and what's up with this microwave

kepzandme  asked:

Hey Sam, Ihave been noticing that you perhaps cook a lot during the weekend. Do you box stiff up for the week? Do you plan meals ahead of time? I am trying to make sure I have some homemade food for the week so I'm not inevitably hitting the deli for a lunch sandwich on a weekday trying to live on a budget. Any advice please?

I do cook primarily on the weekends and box stuff up for the week, yes, but I don’t really plan meals ahead of time. What I do instead is cook three to four dishes that can be portioned out into tupperware, and then I just eat on that all week, with occasional cooked meals for dinners and such. Realistically that usually stretches them out to two weeks. 

Basically I cook a lot of food that can be separated out into meal-sized tupperware and reheated easily. Stuff like noodles and meat in sauce (stroganoff, meatballs in red sauce, Japanese curry chicken udon) reheats well in the microwave because all the “solids” like noodles and veg and such are suspended in a sauce, which steams them and keeps them from drying out or turning chewy. Also stuff like casseroles, enchiladas, risotto. 

So I make a crapload of this stuff, and I measure out five lunch’s worth (or in my case, really, ten smaller packets, since I eat two small meals at work instead of one lunch – I have “lunch” at 10:30 and “tea” at 2). I often take more than one day’s food at a time, just so I don’t have to remember to pack lunch in every day, then when I’m at work I can choose what I’m in the mood for. 

The rest of the food, the food that doesn’t fit into that week’s meal plan, I throw in the freezer. I think really that’s the key: leftovers go in the freezer for a bit so by the time I take them out they’re something I want to eat again. And I make sure there’s a variety, like I always have at least three different dishes to choose from. Plus I pack little treats like mini cheeses or hardboiled eggs in case I don’t want something hot. 

I also kind of started listening to my cravings and compensating for them. Like, I really like getting a meatball sandwich sometimes, so I brought meatballs-and-pasta into my rotation – I just make a crapload of meatballs over the weekend (which you can make yourself, or buy freezer meatballs), cook them in spaghetti sauce so that they’ve got that nice “braised in tomato” flavor that meatballs at the sandwich shop have, and stir them into a pot of macaroni, then dish that up for lunches. In the winter I tend to want french fries all the time, but mashed potatoes are a good substitute, so I would make a bunch of tupperwares that were chicken in a sauce on the bottom, topped with mashed potatoes. 

We tend to think of lunch as a light meal, a salad or a sandwich, but I almost never eat either – I always have a hot meal that sounds more like it would be suited to a dinner, I just eat a smaller portion than I would at dinner. Reframing how I thought of lunch in that way really helped me to get onboard with the “cook on the weekend, eat it all week” idea. 

got7 making a meal for their S/O | imagine

yugyeom:
- a microwaveable TV dinner for two
- “bone apple titties!” (Bon appetit)
- opens up a bottle of exclusive, pure tree-grown grape juice
- is not getting the succ
- s/o ends up cooking
- yugyeom decides to eat the two meals anyway
- “So what it’s a kids meal!”
- throws a fit since his S/O is disappointed every time he ‘cooks’
- doesn’t know how to operate a stove
- makes his S/O suffer by making them reach for their food

jackson:
- mr. organic
- actually can cook but is too afraid
- screams while frying the food since the oil starts popping
- burns his organic & non-GMO chicken dish
- “is the smoke in the air supposed to be black?”
- has no shirt on while he cooks
- loud because he’s Jackson
- requests for his S/O to call him ‘Chef Daddy’
- pours red wine in a glass out on the patio of Paris
- forces S/O to taste the food just in case to see who it might poison first
- tries to be sexy while he brings out the food but falls over


mark:
- “I’m not cooking wtf.”
- actually ends up cooking
- looks online at some random recipe and throws everything together
- is afraid of high heat and yells “Oh my goodness!” Every time the grease pops
- has on an oversized hoodie as he cooks with his S/O admiring him
- probably made burgers or something simple
- “Say ahh.” he would say trying to feed them
- feeds his S/O because it’s cute
- has a conversation over random things while he laughs loudly

bambam:
- the smell of burnt casserole can be smelled everywhere
- almost burns the house down
- forces his S/O to dab with him or they get no food
- takes out wine so he can seem more adult
- does failed aegyo
- ends up ordering fast food since he can’t cook anything but convenience store ramen
- “So I’m sitting here with barbecue sauce on my titties..” he would say at the table reminiscing what he and Yugyeom were doing yesterday while he eats his food
- shoves food down his S/O’s throat while attempting to do a 'couples thing’

youngjae:
- “this is youngjae dinner!”
- makes breakfast for dinner
- the setup up the breakfast is in a smiley face
- is very adorable unintentionally
- says 'tada!’ when he finishes it which warms his S/O’s heart
- gives them orange juice and a side of fruit
- feeds them while barely eating
- constantly giving small innocent pecks on their face which makes them blush
- makes their S/O seem like the luckiest person ever
- food is bomb as heck

