull his attention away from his thoughts you planted a soft kiss on his lips. Startled he pulled back, and then returned the kiss once his mind caught up with what was happening. His passion bled through his touches. He was always incredibly gentle but this time, he took extra precaution with his hands as they ran up and down your waist. The need for oxygen broke you both apart. Panting, Atsushi glanced back over your shoulder with his teeth tugging on his bottom lip.

“They’re like tiger stripes.”


Atsushi cringed then buried his face in your neck, a bright red streak blooming over his cheeks. He mumbled it again then placed his hand feather-light on your injured shoulder. It took a few minutes for you to understand what he was talking about. You figured you’d have a scar somewhere, but not so massive and a place so visible. However, that was the price you paid for working with the ADA. Tears welled at the corner of your eyes despite how absurd you knew it was to be upset over something so trivial. Atsushi felt like his chest was full of lead the moment he heard your weakened cries. Without thinking he pressed his lips over the gauze, soft enough not to hurt but firm enough for you to feel. A surprised gasp left your mouth as he shakily kissed up and down your shoulder without missing an inch of the injured skin.

The emotion flowing from each compassionate kiss lifted the looming sadness closing in around you. Tears trickled down your cheeks as your boyfriend continued to shower you with affectionate kisses. After a few silent moments, you wrapped your arm around the back of his head.

“We match now.” You whispered as your fingers curled in Atsushi’s hair tenderly. “Tiger stripes.”

“Yeah,” Atsushi breathed a sigh of relief, “tiger stripes.”


The halls were quiet in the mornings. Not many came into the office this early because there weren’t many people of importance. Most were off performing their duties as mafia dogs or pawns used for destruction. There is a feeling of tranquility laced among the empty hallways of the Port Mafia’s offices as the sun breaks through the falling purple haze left over from the night sky. Stars are still visible at this time and there is a magnificent blend of tangerine and pink hovering over the city. Your heels clack against the marble as you exit the elevator and head towards Chuuya’s office. The view from the top floor is spectacular, but you know how much he hates just sitting around.

Chuuya’s hat rests on the corner of his desk with his gloves beside it. A faint smile crests your lips as you shut the door softly and pad towards him. His eyes are glossed with drowsiness but he returns a smile your away and leans his cheek against his palm. The black jacket habitually draped over his shoulders hangs from the side of the chair, he looks better with it off. His pallid fingers twirl a pen worth more than your car as he watches you round his desk. Instantly his free hand wraps around your wrist and tugs you down to his lap. You straddle him and place your palms on his shoulders. Gold shimmers across his pure azure eyes as the sunlight reaches through the glass windows framing his office.

You pull your right hand away from his shoulder and brush a rogue strand of hair from your face. His eyes narrow and his smile fades.  Your brow arches at his action, but as soon as his hand shoots out to grip yours the confusion dissipates. The smugness radiating off Chuuya cracks wide open. His thumb rolls over the damaged line of skin running from the center of your index finger down through your palm. It’s old and nearly faded white, but it’s a blemish that makes his heart sink each time he sees it.

“It’s part of our story Chu,” your reassurance does little to ebb his guilt, “stop making that face. Please?”

His eyes never leave your palm but he tries to retract the grimace stuck on his face. An arm encircles your waist to pull you flat against him. Lovers once enemies, an origin often read about in books or seen in dramatic action movies. An aimless heroine who falls for the bad boy—how boring. But, that was how you met him. The knife he loved to brandish in combat tore through the skin of your hand so many years ago before you joined the Port Mafia. The original fight was not brought on by your own accord, but you held your own and managed to escape Chuuya’s wrath with a few bruises and that single cut. The moment Mori extended an offer your way Chuuya was livid, but as the years passed he fell for you without realizing it.

“It’s a shitty part.”

His agitation is clear but he kisses the palm of your hand with a touch lighter than air. His breath ghosts down your wrist as he litters your hand with tender, impassioned kisses. Chuuya trails his lips higher until he reaches the pad of your finger. Playfully he nibbles at the skin until you giggled and try to pull away from his grasp. That smile that makes your heart stop beating returns; he looks better with it.


“Fuck summer.”

Dazai glances up at you from the bed, long legs kicking behind him while you glare daggers at your reflection in the mirror. He puffs his lips out and leans his head to one side while admiring how cute you look in just underwear and a t-shirt. Your anger is written all over your face and he wishes he could wipe it away for good. The temperature outside is blazingly hot and inside the apartment isn’t much better. Even with the AC on full blast, there is a sweltering heat that weasels its way inside. It’s miserable and humid, and misery just breeds until there’s not enough room left in the world for it. Dazai’s been whining about it since he woke up, but it’s nearly eight o’clock and he’s got to rush you somehow.

“____, you’re beautiful in anything!” He exclaims from the bed. “You could wear a trash bag and look stunning.”

“I might just wear a trash bag. Over my head. Then sit in a trash can and wait to be dumped somewhere.”

Dazai frowns and runs his fingers through his messy hair. If there’s one thing he can’t stand it’s his inability to make you happy when it comes to this particular subject. Pushing himself to his knees he watches you stick your tongue out at the mirror and rub your palm over the scar on your neck. He internally flinches when he sees it. It doesn’t bother him aesthetically because he loves you, every single inch no matter what, but he knows how you loathe it. You’d gained it when you first joined the agency a few months before he did but the seasons had just shifted and you could hide it easily with a thick scarf. The jagged line ran from beneath your right ear down to the back of your neck. It was barely a year old, still pink and clearly visible against the rest of your skin.

It was your first summer bearing the wretched thing and you had no idea how to hide it. It felt disgusting beneath your fingers and you contemplated just holding your hand against your neck for the rest of your life. Squeezing your eyes shut you turn on your heel and face planted onto the bed, hand still glued to the side of your throat. Dazai creeps next to you and splays himself over your back. He inhales the scent of your shampoo before nuzzling his nose between your fingers.

“Dazai,” you warned, “I’ll fight you.”

“Well aren’t you a feisty little thing this morning. Are you challenging me?”

