and what's up with this microwave

anonymous asked:

The problem is, cutting Mad up won't actually undo the reprogramming.

Mad is halfway through his bowl of microwave ravioli when he feels the knife pressed to his Adam’s apple. Mad rolls his eyes and puts his bowl down on the table. “Google, I had honesty expected something a little more thought-out than this…”

“ S͎͖̩̖ͅo̷̙r͇̘̹̭̖̻̕r̤̖̳̩̭y̫ ̘͙͓̹͙̱t͎͔̳̫o̴̹̥͇̗̺̫ ̷̹d̷͖̱͎i̹̬̮̕s͇a̬̞͟p̨̥̠͙͎̦̘p̡̺̪͔̼̥̭o͖̯͟ͅi̗̹̹̠̹̦ṇ͎͎͎t̫͝ͅ,̮͖̳̝̝͉ ̷̟b̺̥͉͟ų̬̩t͍̟͈̯͖͉ ̶͖̘I'̤̦̖m̹̝͝ͅ ̩̮̹̤͎̦̼n͇̲̙̥͝ot̛͎̱ ̙̲̀G̣͕̲̠̘ͅo̠̬̤o̘̱̼͕gl̼̹̤ͅe͉͖͍̹̮̫͈͡.̸͉̲̺̖̩̳ “ Anti giggles in Mad’s ear.

Mad raises an eyebrow. “Anti? What are you doing here? I thought you were… unattached.”

Anti lets the blade dig into Mad’s skin a little. “ Y҉̤̗̺͉o̖̼̟̯̥̜u͝ ̷̺̪͚͙̞b̠͇͈̦ó͉͇̜̖̖l̯t̵̘e̢͇͙̠̻̹̲̣d҉̤͚ a̳ ̢͙͚̲͖̟̣m̘̬̳̬u̶̯͈̰͉̣̮z̵ẓ̲̫͠l̶̯e̤͕̗̩͍̦̮ ̩͙̥̣͇̳̹t͏͉ơ͎̖̥̟̥̪ ̨̫̤̝̩͓m̤̗̥̥͍y͓̫̞͇ ̷̲͔̻̬̖̖f̥̳̱͎͚̕r͎̝͕̙ͅi̴̲̘̬͍e̟̰n̵͕̯̣͎d̨̳̠͚'̭͓́s̞̩̺̱͈͡ ̵f̢̹̠̣̞͖a̦̼͉̭c̵̜e̼.̩̩̭̳̪͈̺͠ “

Mad smirks. “Ah, that. So the little cretin has gotten under your skin, too.” Mad snorts. “Do you know that those pathetic little androids actually trusted me to repair him? They were so desperate.” Mad glances up at Anti with a smile. “I wonder why that was, Anti.”

Anti growls. “ D͔̙̲̗̜̘o͘ ̻̹̥̝y̲̺̞̖a͟ ͕͕̮̬̳̩̤r̲̦̤̬̹͠e̱̟̦͙a͎̺̩̳͕͙͡ͅl̶̬͙̫̼l͇̼̩̪̪̞̰ỳ̺͓ ̞͖̙̣̹̰ẁ̞̪̥̝͍̲͚a̵͓̤̟͙̰̻͉n̪̘̟͈͜n͖̝̬̲̣a̱̪̙ ͇͇̲̳̗͚̭ḿ̥̩͖̘a̯͈̪̬ͅk̖̮͈͔͕̰̜͜e͔̲̱͙̥̟̦͢ ̖̥͈͘m̘͓̭͙̝̀e͏̜ ҉͖̟̲m͍̗̜̪̻͎̣a̖d̙͇̪̳̱͜ ̰̯̞ͅr̡͈͎̻̜ͅi̬g͡ḥt̳͈̖̤ͅ ҉͎̙̮̰̮n̵͚̹̙͕o̺͇̘̞͓̙w̫̮͈̲̝͝?̩̘̣̼͚͞ͅ “

“I don’t know about you, but I find this rather amusing.” Mad shrugs and turns back to his ravioli. “It’s hilarious to watch you try to play the hero. Trust me, it’s not a role that suits you.”

“I know I’m not a hero,” Anti removes the knife from Mad’s throat and strides around to the other side of his table. “I’m just here for the droid.”

Mad takes a bite of his food, dabbing a napkin at the light wound on his neck. “Sorry, but he’s not up for sale. I put a lot of work into that pretty piece of equipment.”

Anti’s lip curls in a sneer. “ H̬͕̖͈ͅe̡̩̼̬'͙͈̺̰̟͜s̺͇̗͉̹ ̸̣̦̻͇n̝͇͔͔̩o̹̟̠͚̟̜t͚̲ ͈̱̯y̱͓̲o̴̝̱u̡̟̘r͈͚̫̖̙̺ ̳̱̕p̘͕͔̩̻̦̯r҉͉͇̯o̯̝͍͘p͎͕̝̕è̘r̵̖̜t̥̠̙̤ý.̯̜̼ͅ “

Mad smirks and leans onto his elbows. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you call dibs?”

Anti sends his knife flying at Mad’s chest, but the scientist throws himself to the side just in time. The knife barely catches his side, leaving a little trail of blood. He rolls and is back on his feet in seconds. Anti manifests another dagger. “If you kill me, you’ll never be able to undo my programming!”

Anti grips the knife in his hand and points it at Mad. “Unless I keep you alive, and then I’ll just cut it out of you,” he says with a grin and a tilt of his head. “T͇̩͇̻̮̱̖͞h̢͇a̛̼̭̗̪̮̺t͓͢ ̥̥͉s̨̙̬͕o̵̹̞͎͙͍̱u͔̹͓̪̪n͎͙̱̲d̢̖̮s̷͇̯̠̻͇̺̘ ҉͍l̙͟ik͈̘͎̮̲̯̜e҉̺̟̩̟̠ ̷̹̙̯̳̯̱f̹̗u͉̝̰̥̘͍̥n̨͕̼͇̟̦̮͔.̦͢ “

Mad’s smirk falls. “Then I could just command Oliver to rip out his core. He’ll be dead in seconds, and there won’t be a thing you can do.”

