I’m Not Jealous
Y/N had been broken before, a few times actually. Every guy that she has dated seemed really nice but ended up being a total dick. Even the guys that she has just hooked up with have been jerks.
A few months ago, she had called me crying saying that she was over dating and that every man she has ever met sucked. Why she called me instead one of her girl friends I have no idea but I sat and listened as she opened up on about all of her past relationships, many of which I didn’t know had even happened.
Y/N and I used to be close, very close. In the past 4 years I have gotten to know her so well that I couldn’t see her not in my life, but that all changed last year when she started dating the guy who had had fueled her tearful swearing off of men. Needless to say, I was very surprised by her phone call and even more surprised when all I heard were sobs on the other side of the line.
After that phone call, it was almost like things had gone back to the way they used to be, pre-boyfriends. It had been 3 months of homemade dinners or late night take aways, sleepovers and all nighters, taking absolute shit about the things we’d be doing if we had chosen a different career path.
This was how we had gotten so close. Other than my sister, I have never opened up to anyone about what was running through my mind than I had done with Y/N. She knew all my secrets and I knew hers and when she started dating her ex, I was terrified that I had lost that person.
That phone call broke my heart and I swore to her that I would never let anyone hurt her like he did. I loved her but not in a romantic way regardless to what all of our friends thought. I loved being around her because she made me laugh and could calm me down when work was getting to me. I valued our friendship and didn’t want it to be ruined by some guy who only had the intentions of sleeping with her.
Y/N was on her way over for one of our weekly dinners. She had canceled the past 2 weeks so we were overdue to catch up.
“Knock knock” Y/N’s voice floated through my flat and I heard the door shut behind here.
“In here.” I called out from the kitchen.
“Hi!” She said setting her things on the worktop before moving around it to embrace me in a hug, “I haven’t seen you in forever it feels like.”
“Yeah, two weeks is quite a long time. Especially for people who usually talk every day.”
“I know, I know. Works been rough and I’ve just been so busy.” She said taking a seat at the worktop.
It was like she lived here. She moved through my flat like I was the guest in her own flat. It was refreshing in a way to have someone be so comfortable around you.
“Well I hope you’re hungry because dinner is nearly ready.” I said as I watched her eyes light up.
“Oh I forgot to tell you,” Y/N said taking a sip of her drink, “I’ve been seeing someone.”
“What?” I said almost choking on my food.
“Yeah, I also want you to meet him and give me your honest opinion about him. He’s not like the other guys and we don’t really have that much in common but its kind of okay.” She said casually.
“When did this happen?”
“About 2 months ago. We met at the library of all places. I was struggling to find a certain book, you know that one that everyone is reading?” She paused to look at me and quickly realized that the title of the book wasn’t that important, “Anyways long story short, it turned out that he had just picked up the last copy and BAM!”
“Bam?” I asked looking at confused.
“He asked my to dinner, told me I could have the book if I promised to give it to him after I finished over dinner.”
“And you did?”
“Yeah, we discussed the book on our second date. He let me keep it if you are looking for a good read.”
“Um, I think I’m good. Thanks” I said standing up and taking our empty plates over to the sink.
“Okay…so would you want to meet him or are you just going to trust my judgment although that has never been the best.” She taking taking another sip of her drink.
“Umm, yeah sure.”
“I thought you said you were done dating?” I said, recalling the phone call in which she was in tears.
“I didn’t mean it Joe. It was just in the heat of the moment thing- I was hurt and I was just talking shit.” She said sounding a little confused.
“It didn’t sound like shit Y/N. You were crying your eyes out, I could barely even understand you. I’ve seen you sad and upset, but never like that.”
“Joe it’s not like I’m going back to him. This is a new guy who is very different from any guy I have ever dated. And I can’t exactly swear off men if I one day want to get married and have kids, dating is the first step and for me, that involves men.”
“Yeah I know that. It’s just..it’s just stupid. Never mind. I’ll meet your new boyfriend if you really want me to.” I said not wanting to get into a big fight with someone I might lose to her new boyfriend.
“Joe what is going on?” She said standing up and walking over to me.
“Nothing.” I said resting my palms on the counter and hanging my head down.
“Obviously something is up, you’re never like this. If you ask me, you’re sounding kind of jealous.”
“I’m not jealous Y/N. Why would I be jealous?” I said looking up at her.
“I dunno, you tell me.” She said giving me signature half smile.
That smile, that damn half smile thing that she does would make an innocent man confess in court. Its caring and loving yet firm and asserting and makes you just want to spill everything you have ever bottled up inside. Its the exact reason why we are so close, she flashes that smile every time she knows I need to get something off my chest and she knows it.
“Ugh, I really need you to stop doing that.”
“Then tell me whats wrong.”
“I’m not jealous. I just don’t want someone to take you away from me like last time. I also don’t want to ever see you that hurt ever again. You thought he was going to be the man you ended up marrying and remember how he turned out. Who’s to say that library boy won’t be the same?”
“Wow.” She said letting out a deep breath, “First off, that is exactly why I want you to meet him. I value your opinion Joe and if I’m not mistaken, you liked the last one too. Granted you ended up seeing through him before I did, but still. Secondly, I understand that that year sucked for us. I barely saw you and that was really rough. I’ve made it clear this time that I need you in my life and he’s actually excited to meet you. He wants to actually get to know the people who love and support me and believe it or not, you’re up there on the list. And thirdly, that sounded a lot like you’re jealous that I haven’t been spending time with you.” She laughed.
I rolled my eyes as she continued to laugh and pull me into a hug. It was slightly annoying that she was able to go from sweet and sincere to funny and sarcastic in the same sentence.
“Don’t worry Sugg, I’m not going to let that happen again.”
“Pinky promise. And I give you permission to do whatever it takes to make me realize that I’m being a shitty friend if it comes to that.”
“Can I make a video about how shit you’re being and show the whole world?”
“Um, If it comes to that y…yes?”
“You know I’d never do that, but thanks for giving me the permission” I laughed and I hugged her tightly.
“I love you Joe, don’t forget that.”
“I love you too Y/N.”
“Great!” She said pulling away, “I’m really excited for you to meet him. and who knows, maybe he can join us on these dinners!”
“Um no he can’t. These are our dinners.” I said quickly shooting her a look.
“It was worth a shot!” She laughed as her moved to help me clean up dinner.