The teasing tone of his voice only irks you more. Groaning loudly you pull the pillow over your head. Dazai smirks and yanks the pillow away before you can get a good grip. Your glare at him from the side and cover your neck with both hands. Taking it as an official challenge Dazai nibbles at your knuckles until you’re squirming beneath him. The moment you laugh he strikes and grips your wrists, effectively pulling them away and planting them on either side of your face. Your breath catches in your throat, you want to fight him but he kisses your neck so passionately it makes your thought process collapse.

His hair tickles the back of your head as he moves his lips up and down your neck. The tips of his fingers trace little patterns on your hands while he holds them firmly down on the mattress. Dazai pushes his nose into the indent in the back of your neck and whispers your name lovingly. With his breath fanning down your neck it’s impossible not to moan in response to his delicate touches. His hands abruptly leave your wrists and slither beneath your stomach to your panties. His thumbs dip beneath the waistband as he continues to kiss your scar, reaching up to your ear and nibbling on the lobe.

“It’s too hot in here ____, I think you’ll be much more comfortable without these on.”

Learning Experience || Vamp!Jisoo || Pt. 12

Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // Pt. 6 // Pt. 7 // Pt. 8 // Pt. 9 // Pt. 10 // Pt. 11 // Pt. 12 //

Word Count: 1078

You stood by the bathroom, leaning against the wall with a frown. You had to get to school but this wasn’t a matter of being late or not (okay, it sort of was) but it was more a matter of your bladder was about to explode. You didn’t care that this house was full of vampires. You were tired of having to wait for these eternal beauties to get ready. What did they even have to do? Weren’t they unable to see their reflection?

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Interrupted (Part 2/?) (Rogers/Stark x reader)

Part 1

WARNINGS: Miscarriage, violent/destructive outburst, swearing, verbal abuse

This isn’t our smol Steve, guys 

Tony had told you about what had happened at the tower, that he had found your room all but destroyed in Steve’s outburst with your husband nowhere to be found; he didn’t even believe it himself until JARVIS played the surveillance video.  When you insisted on seeing it for yourself, Tony pushed back and claimed that he was denying you in your best interests, but you had only asked him out of courtesy.  With the easy lie of wanting to review mission notes from your accident, Clint readily brought you a tablet from home, giving you open access to JARVIS without an overprotective Tony standing over you.

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What Can I Do?

A Seungri/Lee Seunghyun Fanfiction

Summary: He’s known as one of the most eligible bachelors in kpop, with a reputation that’s known all over South Korea. But when he sets his sights on you, determined to make you one of his conquests, you think that maybe its time for this ‘sexy boy’ to learn his lesson…

Chapter Summary: Ice cream dates, back to Seungri’s place and insecurities make your mind run wild…

Chapter Type: Fluff, Minor Smut, Angst, and fluff.

Author’s Note: I wrote this chapter around 5 times, and so its just got to the stage, where i’ve decided this is the best path to take in terms of the story- so lets hope i made the best decision! :) 

Recommended Listening: Jack Savoretti - Home + Shawn Mendes - Stitches (cover) 

Chapter 10 (Coming Soon)

Chapter 9

‘SO…would you rather, lick your best friends toenail…or, drink a pint of milk that’s been sat in the sun for 2 days?’ you ask, grinning at Seungri as the two of you continue to walk down the street, taking a lick of your ice cream as you wait for him to mull over your question.

'Well…I have quite a few people that I would consider 'best friends’, so as long as I get to pick-’

'Dont try and get out of it, easily!’ you chide, punching him lightly, but getting your hand trapped in his, and blushing as he slides it into his pocket to keep it warm, his fingers slotting into yours perfectly making you smile even wider as you continue to lick at your ice cream.

'Fine. I’d lick my best friends toenail, because he’s got ridiculously clean feet- from having them pedicured everyday- and, who the HELL is going to want to drink a glass of milk that has been sitting out for two days?’

'Hold on. He gets a pedicure everyday?’ you ask incredulously, slowing your walking as you let the cold air of the night surround you, shivering a little and drawing yourself closer to Seungri, yet continuing to eat your ice cream anyway, the creamy vanilla flavour somehow making your stomach warm.

'I mean, Im not entirely sure he does…but he has enough money, and I know for a fact that whenever we’re on tour or getting ready for a press event, he gets one…along with all the other works.’ he chuckles, repositioning you so that he had you tucked under his arm with your arm around his waist, your hand in his other pocket with his other hand, and the now empty hand attempting to snag your ice cream.

'Yah! If you wanted some, you should have just asked.’ you complain, grinning at him as you do so, and holding the cone up to his face, letting him take a swipe with his tongue, before dotting it on his nose and laughing at his surprised expression.

'Ooooh, you’re going to pay for that, he mutters around his mouthful of ice cream, suddenly pushing you back into a wall bordering the pavement, and catching your head before you can lean away from him, crashing his lips to yours in a slightly creamy mess.

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Under the Tunisian Moon - Chapter 7

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6

* * * * *

A/N: Hi! So, this … yeah. My fun, light-hearted vacation fic got serious. I hope you find something to enjoy, but we have another chapter and a bit to go. I don’t want to apologize for this, but I will warn you that there is some talk of death and dying, if you are sensitive about that stuff. 