Anti’s grin only widens, and he giggles maniacally, his head glitching around on his shoulders. “ N̖͚͍̖o͡t̛͇͚̻ ̡͙̱͇̰̟į̳̦̜f̦̜̹͍̯̭ͅ ̹͔͚͎I͖͇̘͙̟̰̣ ͍̖̤͓̱c̦͍̖̩̠͘u͔̖̻̘̫̮t̨̯̜͖̳̜̪̖ ͕͈̘͖̟y̱̠̪̭̭̲e̫̠͚̰ṟ̩̩̤͙̝ ̺̼͉̗̜̜t͙͙̥o̺͉͝n҉͈͚̞̠͖̺gù͎̟͈̜̳̘e̷͓ ̸o͡u͇̞̖̺̬̭tͅ ̶̩̺̺̟̩͔̬f͖̝̞̣̯͚͡i̴̠̗̩͍̱̣̳r̖̻̫͔̳͍s͈̦̻̩͎t̹̰̰.̝ “

  • [Second Unit discusses the ideas how to revenge on kebiishi]
  • Tsurumaru: What if we wrap their motorcycles in plastic wrap and melt it with a hair dryer?
  • Tsurumaru: Little trick I learned in gift basket making class.
  • Izuminokami: All right. Here’s what we’re up to. [reads the list they made] Steal their kidney, burn down their house, replace their aloe tissues with regular tissues. Thank you, Horikawa.
  • Horikawa: You’re welcome.
  • Izuminokami: Leave a dead cat in their cedar closet. Note: They would have to own a cedar closet.
  • Yagen: They seem like they would.
  • Izuminokami: Sneak into their apartment and burn popcorn in the microwave. Thank you, Horikawa.
  • Izuminokami: Uh, Mutsunokami asked for mashed potatoes, so I wrote that down. Well, I hate to say it, but I think, by default, Tsurumaru’s motorcycle idea is the winner.
  • Tsurumaru: Yeah! Winning by default!

anonymous asked:

heyy can i request just a fluffy ball of bf material hoseok and his bf?? ilysm

whaT A GUY I LOVE


-ok so hoseok is like the brightest and best boyfriend in the world there is sO much to say

-random flowers! if he sees a nice flower on the way to your house he’s gonna pick it for you

-lots of cuddles in your bedroom just goofing off and talking, playing video games, etc

-he always says he’s going to cook for you but really just microwaves some pizza

-’but he does it with love so that’s what matters’ 

-lots of dates start with you two meeting up at his dance studio

-if you don’t dance that’s okay! no matter how bad you are he’s going to try to teach you and take baby steps

-and if you’re tired he’s happy to just let you sit out and watch him dance 

-which is really nice he’s so graceful and fluid and just so good to watch

-and eventually you two clean up and go out 

-(plus jimin and jungkook as other dancers teasing you for being coupley in the studio) 

-active dates are really fun! he wants to go swimming with you, go see a faire, bike down to the hole in the wall ice cream shop a few miles away, play at the beach… 

-speaking of that if you’re close enough you two are that beach couple

-lots of days out on the sand in the sun just napping and listening to music and jumping in the water when you get too hot 

-oH another thing! random 2am text messages! 

-’hey ik you’re sleeping but i opened up my phone to check the time and saw you on my lockscreen and i just wanna say how cute your little freckle is??? yes okay i love you goodnight’ 

i love comforting nihilism. who cares, we’re all gonna die. eat that cake. buy that eyeshadow. be nice to people. you dont owe the world shit. the stars dont care about what we do. give anyway because why spend your eighty years on this rock miserable and making other people miserable. the sun is going to blow up and we’re all gonna die someday. make the most of what time you do have. use the fine china for taco night and microwave lunch. smell the flowers. tell a stranger they are beautiful. 

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 2

We did it amigos. Another list! I am so grateful that you all are sharing your ideas to help inspire others (faith in humanity restored)

  1. “Where is my fucking pudding?!”
  2. “I thought we agreed to never use butter for that reason again…”
  3. “Well if it’s the guy who never shuts up about toilet paper!”
  4. “Honey, did you see my sniper rifle?”
  5. “Oops…”
  6. “God damn it he died. Whatever. Just leave him there.”
  7. “Listen, I know you’re upset, but please put down the baking soda before someone gets hurt.”
  8. “Look, about the monkey…”
  9. “I don’t understand! I only used a finger.”
  10. “It’s not as hard as you think, I promise.”
  11. “well this is what i call hell of a night”
  12. “How could an entire school disappear?”
  13. “What do you mean the brownies are "not quite brownies”?“
  14. "Yes, I understand that its cool, but why does your toaster have wings?” “Well its alive of course. It flies.”
  15. “Don’t turn that on!”
  16. “Wait…I’m also- technically- underage and you’re a stranger…should I be screaming also?”
  17. “I though you meant "literally” metaphorically. “
  18. "Ok so don’t get mad but I might have started a war.”
  19. “Good morning… I see the assassins failed again.”
  20. “You’re a murderer, how are you working at a hospital?”
  21. “That cat just stole my cereal!”
  22. “Did you see that? Please tell me you saw it.”
  23. “Hey, can you stop shooting people right now? We’re trying to sleep.”
  24. “THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS KEITH!”
  25. “If you think I’m leaving you and your demon eyes and evil horns you’re wrong.”
  26. “What do you mean, this isn’t Earth?”
  27. “Damn it, ____! Not peanuts again!”
  28. “Why did I just press the big red button?”
  29. “So tell me again why this dead body is being sent to Goodwill?”
  30. “Lucifer, I know that we said we would share rent but you never said anything about your brother living with us.”
  31. “God dammit, I’m supposed to be a bat! Why the hell am I a possum, Karen?!”
  32. “Sarah, where’s the dog?” “Up in space?”
  33. “You had only one job and it wasn’t even a difficult task, but seriously, how did you end up like this!?”
  34. “Well I never said I WASN’T going to kill the bartender …”
  35. “I mean, it was only a small eldritch being, so it wasn’t that bad…”
  36. “Hold me back bro!”
  37. “I think there’s a new lifeform evolving in my fridge.”
  38. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
  39. “Can we have lunch now, or do you still want to continue looking at dead people?”
  40. “I can’t believe you ate my cheese…we’re over”
  41. “Sometimes I wonder why we’re still friends.” “Because I turned you into a cyborg after being shredded by an explosion and you owe me.” “…Fair enough.”
  42. “Well, I didn’t quite expect to wake up pregnant either and yet… here we are, so can you please pass me that can of bread?”
  43. “Ok, I know I said ‘You can throw a hairbrush at them’, but I didn’t actually mean it!”
  44. “When I told you to feed the dog I didn’t expect you to feed him the neighbors cat.”
  45. “Clearly, you’ve never gotten rid of a body before…”
  46. “This sort of thing never happened when I was dating your brother.”
  47. Sometimes, I wonder about you. And then I worry.“
  48. ” Wait, wait, wait, start from the very beginning. how did you manage to set the house on fire with that??“
  49. "For fucks sake, dude, how many times do I have to tell you that that’s not what penises are for?”
  50. “One woman’s terrorist is another woman’s freedom fighter.”
  51. “This isn’t right… the humans shouldn’t be able to move on their own.”
  52. “Why is unicorn blood on our shopping list?”
  53. “Must you unhinge your jaw like that when you eat? It’s disgusting.”
  54. “You’ve violated the law, my trust, and your friend. Tell me, why should I believe anything you say?”
  55. “No, no don’t open the fridge, I need to keep they eyeballs cold.”
  56. “did he break his jaw again by falling down a flight of stairs?” “Passive aggressive much?”
  57. “For the last time, put the declaration of independence back!”
  58. "That isn’t permanent, right?”
  59. “You know, ripping someone’s beating heart right out of their chest with your bare hand looks cool in anime, but irl it’s just unsanitary…”
  60. “She didn’t tell you” “Tell me what” “He’s dead”
  61. “But his dad is an asshole–” “HIS AUTHOR IS AN ASSHOLE”
  62. “You are here and you haven’t tried to kill me yet. You must want something from me.”
  63. “The salesperson made a flying tentacle monster sound a lot more alluring, I swear!”
  64. “Okay…the radiator just growled at me”
  65. “Dude, were you listening to me? Why are you barking?” “I’m not barking. I thought YOU were barking!”
  66. “How did you get that bump on your lip”
  67. “Buddy. You need to chill, and put that knife away before I get out my gun.”
  68. “ ” I dare you to take your shirt off" “ no” “ I doubledare you” “No” “I tripledare you” “ god dammit Steve , im not wearing a Shirt!”“
  69. "Why the fuck are there founding fathers in our living room”
  70. “Girls only say 'I will not dignify that with a response.’ when they’ve done the thing you’ve just accused them of.” “Do you know this, because you’ve done it?” “I will not dignify that with a response.”
  71. “They think we’re terrible but really we’re only mediocre”
  72. “You’d think by now we’d stop bringing death into these things. Look at them, they have anxiety!”
  73. “Ok, first of all asshat, stop touching me. Second, that is never going to work out! Third, stop TOUCHING me.”
  74. “So if I do understand, you’re telling me that you created insects robots. The same one that destroyed the city. ”
  75. “Why is THIS in your fridge? This is some serious contraband.”
  76. “Please tell me you’re joking about marrying the bastard’s son we call Satan.” “ Don’t talk about your mother like that!!”
  77. “Did you explode the microwave again?!”
  78. "Honey where’s the dog?” “Like I said, I’m making a smoothie.”
  79. “Fifteen bucks you can’t hook up with Satan.” “Make it twenty.”
  80. “I don’t know, maybe because he has some semblance of taste?
  81. "What could possibly make you think eating three tons of cheese for the mice in radiation-test labs was okay?!”
  82. “Who actually let the dogs out?”
  83. “Hey, you don’t know how many bodies are buried in my backyard.”
  84. “I told you to kill me.” “I did. Just this morning.” “Well, shit!”
  85. “So… This isn’t the end, is it? I mean I still want to hang out with you at least. Maybe go for another space adventure, hm?”
  86. “I’m sorry, it was the HEAT OF THE MOMENT,”
  87. "Hey, wanna go out for a romantic moonlight killing spree?”
  88. “So, you’re into …..? Huh, I never would’ve known.”
  89. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed”
  90. “What are you doing?”
  91. “But really, why would anyone need two dozen armadillos?”
  92. “You can’t keep 'solving’ your problems by going to another dimension!”
  93. “I still can’t believe you assassinated a unicorn.”
  94. “Wait, you have FOUR knives?” “No, no. I have four knives ON me.”
  95. “I’ve killed a man using only a copy of Hamlet and a computer mouse. I am NOT afraid of you!" 
  96. "What the hell are those?”
  97. “Are you sure you’re not an arsonist?”
  98. “I know, right? You’d suspect any of them of secretly being an alien, but not…”
  99. “Why didn’t you stop?”
  100. “So, start explaining why there are dozens of puppies in my guest room.”