jaebum:
- “So like…what chu tryna eat?”
- ends up making fried chicken (who would’ve knew?)
- has no shirt on revealing his broad muscular shoulders and body
- always makes his S/O blush and feel 'needy’
- makes his S/O make room for Nora, Kunta, Odd and 12 other stray cats he found on the road last week
- takes glances at them here and there while smirking
- talks about mountains and gives really intense life lessons while they eat
- a true old grandpa cat man
- doesn’t feed his S/O or has time for aegyo since it’s stupid to him

jinyoung:
- steak and potatoes with wine
- his S/O and him are most likely in another country
- lights are dimmed in the fancy dining room
- makes sure his S/O eats before him
- food is cooked to perfection
- admires them as he eats his food
- a true babe
- discusses why his S/O should read books more often
- ends up being savage
- “You know, you can cook sometimes too, right? I’m not about to do every damn thing!”


This text post is not limited to just the members only being with females since I see mainly the members having their S/O as a woman. They are entitled to whatever it is they prefer. 🏳️‍🌈

Erskine can't cook for shit

Don’t ever let him near your kitchen. He will blow up your cooker, set fire to the toaster and flood the fridge. Ghastly learned this the hard way when he came into his own kitchen to find Erskine in the middle of some Darquesse-worthy carnage, brandishing a fire extinguisher at the microwave.

“What the hell did you do!?”
“I was just trying to make myself some breakfast I don’t know what happened!!”

tonberryqueen  asked:

Ngl do to Jack's background and some of his habits I head cannon he grew up extremely poor. So I see him as the guy who eats well done meat because that's what you have to do with cheap sketchy meat. His taste in beer is for the gross piss beer. It's not a vegetable if it didn't come out of a can. His eating habits suck because when you have no money you have no choice. God he probably microwaves ramen.

this makes a lot of sense! and is another reason why i think he kind of just spends money willy nilly when he gets rich. buys random things or like status symbols and has odd habits and tastes that old money would turn their nose up at 

eyeloch  asked:

Hera Syndulla, for your latest ask game?

My random headcanon for Hera Syndulla is that she doesn’t know how to cook. She grew up an aristocrats daughter in a household with servants. Then she left home on her personal ship and lived on prepackaged meals. She can space!microwave like a pro, but would have no clue how to make something from scratch. That’s what Kanan is for.

i love comforting nihilism. who cares, we’re all gonna die. eat that cake. buy that eyeshadow. be nice to people. you dont owe the world shit. the stars dont care about what we do. give anyway because why spend your eighty years on this rock miserable and making other people miserable. the sun is going to blow up and we’re all gonna die someday. make the most of what time you do have. use the fine china for taco night and microwave lunch. smell the flowers. tell a stranger they are beautiful. 

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 2

We did it amigos. Another list! I am so grateful that you all are sharing your ideas to help inspire others (faith in humanity restored)