Tagging the usual suspects: boysweatandckone theblanknotebook someday-youwillfindme tinakegg luvs-jade broughttoyoubythelettera chrryblsms kneekeyta thisissomefreshbullshit old-lady-at-heart areyousad8118 nipasir ducky17 milymargot teastaindiary robichaux-prefect sharoonroney sarahlouise88ni slothpaws greenangelheart celestev31 fantasticab scumothaearff bitcheslovebeck magicalgrandma kerrvorting-and-snorting ililypop gemmarstyles ilovefinnnelson sammylbc ch1darkcy anca82 idontcareifyoudontbelieveme murderyoursoul carpe-libris  icshly adaftmyriad losingpudge heartnotbrain jackiewalsh2013 dairingoriginal lametwentysomething sunflowerdope omgbananasnailus perfecters how-ardently itsmirallegro i-love-mmfd abullofshit shadan-stone-roses 14000romances darlingdiver hohumi chicadificil raernundo gushington-central justagirlnamedkayla sassy-curmudgeon katywright340 i-dream-of-emus bitchy-broken mallyallyandra pigeonfarmrace rinncincin mellamoaiko anglophileyoungblood jessicacandesign fuckintentshop finnleysraemundo kristicallahan llexis musicfreak1 girlwithafoxhat mmfdfanfic karinskyme mirandasmadeofstone @snazzy-fit @courtkismet @sleepwiththewindowsopen11 @myfinnnelsonpls @denaceleste @jazlikeoh 

* * * * *


Her name sounded heavy in Karim’s mouth. She turned to see him standing at the end of the hall, shoulders stooped, head pitched forward.

Rae hastily shoved her room key in her pocket and rushed down the hall to see if he was alright.

He wasn’t. 

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Quote of the day

Originally posted by jjungkook

Warnings: A late night book talk on Valentines Day can’t do any harm right? So let’s have a little fun. Rated V for very smutty.

“He was the kind of guy that made a woman want to rip his shirt open and watch the buttons scatter along with her inhibitions.” 

I gaze at Namjoon from the rim of my book. His face is half hidden behind the cover of Reflected in You, the sequel to the book I’m reading. It was a recommendation from him, as well as a Valentine Day’s present. I told him once somewhere last year that I was looking for something new to dive in, a different genre of text that can keep me engage for hours. So tonight, the day lovers celebrate their relationship, a book titled Bared to You wrapped in pretty pastel pink paper with little heart shaped patterns was given to me. I can’t quite figure out the purpose of giving me an erotic romance novel. Was it because I was lacking of romance in our sex life? Or because… Never mind.

The view of Namjoon immersing himself in the words written of the ivory pages, occasionally fixing his round glasses every time they slide off the bridge of his nose is unexpectedly amusing. It’s hard to deny that the content of the book is heating my body up, with the addition of Namjoon’s existence. My mind is so keen on imagining him as Gideon and me as Eva that my temperature is rising to match the burning fireplace. He suddenly glare at me. I can feel my heart bounces off my chest.

“What’s wrong? Do you not like the book?” He puts the book on his lap.

“No… It’s not that…” I mumble with the embarrassment of being caught red handed. “There are just a lot in here that I want to share with you.”

Namjoon tilts his head at my excuse. “Like a book talk?”

“Yeah… I want to hear about your book, too.”

He seems thrilled of the idea and immediately jumps into the interrogation. “So which is your favorite part so far?”

“Well this part…” I clear my throat. “Chicks before dicks, and all that.”

He bursts out laughing, stirring up the subtle air around us. His laugh makes me laugh too. It has always been contagious ever since I’ve known Kim Namjoon. But the irony is now, we are laughing over such dirty jokes instead of some late night talk show.

“Great taste.” He compliments.

“Well it’s very well written.” I shrug, acting all cool and confident with the ignorance of the thousand other parts that blush my two cheekbones. “Your turn.”

Namjoon’s flips through the pages. He examines every single detail carefully, struggling to decide which one he would like to share. I wonder what his criteria are, since the way his brain processes never fail to exceed my expectation. He somehow manages to make the sandy sound of paper rubbing into each other calm and collected. It doesn’t sound like he’s rushing, but enjoying the fresh scent of a brand new book.

“I want you too much. I want you with me, in my life, in my bed. If I can have that, nothing else matters.” The words coming out of his mouth lightens my heart. The sentence sounds so simple, yet it creates so many different layers of feeling that I can never peel off to the end. He looks at me dearly, squeezing my tiny feet tighter between his feet. His smoky silver hair appears to be fluffier once it’s dry. With his black long sleeves hanging loosing on his shoulders, flaunting the depth of his collarbones, Namjoon himself is truly aesthetic.

“That’s romantic.” I smile softly.

“And very idealistic.” He adds.

“Do they have sex after he says that?” My body leans forward.

“Finish the first book then read this to find out.” His eyes widen looking at the book on my lap. “I don’t want to spoil you with any juicy stuffs.”

I pout, crawling towards him. “Why not?” Swiftly like a cat, I find myself on top of him. It must be because of the book that I recklessly start this whole situation. My hand goes on his dick, takes it into my hand and rubs up and down gently. “What do they do next?”

Namjoon lies back on the couch, dropping his book on the floor. “If she keeps provoking him, she may regret it later.” I can tell by the look on his face that he is suffocating because of my hand. So free the beast inside him and let me write the next chapters of this novel.

“He would be surprise if he knew how wet she was.” I whisper into his ear, unleashing something that once it’s out, it can’t be tamed. He sits up, making me fall backwards down on the couch and now our position is switched. His hands grab on my shorts and pull them down. He traces his fingers on my high socks up to my rosy pink panties, all were bought by him from my last birthday. Thongs and see through fish net high thighs were never his interest. But when I put on things that he bought: mostly cute pastel panties and white knitted or kitten high socks, his orgasm flies out of the roof.

“Look at daddy’s little girl!” Namjoon strokes my hair then sends his hand down to squeeze my ass. I yelp, a normal reaction of being surprise, but a taboo when we’re having sex. He spanks my ass, making me squirm under the umbrella of his body. The throb still feels so real even when his hand has left. “Did I allow you to speak?” Another smack lands on his butt cheek, this time even harder. He spreads my legs, noticing a darker and damper spot between my thighs as it slowly expand its territory. The way he looks at me stuffs more embarrassment into me, knowing that I’m wetting on his favorite panties. I would be more than lucky if tonight we only stop at spanking.