Let’s make another list. Part 3! Leave a reply and don’t forget the double quotes “”. I want to give everyone a chance to contribute to our community. So as always, one prompt per amigo. Dankje! 

a random assortment of life tips

by me, 20 year old who is so clearly great at adulting. (not really, but i’ve been living on my own for a couple years so i sorta know how this thing works.)

  1. coconut oil is the solution to everything - dry skin, frizzy/dull hair, cooking, removing makeup…everything.
  2. be nice to people working service jobs.
  3. change your pillowcases every week if you have bad acne. hell, you should change your pillowcases every week even if you don’t have bad acne.
  4. don’t put regular dish soap in the dishwasher.
  5. carry your school ID with you when shopping and always ask stores if they give student discounts.
  6. sleep naked. trust me on this.
  7. put a damp paper towel over your pizza before you reheat it in a microwave so that the crust will still be soft, not chewy.
  8. you don’t need to color sort your laundry if you put the washing machine setting on “cold”.
  9. drink a glass of cold water after a long cry - it’ll make you feel better.
  10. despite what others might say, you can be friends with your exes.
  11. make sure “find my iphone” is set up and turned on.
  12. save your loose change and deposit it into your savings account at the end of every month. over time, a little change makes a big difference.
  13. it’s okay to call your parents and ask for help. they probably know how to get that stain out or remedy a sore throat better than you do.
  14. air drying (as opposed to tumble drying) your sweaters helps the fleece inside stay soft and fuzzy longer.
  15. always double knot your running shoes.
  16. emergency sewing kit. get one.
  17. flavored condoms are for oral sex, not penetrative sex. 
  18. carry a small notebook and pen with you wherever you go. write when you feel inspired, even if no one will ever read it.
  19. never underestimate the healing power of cute animal videos on youtube.
  20. learn how to say “no”.
  21. be the kind of person you need in your life: support yourself. accept yourself. comfort yourself. love yourself.
  22. be open minded, question everything, challenge yourself, and learn to look at things from different angles.
  23. you are the most important person in your life - act like it. put yourself first.
  24. growing up isn’t about getting your shit together - it’s about learning to accept the fact that your life will never be as perfect and put together as you’d like it to be.
  25. screw the idea of “unconditional love” - it should always be conditional. your love is valuable as fuck; don’t give it to people that don’t deserve it.
  26. remember that you are under no obligation to remain the person you were yesterday. allow yourself to grow.
  27. challenge your limits, say yes to things that scare you, be open to new experiences, and live fully.
welcome to matt and shiro hell

in case you wanted even more shiro and matt galaxy garrison headcanons,,here u go….take a sip

