and when i say help i mean french films and songs and books

if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments" 

1)     Coffee shop AU

i)       Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee order

ii)      I’m worried about your coffee dependency

iii)     you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E

iv)     you give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

2)      Flower shop AU

i)       You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m concerned as to why

ii)      I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that

iii)     (this is also a good way to incorporate flower meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)

3)      Library AU

i)       You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking u the fuck down

ii)      I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying

iii)     The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

4)      Awful first time meeting

i)       I accidentally punched you in the face when I was too overexcited about something

ii)      I thought you were my friend who’s just done something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole

iii)     You get the gist to this one

iv)     Oooh when you told me your name I thought you were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)

5)      Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general

i)       We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together

ii)      “okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going to die aren’t I?”

iii)     A personal favourite of mine – first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

iv)     We keep accidentally running into each other I’m not a stalker I swear

v)      You live across from me in our apartments and we smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable

vi)     “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

6)      Friends to romance – pining and all that wonderful shit

i)       You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

ii)      I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex

iii)     You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

iv)     Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

v)      Friends with benefits oh wait I like you

7)      FAKE DATING HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR THIS

i)       It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

ii)      My homophobic parents are coming to visit will you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?

iii)     There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

iv)     I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

8)      Soulmate aus

i)       The first words your true love(s) will say to you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like  the opening lines of uptown funk or a high school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you saw me asshole?

ii)      You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn

iii)     The more ridiculous the better actually

iv)     Something like whenever your soulmate sings a duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band but I can’t sing for shit

v)      Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)

9)      Alternate universes for real

i)       Mermaids

ii)      Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but what the fuck is happening

iii)     Hogwarts

iv)     We live in a world where the greek gods are real and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to sort this shit out why do I love you again?

v)      Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)

vi)     Literally any movie or book universe you like tbh just go for it

10)   Other aus that I like

i)       I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

ii)      We work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME

iii)     Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

iv)     It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war

v)      It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in love with them actually that works for established relationship too)

vi)     Current partner got a new job in America (or other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)

vii)   You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

viii)  Carrying on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???

ix)     You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

x)      You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute

xi)     I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh

xii)   I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t dance with you omg let me find you some water

xiii)  Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

xiv)  You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no

Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of auing already I have too many ideas christ

send me some to @theskyis-forever with a pairing for me to write :)

Preferences: a gloomy Sunday

Request.

***

Joji

  •  He honestly likes when it’s raining: it makes him creative. It gets him into the mood to write some songs.
  • You love when Joji gets into the contemplative mood because he’s so into it that you can admire him in peace  (without him giving you a cheeky remark ‘Like what you see, babe?’ that gets you all flustered. The way he bites his lips sometimes when he’s focusing, how he glances out the window from time to time, at the rain, how he sometimes stops and just stares, trying to come up with something innovative.
  • He’s beautiful, you can’t deny it, no matter his state. You’re falling in love with him the more you look—he gets distracted by your dreamy sighs most of the time.

Keep reading

In honor of the recent 90th anniversary of the 1925 version of Phantom of the Opera starring the inimitable Lon Chaney, I would like to petition for a new version of Phantom to be filmed.

What’s that you say?  They’ve remade it like 50 times?  Ah, that’s true, my friend, that’s true!  But this remake would do something which (to the best of my knowledge) has not been done in live action since this film was made!

Namely, it would AT LEAST TRY TO BE FAITHFUL TO THE BOOK.

Fun everything-old-is-new-again features would include:

*THE PERSIAN!  That’s right, folks, the book written a little over a hundred years ago had a POC portrayed as a morally-upstanding, brave dude who basically just wants to make sure his crazy sort-of-friend doesn’t do anything too crazy.  We can be that progressive, too, these days, can’t we?

*A CHRISTINE WITH A BACKBONE!  Why yes, the original Christine was not, in fact, a wet noodle with a good voice who does whatever Raoul says.  She was a blond spitfire (with a good voice) who was capable of telling Raoul to sit down and shut up when he got too petulant!  We can be down with that, in this, the year of our (well other people’s anyway) Lord 2015, can’t we?

*THE PHANTOM’S ACTUAL BACKSTORY AND FACE!
So far, in retellings I’ve seen, he’s been:
*Raised by rats in Argento’s version, in which Julian Sands looks like… well Julian Sands.  I guess they figured he was too pretty for disfigurement. Arguably true, but still it’s the Phantom, people, come on!!!
*A poor violinist who got acid thrown on his face and went mad in the 1943 Universal starring Claude Rains.  Good acting on Rains’ part in this one, but the story plays pretty fast and loose with everything
*An immortal, serial killing composer who made a deal with the devil in the 1989 version starring Robert Englund. Actually one of my favorite versions.  Englund’s acting is mostly good, his entire face is properly disfigured, and they actually do use opera.  It does predictably descend into horror movie schlock in places, but there are even some really decent scenes between him and Christine before she finds out he’s a total psycho.
*A guy who spent all his life from childhood on under the Opera, as portrayed by Charles Dance in 1990 and Gerard Butler in 2004.  Dance’s miniseries has some fun moments, and the Butler version has pretty visuals but I will forever feel a little salty they didn’t get someone who can out-sing that Raoul. I mean the Angel of Music thing’s a ruse, but he sells it because he has the voice to back it up, you know? 
*And a song-writer who’s doublecrossed by a record producer, imprisoned, has all his teeth pulled out, and gets his face mashed in a record press, in Phantom of the Paradise, 1974.  It is the cheesiest damn thing you ever did see, though it has comedic value, an amusing soundtrack, and the Phantom’s Theme has really good lyrics.

However, the 1925 version, and an animated version from the 80s with bad acting, are the only ones (that I know of) that get the backstory mostly right, though in the Chaney version they do change the Persian into a French guy because racism. >:-T  

In these versions and in the book, Erik spent the early part of his life traveling as a performer in carnivals. In his travels, he won enough acclaim for himself that he became a fixture at the Shah’s court in Persia.  There, he functioned as an architect, executioner, magician and court composer.  Eventually he had to flee for his life, with the Persian’s help, because the Shah decided he’d rather have his pet genius/oddity executed than take the chance of him being tempted away to serve other royalty.  When Erik finally ends up in Paris, he helps in the building of the Opera, and eventually the weight of everything he’s seen and done makes spending the rest of his life in its basement sound like a really good idea.  When Christine comes along, she’s not some first puppy-love crush so much as a last, desperate hope to have some semblance of a normal life and be loved.  It’s still psychotic and wrong, but an infinitely more interesting kind of psychotic and wrong.   I have feelings about this backstory, you guys!  It’s fascinating and complex and I don’t know why they never use it.

Also his face!  He’s not even supposed to be half pretty.  In the carnival he was given the epithet The Living Corpse.  No nose, sunken eyes, withered face.  Canonically his face was something not even a mother could love.  And please don’t tell me Hollywood can’t make a person’s face frightening yet compelling, we would have no horror movie industry if that were true.  Just once I’d like for them to make a movie where they emphasize this character’s brains, talent and charisma instead of trying to make him physically sexy.

So, come on, Hollywood!  It’s time!  Tell the story to us faithfully and well!  Give us Leroux’s Phantom– complete with a complex villain and a stronger heroine, and an awesome POC!  We can take it!  I daresay many of us want it!

Make it happen!