Top 13 Most Unfuckable Men in Dragon Age (according to me, a lesbian)
Honorable Mention: Oghren
I am not including Oghren on the official list for a couple reasons. Firstly, jokes about how gross Oghren is are basically everywhere. I can’t make a remotely original joke on this subject because they have all already been made. Secondly, I don’t want to subject anybody to actually thinking about fucking Oghren. And third, it’s no fun punching down. Nobody likes Oghren except me. And I get it. Oghren is a pretty cool character who was grossly mishandled by writers who think sexual assault, alcoholism and homophobia are hilarious jokes and not serious issues. Sorry about all this, Oghren. Enjoy your free pass from being mocked by a lesbian on the internet.
13. Zevran Arainai
Zevran is the least unfuckable man in Dragon Age because he wouldn’t make it weird. He’d give you a nice lay, do a good job, and then high-5 you afterwards. He’s nice-looking and experienced and would overall be an almost not-unpleasant experience. If there was a gun to my head and someone forcing me to pick a Dragon Age man to fuck, it would be Zevran.
12. RDP Sten
I say Realistic DAO Project Sten and not regular Sten because frankly RDP Sten is the true Sten. Honestly, look at this man. Assuming you didn’t die during intercourse, he’d make you breakfast the next morning, then reshackle your roof and do your taxes. RDP Sten would take care of you. RDP Sten would treat you right.
…as long as he gave Anders’ body a bath first, because wow he sure is a guy who lives in a sewer. Justice is a friendly Fade spirit curious about the mortal world and its many wonders. Fucking Justice would be a nice opportunity to show an otherworldly being a good time. Not to mention the novelty. Think of the puns you could make afterwards. “It was a spiritual experience.” “It was truly righteous.” “Justice isn’t easy–no, Justice is hard.”
10. Varric Tethras
Varric would be the ideal sugar daddy. He’d indulge you, buy you nice things, tell you stories, and when it’s time to go to bed, you’d just have to put up with him bringing his crossbow with him. Honestly, he probably wouldn’t even get to the sex. You’d have half your clothes off and then he’d start telling a story and three hours later he’s cried a little about his ex and fallen asleep cuddled up to his crossbow. Meanwhile, you are free to go back to your house with your money and jewelry. Ideal.
Alistair is inexperienced, but a nice boy. You could show him a good time, and then pat him on the head and give him a cookie afterwards. He’s funny and nice and if you aren’t his first lay, it’ll probably be Morrigan and she would probably turn into a spider halfway through just to fuck with him. I’m willing to fuck him just to spare him that being his first time. Alistair might make it weird and try to give you a flower or something, but he’s young and easily dissuaded. Fucking Alistair would be acceptable and satisfying in some ways.
8. Iron Bull
He ugly, but otoh, monster dong, if you’re into that. Iron Bull wouldn’t make it weird emotionally, but he would definitely make it weird sexually. Assuming you survived, you would have a hell of a story. I would bring that up at every cocktail party I went to for the rest of my life. “I fucked a minotaur man,” I’d say, sipping my martini. “He had an eyepatch, and a dong the size of your forearm. I’m lucky to have survived.” The party guests gasp and fan themselves at the scandal.
7. Nathaniel Howe
I have no feelings either way about fucking Nathaniel Howe. I would show up, do the deed, and leave. Maybe give him a thumbs up, to be polite. My entire soul doesn’t rebel against the concept, but neither can I think of any benefits to fucking Nathaniel Howe.
6. Sebastian Vael
I wouldn’t hate to fuck Sebastian, and he seems nice, I guess. He’d be on par with Nate, except for the fact that he’s a devout fantasy Catholic. I’m morally opposed to fucking Catholics, because I don’t like Catholicism, and because I don’t want to deal with their ensuing guilt. I would tolerate fucking Sebastian.
Fenris is objectively one of the best-looking men in Dragon Age, but oh lord, the canon romance path is so much. I’d do it just so I could touch his pretty hair, but I’d feel real bad about it. I like fenris. I don’t wanna cause him troubles. On the other hand, Isabela seems to manage it without much emotional fallout, so perhaps it would be alright. Fucking Fenris might be perfectly fine, but it might end terribly for all involved. As a lesbian I’m not gonna risk it.