  • if it wasn’t for Matt, Shiro would’ve eaten junk food everyday. Matt is 90% of his impulse control when it comes to this sort of thing
    • Matt: Shiro, you can’t eat mac and cheese for every meal.
    • Shiro: ??? uh YEAH I can
    • Matt: it’s not even real mac and cheese! You’re eating a microwaveable cup of Kraft! And you didn’t even microwave it!
    • Shiro, eating dry-ass, uncooked mac: maybe so
  • Mornings in their dorm room are…interesting, to say the least
    • Matt’s wake-up alarm for them is Africa by Toto but it’s bass-boosted to hell and it scares the shit out of Shiro every morning
    • Matt cannot function without coffee, he’s too impatient to go all the way to the dining hall to get a cup so he literally has 3 different expensive af coffee makers in their room
      • Shiro: *drinking out of a mug*
      • Matt: oh, what kind of coffee did you make?
      • Shiro: I didn’t. I poured some Pepsi into the filter. Want some?
  • Matt was the VINE KING of Galaxy Garrison
    • he took videos of people in class when they weren’t looking/expecting it and edited them together to the beat of a meme song
    • he has at least one vine where it’s just him zooming in on Shiro’s face from across the classroom with a soulful rendition of “you reposted in the wrong neighborhood” playing in the background
    • sometimes he forces shiro to record him for his vines; there’s one vine where it’s matt and he has sweatpants pulled over his shoulders and he’s dancing on a table in the dining hall to “Funky Town”
    • Matt’s favorite vine he’s ever made? Shiro, rolling down a hill in a broken swivel chair, screaming “TRICK OR TREAT.” The vine ends with Shiro hitting a rock and he goes flying. You never see him land before the video ends
    • Matt’s second favorite vine he’s ever made? he recorded Shiro in a crescent moon mask with sunglasses improv dancing to Vaporwave at 3 in the morning
  • Matt made the mistake of bringing his Wii to the dorms
    • Matt hates violent games so he literally only has Wii Sports Resort, MarioKart Wii, Animal Crossing: City Folk and every single MySims game (not the sims, MySims- the one with the creepy chibi kids where you gotta build the whole town)
    • Shiro had to convince Matt to buy literally any other game
    • Shiro becomes horribly addicted to MySims Kingdom and Animal Crossing. He can’t stop. Help him.
      • Matt: Shiro we have to go to class. We already missed yesterday because of Wii bowling
      • Shiro: I HAVEN’T FINISHED PULLING OUT THE DAMN WEEDS YET, MATT
      • (Shiro named his animal crossing human YUMP…)
    • Matt and Shiro get so competitive over MarioKart sometimes they ended up missing class over it just like wii sports
      • Matt mains Princess Daisy, and Shiro mains King Boo
      • Shiro is lame and plays using the gamecube controller, while Matt is a normal fucking person who uses the Wii steering wheel
  • Shiro brings an N64 to their dorm because he think it’s clearly the best Nintendo system (and he’s right)
    • he forces Matt to play Majora’s Mask and Ocarina of time, or at least, forces Matt to watch him play
    • Shiro is an ASSHOLE who, on the third night in Majora’s Mask, when the moon will fall in less than a minute, will put down the damn controller and say “be right back gotta pee” and Matt just starts SCREAMING AND YELLING
  • Shiro makes fun of Matt by calling him random/different “white boy” names everyday
    • Shiro: Hey Steve
    • Matt:
    • Shiro: What’s up Larry
    • Matt:
    • Shiro: Yo…Kyle
    • Matt, soft but with feeling: you have been bullying me since I was 13 years old…
silly ladynoir things
  • chat starts Shit Talking Sundays bc there are some days when chat just needs to talk about how dumb his dad is being and ladybug needs to scream about this bratty bully in her history class
  • on days when they’re bored, they’ll board the metro in costume and ride it for a few stops purely for the shock value
  • chat finds out ladybug can’t whistle and spends every available opportunity trying to teach her
    • cn: *squishes her cheeks between his hands* you’re not pursing your lips enough and your tongue isn’t positioned correctly, try again
    • lb: my tongue is sitting in my mouth what do you mean it’s not positioned correctly i don’t ???????
  • joint naps during patrols are very much a thing bc these kids never sleep between school and akuma attacks. sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll find ladybug snoring on a rooftop with chat noir laid on top of her, drooling on her shoulder
  • when patrols get boring, ladybug will hop on chat noir’s back, make him shut his eyes, and act as his eyes while they try to patrol the city before switching places. they don’t talk about that time chat was laughing too hard to warn ladybug about the ledge and they almost fell off a roof. 
  • hide and seek games that last literally hours
    • they both cheat and bring their phones to stalk social media tags and see if anyone’s posted tips and/or sightings of them so that they can find the other
  • chat’s really good at massages so sometimes he’ll work out the kinks in ladybug’s shoulders when they have downtime bc “wow you carry so much tension in your neck please tell me you’re not hunched over your desk all day”
  • the eiffel tower is their honorary “it’s 3am and we can’t sleep” meeting place. 
  • they’ll often drop into parks and playgrounds and join with some of the neighborhood kids on games of tag, frisbee, and football
  • they have a going scoreboard for their impromptu arm wrestling competitions. last they checked the score was 32-35 with ladybug in the lead. 
  • they each have their own personal lists of dumb/funny things that the other has said
    • chat’s list of things ladybug has said: “sleep isn’t a thing you know. they lied to you. it’s not real,” “you ever wonder if i can spin a web with my yoyo?” “can lucky charm conjure me an A for this physics test tomorrow?” “i almost had my cat-eye eye liner perfect today before that akuma appeared and messed me up like that proximity to perfection might never happen again.”
    • ladybug’s list of things chat has said: “is there a place where we can borrow a microwave? i wanna see what happens if i use cataclysm on it,” “memes are like the dysfunctional family you didn’t ask for but didn’t know you needed,” “im like terrified an akuma attack is gonna happen when i’m in the shower while im naked and vulnerable,” “if i extend my staff long enough, do you think it’ll reach space?”

attention college freshmen/anyone feeding themselves for the first time

this is for you

it has come to my attention that some people are not feeding themselves properly bc they don’t know how to cook/aren’t sure how to cook on a budget. bc i am everyone’s mom (or at least everyone’s wise older sister) let me drop some very real Broke Rookie Cooking Knowledge. 2 of my favorite recipes are under the cut, both of which come out to $2 OR LESS PER SERVING.

-MAKE a MENU. pick out like 5 things you know how to make and buy JUST WHAT YOU NEED FOR THOSE THINGS. and also a few snacks, but otherwise, JUST THAT. don’t just buy some random-ass groceries you think you’ll need. (also, if you don’t know how to make 5 things, seriously just google simple dinner recipes. i used a “mississippi heirloom cookbook” my aunt gave me and got a ton of good ones.)

-tbh i don’t even buy snacks except for a giant box of cookies that lasts me like 2 weeks at a time and an assload of apples. snacking is bad for you, and if you don’t HAVE snacks, you can’t EAT snacks. fuck snacks.

-off-brand EVERYTHING. you think you can taste a difference? you CAN’T. get shit in cans. vegetables. pasta sauce. salsa. whatthefuckever. it all comes in cans, and it’s always cheaper. i have no idea why.

-whole grain bread and brown rice/pasta are not more expensive than the regular kind, and they keep you full longer. GET THEM.

-@ my americans, Dollar Tree has literally everything. every kitchen utensil. (it’s where i got my big-ass chef’s knife, and that bitch is still sharp.) dishes/cups. snacks. drinks. literal loaves of bread. all kinds of basics, from peanut butter to sriracha to progresso soup. some even have freezer sections. all for ONE DOLLAR. go to Dollar Tree first, then go to the grocery store for whatever you couldn’t find there. i s2g it saves me so much money. (they also have tupperware, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, EVERYTHING. for one dollar.)

-produce is way cheaper than you think. get some fresh vegetables. you really will start to feel like a bag of hot garbage if you don’t eat your veggies.

-COOK in ADVANCE. i work during the day and go to school in the evenings, then i come home and work out. lemme tell you, my ass does NOT wanna cook when im done with all that. cook shit in big quantities, stock up on tupperware (dollar treeeeee), and stick it in the fridge for later. when you’re exhausted and remember you have instant dinner already made, you will want to kiss yourself.

-find some sandwiches you love. make a lot of sandwiches. (pls for the love of God dont use kraft american singles tho. deli-sliced cheese is literally right next to it, and it is NOT more expensive.)`

-FUCK organic free-range shit. you got organic free-range money? GREAT. i sure as hell don’t, and neither do most people. don’t waste your money trying to live your foodstagram #goals while you’re young and poor.