  1. “Where is my fucking pudding?!”
  2. “I thought we agreed to never use butter for that reason again…”
  3. “Well if it’s the guy who never shuts up about toilet paper!”
  4. “Honey, did you see my sniper rifle?”
  5. “Oops…”
  6. “God damn it he died. Whatever. Just leave him there.”
  7. “Listen, I know you’re upset, but please put down the baking soda before someone gets hurt.”
  8. “Look, about the monkey…”
  9. “I don’t understand! I only used a finger.”
  10. “It’s not as hard as you think, I promise.”
  11. “well this is what i call hell of a night”
  12. “How could an entire school disappear?”
  13. “What do you mean the brownies are "not quite brownies”?“
  14. "Yes, I understand that its cool, but why does your toaster have wings?” “Well its alive of course. It flies.”
  15. “Don’t turn that on!”
  16. “Wait…I’m also- technically- underage and you’re a stranger…should I be screaming also?”
  17. “I though you meant "literally” metaphorically. “
  18. "Ok so don’t get mad but I might have started a war.”
  19. “Good morning… I see the assassins failed again.”
  20. “You’re a murderer, how are you working at a hospital?”
  21. “That cat just stole my cereal!”
  22. “Did you see that? Please tell me you saw it.”
  23. “Hey, can you stop shooting people right now? We’re trying to sleep.”
  24. “THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS KEITH!”
  25. “If you think I’m leaving you and your demon eyes and evil horns you’re wrong.”
  26. “What do you mean, this isn’t Earth?”
  27. “Damn it, ____! Not peanuts again!”
  28. “Why did I just press the big red button?”
  29. “So tell me again why this dead body is being sent to Goodwill?”
  30. “Lucifer, I know that we said we would share rent but you never said anything about your brother living with us.”
  31. “God dammit, I’m supposed to be a bat! Why the hell am I a possum, Karen?!”
  32. “Sarah, where’s the dog?” “Up in space?”
  33. “You had only one job and it wasn’t even a difficult task, but seriously, how did you end up like this!?”
  34. “Well I never said I WASN’T going to kill the bartender …”
  35. “I mean, it was only a small eldritch being, so it wasn’t that bad…”
  36. “Hold me back bro!”
  37. “I think there’s a new lifeform evolving in my fridge.”
  38. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
  39. “Can we have lunch now, or do you still want to continue looking at dead people?”
  40. “I can’t believe you ate my cheese…we’re over”
  41. “Sometimes I wonder why we’re still friends.” “Because I turned you into a cyborg after being shredded by an explosion and you owe me.” “…Fair enough.”
  42. “Well, I didn’t quite expect to wake up pregnant either and yet… here we are, so can you please pass me that can of bread?”
  43. “Ok, I know I said ‘You can throw a hairbrush at them’, but I didn’t actually mean it!”
  44. “When I told you to feed the dog I didn’t expect you to feed him the neighbors cat.”
  45. “Clearly, you’ve never gotten rid of a body before…”
  46. “This sort of thing never happened when I was dating your brother.”
  47. Sometimes, I wonder about you. And then I worry.“
  48. ” Wait, wait, wait, start from the very beginning. how did you manage to set the house on fire with that??“
  49. "For fucks sake, dude, how many times do I have to tell you that that’s not what penises are for?”
  50. “One woman’s terrorist is another woman’s freedom fighter.”
  51. “This isn’t right… the humans shouldn’t be able to move on their own.”
  52. “Why is unicorn blood on our shopping list?”
  53. “Must you unhinge your jaw like that when you eat? It’s disgusting.”
  54. “You’ve violated the law, my trust, and your friend. Tell me, why should I believe anything you say?”
  55. “No, no don’t open the fridge, I need to keep they eyeballs cold.”
  56. “did he break his jaw again by falling down a flight of stairs?” “Passive aggressive much?”
  57. “For the last time, put the declaration of independence back!”
  58. "That isn’t permanent, right?”
  59. “You know, ripping someone’s beating heart right out of their chest with your bare hand looks cool in anime, but irl it’s just unsanitary…”
  60. “She didn’t tell you” “Tell me what” “He’s dead”
  61. “But his dad is an asshole–” “HIS AUTHOR IS AN ASSHOLE”
  62. “You are here and you haven’t tried to kill me yet. You must want something from me.”
  63. “The salesperson made a flying tentacle monster sound a lot more alluring, I swear!”
  64. “Okay…the radiator just growled at me”
  65. “Dude, were you listening to me? Why are you barking?” “I’m not barking. I thought YOU were barking!”
  66. “How did you get that bump on your lip”
  67. “Buddy. You need to chill, and put that knife away before I get out my gun.”
  68. “ ” I dare you to take your shirt off" “ no” “ I doubledare you” “No” “I tripledare you” “ god dammit Steve , im not wearing a Shirt!”“
  69. "Why the fuck are there founding fathers in our living room”
  70. “Girls only say 'I will not dignify that with a response.’ when they’ve done the thing you’ve just accused them of.” “Do you know this, because you’ve done it?” “I will not dignify that with a response.”
  71. “They think we’re terrible but really we’re only mediocre”
  72. “You’d think by now we’d stop bringing death into these things. Look at them, they have anxiety!”
  73. “Ok, first of all asshat, stop touching me. Second, that is never going to work out! Third, stop TOUCHING me.”
  74. “So if I do understand, you’re telling me that you created insects robots. The same one that destroyed the city. ”
  75. “Why is THIS in your fridge? This is some serious contraband.”
  76. “Please tell me you’re joking about marrying the bastard’s son we call Satan.” “ Don’t talk about your mother like that!!”
  77. “Did you explode the microwave again?!”
  78. "Honey where’s the dog?” “Like I said, I’m making a smoothie.”
  79. “Fifteen bucks you can’t hook up with Satan.” “Make it twenty.”
  80. “I don’t know, maybe because he has some semblance of taste?
  81. "What could possibly make you think eating three tons of cheese for the mice in radiation-test labs was okay?!”
  82. “Who actually let the dogs out?”
  83. “Hey, you don’t know how many bodies are buried in my backyard.”
  84. “I told you to kill me.” “I did. Just this morning.” “Well, shit!”
  85. “So… This isn’t the end, is it? I mean I still want to hang out with you at least. Maybe go for another space adventure, hm?”
  86. “I’m sorry, it was the HEAT OF THE MOMENT,”
  87. "Hey, wanna go out for a romantic moonlight killing spree?”
  88. “So, you’re into …..? Huh, I never would’ve known.”
  89. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed”
  90. “What are you doing?”
  91. “But really, why would anyone need two dozen armadillos?”
  92. “You can’t keep 'solving’ your problems by going to another dimension!”
  93. “I still can’t believe you assassinated a unicorn.”
  94. “Wait, you have FOUR knives?” “No, no. I have four knives ON me.”
  95. “I’ve killed a man using only a copy of Hamlet and a computer mouse. I am NOT afraid of you!" 
  96. "What the hell are those?”
  97. “Are you sure you’re not an arsonist?”
  98. “I know, right? You’d suspect any of them of secretly being an alien, but not…”
  99. “Why didn’t you stop?”
  100. “So, start explaining why there are dozens of puppies in my guest room.”