Namjoon slaps my ass again, multiple times in a row. Rather than pain, the wet spot between my thighs keep spreading wider. The cycle of breaking the rules and receiving punishments seems to be endless for me. He turns my body around and places his hands on my neck. They start pressing down onto the couch. The pressure of his strength and my muscles encounters, blocking the pathway of my breath. My body starts to numb from the tip of my toes and fingers. I trade my ability to feel for this strange sensuality. His image becomes foggy in front of my eyes as they struggle to open. I grab tightly on his wrists, trying to get rid of this compressed air that is choking my lungs. Just when I think everything’s over, he releases me. The pain on my neck leaves marks of his fingers and the natural redness of the skin when being pressed for too long. I gag out the toxic is my throat as I realize the disappearance of the sensuality from earlier.

Namjoon pulls me up from my wrists and pin the on my back. He slams my body into the wall so that my cheek sticks on the cold bricks. His hand releases my wrists but quickly grips on my hair. He yanks my head backwards, putting my face up to the sky. My back makes a letter C with my ass heading towards him. He uses the other hand to pull down my panties as well as his own bottoms. Slowly, his dick was penetrated in me from behind. The faster he thrusts into me, the tighter he holds on to my hair. I drips more than I usually do. Namjoon keeps on grinding into me with anything but mercy. Drops of sweat tickles my skin as my nails dig into the wall.

“Scream for me baby girl. Let me know how good you’re feeling.” He clenches his teeth.

“Ah…” I breathe. “Daddy…” Now that he lets me talk, I find myself lack of words to describe my emotions. I scream, from the top of my lungs, so that even though I can’t speak he still knows how pleasurable it is to have him inside me. Juice starts to drip from my core to the sides of my thighs, gradually come down to wet my socks. It takes him a short while to shoot his cum inside me. He feels warm inside my tensed pelvis and trembling core. The sound of his dick as it comes out of my core tells me how wet be both are. I flop down, sitting on my sore ass as I let my feet shudder without control. Namjoon sits down beside me. Placing my head on his chest, he embraces me passionately. My eyes close. I drift away into the endless happiness of a happy ending story.

Thank you for the inspiration @khoifeesh and @malef-minhan~ Happy Valentines Day to you all! I love you~


In which Lily is hung over and has a nice conversation with James, about a certain part of his anatomy. [ffnet]

In honour of my favourite character’s birthday, and my awesome url (if I do say so myself). Happy Birthday, Prongs!

It is the 28th of March, and there is an incessant pounding, a thudding drum beating in her head, a pulsing pain in her temples. This is the most hung over Lily Evans has ever been, and she doesn’t like it one bit.

She knows that she won’t throw up – she doesn’t feel nauseous – but she also knows that there’s no way in hell that this headache is going to leave without the help of a remedy. And the only people with that solution would be her fellow seventh years.

With that in mind, Lily drags her body out of bed and thumps down the steps of Gryffindor Tower, without checking her appearance. It doesn’t even really occur to her that she might just look horrific before she’s already reached the top of the stairs to the boys’ dormitory, and by that point it’s too late. She’s already hammering on the door.

“Prongs,‘s your turn.” Comes a sleepy utterance from inside the room.

“Fuck you.”

There are a few heavy footsteps and then the door is wrenched open by a shirtless James Potter. Lily notes that he has a very nice chest, that James Potter.

She’s expecting a “Like what you see, Evans?” from him – she is staring at his torso – but instead she receives a thoughtful, “Hello? Is anybody in there?” accompanied by a wave in her face.

“Sorry, James.” Lily snaps out of her thoughts and rubs at her eyes, “I was looking for a Hangover Potion.”

“Ah.” James turns and walks over to Sirius’ bed, ducking his head under it and pulling out a box. Grabbing his wand and muttering a few spells, the box opens and James rifles through it until he retrieves a phial containing a slightly dodgy looking blue liquid. Nevertheless, he hands it over to Lily, who downs it in one go, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand.

“Thanks,” she mutters, shutting her eyes briefly as the potion makes its way into her body. Already she can feel the pain in her head ebbing away and she sighs in relief, opening her eyes.

“Don’t you get hung over?” She asks, curious.

“Took a potion before I slept,” James says, kicking the box back under Sirius’ bed, “Prevention and precaution and all that.”

“Oh.” Lily feels a little bit silly – but she’s hardly one to think logically when she’s drunk.



“I don’t remember if I wished you yesterday, so Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks, Lily,” he grins sleepily and sits down on his bed, patting the space beside him. She takes it, ignoring the fact that there are three other snoring boys in the room.

“You did actually wish me, though,” He goes on, “Twice, in fact.”

Lily frowns, “Really?”

“Yeah. Once in the morning, before Charms, and once when you were drunk, at the party.”

“Oh. Well, three Happy Birthdays for you, then.”

They sit in a sort of awkward, but not uncomfortable silence, until, “James?”

“Huh?” He looks at her.

Lily’s never looked at James Potter’s eyes before. They’ve always been hidden behind his glasses, but now that she can see them in front of her face, she can’t help but think that James has extraordinarily nice eyes. They’re brown, but not dull. They have a light to them, a sort of reflective gold quality that makes them look, to an exhausted Lily at least, almost shiny…

“Lily? Are you okay?” James’ hand is hot on her shoulder, and Lily starts.

“What? Oh, sorry, James. I’m just really tired.”

“I can see that.” He lets out a small laugh and she smiles.

Then she frowns, thinking. After a moment, she asks tentatively, “James, did I do anything stupid yesterday?”

She doesn’t know why she asks that. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s never been that drunk, or the fact that face it, she fancies James massively and woke up this morning with a feeling that she’d forgotten something.

James’ expression changes. There is a small smirk on his mouth but he has a thoughtful look about him – it’s as if he’s working out what to tell her.

Lily dreads what’s about to come, even though she doesn’t know what it is.

“Well,” he says finally, “How do I put this?”

Lily groans. “How bad was it?”

“You just…said some rather…”


“Comical things.”

There’s a pause – then Lily braves it. “Such as?”

“You,” James looks as if he’s trying not to laugh, “You said some stuff about my bum.”

Lily’s eyes enlarge and it is as if all the blood in her body has run straight to her face. Attempting to keep her voice calm, she asks casually, “Your bum, did you say?”