-if you qualify for SNAP/EBT, GET THAT SHIT. there are some assholes out there that will tell you not to, to leave it for the ~real~ poor people. tell them, ‘motherfucker I AM REAL POOR.’ for real though, corporations take advantage of any assistance the government gives them and they still lobby for more. you’d be a fool not to do the same. 

now some cheap-ass recipes

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also re: teens sitting around with their tablets and smartphones

like, if a kid can access the internet (with some privacy still) while also sitting in the same room as their parents, honestly that’s better and more social than what I did as a teenager, which was hole up in my room at my desktop computer that I couldn’t move anywhere else in the house

mostly what I see from the teens in my family is they will sit and scroll through their phone, but if something interesting starts happening, or a new person enters the room, or they see something cool they want to share, they look up and interact again, because they’re sitting right there with everyone else.

that is waaaay more social than 2002 me, hunched over my desktop for hours and only seeing my mom in passing when I went to microwave a burrito at 1am. way, way more social.

How to dry rose petals the lazy way

My dear husband gave me some pretty white-pinkish roses for Valentines Day and as they were starting to wilt I figured it would be a waste to just throw them out. So why not dry them! My usual method of drying involved bundling the flowers and hang them upside down over a radiator. I used to do this quite a lot when I was a teenager but I have lost the patience to do so (Also I don’t have a suitable radiator in my current house anymore)

I looked around for a faster method and stumbled upon a few options:

Option 1: Place petals on a flat surface in a warm environment with lots of ventilation and leave for a loooooong time.
No. Not an option if you have a hyperactive 4 year old running around and destroying everything in his path.

Option 2: Dry them using an oven. Place rose petals on an oventray and put them in the oven on 200 degrees while leaving the oven door open.
Still takes too long for me so I found another method:

Option 3: Nuke the fuckers. The microwave, Now let me tell you, I was a bit skeptic about this. I mean, rose petals in the microwave? I don’t know man. But hey, they said on the internet that it would take only a minute. Not too bad,so I tried it.

I placed the petals on a plate covered in kitchen paper, making sure that the petals were not touching each other. I place the plate in the microwave and blasted them for a minute an a half. They were not completely dry yet so I nuked them for another minute. The came out perfectly dry.
You want them to be crunchy, like potato chips, if they are still bendy, there’s still some moisture left in them.

 After they’re nuked till crispy I placed them on a baking tray to dry for another 48 hours before storing them in an airtight container (I placed the tray on top of a closet and out of sight from my dear little monster child)

^ This is the result of me being an impatient little shit.
I put the 2nd batch of petals in the microwave for a full 3,5 minutes because, hey, maybe it’s faster than checking on them every 30 seconds…
Burnt the everloving fuck out of the poor things.
So be patient.

Tah-daah. Finished. 
The pot I used is a glass airtight pot that used to hold instant coffee. The only reason I drink instant coffee is because of the pretty pots like this one, I’m building up quite a collection of them. They’re very useful to store various stuff in

Anyway, I hope this was useful!
I’ll make a new post about what to do with them once I figure it out myself :)

"hoe" tips #2 💋💕

• to make nails grow faster, mix ¼ cup of organic coconut oil, ¼ cup of raw organic honey, and 4 drops of rosemary essential oil. warm it up in the microwave for 15 seconds or less, soak your nails in it for 15 minutes. do this 1-2 times a week because it’s a form of nail exfoliation 💅

• steer clear of acetone-based nail polish! they will scrap your nails and leave them thinner. 👎 gel nail polish is safer and stays on for longer. 👏

• take your supplements if you seriously need them !!! invest in some biotins, omega 3 and omega 6 oils when they’re necessary to improve your health. if not, YOU ARE FINE. you’ll find what you need in your food👌 btw, if you’re black, we especially need vitamin d and sunlight! get that money and TREAT.YO.SELF.

• every once in a while, you get broke hoe problems and we can’t make sugar scrubs without the right ingredients. 😥 but, you got a few bananas left? got some cocoa butter and shea butter, some apricot kernel oil, a little brown sugar too?? MIX THAT SHIT TOGETHER AND PUT IT IN A BLENDER. when it’s completely smooth, pour into a mason jar and add in the brown sugar 👍👍👍 your legs will feel silky smooth and refreshed after the exfoliation, trust.

• drink. your. green. tea!!!! 🍵 i cannot stress this enough! it cleanses bad toxins out of your body, eliminates unneeded bacteria, promotes faster metabolism, and can also promote growth for hair. get at least 1 cup in when you have the time 💧

• change your scarves and pillowcases out if they are cotton. cotton makes the hair brittle and dry and recycles bacteria and dirt into the pores of your face. ❌ using soft fabric like silk and satin will be more gentle on your hair. also, wash your pillowcase every week! avoid all the bad stuff and wallow in the clear. 🌟🌟🌟

• get your protein treatments, ASAP. it cleanses your hair while deep conditioning it and clarifying it of product build-up and leaves your tresses soft and smooth. whip up an egg and 3 tbsps raw plain yogurt mix and massage it into your hair. wash out the egg with cold water after, if not , it will fry inside your hair under heat or with hot water! leave it in for 20 minutes under a heat source, rinse, and then continue on with your shampoo routine ✨✨👸💆

• (FOR NONBINARY PEOPLE, BIOLOGICAL WOMEN, PEOPLE WHO STICK TO THEIR ASSIGNED GENDER) not as busty in the bra size or big in the ass area?? don’t worry. v-necks, crop tees, high waisted shorts/jeans, halter tops, and leggings are great alternatives to emphasizing your body. do your squats!! do your leg exercises!! do your push-ups for those bigger boobs!! never stop pushing yourself to better your body 💪👊☝if you are biologically male, nonbinary, or stick to your assigned gender, maca root supplements help speed up metabolism and balances out the hormones, which would help it have a growth spurt, if wanted 💕

• ginger tea is great if you are hungover and it cures nausea 💝💞

• avoid. putting. coconut oil. in. your. vagina (if you have one) !!!! it is antibacterial and antifungal and does wonders for hair and nails, but steer clear of physically inserting it inside of you. it’s a recipe for a yeast infection, or better yet, if you do it before getting busy in the bedroom, unwanted pregnancy! because it EATS HOLES IN LATEX CONDOMS!!! 👎✊

• do your eyebrows/eyelashes a favor and put extra virgin olive oil and castor oil combined on them. rub it in gently and don’t regret one second!! do it daily for a couple weeks, and you WILL get thicker eyebrows/longer eyelashes. 💋👂

• looking for a makeup remover, but they just don’t work out? mix 2 tbsps alcohol-free rose witch hazel (diluted with water to numb its astringent effect *for sensitive skin ppl out there*) 2 tbsps jojoba oil, and of course, 2 tbsps filtered water. add them all together and pour it into a dispenser and shake it well before using. wipe it on your eyelids with unscented towelettes and walah!! 💁🙌

to get at stray makeup, dip a cotton q-tip into the mixture and be careful and gentle.