Let’s make another list. Part 3! Leave a reply and don’t forget the double quotes “”. I want to give everyone a chance to contribute to our community. So as always, one prompt per amigo. Dankje! 

voltron characters as stuff my siblings have said
  • allura: i'm just gonna fucking marry my hamster, none of you are invited to the wedding, get fucked
  • coran: when i was a kid we used to make balloons out of sheep bladders
  • shiro: hey so, weird question but what would one do if they hypothetically set their microwave on fire?
  • keith: if you ever touch my stuffed animals again i will stab you in the eye
  • hunk: why would you put carrots in cake, carrots are vegetables, you wouldn't put broccoli in a muffin
  • lance: i've knitted scarves for every single one of you and if you don't wear them i will cry in front of mom
  • pidge: i swear i wasn't the one who threw the tv out the window! look at my arms, i can't even lift a grape!
silly ladynoir things
  • chat starts Shit Talking Sundays bc there are some days when chat just needs to talk about how dumb his dad is being and ladybug needs to scream about this bratty bully in her history class
  • on days when they’re bored, they’ll board the metro in costume and ride it for a few stops purely for the shock value
  • chat finds out ladybug can’t whistle and spends every available opportunity trying to teach her
    • cn: *squishes her cheeks between his hands* you’re not pursing your lips enough and your tongue isn’t positioned correctly, try again
    • lb: my tongue is sitting in my mouth what do you mean it’s not positioned correctly i don’t ???????
  • joint naps during patrols are very much a thing bc these kids never sleep between school and akuma attacks. sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll find ladybug snoring on a rooftop with chat noir laid on top of her, drooling on her shoulder
  • when patrols get boring, ladybug will hop on chat noir’s back, make him shut his eyes, and act as his eyes while they try to patrol the city before switching places. they don’t talk about that time chat was laughing too hard to warn ladybug about the ledge and they almost fell off a roof. 
  • hide and seek games that last literally hours
    • they both cheat and bring their phones to stalk social media tags and see if anyone’s posted tips and/or sightings of them so that they can find the other
  • chat’s really good at massages so sometimes he’ll work out the kinks in ladybug’s shoulders when they have downtime bc “wow you carry so much tension in your neck please tell me you’re not hunched over your desk all day”
  • the eiffel tower is their honorary “it’s 3am and we can’t sleep” meeting place. 
  • they’ll often drop into parks and playgrounds and join with some of the neighborhood kids on games of tag, frisbee, and football
  • they have a going scoreboard for their impromptu arm wrestling competitions. last they checked the score was 32-35 with ladybug in the lead. 
  • they each have their own personal lists of dumb/funny things that the other has said
    • chat’s list of things ladybug has said: “sleep isn’t a thing you know. they lied to you. it’s not real,” “you ever wonder if i can spin a web with my yoyo?” “can lucky charm conjure me an A for this physics test tomorrow?” “i almost had my cat-eye eye liner perfect today before that akuma appeared and messed me up like that proximity to perfection might never happen again.”
    • ladybug’s list of things chat has said: “is there a place where we can borrow a microwave? i wanna see what happens if i use cataclysm on it,” “memes are like the dysfunctional family you didn’t ask for but didn’t know you needed,” “im like terrified an akuma attack is gonna happen when i’m in the shower while im naked and vulnerable,” “if i extend my staff long enough, do you think it’ll reach space?”
How to dry rose petals the lazy way

My dear husband gave me some pretty white-pinkish roses for Valentines Day and as they were starting to wilt I figured it would be a waste to just throw them out. So why not dry them! My usual method of drying involved bundling the flowers and hang them upside down over a radiator. I used to do this quite a lot when I was a teenager but I have lost the patience to do so (Also I don’t have a suitable radiator in my current house anymore)

I looked around for a faster method and stumbled upon a few options:

Option 1: Place petals on a flat surface in a warm environment with lots of ventilation and leave for a loooooong time.
No. Not an option if you have a hyperactive 4 year old running around and destroying everything in his path.

Option 2: Dry them using an oven. Place rose petals on an oventray and put them in the oven on 200 degrees while leaving the oven door open.
Still takes too long for me so I found another method:

Option 3: Nuke the fuckers. The microwave, Now let me tell you, I was a bit skeptic about this. I mean, rose petals in the microwave? I don’t know man. But hey, they said on the internet that it would take only a minute. Not too bad,so I tried it.

I placed the petals on a plate covered in kitchen paper, making sure that the petals were not touching each other. I place the plate in the microwave and blasted them for a minute an a half. They were not completely dry yet so I nuked them for another minute. The came out perfectly dry.
You want them to be crunchy, like potato chips, if they are still bendy, there’s still some moisture left in them.