“Uh, yeah. You called it…nice?”

It’s this word that sends Lily all the way down memory lane.

“What d’you mean, I fancy him?” She demanded.

Remus held his hands up, in a ‘don’t kill me’ gesture, “I’m just saying, Lily. You’ve been staring at him an awful lot, and –“

“Well,” she hiccoughed slightly, “That doesn’t mean that I—“

“Okay, maybe you don’t,” he complied, “But you’ve been looking at him for the entirety for this party, and—“

“I’m drunk, Remus. Blame Black, he’s the one who gave me this bloody drink.” She groaned and set her cup down on the table in front of the sofa.

“Drinks in the plural, you mean.”

“Eh, details. Besides, I’ve only been staring at James because he looks nice.”                                               

“Ah,” Lily says, coming back to the present, “Now I remember.”

James grins, “Thought you would. You weren’t all that drunk, anyway. The boys had some, err, trouble agreeing with you.”

Lily fights the urge to smack the smirk off his face, as attractive as it may be.

“See, Remus?” Lily recalled saying.

“What am I meant to be seeing, exactly?” He wondered aloud.

“Oh,” she hit him on the shoulder harder than she’d intended, “He looks nice! Especially his bum.”

Had Lily not been looking at James Potter’s arse at this point, she would have seen an almost bursting-with-laughter Remus Lupin, whose face was steadily turning crimson as he tried not to laugh.

Shoulders shaking, Remus said, “Care to elaborate on that, Lily?”

Lily shrugged, lying back on the sofa and staring dreamily over at James. “I dunno, Remus. His bum’s just really…fit. And it looks even better in those trousers…” She hummed happily and Remus wondered just how much exactly Lily has had to drink.

“Don’t you agree?”

“What?” said Remus incredulously, “Erm, I dunno, Lily…”

“What are we agreeing on?” Sirius has appeared, downing half a phial of Sobering Potion as he came over and sat himself next to Lily.

“James.” Lily stated obviously.

“James what?”

“His bum.” Interjected Remus, smirking.

Sirius’ eyebrows were halfway up his forehead. He imitated Remus’ expression. “Really, Evans?” He drawled, “What about James’ bum?”

Lily blinked. “It’s nice.”

Lily makes a face as she remembers her drunken state – why couldn’t she have kept her mouth shut?

“Don’t worry,” says James, still smiling, “I didn’t hear all that much. Most of it was relayed to me afterwards.”

“Doesn’t make it any better,” mutters Lily, and then, “How much did you hear, then?”

She already knows the answer.

“Nice.” Sirius deadpanned.

“Yes, nice! Is it so wrong that I think his bum’s nice?”

“Nice is the worst adjective in the world, Lily.” Remus put in oh-so-helpfully.

“Okay,” she groaned, “Fine. I think,”

“Yes?” Remus and Sirius said in unison.

“James Potter’s bum is…”

But Sirius and Remus never did find out what Lily was going to say, because said boy accompanied by aforementioned nice bum was suddenly standing over the three of them.

“Hello there, Evans.”

Lily gaped at James.

“Mind finishing your sentence, Lily?” Sirius looked eagerly between James and Lily, back and forth, anticipating the next move.

“I don’t remember anything else,” Lily says, frowning, “What happened?”

James scratches his jaw – it’s a very nice shape, Lily thinks – “Uh, I think you realised what you said, and you went to bed?”

“Right.” Lily breathes out a breath she didn’t even realise she was holding, “Could have been worse, I suppose.”

“I reckon it could have been a lot better too.” James looks at her and Lily bites her lip.

“You think so?”

“Yep,” he says, and she notices that they are very, very close. When did that happen?



“What do you really think of my bum?”

The question’s so daft that Lily laughs loudly, and a “Shut it, Evans,” comes from behind Sirius’ curtains.

“You really want to know?”


He looks nervous, and Lily doesn’t get it – what does he have to be worried about? He wasn’t the extraordinarily smashed one with the stupid comment. “I think your arse is aesthetically lovely.”

He raises his eyebrows, “Which is a fancy-arse way of saying nice.”

“I like to think of it as eloquent.”

He snorts. “So, you like my arse?”

“I do.”

“Is that the only thing?”

“Fishing for compliments, are we?” She laughs, “I like you, James. You’re nice.”

“For the record, Lily, you’re nice too.”

She doesn’t have the time to comprehend what exactly this means before he’s kissing her – his lips are soft and warm and move in just the right way against hers, and his smile is transferred to Lily. She giggles against his mouth.

“Oi! I’ve had enough!” A wild Sirius Black’s head sticks out between his curtains and shouts, “Go snog downstairs!”

“Agreed,” a sleepy word from Remus, whilst Peter still snores on in the background.

James shoots Sirius the finger, but he’s already diving back into bed. James turns back to Lily and smiles. She beams back. “James?”


“Happy Birthday.”

He laughs, “Thanks Lily.”

“You’re welcome. I hope you like your present.”

“What’s that, then?”

She kisses him once more, a small peck on his lips that leaves hers tingling. “There. Happy Birthday.”

“And that makes five times total.”

“I know.”

She kisses him three times more. After all, Lily thinks equal numbers are nice, too.

Just not as nice as James Potter’s bum.

Chapter 35

A few months later

I don’t know how she does it. The mystery of it all was intriguing, nevertheless. Kelsy’s multitasking skills had somehow become my motivation. Between the various business management courses she was currently taking, she still found time to find a home for us. Pack, move, and decorate. As well as plan an all out party for Lyric’s first birthday.

We were now residing deep in the San Francisco valley, on the border of Malibu. Agoura, to be exact. An 8,000 square foot home, six bedrooms, and enough space to park 75 cars.

The amenities weren’t to shabby either. The home came equipped with a commercial ice cream bar, dance studio, billiard room, as well as a tennis court and clubhouse. Outside of the pool she requested be renovated and the studio customized for my convenience.

“Your money, my production.” As she’d told me on numerous occasion. I couldn’t take the credit for all that Kelsy has made possible, even if I wanted to. She was holding our household down in ways I’d only seen my mother do, before I was Chris Brown the superstar.