• you see this everywhere, but pee after sex!!! please!!!! avoid a uti and infection by doing so. even then, it won’t prevent you entirely from STDs. get tested, get your partner tested! 😘😉

• red raspberry leaf tea helps with heavy and irregular bleeding during your period (if you’re a biological female), and the fragrarine helps tone and tighten the pelvic muscles, which reduces cramps! 🍓🍓🍓🍓 drink it regularly before your period to see results! • black tea is a natural lip toner! spray onto your lips or rub it in and get them plump, soft, and refreshed! 🍷

• love yourself! 💞💕 pamper your needs and chill at an expensive spa, get a bullet journal, drink your water. drown yourself in well-deserved luxury! me-time is the best time. 😊

happy hoeing!

Easy ways to do magick

There are hundreds of complex, glamourous spells all over the internet, and some of these spells are wonderful. However, some people don’t have to time, energy, motivation, or money to do those sorts of spells. For those people, here are some easy spell ideas.

1. Do some birthday-like magick! Light a candle, make a wish, and blow it out. (You can also snuff it out or let it burn down, depending on what you believe works best.)

2. Alternatively, blow dandelion seeds while making a wish.

3. Chant while preparing food. Even if it’s just microwaved ramen or something of the sort, give it a few stirs and chant your intent. (For example: “I will have good dreams tonight.”)

4. Before taking a bath, write your intent on a piece of paper. Fold up the paper and leave it in the bath water for a few minutes to let the water be charged with your intent. (This would work best for spells designed to affect the caster, such as glamour spells. It would probably not be a good idea to cast a curse this way.)

5. Keep a diary and write about things you want to happen as if they already have. For example, if you want someone to ask you out, write an entry about them doing so.

6. Simply think about your intent while listening to a song that reminds you of it. 

7. Before drinking anything, whisper your intent into the glass or bottle.

8. Wear colors that correspond to your goal and focus on your intent while getting dressed. If you’re unable to get dressed every morning, you could also wear jewelry, nail polish, or makeup of the color.

Things I learned you’ll actually need for your dorm after one year of college that you probably won’t see on pinterest

So, I recently finished my first year at college (which was definitely an adventure, and probably one of the best years of my life so far) and I’ve made a few mistakes, but none that couldn’t be fixed. For example, I really didn’t do adequate research as to what I’ll actually need for my dorm room because I was too busy fantasizing how I was gonna diy decorate my dorm room into a pinterest masterpiece. Anyway, I quickly learned my lesson.

Basically, your dorm room isn’t just for display. You live there. It’s gonna get messy, it’s gonna have to store a lot of stuff, and you’re not always going to have time to keep it in pristine condition because life gets crazy. But you can deal with it, I promise, and for all the new freshman prepping for their first dorm experience, I want to give some advice on how you can be prepared for what college life actually hits you with.

Alright, so I actually ended up being in a triple (so I had two roommates) which meant I had even less space than the average broom-closet sized dorm room and I had two people I had to get along with. Thankfully, we all ended up being really close and very considerate of each other, and I am incredibly grateful for it. We learned our lessons together, and this is the list of stuff we came up with:

1. Vacuum: Get a real vacuum, maybe a cheap one (not like a crazy dyson), but a real one. Not just a handheld one (like we had) because it won’t be enough. Girls shed hair. A lot. (especially three long haired girls like us) People might accidentally spill a bag of powdered sugar on your rug, or you might rip open a bag of cereal a little too vigorously, or, more seriously, you might break something like glass and you don’t want anyone cutting open their foot on a shard. 

2. Swiffer: If your floor was linoleum like ours (that’s why we needed a rug, which I’ll mention later), then it will get dusty and dirty. Having a swiffer is just nice to have because once you vacuum your rug clean, you don’t want the dirt on the linoleum getting on the rug. Plus, it’s gonna a rain and there’s gonna be mud. It’s gross.

3. Brita filter: So my dorm was actually the absolute best freshman dorm not just because the people were amazing, but because we had sinks. IN OUR ROOMS. It is just so CONVENIENT. Anyway, I am fully aware that not everyone is as lucky as us and the only sinks will be in the bathroom. A Brita filter pitcher is nice to keep in your fridge because you can have fresh clean in your room at any given moment.

4. Trash can: We had three in our room for each person but they kinda ended up being shared based on location in the room, but yeah. You need somewhere to throw away stuff.

5. Plastic bags or just garbage bags: And not only do you need a place to throw away stuff, you need plastic bags or garbage bags for clean disposal. And trash piles up real fast in your tiny room, so you’ll need to replenish these bags very often. I learned from my mom that you always have a place to store your plastic bags, and so we had a designated plastic bag drawer where we kept all the bags from our local campus convenience store, or the drug store, or wherever. Trust me, it’s saved lives. (as in, barf bags)

6. Command hooks: So we had to bunk two beds and loft another to have enough room and it’s kind of a pain in the ass to constantly climb down to throw something out so we had a trash bag hanging from a command hook on my roommate’s lofted bed and yeah. That bag has saved lives. (same situation as above) Plus, you can hang hats, bags, towels, little caddies for your toothbrush off of these hooks and it’s just so nice because you don’t lose things.

7. Clorox wipes: Again, stuff gets gross, and you’ll unfortunately need to clean things (ie your mom doesn’t clean everything for you anymore). Have two packs stored because you never know.

8. Dish soap: Real dishes need to be washed well, or else you’ll get sick.

9. Sponges: For the dish soap. And the dishes.

10. Windex: For our mirror, which we wrote on with washable marker, and I killed ants with it too. 

11. Storage for food: Something airtight so bugs can’t get to it, like a trunk. We also had mice sometimes go into our vents. And then into people’s rooms. They’re looking for a warm place to hide, and food. Don’t leave food out is the lesson. But also have food in your room! Our room was well known to always have food and its really nice when you’re staying up late and everything is closed.

12. Tissues: Freshman plague is so real. You will most certainly get it, and probably several times too. 

13. Vitamins and medicine: Your immune system is gonna get a work out in college. Help it out with some vitamin C tablets. Have some tylenol or advil for headaches and aches and pains. And side note, if you’re really sick, just go to the health center, you don’t have to suffer through it.

14. Slippers: Get a comfy, cheap pair (because sometimes dorm hallways are gross, especially on the weekends) that you can wear all around your building and still be comfy.

15. Power strip: So much stuff needs to be plugged in and you definitely won’t have enough outlets between you and your roommate(s).

16. Printer: Okay, this seems a little unreasonable, but we were lucky because my one roommate had a spare one at home (how though??) and I have frequently said it is my favorite thing in our room. It has come in clutch so many times. But if you have a campus printer near you, or if its too expensive, it’s fine not to have one. But if you do get one, I would recommend getting one that is NOT wireless. University wifi doesn’t like you using other wifi (ie it won’t work). Get a printer that has a cable.

17. Plastic plates and forks: We have real dishes and silverware too, but plastic stuff is just easier clean up.

18. Rug: I almost forgot about this one.The floor gets cold and a rug also makes a room feel homier. You and your friends are gonna sit there and bond all that fun stuff, and someone might even sleepover on it (if they have a sleeping bag).

