So I got slightly tipsy the other night and just decided to say that I was Pansexual, and that’s a big deal to me because I am happy and comfortable with my sexuality. Of course, many people have been criticizing this saying I said it “just to get special snowflake tumblerina points” and “but you’re married?!?!?”
Alright, let’s talk about this so I can clear some things up. One of the main reasons I’ve always been very cautious about my sexuality is because growing up my father made sure to make any kind of non-straight sexuality bad. He would call my gay friends the F word, ask me about once a month if I was a Lesbian like it was a dirty word, and constantly use slurs, etc. It was hard, I questioned my sexuality a lot. I also suffered verbal and sexual abuse from my mother, so that made things even more confusing for me as you can imagine.
Growing up there were times I thought I was asexual, times I thought I was bi, times I just stopped caring completely because it was just too complicated for me to even think about. I watched the movie “Kinsey” in high school and realized that sexuality was a spectrum and left it at that until I had a lot of therapy much, much later in life.
Recently though (the past year I guess), I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching on finding a label for what I was. I guess because I felt like it was something I was ready to do, and being Pansexual fit what I was. I didn’t care about gender, I didn’t care about anything really, who I was attracted to was never defined by anything I could put reasoning or black and white labels on. And yes, I have been attracted to men and women but their gender had nothing to do with my level of attraction.
And yes, I’m happily married and love my husband, but sexuality still exists after you’re married.
Anyway, thanks for listening everyone. It’s hard for me to share these things because of how awful some of my past is, I genuinely don’t like talking about it but sometimes I feel the need to clarify my feelings and sharing them with you all is important. Especially if some of you have struggled through some of the same issues that I have.
Stay strong, love you tweethearts! <3