Anders is a nasty sewer man who has no particularly attractive physical features to make up for it. He’d probably be an alright lay, but if you fucked him he’d definitely fall in love with you. Possibly he’d have already been in love with you for like three years. Then post-fuck he’d say a lot of weird stuff and ask to move into your house, and you’d be so worried about his eating habits and his stress that you’d be like “sure :)”, and then you’d have to change your name and flee the city to escape. Don’t fuck Anders.
I previously had Blackwall a spot higher, but then when I went to google a picture of him I realized he actually looks okay. Lumberjack aesth. Nice beard. Probably nice chest hair. Good muscles. But he’s also kind of a stinky old man who is kind of like your dad, and he would make his weird guilt issues your problem. I’d rather not, although I grant that if he was a couple decades younger he might be Acceptable.
I would really hate to fuck Cullen. I find him morally repugnant, physically unimpressive, and overall vile. Not to mention that he seems like the kind of sexually inexperienced dude to just try inserting Tab A into Slot B with no foreplay–but then, would you really want foreplay from this guy? At least it would all be over within 5 minutes and then you could make your escape through the window.
Solas is the absolute most unfuckable man in Dragon Age. Not only is he bald, and a genocidal maniac, but he would also get weirdly hung up on you. Then he’d like, haunt your dreams. “Vhenaaaaaaan,” you hear every night forever, to your horror. “You’re not like other girls,” he says, before showing you a picture of his fursona, which is a wolf. I would rather do literally anything else but fuck Solas. I thank G-d every day that Solas is not real, and that I am in no danger of ever fucking him. Solas is the least fuckable man in Dragon Age.
so im absolutely obsessed with @skyesentinels ‘s youtube au and i got an IdeaTM (pls read the voltron youtube au frfr it’s s o good)
-For april fools, Keith and Pidge make a new channel for ‘supernatural hunting and alien spotting’ -The video they post is just them running around Keith’s apartment while lance chases them while wearing a bedsheet -there are many gifs of lance tripping and face planting because he can’t see -they all think it’s just an one time thing they did for a funny april fools thing but no -the fans won’t allow it -the channel somehow gets to 100,000 subscribers, and keith and pidge get sent an actual silver play button from youtube for a channel they made as a joke -then they realize that they can’t just let the channel die now -So they continue making videos -they start out mostly the same as the first video, just obviously fake ‘paranormal activity’ while someone chases them -there are also many gifs of shiro dragging keith away while being the ‘ghost’ -also many, many audio clips of keith’s high pitched screaming as this is done -Lance is a fan favorite in these videos because he always ends up screaming and falling into keith’s arms -the klance shippers l i v e for this channel -shiro is the worst to have in these videos unless he’s the ghost -shiro: maybe the real ghost was the friends we made along the way -keith: sh u t up shiro this is s e r i o u s -”yea i’d punch a ghost. I’d fight every single ghost in the astral plane. im not scared” -there’s a video of keith filming lance in the middle of his morning routine and yelling “look guys! It’s a ghost, and it’s hideous” -the rest of the video is the camera shaking while keith runs for his life -there are x-file memes everywhere -every single video there are new clips on tumblr with the x-files theme playing -g h o s t a d v e n t u r e m e m e s -”My name is Keith Kogane. I’ve never believed in ghosts until I came face to face with one. So I set out on a quest to capture what I once saw onto video….With no big camera crews following us around, I am joined only by my fellow investigator Pidge Holt and our equipment tech Hunk Garrett. The three of us will travel to the some of most highly active paranormal locations, where we will spend an entire night, being locked down from dusk until dawn….Raw…Extreme…These are our Ghost Adventures.” -this leads the fandom to make memes about zak bagans being keith’s boyfriend -lance doesn’t realize that it’s all a meme and he’s??? So confused?? Like i thought keith and i bonded???? Who is zak and what does he have that i dont??????? -”zak bagans is my boyfriend and i would die for him” -keith probably -keith does have a lowkey unironic crush on zak bagans and the only one that knows is shiro -then they start making other videos of them doing things like looking for aliens/bigfoot/mothman ect -everyone likes these videos too because keith almost always starts ranting that