All of those nights, she’d stay up studying, sorting through swatches, traveling between New York and California. It was all paying off and molding her into a woman that I wanted to be around.

Being a home maker wasn’t the only achievements from Kels over the last two months. Her business skills were shaping in ways unexplainable. She’d coached me into attending the BET award show with Karrueche. Stressing the importance of my image.

“Consistency is key. Your fan base is accustomed to the image of Karrueche and Chris, not us. This performance would be your first public one since your return home. Make it count. You don’t want all you’ve worked for to go in vain because the world is so busy talking about the three of us being in the same facility together.”

I objected, Karrueche and I were a thing of the past. No love lost, but I had a family that I couldn’t afford to lose again.

“I know what we have, and that’s all that matters. What’s important is your brand and taking it to new heights. She’s going to be there as a host, you will be in attendance as a performer. It’s just business. Do what you have to do, to make sure you keep food on our table.”

That was only the first of many persistent suggestions that she’d made. For instance, teaming up with Drake was something that would have never made my to do list. Yet, my charming lady had a way of shifting the gears in my mind and made everything seem so beneficial.

“What the world needs is to see you in a better light. What better way to do that, than a collaboration with Drake. Squash the beef, make good music, and go on with your lives. I’m not saying that you two have to become best buddies and sing kumbaya beside a bonfire. He makes hits, you make hits. Put those forces together and nobody can stop you.”

From there she planned everything, from the picture she posted of us in the studio, to pitching the idea of us teaming together for his 2014 Espy skit. I was on a winning streak, with her by my side. In a matter of months, Kelsy was covering ground in my career that I had been paying imbeciles millions to do.

I commend her for however she does it. Like right now, she had Disneyland shut down for Elle’s birthday party; invite only.

Striding around the park, with our daughter on her hip and leather Tom Ford pumps on her feet.

It was those small details, that mattered the most to me. It’s an intangible feeling to witness growth, then again there is nothing more frightening than witnessing it.

“Why so serious?” My sister Tootie asked, wrapping her arm around my torso.

A small chuckle escaped my lips, looking down to make eye contact with her.

“What you mean?”

Tootie rolled her eyes playful, “Don’t play dumb boy. Over here with your face all twisted up, looking mean.”

“Its hot as fuck that’s why.”

“Hey, I feel you. Mom went inside one of them stores just to cool off.”

“I ain’t even think about that.” I said, taking my shirt off.

Tootie moved a few strands of hair out of her face, as we both stared at the kids in line for picture with characters.

“Besides Beyoncé, Kelsy is the only woman I know that can stroll throughout an entire amusement park with heels on her feet.” Tootie said, before joining the crowd.

My wifey is a bad bitch.


Two families.

One roof.

Chris’ family and mines were all occupants in our spacious home for five days; departing tomorrow morning.

We’d all left Disneyland only a few hours ago, but MJ and my mother insisted on cooking dinner.

Wine in crystal champange glasses for the ladies, while my dad, Josh, and Chris chose a more masculine drink.

Patron to be exact.

The feeling was so surreal. Tootie, Desean, MJ, my mom, sisters, niece Sadie, dad, and Kaitlyn’s husband Josh, all under one roof.

The kids were running around the house playing with toys, while the adults crowded the kitchen arguing about whether ‘Cooley High’ or ‘Lean On Me’ was better the movie.

These were the moments I lived for, watching them all interact and conjointly functioning amongst themselves for the last few days was the best.

Elle was certainly loving every moment of it, having both grandmother’s to spoil her rotten. Three aunts to override my objections and a grandfather to sneak her sweets.

“What’s got you lost in your thoughts?” Chris asked, wrapping his arms around my waist. Hovering over me from behind.

I took a sip of my wine, leaning against his chest. “Nothing, just enjoying our family-”

“In our new house.” Chris said. He was so estatic about our place that he found a way to mention something about it, almost everyday.

I let him have his moments though. Honestly, it only gives my ego a boost.

Sometimes I look around our place and pat myself on the back.

Hard work pays off. One of Jay’s favorite quotes.

I was slowly seeing why.

“Yeah, you could say that.” I agreed silently, relaxing into his embrace.

“And what are you two over there whispering about?” My sister Kimberly asked, causing everyone’s attention to land on us.

“Wedding bells, I hope.” Tootie teased.

“Woah, jumping ahead of ourselves aren’t we toots?” I replied.

“It’s certainly not a shocker that the two of you ended up together.” My mother added, giving me a knowingly look.

“Finally.” MJ mumbled loudly.

“Yo, where’s the chill?” Chris blurted out.

“Boy quit playing. Did you not forget about our little talk?” Tootie asked, raising her eyebrow at Chris.

I looked up at him, “What talk?” I asked, giving him or Tootie the chance to confess.

“Nothing.” Chris replied quickly. Brushing me and the question off.

“Love is a cute look on yall though,” Kaitlyn chimed in, walking pass us to put her plate in the sink.

I cleared my throat, “So about that game of uno.” I said, changing the subject completely.

These were the awkward moments of having family invading your space. Chris and I were content with how things were working out for us. On the other hand, our families had their own theories and throughout the last few days, had found ways to make things between he and I, problematic.

Chris and I had a way of going with the flow of things. Though we’d adapted a unhealthy habit of not acknowledging certain situations, it worked for us. We never glanced back at the past, nor peaked into the future. What we have is present, it was best to pour all our energy in the here and now.

It didn’t matter what others considered to be normal , or the right thing to do. I would forever live my life unhappy if I were to continue my infamous people pleasing techniques.

Yesterday, my second eldest sister told me I’ve changed. Any other day, I would’ve inquired how, doing a little self reflecting, trying to alter my growth because someone had a problem with it.

I didn’t care. In fact, I laughed so hard in her face that I almost pissed my shorts.

Not all change is bad. Not every person would understand the steps I was taking towards becoming something I was hungry for.