19. Chairs: So we actually didn’t have any other chairs other than the ones that university gave us for our desks and those are okay and everything, but some of our friends had these amazing, foldable, springy chairs that were so comfortable and also a lot of fun, and I am definitely getting one for my room next year. 

Other things you might need but might forget (maybe?):

Razors

Umbrella

Rain boots

Rain coat

Extra towels

Contact solution

Favorite mug

Tea

Stapler

Make up wipes

Facials

Lamp

Of course, this is not an exhaustive list, you’ll definitely need other things (like a fridge, microwave, sheets, pillows, decorations, etc), or see that you really don’t need some of the things I’ve mentioned. Honestly, do what you feel is best and good luck! I loved my first year at college! Like basically everyone, I had some trouble adjusting at first. I felt pretty lonely in the beginning too, but once you start going, things start to fall into place. I met some great people, had some great classes, and honestly, I’m going to miss my first year–even with all the excitement of being an upperclassman next semester.

I hope this helped and that you have just as great of an experience in your first year as I did–actually, even better!

ao3 link


Yuuri is in the kitchen when he hears Victor call it out in question. They had just finished up supper and Victor had cooked so Yuuri was in the kitchen washing up the dishes to return the favor. And he’s just standing by the dishwasher, humming idly and wondering if Victor has picked out a movie for them to watch or if tonight is going to be a night where they watch game shows featuring Victor yelling out the answers that can actually be correct on occasion. It had been a long day at the rink and Yuuri even wonders if maybe they’ll have a nice glass of wine before bed.

So, Yuuri is just minding his own business, not thinking twice when Victor calls out his name. He hums back, expecting a question or statement about leftovers but then…

“What’s yaoi?”

Keep reading

Being college roommates with Peter Parker would include

Done with the amAZING @purelyparker  

  • When you move in you walk into the dorm and the first person you see is Aunt May
  • She’s just folding all of Peter’s clothes and making his bed (doing Mom stuff)
  • Peter’s in the corner of the room like “Aunt Mayyyyyy” cause he’s annoyed by her doing everything but secretly loves it
  • When he sees you at the door he immediately drops what he’s doing and runs over to help you with your boxes
  • But he kinda trips
  • Cause his side of the room is still all messy
  • And so your first meeting is basically just him uncomfortably tackling you
  • “ohmygoshimsosorryareyouokayhereletmehelpyouwithyourthings”
  • May starts to leave and Peter gets all e m o t i o n a l
  • But he wants to seem tough so he tries to hold in his tears
  • As soon as she leaves though he’s a goner 
  • He starts BAWLING AW BABYY
  • You don’t really know what to do cause he’s just apologizing to you the whole time
  • Once he calms down a lil bit you go and sit with him and try to make him laugh
  • It works and he stops sniffling
  • “I’m just really gonna miss her”
  • After that he’s convinced he made an awful first impression 
  • Even though you found it really touching
  • But he does everything in his power to make you like him
  • He’ll come back to the dorm with an assortment of cookies
  • “I didn’t know which kind you liked”
  • You guys eat cookies and laugh and watch some tv while you set up your beds and stuff
  • He’s still convinced you hate him though :’(
  • He sees you brought a joke book and so he flips through it and tries to memorize the funny ones to weave into conversation
  • Like he actually tells knock-knock jokes when he knocks on the door
  • “Knock, knock!”
  • “Peter you can just come in”
  • “You’re supposed to say who’s there”
  • “Who’s there?”
  • “Disc”
  • “Disc who?”
  • “Disc is a recorded message…” *snicker*
  • You laugh a lil extra to make him feel better
  • Then he starts trying to impress you with like clique guy things
  • He legit prints out the Wikipedia page for “Football” 
  • The kid studies the page
  • So when you guys actually go to your college’s football game he cheers like the entire time even though he has 0 idea what’s going on
  • But that’s okay because you buy you guys pom poms and you both just cheer together and are just really cute
  • “Wait do you actually know what’s going on”
  • “No, Peter, I don’t like sports”
  • “Oh thank GOD
  • He quits the act and you can tell he’s a lot less squeamish around you
  • Okay okay but both of you hate going to class
  • You are both always, always late but you kiss up to the professor for each other so it’s okay
  • Sometimes you guys will take turns going to class
  • Your schedules are almost identical anyway
  • Peter will take notes in class and bring them back to you to copy if he heard that you went to bed really late the night before
  • He’ll actually turn your alarms off because he knows you need your sleep
  • If you fall asleep studying he’ll put a blanket over you
  • And then a pillow under your head
  • And just do so much to make you comfy that he’ll wake you up
  • “Peter what are you -”
  • “Shhh, shh, go back to sleep”
  • He’ll take selfies with you while you sleep though
  • Like pose with you and make stupid faces and all that cute stuff
  • He’ll draw mustaches on you
  • “If I can’t grow facial hair then you should be able to”
  • And then he’ll send them to you so that when you wake up you can see him giving you bunny ears while you druel on your paper
  • You actually find out about him being Spiderman within like the first couple weeks though
  • Cause he always swings aiming for your guys’ room but might end up crashing into someone else’s
  • Why do all the rooms have to look the same??”
  • He always accidentally puts his suit in with all of your laundry though so everything always shrinks and turns pink
  • But Peter actually has no clue how to do laundry
  • “Can’t I just send May my clothes? I can send yours too, if ya want”
  • “Peter we are not sending your aunt clothes to wash
  • He tries to use detergent once but puts way too much in and everything smells like soap for like four weeks
  • He doesn’t know how to go grocery shopping either
  • He’ll like send you pictures of stuff at the store cause he doesn’t know which brand mac and cheese to get you guys don’t even need mac and cheese
  • You try to help but he just is afraid he’ll mess it up so he comes home with like 17 boxes 
  • “Peter are those all mac and cheese boxes?”
  • “There were just so many - I chose the ones that looked the yummiest”
  • He ends up trying to cook the mac and cheese in the microwave in a plastic bowl without any water and a metal spoon
  • Soooo the fire alarm goes off and the whole building has to evactuate
  • He’s so careful about showering and stuff
  • He hates communal showers
  • “What if I get… like.. foot fungus?”
  • He’s so sweet about you showering so innocent
  • “Peter can you hand me some shampoo”
  • “Are you sure?”
  • “Peter I need shampoo”
  • He falls over everything because he was covering his eyes and shutting them
  • “Peter are you okay? What’s taking so long?”
  • “I fell in the toilet”
  • “You wh AT?”
  • Peter loves your girly shampoo
  • He uses it like every day but never wants to fess up to it
  • You totally realize you’re going through it a lot faster though but it’s okay because it makes his hair smell so good and he knows it
  • OKAY BUT PETER ASKS FOR GIRL HELP LIKE 25/7
  • Before he goes on a date he’ll buy like seven colognes and ask which one “gives off nice guy vibes”
  • “It’s cologne Peter, none of them do”
  • He’ll find your bras and thongs lying around sometimes and feel really bad when he does
  • Thongs confuse him so much though
  • “But… where does the… where does the butt go?”
  • Peter oh my gosh
  • One day he actually just asks “what are turn ons”
  • One time you guys tried kissing but vowed never to again because you’re friends
  • On your period he is so damn clique
  • Like buys you a bunch of ice cream and stuff
  • “What size, uh, tampons do you wear?”
  • “Peter did you go to the store just to get me tampons?”
  • “…Yeah, uh, about that, what do they look like? Like I know what they look like but what does the box look like?”
  • “Peter you don’t have to get me tampons I have plenty”
  • “But… what if you run out?”
  • On Valentine’s Day you guys will just chill in the dorm and pretend to be chocolate connoisseurs 
  • “Hmm this one tastes very… chocolatey” 
  • “Peter that’s the wrapper”
  • Whenever you go on dates Peter won’t let you walk home alone
  • “Peter it’s okay I’m like five minutes away” 
  • “But it’s - it’s dangerous. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
  • HES JUST TOO SWEET AND PROTECTIVE
  • Whenever he gets rejected by a girl he’ll just be super sad for the next couple of days
  • But you’ll just give him super long hugs and he’ll feel better
  • He actually loves rom coms but won’t fess up to it
  • You guys love watching shows together but can never agree on ships
  • “BUT THEY’RE SO PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER”
  • “Peter you’re WRONG”
  • “But looK AT HOW HE LOOKS AT HER
  • Peter being curious about your makeup so you give him a makeover once
  • “How do I look?”
  • “You look gorgeous”
  • “R-really?”
  • “No this was an awful idea”
  • Legit pillow fights ALL THE TIME
  • Sometimes you’ll be trying to work and he’ll just jump on the bed to try to distract you
  • “Peter will you stop jumping?
  • “YOU’VE BEEN WORKING FOR SO LONG”
  • You guys will 100% have Star Wars marathons after midterms
  • Then you’ll get all geeky and make another Lego Death Star to decorate your dorm
  • Also video-chatting Aunt May whenever possible
  • Peter will leave lil inspirational and positive post-it notes around everywhere when he sees you’re stressed or sad
  • You guys just care so much about each other it’s ridiculous
  • Peter always sleeps with a bear and a night light though because honestly he’s still just a little boy
  • Sometimes he’ll have really bad nightmares and you will get up to calm him down
  • He occasionally loses his bear too, so you serve as replacement
  • He loves being the little spoon
  • He’s memorized your coffee order and will go on a coffee run to help you during all-nighters
  • Also he knows your food order for literally every restaurant around you because you guys get take out 4/7 days of the week
  • Your guys’ favorite is Thai of course
  • Cause you larb each other
  • Oh yeah PUNS ALL THE TIME TOO
  • You steal his pun shirts because they’re just too pure
  • “Have you seen my telekinesis shirt?”
  • “Which one? Thiiiiis one?”
  • “THATS MINE YOU CANT JUST WEAR IT WHENEVER YOU WANT
  • But honestly you can wear it whenever cause Peter finds it endearing
  • Literally everything you do Peter finds endearing
  • And you for him
  • You guys are just the best
  • Best friends and just the. best.
Modern High Lords AU