mothman is r e a l. -pidge does the same but with nessie -this leads to them making videos about conspiracy theories -these are basically just 30 minute long unedited videos of them screaming about cryptids -they also start doing those cursed games like the bath game and midnight game -they get the whole gang together to play the midnight game but it’s basically just them sitting in a dark room with candles pretending to feel stuf -except lance who claims he’s actually feeling things, but in reality its just keith messing with him -their videos sometimes end with the police showing up one way or another -once they had to pause making a video because keith screamed so loud that his neighbors thought he was dying so now there’s footage of keith awkwardly explaining to a police officer what they were doing -the fandom has started making bets to whether or not the police will show up in the next video or not -theres a compilation of videos from pidge’s snapchat that are just a slow zoom of keith’s face as he does something with the caption ‘caught a cryptid on video!!!!!!!!’ -keith tried to get her back but he’s much less sneaky about it so most of keith’s video’s usually end with pidge tackling him -the fans get ‘#cryptidkeith’ treading on twitter and keith wants to die -most of it is edits of keith’s face of bigfoot or screenshots of keith in the background of a shot with that red circle and zoom in of him (see: @keithsightings) -theres also a lot of keith x mothman -keith has never been more impressed and also disgusted by his fandom
the iplier problematic fav: why u like them (analyzed)
damn, that edgy manipulative stuff really got you. you want a guy who can 100% keep things on the dl, but conspire with at the same time. maybe feeling a new rush of uncontrollability is something you like, or prefer the control to be in another's hands. there's a power they have that you envy to have.
the guy may be blind be he knows more about you than yourself. literature is appealing, a way one could manipulate words escapes you, or you admire it. There's a certain mystery that lingers, but it won't faze you.
the bubbly murder, his every reaction invites for response. carefree, yet troubled. you can relate, yet may not undersrand why. or maybe you just like pastel. an innocence that lies hidden or is broadcast far and wide, with something else always underneath
you want control. maybe you lack it. orders and commands appeal to you. they aren't necessarily witty, or sassy, but you know their response to a conflict will be neat and swift. no more and no less. organization is a must, regardless. there's the hint of evil that shows through, but you know in essence, it's harmless.
the man has courtesy. he may not see it in every perspective, but it's there. you want someone more honest and blantant, but choosy with their words. there's a hint of compassion in what they do that you envy.
he's got the enthusiasm. a bit confident, some might even say overzealous. sees their own importance, or what they can bring to the table. what do you want? pretty much all of that.
finally, someone who might even yearn for you. a trait that shows unending care, with the cost of possibly too much attention, but that wouldn't matter to you. always gets what they want, no matter what.
he's got some sly wit, and you know they can make you laugh. possibly too honest, but satirical at the same time, their responses lack direction. maybe you know there's character in there, willing to share what they know. adventurous, maybe, and even enjoys a thrill.
their dry yet snarky comments add to a conversation. they've got facts, who know if they're true. you know the duo comes as a package, and you're willing to accept full force their attitudes, even if they are somewhat solemn
Rebecca Sugar, Kimberly Brooks and some other Crewniverse members went to meet with a kid (username is The Amazing Axolotl on Google+) as part of a Make a Wish. I’m very glad that The Amazing Axolotl was able to experience this and I hope they’re doing okay. Here is a link to their profile! (it does contain spoilers for Wanted as they were able to watch it early).
Reminder that there is a fun version of ‘The Return’ out there dubbed by The Amazing Axolotl and Kimberly Brooks. :’)
This was drawn by Aleth Romanillos (Character Designer) and it seems to be Jasper’s semi-corrupted form, like Centipeetles! You can see that she has the same sharp, spiky teeth Jasper had when she was fully corrupted. Though her eyes are fully back.
Here we see that Jasper’s redemption is something Rebecca actually wants and is something she considers a spoiler to talk about.
So, this codex entry - I’d never really paid particular attention to it [I mean, it is just a list of books, right? Boring.]
Take a look at the last title.
