Author’s Note: This was based off of a text from French class. How ironic that something so insanely boring could be the cause of an average Spider-Man oneshot. Also, my Peter Parker is Andrew Garfield, but feel free to imagine whoever you like.
“I can’t believe that Flash actually tried – and succeeded – to ask Lacey out for prom.” I blew out a cloud of white as I wiggled my toes in my winter boots. The frost coloured the pavement a shade lighter than usual, and the snow-covered windows happily blinked at me, reflecting the lights of the lampposts and other windows. Peter walked beside me, his cheeks all red from the cold. I’d told him to bring a scarf, but he wouldn’t have it. Now the top of his cheekbones and his red were flushed scarlet. The on-the-go coffee cup in his hands almost glowed with warmth, and I could see how he clasped his cold hands around them to try not to lose any stray fingers. After he’d thrown it into a bin, he tried to catch some warmth to his frozen fingers by rubbing them together. Looking down on my own glove-covered hands, I could feel my own face go red as I quickly grabbed his hand in mine.
“Wouldn’t want your hands to become ice before Aunt May can scold you for not wearing mittens.” I watched how a white cloud with words flew from my mouth, and proceeded to hide my red cheeks in my scarf. Peter laughed and grabbed my hands even tighter. “I guess not.”
We settled quiet, just watching people dealing with the unexpected cold and snow. After a few minutes, he said: “I’ve got something to tell you.”
I closed my mouth, having opened it to say something myself before he cut me off. “Ok”, I raised an eyebrow, “Shoot.”
“I’m…”, he took a shaky breath. “I’m in love.” He looked at me, his hazel eyes glistening.
“But that’s great!” I exclaimed, smiling at him. Quickly dropping his warm hand, I flushed as I realised what this meant. The one whom he loved was probably, most definitely not me. He looked a little disappointed, before settling his hands in his pockets. I kicked a pebble on the ground in front of me, missing the his warmth of his smooth hand, but far too shy to do anything about it.
“She’d never like me, anyway”, he later added, kicking the same pebble I’d just attacked with my own snow-boot. Sure, like anyone could dislike you, a voice in my mind objected.
“Sure, like anyone could dislike you”, I heard myself say. Damn it, mouth, don’t eavesdrop on my brain!
Peter snorted a short laugh. “Ha.”
I felt myself go red, and tried my best to hide my face in my scarf. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
“Anyway, like I said; The girl I like would never like me in that way, so it’s kind of a closed case”, Peter continued, adding an adorable sigh at the end.
Smiling sadly to myself, I said: “Hmm. It’s kind of the same thing for me.”
“What?” he exclaimed, looking at me.
“The boy I like doesn’t like me back”, I rolled my eyes slightly, “Not in that way.”
“That’s absurd, you’re the best!” He blew out a cloud of white air through his nose, looking at me with kind, sad eyes.
After laughing a little at his reaction, I said: “No, no, really. It’s a lost cause. Guess it’s just my usual bad luck.”
“Who’s the lucky guy, anyway?” Peter asked with eager eyes.
This was an insanely tricky position. I decided to go with the easiest way out: lying.
“It’s… someone.” I tried to be as vague as I possibly could, but Peter wouldn’t have it. He kept on asking, and I kept on giving uncertain answers.
“But if I can’t have you, then please let me know how can!” Peter blurted out, his brown eyes glazed over with tears. I stared at him, my mind racing with all kinds of thoughts in the style of ‘Oh my God is this happening?´.
Peter looked at me, his face apologetic. “Shit, I’m sorry-”
“No, no. Don’t be”, I breathed, feeling how my cheeks grew even hotter. Summoning all of my courage, I intertwined my fingers with his. “Because I think you’ll find that it’s not quite so impossible that the girl likes you too.”
Peter turned his head to me, a goofy smile stretching out his mouth as he said: “You do?”
“Hmh.” I nodded, looking deep into his eyes, before focusing on the snow-covered road before us.
“If you say so”, he smiled, grabbing my hand in his fully and swinging our arms together. I laughed at him, feeling how an exciting feeling lit a fire in my blood. My mind was buzzing with happy thoughts, and I couldn’t contain my smile.
“Don’t mind if I do.”
We walked down the streets together, our hands carefully twisted together. The both of us knew that if we’d only known each other, we would have confessed about our feelings earlier, but I couldn’t bare to feel regret as I felt how his steps melted into my pace. Snow covered up our footsteps, and no-one would know about this moment and this feeling, except us two.
I’m seeing comments and posts about Tom Holland’s Spider-Man being too weak and unreliable, but that’s the whole point of Homecoming? Peter is new to the whole superhero business but y’all expect this fifteen year old to be a full fledged Avenger in his first movie? I loved seeing him run into fences, watching him make a fool of himself, and crying for help because he’s a dumb kid and that’s what they do. They
are naive and immature and they make stupid mistakes. He’s still learning and we really get to see how vulnerable and weak this Spidey is. Spider-Man: Homecoming isn’t as epic and heroic as the previous Spidey films but that’s why it works so well. We get to really see a grounded and unskilled Peter Parker grow and I’m so excited to see him become the greatest hero in the MCU.