 After they’re nuked till crispy I placed them on a baking tray to dry for another 48 hours before storing them in an airtight container (I placed the tray on top of a closet and out of sight from my dear little monster child)

^ This is the result of me being an impatient little shit.
I put the 2nd batch of petals in the microwave for a full 3,5 minutes because, hey, maybe it’s faster than checking on them every 30 seconds…
Burnt the everloving fuck out of the poor things.
So be patient.

Tah-daah. Finished. 
The pot I used is a glass airtight pot that used to hold instant coffee. The only reason I drink instant coffee is because of the pretty pots like this one, I’m building up quite a collection of them. They’re very useful to store various stuff in

Anyway, I hope this was useful!
I’ll make a new post about what to do with them once I figure it out myself :)

a random assortment of life tips

by me, 20 year old who is so clearly great at adulting. (not really, but i’ve been living on my own for a couple years so i sorta know how this thing works.)

  1. coconut oil is the solution to everything - dry skin, frizzy/dull hair, cooking, removing makeup…everything.
  2. be nice to people working service jobs.
  3. change your pillowcases every week if you have bad acne. hell, you should change your pillowcases every week even if you don’t have bad acne.
  4. don’t put regular dish soap in the dishwasher.
  5. carry your school ID with you when shopping and always ask stores if they give student discounts.
  6. sleep naked. trust me on this.
  7. put a damp paper towel over your pizza before you reheat it in a microwave so that the crust will still be soft, not chewy.
  8. you don’t need to color sort your laundry if you put the washing machine setting on “cold”.
  9. drink a glass of cold water after a long cry - it’ll make you feel better.
  10. despite what others might say, you can be friends with your exes.
  11. make sure “find my iphone” is set up and turned on.
  12. save your loose change and deposit it into your savings account at the end of every month. over time, a little change makes a big difference.
  13. it’s okay to call your parents and ask for help. they probably know how to get that stain out or remedy a sore throat better than you do.
  14. air drying (as opposed to tumble drying) your sweaters helps the fleece inside stay soft and fuzzy longer.
  15. always double knot your running shoes.
  16. emergency sewing kit. get one.
  17. flavored condoms are for oral sex, not penetrative sex. 
  18. carry a small notebook and pen with you wherever you go. write when you feel inspired, even if no one will ever read it.
  19. never underestimate the healing power of cute animal videos on youtube.
  20. learn how to say “no”.
  21. be the kind of person you need in your life: support yourself. accept yourself. comfort yourself. love yourself.
  22. be open minded, question everything, challenge yourself, and learn to look at things from different angles.
  23. you are the most important person in your life - act like it. put yourself first.
  24. growing up isn’t about getting your shit together - it’s about learning to accept the fact that your life will never be as perfect and put together as you’d like it to be.
  25. screw the idea of “unconditional love” - it should always be conditional. your love is valuable as fuck; don’t give it to people that don’t deserve it.
  26. remember that you are under no obligation to remain the person you were yesterday. allow yourself to grow.
  27. challenge your limits, say yes to things that scare you, be open to new experiences, and live fully.
"hoe" tips #2 💋💕

• to make nails grow faster, mix ¼ cup of organic coconut oil, ¼ cup of raw organic honey, and 4 drops of rosemary essential oil. warm it up in the microwave for 15 seconds or less, soak your nails in it for 15 minutes. do this 1-2 times a week because it’s a form of nail exfoliation 💅

• steer clear of acetone-based nail polish! they will scrap your nails and leave them thinner. 👎 gel nail polish is safer and stays on for longer. 👏

• take your supplements if you seriously need them !!! invest in some biotins, omega 3 and omega 6 oils when they’re necessary to improve your health. if not, YOU ARE FINE. you’ll find what you need in your food👌 btw, if you’re black, we especially need vitamin d and sunlight! get that money and TREAT.YO.SELF.

• every once in a while, you get broke hoe problems and we can’t make sugar scrubs without the right ingredients. 😥 but, you got a few bananas left? got some cocoa butter and shea butter, some apricot kernel oil, a little brown sugar too?? MIX THAT SHIT TOGETHER AND PUT IT IN A BLENDER. when it’s completely smooth, pour into a mason jar and add in the brown sugar 👍👍👍 your legs will feel silky smooth and refreshed after the exfoliation, trust.

• drink. your. green. tea!!!! 🍵 i cannot stress this enough! it cleanses bad toxins out of your body, eliminates unneeded bacteria, promotes faster metabolism, and can also promote growth for hair. get at least 1 cup in when you have the time 💧

• change your scarves and pillowcases out if they are cotton. cotton makes the hair brittle and dry and recycles bacteria and dirt into the pores of your face. ❌ using soft fabric like silk and satin will be more gentle on your hair. also, wash your pillowcase every week! avoid all the bad stuff and wallow in the clear. 🌟🌟🌟

• get your protein treatments, ASAP. it cleanses your hair while deep conditioning it and clarifying it of product build-up and leaves your tresses soft and smooth. whip up an egg and 3 tbsps raw plain yogurt mix and massage it into your hair. wash out the egg with cold water after, if not , it will fry inside your hair under heat or with hot water! leave it in for 20 minutes under a heat source, rinse, and then continue on with your shampoo routine ✨✨👸💆