I’m sure Kim meant no harm in her statement, but I wouldn’t even entertain the foolishness long enough to get a clear understanding.

For what?

I was to damn comfortable being the best me.

“Let’s raise the steaks, losers take five shots a piece.” Josh suggested, letting his competitive side come to surface.

I mean he was only the captain of the football team during high school and college. Graduating from the University of Michigan, with a master’s for Accounting, in five and a half years.

Josh ate, slept, and functioned off of competition. It was apart of who he was as an individual and one of the main reasons why Kaitlyn was head over heels for him.

“Bet.” Chris said answering for all of us. Of course Mr.ShowOff himself wouldn’t turn down a chance to outdo somebody.

It was too much like right.

“Oh hell no. I have a baby to put to sleep. I’m not even going there with you two and yall macho man antics.” I said, pointing at both Josh and Chris.

“Do what you gotta do bae, I got this. I’ma hold the casa down.” Chris said, dramatically waving his hands in a circle, wiggling that big head.

I left Kaitlyn and Tootie to have fun, while I enjoyed the pleasure of putting the kiddies to bed.

In_Kels_World: Happy Birthday big girl.#Uno #Firstyear #Memories


Oh how the tables have certainly turned. Four o’clock in the morning and I was the one creeping out of bed.

Chris’ body sprawled out, mouth agape, allowing periodic snores escape. He’d fallen fast asleep with his hands down my pajama pants, reeking of pure alcohol, two hours ago.

It was evident who’d lost the game.

Slipping on one of his hoodies, tossed aimlessly on the floor, I made a silent exit out of the room.

I knocked on the hotel door twice before it opened. Chyna’s eyes glossy, I could feel the pain instantly without knowing the full story.

My arms wrapped around her instantly, pulling her close, I held my bestfriend in a tight embrace. Wishing I could erase the heart ache and pain.

She’d been trying to let things blow over between Tyga and her, but he was taking his freedom to another level. She said it began with the two of them taking a break; giving one another some space.

Things weren’t right, he was accusing her of sleeping around. People were dragging her name in the mud because of a low budget rapper alleged scandal involving her. Basically, alot of drama crowding their space.

Still, she thought things would get better. Engaged, a child, and promising careers. The two people I looked up to, relationship wise, was actually calling it quits.

I was there from the beginning.

A few hours was spent comforting my friend. Humiliated, because their private matter was being covered by almost every media outlet.

Tyga was having fun, throwing parties, flirting with chicks. Chyna was sick to her stomach, yearning for her family to be one again.

Love sucks.


Later on that morning

Walking into the bedroom, towel wrapped around my body, my thoughts were consumed with Chyna and Tyga.

Their situation put a lot of things into perspective for me. They’d been together for three years, engaged. Family attachments formed, a child the two both created, and a house they turned into a home. Then one day he decides he doesn’t want this anymore. While her life has been on hold for three years, solely focusing on making him and their child happy. With the snap of his fingers, he can snap right back into single life action as if he’d never left.

The shit was unfair. Disgusting. Down right dirty .

Then again it was life. It could easily happen to me. I could be the one in those shoes. That’s what placed a level of discomfort in my heart. Causing me to take heed of their situation.

"Baby, have you seen my Hermes belt?” Chris yelled from the closet.

“Babe no, maybe if you put things where they belong every now and then, you wouldn’t have to ask me.”

“A simple no would have done just fine.” He replied.

“Chris, this room is mess. All of your mess. I’m tired of cleaning up after you every single day.” I said, standing in the doorway of the closet.

He gave me a blank look, “but you knew I was a junky nigga from start. So why pick today to start bitching?”

I rolled my eyes, “because you’re not five years old. You are very capable of taking off an piece of clothing and putting it into the hamper.”

He kissed his teeth, “Yeah ok.”

Looking pass him, I rolled my eyes again. “If that belt was a snake, it would’ve bite you in the ass.”

Looking down at another pile of clothing he’d just made, he found his belt mixed in the mess.

“What are you gonna do while me and Elle are in New York for the next few days?” I asked, breaking the ice. The silence in the room would only lead back to me thinking the worse of relationships.

“I have a few things lined up.” Was all that he said.


3 days later

Life has it’s ways of taking unexpected turns. Who knew that Chris and I would finally be on mutual grounds? Living together as a family. Who knew that I would be mentored by one of the biggest names in hip hop? A mogul for crying out loud.

New York, felt like a second home to me. The more frequent my visits had become, a double life had been conceived. In the concrete jungle, I was alive; hungry for the challenge of conquering the impossible.

The show was all about me, Chris’ shadow wasn’t following, foreshadowing my fate. The ability to stretch my wings and be myself, had become a therapeutic outlet.

Everything seemed genuine.

Crowded streets; individuals on the move, vehicles, noise. Every detail rushed, and chaotic, yet I found peace in it. Each element working conjointly to bring a realistic approach to my world.

Opposed to the forced lifestyle I live daily, back in California. I had control of my outcome in New York. A chance to do things differently, with a team of support from individuals that I’d became acquainted with; Chris had no dealings in this. Which is why, I felt so compassionate.

I was in a good space, currently building my own team, that’ll follow me into my own branch of work. Vickie, was already on board as my assistant. I’m just so grateful for her. Between watching Elle, helping me move, decorate, and putting her life on hold to travel back and forth with me to NY. She proved her loyalty. Rocking with me from the beginning all the way until now.

“How do you find equal balance?”

My words were quick, it all seemed so jumbled; a run on sentence perhaps. Yet, I had to ask. The question at hand had been haunting me every since Elle’s party. I coached myself into thinking otherwise, but now that Jay was infront of me physically, I was eager to know his secret formula to having it all.

“You never do.”

Jay’s words were always sharp. It scared me in the beginning, but as time passed on, his authoritative nature had it’s way of growing on me.

Still intimidated, nevertheless.

A small sigh came from my end, “What I’m saying is, how do you manage a healthy home life and a successful career?”

Dragging his hand over his face, he grumbled inaudible words lowly.