Rhys: Which one of you assholes forgot the popcorn?

Kallias: *puts his hands up* Okay, I told Helion that it was his turn bring the popcorn…I swear I did, because he said, “You know what else is poppin’?” 

Helion: I brought kettlecorn because it’s better.

All: *groan*

Thesan: Is it microwaved or airpopped? Because microwavable popcorn will kill you–

All: *groan*

Tarquin: Shut up, it’s starting. *He’s wrapped in a blanket on the couch because it is freezing in Rhysand’s apartment*

They all quickly sit down on the couch.

Tarquin: Helion, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop–

Helion: I’m keeping you warm–

Rhys: Hey, not on this couch. This is my good couch. I like this couch. 

Tarquin: Nothing is happening on this couch! Now shut up because–

*Game of Thrones theme starts playing*

All: DUUUN DUUUN DUNDUNDUNDUUN DUUUN DUNDUNDUUN DUHDUH DUNDUN DUHDUH DUNDUN

Rhys: Hey, Beron didn’t try to show up this time!

Kallias: Yeah, because he tried to spoil the next episode. We kicked him out, remember?

Rhys: I thought that’s why we kicked out Tamlin.

Thesan: No, we kicked out Tamlin because he kept trying to fast forward to the sex scenes. *sly glance at Tarquin* At least Tamlin didn’t giggle

Tarquin: I am not that young! It was only because Helion was tickling me!

Helion: Aha so you admit you felt something!

Kallias: Hey, does anyone know where the females go when we watch this?

Rhys: They go to Nesta’s to watch something called ‘Magic Mike’…

Tarquin and Kallias: What the hell is that?

Helion and Thesan: Oh my god, we’re in the wrong apartment. 

Viktor's Sleeping Patterns

Yuuri & Viktor are sleeping

Viktor: ……… *GASPS* Yuuri, wake up, wake up!!!

Yuuri: *was woken up by Viktor shaking his shoulders*….wh-what? Viktor, what’s wrong!?!

Viktor: What happens if, LIKE
Viktor: -you turned on the microwave
Viktor: without putting anything in it ??

Yuuri: I don’t fucking know, Viktor, go to sleep.

bitty dates anonther falconer au
  • so the graduation kiss doesn’t happen
  • and bitty tries to move on and jack goes onto join the falconers
  • and there’s some falcs family get-together early on in the pre-season and bob and alicia can’t make it for Reasons
  • so jack invites his other family
  • which – is sort of a terrible idea bc Tater’s flying solo so he adopts Ransom and Holster and shenanigans happen immediately
  • (think Tater and Bitty doing lifts on the ice but with ransom and holster and alcohol)
  • and shitty’s hanging all over jack because they haven’t seen each other in weeks and he introduces himself to everyone as jack’s brother – “but not like a lame- ass biological brother, a brother of the heart” – and lardo’s somehow got all these falcs rookies following her around like little ducklings
  • so bits is kind of off by himself, hovering near the refreshments to monitor which pies are most popular
  • (he might be distancing himself from jack on purpose. he might be trying to move on. it might be really hard.)

Keep reading

I really appreciate Stardew Valley because Shane’s depression is really realistic. Like he microwaves all of his food because he can’t be bothered to actually cook and he talks about watching a lot of TV to distract himself from life and he drinks to numb himself. He even makes those little quips about death and outright says “I don’t want to be around long enough to have a ‘plan’”. Like okay, those are all fair enough. But what really gets me is that, after you build your friendship up with him, even after his suicide attempt and he agrees to go to therapy, he’s not just suddenly happy. He’s not some romance novel love-made-my-depression-end happy. You get propose to him and he’s still like “??? I suck though.” and even when you’re married and he lives with you and loves his life more than he previously did, there are still days he lays in bed all day and feels like garbage. I love that he’s still working through it realistically, and they didn’t just make it some bullshit where he was happy forever now. AND ON TOP OF THAT he doesn’t get better for YOU. He gets better for HIMSELF. And his aunt and his goddaughter!!!! AND HIS FUCKING CHICKENS HE LOVES THOSE CHICKENS SO MUCH. 

Sry I have a lot of feelings about Shane.