• (FOR NONBINARY PEOPLE, BIOLOGICAL WOMEN, PEOPLE WHO STICK TO THEIR ASSIGNED GENDER) not as busty in the bra size or big in the ass area?? don’t worry. v-necks, crop tees, high waisted shorts/jeans, halter tops, and leggings are great alternatives to emphasizing your body. do your squats!! do your leg exercises!! do your push-ups for those bigger boobs!! never stop pushing yourself to better your body 💪👊☝if you are biologically male, nonbinary, or stick to your assigned gender, maca root supplements help speed up metabolism and balances out the hormones, which would help it have a growth spurt, if wanted 💕

• ginger tea is great if you are hungover and it cures nausea 💝💞

• avoid. putting. coconut oil. in. your. vagina (if you have one) !!!! it is antibacterial and antifungal and does wonders for hair and nails, but steer clear of physically inserting it inside of you. it’s a recipe for a yeast infection, or better yet, if you do it before getting busy in the bedroom, unwanted pregnancy! because it EATS HOLES IN LATEX CONDOMS!!! 👎✊

• do your eyebrows/eyelashes a favor and put extra virgin olive oil and castor oil combined on them. rub it in gently and don’t regret one second!! do it daily for a couple weeks, and you WILL get thicker eyebrows/longer eyelashes. 💋👂

• looking for a makeup remover, but they just don’t work out? mix 2 tbsps alcohol-free rose witch hazel (diluted with water to numb its astringent effect *for sensitive skin ppl out there*) 2 tbsps jojoba oil, and of course, 2 tbsps filtered water. add them all together and pour it into a dispenser and shake it well before using. wipe it on your eyelids with unscented towelettes and walah!! 💁🙌

to get at stray makeup, dip a cotton q-tip into the mixture and be careful and gentle.


• you see this everywhere, but pee after sex!!! please!!!! avoid a uti and infection by doing so. even then, it won’t prevent you entirely from STDs. get tested, get your partner tested! 😘😉

• red raspberry leaf tea helps with heavy and irregular bleeding during your period (if you’re a biological female), and the fragrarine helps tone and tighten the pelvic muscles, which reduces cramps! 🍓🍓🍓🍓 drink it regularly before your period to see results! • black tea is a natural lip toner! spray onto your lips or rub it in and get them plump, soft, and refreshed! 🍷

• love yourself! 💞💕 pamper your needs and chill at an expensive spa, get a bullet journal, drink your water. drown yourself in well-deserved luxury! me-time is the best time. 😊

happy hoeing!

attention college freshmen/anyone feeding themselves for the first time

this is for you

it has come to my attention that some people are not feeding themselves properly bc they don’t know how to cook/aren’t sure how to cook on a budget. bc i am everyone’s mom (or at least everyone’s wise older sister) let me drop some very real Broke Rookie Cooking Knowledge. 2 of my favorite recipes are under the cut, both of which come out to $2 OR LESS PER SERVING.

-MAKE a MENU. pick out like 5 things you know how to make and buy JUST WHAT YOU NEED FOR THOSE THINGS. and also a few snacks, but otherwise, JUST THAT. don’t just buy some random-ass groceries you think you’ll need. (also, if you don’t know how to make 5 things, seriously just google simple dinner recipes. i used a “mississippi heirloom cookbook” my aunt gave me and got a ton of good ones.)

-tbh i don’t even buy snacks except for a giant box of cookies that lasts me like 2 weeks at a time and an assload of apples. snacking is bad for you, and if you don’t HAVE snacks, you can’t EAT snacks. fuck snacks.

-off-brand EVERYTHING. you think you can taste a difference? you CAN’T. get shit in cans. vegetables. pasta sauce. salsa. whatthefuckever. it all comes in cans, and it’s always cheaper. i have no idea why.

-whole grain bread and brown rice/pasta are not more expensive than the regular kind, and they keep you full longer. GET THEM.

-@ my americans, Dollar Tree has literally everything. every kitchen utensil. (it’s where i got my big-ass chef’s knife, and that bitch is still sharp.) dishes/cups. snacks. drinks. literal loaves of bread. all kinds of basics, from peanut butter to sriracha to progresso soup. some even have freezer sections. all for ONE DOLLAR. go to Dollar Tree first, then go to the grocery store for whatever you couldn’t find there. i s2g it saves me so much money. (they also have tupperware, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, EVERYTHING. for one dollar.)

-produce is way cheaper than you think. get some fresh vegetables. you really will start to feel like a bag of hot garbage if you don’t eat your veggies.

-COOK in ADVANCE. i work during the day and go to school in the evenings, then i come home and work out. lemme tell you, my ass does NOT wanna cook when im done with all that. cook shit in big quantities, stock up on tupperware (dollar treeeeee), and stick it in the fridge for later. when you’re exhausted and remember you have instant dinner already made, you will want to kiss yourself.

