and to not be pestered by the words of cowards

anonymous asked:

OQ "I can't be in love with you!" or "Take of your clothes"

I can’t be in love with you. 
OQ Missing Year

“I don’t have time for this,” she drawled, glad when her voice remained steady despite the anguish twisting at her insides as she moved away from him. She gasped in shock when she was tugged back with a furious “No!” and pushed against the wall, caged in by arms on either side of her shoulders.

“You do not get to do that” he fumed, “you do not get to walk away from me again.”

That had her own ire – and panic – rising as she poked a finger into his chest and gave back “and you do not get to tell me what I can and cannot do in my own castle, thief.”

“Don’t call me that,” he warned lowly, his jaw clenching, “not after everything we’ve been through, not with what we are to one another.”

She scoffed, pulling at every inch of energy she had to remain upright and stony-faced, she couldn’t give into him, couldn’t give into her foolish desires to wrap herself up in him and never let go. “And what exactly is it that you think we are to one another?” she asked cruelly and she saw it, the flicker of hurt in blue eyes that she’d missed desperately, the opportunity to do to him what she had never wanted to do but had to do – she had to break his heart. “You were nothing more than a warm body for me to play with when the days dragged on a little too long or fantasising about killing my sister wasn’t enough.” She snarled, eyes looking down his body and back up again, “don’t for one second let yourself believe that you were anything more than a distraction. I could have chosen any man or woman in this castle, you just happened to be the easiest choice.”

He swallowed thickly and she wished for him to look away for just a second so that she could do the same, so that she could swallow down the burning bile in her throat because she hated that she was doing this to him and that it was working. She was hurting him and she hated herself for it.

“Now I suggest you leave me be and find someone else to pester.” Her voice did tremble then though she pushed at the arm blocking her way and moved out from his hold, praying that he didn’t catch it, too lost in his own sadness.

“You are a terrible liar, Regina.”

She stilled, her heart sinking because of course he’d heard it. “There was nothing but truth in my words, outlaw.”

He scoffed a laugh behind her before confessing “I’ve known you to be many things, Your Majesty,” he was growing closer to her and she was finding it hard to breathe until he stopped right behind her, leaning down to breathe into her ear “but a coward was never one of them.”

“I am not a coward,” she spun on her heel, the tips of their noses knocking together with his closeness to her and it had her inhaling a shuddered breath because she couldn’t think with him right there in front of her, couldn’t function if every breath she took had his scent flooding her senses but she wouldn’t step back, wouldn’t back down from him because he needed to hate her, he needed to-

“Then prove it” he challenged before lifting his hands to cup her jaw and pulling her face to his, capturing her lips in a heady kiss that she was too weak to stop.

She whimpered as she lifted her hands to hang from his wrists, following his lead as he pushed her back against the wall and attacked her mouth with a frantic passion that she couldn’t help but reciprocate. It was too hard, too hard to let go of him.

“I love you,” he growled when they parted briefly for air, swallowing her anguished cry with his mouth once more. “I love you so damn much, Regina.”

Her head shook as much as it was able with the hold he had on her because “I can’t be in love with you,” she was trembling, tears streaming down her cheeks that he ignored and he knew what he was doing to her, knew that he was shattering every last defence she had. “You can’t be in love with me.”

He tore his mouth from her own once more but this time pulled back enough to look at her with those piercing eyes that saw through every single brick of her wall. “Why can’t you, Regina?” his own head shook, “why can’t I?”

A whimper bubbled up from her throat as she tried to look anywhere but at him, hands curling tighter around his wrists, his hold the only thing keeping her standing as she confessed “because everything that I love is taken from me and I-“ she stammered, “I can’t lose you too.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I pro-“

“Don’t say it,” dark eyes found his once more as she begged, “don’t promise me that when you cannot prevent it.”  She shook her head as she confessed “I’m not strong enough to survive it again.”

She was talking about Daniel and about her father and her mother and her son and the sister she’d never been given the chance to know nor love. He knew some of it, the things she’d confessed when they’d been bare and vulnerable beneath the sheets but he didn’t know it all. Still though, he stroked his thumb across her cheek, ducking his head enough to catch her eyes as he told her “you are the strongest person I have ever met, Regina Mills,” and then, with nothing but complete sincerity, he asked “let me carry some of that burden with you?”

He couldn’t love her and she couldn’t love him, time had told her that such a thing was foolish but still, standing there with her heart practically split in two and raw, she couldn’t stop herself from nodding at him and, even if only for this moment, letting herself truly feel the love she had for him and by god, she was quite sure the strength of it was going to kill her.