Elvehan Diis Falsis: Triew Metod Dracas
That caught my eye. Elvehan is very, very close to Elvenan. I can only assume the book is in Tevene [seeing how similar it is to Latin] so off I went to Google Translate. And here’s what I found out:
Diis Falsies means “false gods”.
Which [potentially] gives us “Elvenan False Gods”. We know, from what Solas mentions in Trespasser, that the Evanuris were false gods, who existed in the time of Arlathan. Very strange that a Tevene book mentions them.
The second half was more difficult to translate. The best I could come up with was:
Metod is very close to the latin word meto, which means “mow/ cut off/ reap”. I’m particularly interested in “cut off”, although I suppose “reap” is a possibility too.
Dracas is very similar to draco, which is latin for dragon.
I wasn’t able to translate Triew. The closest I came was the latin word triens, which means “a third”. Since I’m not reasonably convinced on this word, I’ll remove it for now.
So we have Elvenan False Gods: [Triew] + Cut Off + Dragons
Now, things get interesting. Could the dragons refer to the Old Gods? If so, then ‘cut off’ could refer to the Evanuris being ‘cut off’ from their dragons - and what cut them off? The Veil. So does that mean there’s a bigger connection between the Old Gods and the Evanuris than we know?
Which brings us to the biggest puzzle of all: Who knew enough about the Evanuris, the creation of the Veil, and Tevene in order to write the book? The author is unknown. It might be possible that someone translated it from Elven, and if that were the case - who was the original author? It likely would have been someone who worked for/with Fen’harel. If that’s the case… then would this mysterious author still be around?
One thing is for certain, though. Solas spent his time in the Inquisition learning as much as he could about everything, using its resources to obtain access to books he otherwise wouldn’t have been able to as an elven apostate. I wonder how he learned about that particular book, though…
here are a few; -sidon is the big spoon always -holding hands is their favorite activity -height difference but sidon loves lifting link around and link loves every minute of it -link likes to eat a lot so having the prince of the zoras means trying an endless amount of new food -they both like to swim race each other?? (so lame jfc) -link goes crazy for his smile but same for sidon like when he sees link smile after making food he can’t help but blush -HOLDING HANDS IS THEIR FAVORITE ACTIVITY
how did I get so far into this ship I was blushing while typing this help
I’m starting @berrysweetboutique‘s Pastel Rainbowcy Challenge! I’ve never actually played with berry sweet sims before, but I’m excited to try. So meet my founder, Eidolon Cassata!~ He was prettier in CAS, Ima tweak him some more >.>…
You were my every sunrise-You were my every sunset-You were my eternal happiness-You were my eternal regret-You were my everlasting joy-You were my everlasting tears-You were my only hope for security-You were the only thing I feared-You were the blood that barreled through my body-The blood that barreled through my heart-You were the cold steel against my temple-You were my light in the dark-You were my reason for living-My reason for death-You were my reason for exhaling-My single last breath-You were my first thought in the morning-And the last thing I thought at night-You were the song in the wind-You were my reason for life-You consumed my mind with demons-Ate my soul away with hell-Showed me heaven under covers-But you kept me trapped in a cell-You hit my heart with the panic-Let me in all your thoughts-Kept my soul with your sex-Kept my mind at a loss-I let stupidity realm-While the Devil he walked-Dreaming of escaping-When karmas been sought-Alone in my room-With my heart in the dark
-Richard A. Itskovich
Daniel Howell and Phil Lester & sunset and skies moodboard
began making its mark on Saturday morning as Bruce Holsinger sat at a
Starbucks, waiting for his son to finish his soccer tournament. The English
professor was speaking with some colleagues over Twitter about housewives assisting
their husband scholars.
says, something clicked. He went to Google Books and started looking at acknowledgement pages,
where he’d often seen husbands thanking unnamed wives for typing up manuscripts. He took screenshots, posted them to Twitter and added some snark. It
wasn’t long before #ThanksForTyping took off, and with it a conversation about uncredited female labor in academia.
to be honest i'm just very bad at requests (i don't wanna bother you). i was also curious since i've only ever seen Viktor being delirious in his native language. i'd love if you could draw it but you don't have to (sorry i'm so awkward) ~ graceless-fever