-find some sandwiches you love. make a lot of sandwiches. (pls for the love of God dont use kraft american singles tho. deli-sliced cheese is literally right next to it, and it is NOT more expensive.)`

-FUCK organic free-range shit. you got organic free-range money? GREAT. i sure as hell don’t, and neither do most people. don’t waste your money trying to live your foodstagram #goals while you’re young and poor.

-if you qualify for SNAP/EBT, GET THAT SHIT. there are some assholes out there that will tell you not to, to leave it for the ~real~ poor people. tell them, ‘motherfucker I AM REAL POOR.’ for real though, corporations take advantage of any assistance the government gives them and they still lobby for more. you’d be a fool not to do the same. 

now some cheap-ass recipes

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Kellyanne brings up cameras in microwaves after being asked about dubious wiretapping claims

  • In perhaps the most bizarre comments to date about Trump’s evidence-free allegation that fObama wiretapped Trump Tower, Kellyanne Conway suggested that the spying wasn’t a wire tap at all.
  • Instead, she obliquely hinted that surveillance of Trump Tower could have been done by several means, including spy cameras in microwaves.
  • “What I can say is there are many ways to surveil each other,” Conway told Bergen County, New Jersey, newspaper the Record. “You can surveil someone through their phones, certainly through their television sets — any number of different ways.”
  • She added that the surveillance could have been done by “microwaves that turn into cameras.” Read more (3/13/17 8:19 AM)

DOJ has until Monday to back up Trump’s unfounded wiretapping claims against Obama

  • The House Intelligence Committee has given President Donald Trump’s administration a deadline for furnishing evidence in support of his wiretapping allegations against former President Barack Obama. 
  • Trump must prove there was basis for his as-yet unsubstantiated tweet storm by Monday March 13th, according to NBC News.
  • Republican Rep. Devin Nunes, the House Intelligence Committee chairman, and Democratic Rep. Adam Schiff sent a letter calling for evidence to acting Deputy Attorney General Dana Boente on Wednesday. Read more (3/12/17 6:20 PM)

also re: teens sitting around with their tablets and smartphones

like, if a kid can access the internet (with some privacy still) while also sitting in the same room as their parents, honestly that’s better and more social than what I did as a teenager, which was hole up in my room at my desktop computer that I couldn’t move anywhere else in the house

mostly what I see from the teens in my family is they will sit and scroll through their phone, but if something interesting starts happening, or a new person enters the room, or they see something cool they want to share, they look up and interact again, because they’re sitting right there with everyone else.

that is waaaay more social than 2002 me, hunched over my desktop for hours and only seeing my mom in passing when I went to microwave a burrito at 1am. way, way more social.

ao3 link


Yuuri is in the kitchen when he hears Victor call it out in question. They had just finished up supper and Victor had cooked so Yuuri was in the kitchen washing up the dishes to return the favor. And he’s just standing by the dishwasher, humming idly and wondering if Victor has picked out a movie for them to watch or if tonight is going to be a night where they watch game shows featuring Victor yelling out the answers that can actually be correct on occasion. It had been a long day at the rink and Yuuri even wonders if maybe they’ll have a nice glass of wine before bed.

So, Yuuri is just minding his own business, not thinking twice when Victor calls out his name. He hums back, expecting a question or statement about leftovers but then…

“What’s yaoi?”

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Viktor's Sleeping Patterns

Yuuri & Viktor are sleeping

Viktor: ……… *GASPS* Yuuri, wake up, wake up!!!

Yuuri: *was woken up by Viktor shaking his shoulders*….wh-what? Viktor, what’s wrong!?!

Viktor: What happens if, LIKE
Viktor: -you turned on the microwave
Viktor: without putting anything in it ??

Yuuri: I don’t fucking know, Viktor, go to sleep.

☆ ———– MTV SCREAM SENTENCE STARTERS.