“Separate the two. Business is business. Your home life is private and sacred. Keep the two away from each other.”

His answer wasn’t the least bit satisfying. I needed to know more; a how to guide would even be helpful.

“How do you keep your wife and child happy, with you traveling so much? Have you ever been with them and can’t even focus, because work is the only thing on your mind?” I inquired.

My mouth wouldn’t shut long enough for a reply. “It’s like, when I’m home, alone with my man and child. I find ways to pacify them. I go above and beyond to fill the void of my absence. More so my boyfriend then daughter because she usually traveling alongside me.”

Jay got up from his computer, walking over to the mini bar in the corner of his office.

Pouring some D’ussé cognac in a short glass, he began to speak after his first sip.

“You’re damned if you do, damned if you dont. The objective at hand is how are you going to make a better life for you and your family?”

He took a seat again across from me, “There were plenty of events I missed closing multimillion dollar deals. My wife, but then girlfriend and I would spend holiday’s or special days out of the year via Skype. Both of us on different sides of the world. When you love someone, it will never change. Make time even when there isn’t any. Like I told you before, change starts with you.”

I nodded my head.

“Moving on to more encouraging things. I would like to congratulate you on the great job you did with the youth club event.” Jay said, going back to work related matters.


I knocked three times on the closed office door, before TyTy opened it.

Walking into my boss in second command office, I was greeted with such a lovely surprise. My best bud Rita, was sitting on the desk fiddling with her phone.

“You look so chic, love.” Rita said in her London accent, hugging me tightly. She’d hopped down and ran directly to me.

“And you do too. I love the jacket. Is that a Jeremy Scott?” I replied, nodding approvingly at her attire.

“And she’s learning her labels.” TyTy chimed in, waving his hands thankfully to the sky.

I laughed, because it was TyTy’s job to mold me into a brand. While doing so, I wasn’t the most knowledgeable on the beauty and fashion aspect of things. So on behalf of RocNation there were a few extra steps taken, to help me become well rounded.

“Duh, do you see the Jimmy Choo Keane sandal she has on?” Rita replied, checking my shoe out.

I waved my hand at both Ty and Rita playfully, “Stop it guys, you’re making me blush.”

TyTy crossed his hands over his chest. “You looking real good Kelsy. Keep up the good work.” He said, smiling while nodding his head.

“So how was Paris, tell me all about it.” I said, turning my attention back on Rita.

“I will tell you over dinner, let’s say about seven thirty?” Rita asked, with a hopeful look on her blemish free face.

I smiled, “Of course, I will have my assistant make reservations at Mr.Chow.”

“Perfect.” Rita seemed pleased, not that it took much to make her happy anyhow. She was always so positive and going with the flow of things. Only I could wish to be so care free.

She made a departure out of the office a few moments later. Not before leaving a lighthearted atmosphere lingering from her girlish charm.

“Couldn’t stay away from the concrete jungle, ay?” Ty asked sorting through some papers on his fax machine.

“A month was too long away from this place,” I mumbled.

“You won’t be saying that when the real work begans.”

“Try me.”

“Ok, let see what you can do with this.” TyTy said, sliding a piece of paper in front of me. “Make it happen.”

I leaned forward in my seat, picking the sheet up, reading it silently to myself. Once I was done, I sat back.

I processed what the short message said.

“You up for the challenge?” He asked, condescendingly.

“It will be done.” I said, confidently. Deep down inside, I didn’t know where to begin.


My private chauffeured SUV, courtesy of RocNation, transported me back to my condo.

The condo with a value of two million dollars, Chris had no clue about. The same one, I’d been given to as a welcoming gift from RocNation about three months ago.

Furnished with expensive imported pieces, views of the city from my floor to ceiling windows, and closets stuffed with designers I could hardly pronounce.

The thought of mentioning the condo to him crossed my mind a few times. It really did, but after Chyna’s situation, I think having a back up plan is always a good option.

I never wanted to get caught slipping ever again and now I had too much in jeopardy.

I think I’ll keep a few things to myself from now on. How tacky would that look, Chris kicking me out of our home, leaving me to live out of a fucking hotel suite. If we were to breakup.

“How was the visit?” Vickie asked, as soon as I walked in.

“I think I just killed my own career ” I huffed, taking my heels off.

“How so?”

“Jay sent Ty an email, to do whatever he had to, to get Kim Kardashian on a Vogue spread, as a favor for Kanye. Well, I was feeling myself acting as if I could do the impossible and accepted the challenge.”

“Why the hell would you do that Kelsy?” Vickie yelled, making me feel worse than I already was.

“Because,” I said, followed by a low mumble. “I think I can do it.”

Vickie rolled her eyes, “Yeah well, where do we start?”

“How long ago, did you lay Elle down for a nap?” I asked.

“An hour ago.”

“In that case, we can start by researching everything about Anna Wintour.”


Dinner with Rita was awesome, as usual. I mean, who couldn’t have a great time with someone so genuine?

Even while giving me descriptive details on the break up between hit maker Calvin Harris and herself. She was still in good spirits.

He’d even put a halt on her teen choice award performance at the last minute. Now that’s a grudge.

This marks the second close girlfriend of mine, that has been tarnished by their man.

Just listening to it made my stomach turn, once again, he was able to bounce back and enjoy the single life with beautiful women. While, she has to piece together her broken heart.

That uncomfortable feeling I was experiencing a few days ago, washed over me. My appetite had ceased and I began to weigh my own relationship mentally.

When it’s over and done. Could I say it was worth it?

“Moving on, I heard you are staying in the hottest condo ever.” Rita said, taking a sip of her champange. Flashing her signature wide smile.

“Its nice.” I said modestly, pushing a few strands of hair out my face

“Bullshit,” Rita replied, calling my bluff. “You are so like the new favorite around those parts.”

I frowned a little, “How do you figure?” I asked, picking at my food.

Rita refilled her glass, taking it pass the half mark amount.

“You’re getting everything we worked hard for, upfront.” Raising the champange glass up to her mouth, Rita took a small sip.