Logan makes every other superhero film in the past fifteen
years look like a cheap parlor trick. For two hours and twenty one minutes, it
locks you in and makes you watch a movie that doesn’t work the way it’s supposed
to. It’s uncomfortable and messy and it doesn’t satisfy. Wolverine’s claws are
uneven and his kills are ugly. People die with no last words, no proper sendoff
and no closure. Logan provokes
visceral reactions time and again, not because it’s violent, but because it’s
painful, and everything else now looks plastic by comparison.
the top, let me say I hope this doesn’t come across as some edgy rant arguing
for more gore and profanity in superhero films. That’s not my point. I should
also confess that I have no experience with the X-Men comics, or with comics at
all for that matter. I’m not arguing that The
Avengers would have been better with a few more fucks given. All I’m saying
is that Logan changes things, and the
rest of the genre needs to take notice and adapt.
expect words like “raw” and “gritty” will be thrown around a lot in discussing Logan. I’m hesitant to use that
vernacular because it’s the same language people use to describe The Dark Knight, and the two really aren’t
that comparable. They both step outside the box of contemporary comic book
movies, but where TheDark Knight is a thriller, Logan is a western, and therein lies the
difference that makes Hugh Jackman’s final outing so important.
the modern Hollywood superhero archetype, the greater message to the audience
is apparent to the characters. Superman is a symbol of justice and goodness,
and he understands that just as well as we do. In The Dark Knight, Batman represents the basic human struggle between
morality and chaos that thematically pervades throughout the whole film. Both
forces are at work in Bruce Wayne, and The Joker and Two Face bring that inner
conflict into the spotlight. And Batman gets
this. He understands he’s a symbol in some broader thematic picture.
a western, Batman doesn’t get it. We get it, and therefore we have certain
expectations about how Batman is supposed to act and how the plot is supposed
to go. Batman doesn’t see the deeper significance of his circumstances, so his
actions don’t match our expectations. He doesn’t stop to consider what he’s supposed to do in a narrative sense.
The Dark Knight
is clean. Maybe that’s controversial, but it shouldn’t be. Yes, Rachel dies. Yes, Harvey
Dent succumbs to The Joker’s twisted social experiment, and yes, Batman takes
the fall when he shouldn’t have to. But that all makes sense. It fulfills the
thematic ends we anticipated when we bought our tickets. We understand what Batman
and Joker represent, and we’d be shocked if the movie ended happy. In the end,
we get what we paid for. It’s clean. It satisfies.
Logan does not satisfy. It isn’t clean because no part of it
understands the rules it’s supposed to follow. Professor X insists on being
crass, pathetic and generally wrong about everything, despite our presumption
that he’s meant to be kind, strong and wise. Characters die in the middle of fights,
dazed and confused with no forewarning, no tidy arc or epiphany and no greater
thematic significance. And when they’re buried, Logan offers no words to explain why. It doesn’t resolve the major
plot points revealed in the film’s third act. It refuses to give us the
explanations we demand. Hell, the whole crux of the plot is that Wolverine’s
powers have stopped functioning properly. He doesn’t work the way he’s supposed
also expect Logan will see a lot of
comparisons to last year’s Deadpool. After
all, the two films mark the first two consecutive steps in Fox’s ongoing
experiment in R-rated superhero movies. The difference is that Deadpool puts a filter on the
established tropes of the genre, while Logan
takes a filter off.
no point while watching Ryan Reynolds bloodily slice up extras and spout crude
one-liners did I see Deadpool as some
new norm. It doesn’t feel natural, it feels off. In a good way mind you, but
off nonetheless. Logan, on the other hand, makes everything else feel off. Suddenly,
every prior film Fox, DC and Disney have ever put out in the genre looks fake.
Where’s the ugliness? Where’s the pain? I’m not asking Chris Hemsworth to start
decapitating people in Thor: Ragnarok,
but looking back now I can’t help notice all the lines, all the actions, all
the moments that felt stiff and unnatural. The Marvel Cinematic Universe has
always been primed and focus-tested, there’s no revelation there. The Hollywood
blood was visibly coursing right beneath the skin, and everyone accepted it.
But now Logan has cut an adamantium
gash and the Hollywood is spilling out, impossible to ignore anymore.
Jackman’s Wolverine holds a pedigree as old as the contemporary superhero film.
Tobey Maguire’s masked debut in Spiderman
made such a huge splash upon release in 2002 that lots of people forget it was
preceded two years by the original X-Men.
Long before Robert Downey Jr. became an idol for American children, Hugh Jackman
and Wolverine laid the early groundwork that would become modern comic book blockbusters
as we know them. The X-Men franchise built the foundation for the genre’s
multibillion-dollar card tower, and in one breath James Mangold blew the whole
thing down and showed us all what a façade it was.
until now, superhero flicks have been Hollywood’s Top 40 pop hits. Sure Batman
might switch into a minor key and Deadpool slapped a parental advisory label on
the cover, but they still played on the same stations. Logan composes in a whole different time signature. It’s new and
different and feels unnatural, and it can’t be ignored.