❛ I mean, call me crazy but I think we’re in Freddy vs. Jason territory here. ❜ 
❛ It’s like the killer is combining these two legends into one brand new murder spree. ❜ 
❛ I was expecting crazy Ralph from Friday the 13th so nope. ❜
❛ I’m barely responsible for myself.  ❜
❛ I thought you said this was going to be a mansion.  ❜
❛ I know my mansions, this is really more of a bungalow. ❜
❛ We’re trying to lure the killer and you show up.  ❜
❛ I’m sorry, this is a pretty classic “don’t let him in” situation, right? ❜
❛ I guess I didn’t think of you as the hospital visit type. ❜
❛ You know the whole, horrible, embarrassing story. ❜
❛ You broke my heart! I loved you, okay, and you broke my heart. ❜  
❛ That’s a pretty outdated way of thinking. ❜
❛ Virgin? Seriously? Where did you learn to do that? ❜
❛ It’s a terrible movie, but one hell of a sex scene. ❜
❛ See this is why people think you’re creepy. ❜
❛ Do you think I’m creepy? ❜
❛ I’m sorry, this isn’t the right place. ❜  
❛ This is the stupidest, most insane thing ever. ❜
❛ The only thing scary here is this dress. ❜
❛ I’m not a stranger, okay, I’m just strange. ❜
❛ That’s never gone bad for anyone in a movie ever. ❜
❛ First shut up, second, it’s just a study session.  ❜
❛ I get that you’re scared, but I understood. ❜  
❛ We all have our ways of coping.  ❜
❛ The kid screwed me over and skipped town. ❜
❛ This is my life. Not some stupid campaign. ❜
❛ You mean looking out for my boobs? ❜
❛ Are you flirting with me? ❜
❛ Thank God because this drink is undrinkable. ❜
❛ If one of us gets hurt, we all get hurt.  ❜
❛ Second chances are rare. Don’t waste them. ❜
❛ I’m making a knife stick. ❜
❛ I need, like, a Men in Black brain wipe. ❜
❛ Is that a pig? God, I’m never eating bacon again. ❜
❛ I’m the only one who knows how to reset the router. ❜
❛ Well we don’t want you getting arrested.  ❜
❛ If I can’t trust you, I can’t be with you. ❜
❛ Aww, you wanna come in the hot tub with me? ❜
❛ The weak are outed and then eaten. ❜
❛ It’s the time honored enforcement of the food chain. ❜
❛ Considering my ex-beau might be a mass murderer, who am I to criticize? ❜
❛ Love the colors, but the spots? Too much. ❜
❛ I can’t believe you two came here without me.  ❜
❛ Hey, we could team up: Bi-curious and the Virgin.  ❜
❛ I was gonna be the Babadook, but then my mom made this cape. ❜
❛ What? No, you love taco Tuesday. ❜
❛ So, pretty much everybody’s a suspect, including us.  ❜
❛ I think this is the beginning of a beautiful mutual tolerance.  ❜
❛ Cue creepy murder music. I knew I was missing something. ❜  
❛ You’re not going to die! Tonight, we change the ending.  ❜
❛ Oh, crap. I’m gonna die. ❜
❛ Actually, we could all use a minute. ❜
❛ Hey, um, thanks for saving my life. ❜
❛ Boom, but then what? Take a victory lap around the pool? ❜
❛ We know what you’re going through, and we’re here if you need us.  ❜
❛ I’ve never seen him/her with his/her mouth shut before. ❜
❛ Maybe it’s time to dig a little deeper. ❜
❛ Pick one, slay one, console one, then repeat.  ❜
❛ What made him/her start killing people? ❜
❛ Okay, not a lesbian, not discussing it. ❜
❛ You root for them, you love them, so when they are brutally murdered, it hurts. ❜  
❛ You have to care if the team wins the big game. ❜
❛ You have to care if the smart, pretty girl forgives the dumb jock. ❜
❛ You can’t do slasher moves as a TV series. ❜
❛ You wanna feel the sting of this sexually-confused Atheist’s foot up your butt? ❜  
❛ Hey, hey! I made you microwave popcorn, remember?  ❜
❛ I know you want the truth. So, let’s find it. ❜
❛ A yearbook? That’s not so weird. ❜
❛ That’s the world’s saddest crime fighting duo. ❜
❛ No, I’d rather channel my anguish into something productive. ❜  
❛ Did you just try to tase my man parts? ❜
❛ There are not enough happy face emojis in the world to express how much I needed that. ❜ 
Harvesting Weeds For Your Practice And Drying In The Microwave!

Today was a beautiful day. Although it was a little cloudy, and kind of muggy my daughter and I decided to go ahead and venture outside to pick some weeds. When I say us, though, I mean her. She trucked outside while Mama got stuff done and Disney Princessed her way around the yard singing and spinning in circles her weed back in hand! 

Once she had a bag of henbit and dandelions, she brought them inside where the two of us began to harvest out what we needed. This would be the purple flowers of the henbit and yellow petals of the dandelion. So as we separated them we put them onto a paper plate topped with a napkin. There must be a napkin or paper towel under the plant matter you will be drying or it will stick to the plate. 

This is what the pretty flowers looked like before hand. Beautiful in their color, thin layers. If you bulk them up too much they will not dry evenly. You can also cause some of them to burn. 

Put them in the microwave on high for 1:30. One plate at a time. Be sure it is topped with a paper towel or napkin as well. Check the plant matter to see if it is dry and crispy. If not continue to microwave and check in increments of 30 seconds. 

Once dried the flowers will be obviously smaller in size. We found it pretty neat that the dandelion also fluffed up as well. The smell of the Dandelion was quite nutty and seemed as though it should be eaten. After a taste test however, it just kind of resembled unflavored popcorn. LOL.

All in all, it turned out really well. Although it takes a lot of henbit, but that is to be expected! Good luck everyone! 

popcorn

pairing: reader x jungkook

rating: pg14

word count: 1.0k

m a s t e r l i s t 

Only three things were required in order for a movie night to be considered successful: a) a movie, obviously, b) blankets, to cuddle into, of course, and c) popcorn, self-explanatory. Unfortunately, this particular movie night was running low on c, and it was your turn to heat some more.

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